Why do o feel like nobody likes me?

[Annaa]

I have many friends and many people who act like they like me.
They tell me I'm fun and kind hearted and funny etc.
But I can't believe it, I believe they are lying I feel so bad for everyone having to pretend that they like me because they feel bad for me. I know that I'm not that social after a while of talking with me we have nothing to talk about anymore. I feel like that's my fault. I don't understand because I talk so perfectly with my close family and even with myself but with people I feel like I can't. The only person that I could always have a conversation with was my biology teacher.
I try talking like they do, they talk.bad about innocent people but I dont understand why, so I try to sometimes talk with them because if I don't "I'm boring" but I struggle it doesn't come naturally to me.
I don't know if I will ever be able to accept that anyone likes me I know they are all pretending, I feel so evil for forcing them to hang out with me.
So I try to distance myself, so that they can have their fun alone.
I always feel like I have to make everyone have fun, I feel so pressured to make everyone happy when with me.
I feel like people may like me at first but when they get to know me they hate me.
I don't know why but I always say weird stuff that doesn't make sense, sometimes I lie for no reason. I feel like my brain is constantly plotting something wich I'm no part of. I'm constantly analyzing people and their reactions without noticing it.
I know that if I didn't text my friends none of them would ever talk to me again.
I know that I'm everyone's least favorite friend.
I feel so bad for bothering them, I'm so evil for forcing them to hang out with me.
I can't allow myself to love anyone or like anyone.
I feel like I'm forcing myself into the mold of the average teen age girl.
I wish I could be normal, have crushes and gossip etc.
But no I'm just annoying and dumb.
I started playing Basketball, the last time I was at training I was feeling lethargic, I wasn't really scoring like usually and just tired.
I don't know why but then I felt like the others weren't scoring because of me, I don't know I tought maybe they wanted to show me that they can't hit every goal either. I feel like this evrytime someone plays badly.
I'm so sorry to my poor friends for being forced to hang our with me.
It's crazy I feel so self-aware but not at the same time.

 

[Swansong]

You're clearly hyper self-aware and that's a big problem because living life like that is an absolute mess, I know that personally.

There's very likely something not working properly in your mind but the only one that can diagnose that is a professional. But don't take this as saying that you're somehow at fault or that this is a flaw with you as a person because it isn't, being unwell does not mean being awful, inferior or evil, it just means being ill.

Maybe it's something you inherited in your genes with absolutely no control over it, maybe something in early childhood caused it, maybe it's just random, some of us are simply a bit scrambled in the head.

But I can say that almost certainly nobody in your life thinks about these things the way you do. You may certainly be different and not be able to do or be the same things that others effortlessly can and are but that doesn't mean you're an awful person because, believe me, nobody bothers pretending they like or even tolerate someone they don't, they would simply not engage with you at all.

Have you talked about these things with your parents/family/authority figures? because they may get you to see a professional (albeit, it can take many different tries with different ones) that can understand and explain to you what you're going through and what can be done to help you be calmer and happier.

 

[Aspychata]

Do you think you are maybe depressed? You are internalizing what other people think or don't think. I use to tell myself, l guess l don't really care what others think, because l don't control thought patterns in other people. Some of us didn't have many friends in high school. I didn't, because my family wasn't rich, l didn't have trendy clothes, and l avoided guys as much as l could. But my high school was okay, because bullies weren't prevalent at that time. Or l wasn't so weird that l attracted attention. Do you want to discuss why you believe your happiness is dependent on strangers? Does your family help you feel loved and that you matter? And it's quite common for your age group to compare yourself to others. It's as your hormones slow down, and in a couple more years, you won't care what others are thinking. It's a process. Do you have some special interests you enjoy?

 

[Masked Man]

I think you're projecting your own low self-esteem onto others.

You can't know what is in other person's mind.

It's not likely that anyone hates you. It's more likely that it's something like ambivalence (at worst) or someone that has something else on their mind (at best).

You're certainly not evil. That would suggest you're doing something intentionally to harm someone. You're not doing that.

 

[Rodafina]

@Annaa
Sounds like you are feeling badly about yourself and that is where to start. Don't worry about your friends' feelings right now, and focus on your own. None of us can look to outside sources for the reason to like ourselves and believe in our own worth in the world. This must come from within or it will never be strong enough.

If you are able to focus on building your own self esteem, you will better be able to interact with others without everything they do feeling like a lie or a hidden criticism. Get to know YOU. Rhetorical questions: What are you proud of in yourself? What do you want in life? What are you good at? When do you show strength and courage? Maybe you can find ways to not only accept yourself, but start to actually like yourself.

We are all stuck with our own selves for our entire time on this planet, so you might as well make friends with you. Many of us have spent much of our lives on our own and feel most comfortable when we are alone. So, it becomes even more important to really learn how to simply like our own selves.

This is not meant to suggest you shouldn't try to form meaningful relationships and find friends in life. It's just that the best way for that to happen is to support our own self confidence and self esteem so that we are not easily hurt by others.

I know it's very hard and people can be confusing and stressful, even when we call them friends. But, never give up on the idea that you are worthy, interesting, capable, and likeable in your own way. You just have to discover your awesomeness.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Don't be fooled. This isn't self awareness but self focus. You look at people and your surroundings and have a strong tendency to draw lines from them back to yourself, specifically negative ones. In my understanding this is only done for one reason: To affirm your own thoughts.
The best medicine is a sort of talking back at yourself. Question your impressions. Try to stick to nicer ideas until actually proven otherwise, even if only on principle. In more socially close circumstances you can even tell others about the impressions and see how they actually think (requires you to trust them.) Having a third party to help catch and confront these things can be very useful in the beginning too, therapy is a good option. Therapy is essentially what the replies here are providing in minor ways, but I believe doing this with a person in real time is more impactful.
I still struggle with these negative projections myself, it is an on-going battle to catch and correct yourself over and over again. But I've also never gone to therapy for it, relying instead on micro instances of support from close ones and myself. I'm certain that played a big part in the long delayed improvement.

 

[Aspychata]

You are a teenager. This is common. Don't overthink too much. In five years, you won't even remember this.

 

[Annaa]

You are a teenager. This is common. Don't overthink too much. In five years, you won't even remember this.

I understand your point but I'm certain I will.

 

[Aspychata]

Sorry. I don't remember HS. You worry and think about rent, mortgage, car payment. Not silliness back in HS.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

One thing I wish I knew when I was young: "This too, shall pass." Are you the happiest you've ever been in your life? This too, shall pass. Are you having the worst day of your life? This too, shall pass. Do you have a sense of self importance? This too, shall pass.

@Aspychata has some wisdom that can only occur though life experience. Other things will occupy your thoughts. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but other things will take priority in your life.

I know it's a difficult thing to do, but sometimes we need to learn to step back and put things into a different perspective. I know those middle school and high school years can be the best of times, and the worst of times, but do understand, this too, shall pass. It seems like the people around you are fake, and often they are, but so are you. Everyone is masking, putting up a front for the group to see. You shouldn't look at this with such a critical eye. It's all theater. People are rarely as they seem. Having said that, sometimes you just have to let it go and have fun. Stop being judgemental of yourself and others.

Looking back at my high school years, I thought I had true friends, but now I know they were "good acquaintances". Sure, we had some good times, laughed, did things together, but when it came down to the qualities that are required for true friendship, it was lacking. I now recognized that "my best friend(s) always had their own best friend(s), and they weren't me". I tagged along, was a part of the group, but that same group would often do things without me, or even not show up to pick me up at the house like they said they would, etc. Once I left for college, I never looked back. Those relationships were no longer important to me. I met new people. I moved on. After I left college, those relationships were no longer important to me. I met new people, again. I moved on. So on and so forth through life.

 

[The Pandector]

I have many friends and many people who act like they like me.
They tell me I'm fun and kind hearted and funny etc.

I recommend taking your first two sentences, thanking your lucky stars, and trying your heart out not to let things pull you into behavior you don’t like.

If I were able to say what you’ve said there, I would be on cloud nine. Take it as a current blessing which you are not likely to enjoy throughout life.

The exquisite sting, as others have said, tends to melt into daily life as you go through it. As it fades, search for a real friend.

 

[Masked Man]

I think one of the things I wish I would have known about that time in my life was this:

School is an artificial environment with young people thrown in together like a bunch of confused animals at a zoo. Nobody knows what is going on and everybody is winging it. Everyone has anxiety and raging out of control hormones and no one knows what they're doing.

It's a ridiculous and artificial heretical structure with everyone either trying to prove something or just doing their best to blend in and get through it. This particular time in life is either the best or it's the worst. For those that it's the worst, it tends to get better afterwards. You just have to stick it out and be stubborn enough to not quit.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Annaa

There's a relatively simple way to address this. Not easy - but simple, and anyone can do it.

The first step has been mentioned in several posts above: you're "overthinking".

 

[Masked Man]

t's a ridiculous and artificial heretical structure

Argh - hierarchical - not heretical

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I have many friends and many people who act like they like me.
They tell me I'm fun and kind hearted and funny etc.
But I can't believe it, I believe they are lying I feel so bad for everyone having to pretend that they like me because they feel bad for me. I know that I'm not that social after a while of talking with me we have nothing to talk about anymore. I feel like that's my fault. I don't understand because I talk so perfectly with my close family and even with myself but with people I feel like I can't. The only person that I could always have a conversation with was my biology teacher.
I try talking like they do, they talk.bad about innocent people but I dont understand why, so I try to sometimes talk with them because if I don't "I'm boring" but I struggle it doesn't come naturally to me.
I don't know if I will ever be able to accept that anyone likes me I know they are all pretending, I feel so evil for forcing them to hang out with me.
So I try to distance myself, so that they can have their fun alone.
I always feel like I have to make everyone have fun, I feel so pressured to make everyone happy when with me.
I feel like people may like me at first but when they get to know me they hate me.
I don't know why but I always say weird stuff that doesn't make sense, sometimes I lie for no reason. I feel like my brain is constantly plotting something wich I'm no part of. I'm constantly analyzing people and their reactions without noticing it.
I know that if I didn't text my friends none of them would ever talk to me again.
I know that I'm everyone's least favorite friend.
I feel so bad for bothering them, I'm so evil for forcing them to hang out with me.
I can't allow myself to love anyone or like anyone.
I feel like I'm forcing myself into the mold of the average teen age girl.
I wish I could be normal, have crushes and gossip etc.
But no I'm just annoying and dumb.
I started playing Basketball, the last time I was at training I was feeling lethargic, I wasn't really scoring like usually and just tired.
I don't know why but then I felt like the others weren't scoring because of me, I don't know I tought maybe they wanted to show me that they can't hit every goal either. I feel like this evrytime someone plays badly.
I'm so sorry to my poor friends for being forced to hang our with me.
It's crazy I feel so self-aware but not at the same time.

Me too..I feel like no one likes me and if they got the chance they would backstab and use and abuse me.
And have childhood trauma and do not feel like my family gets me
But am not good with friendships and prefer family connections.
I feel like I do not fit in, I love women but it is hard to find empathetic women who are just themselves and not like super vain or arrogant.
But I do not always connect with men easy either, I do not think I am like minded to them.
I honestly to not always enjoy a man in my space and that is why I think I would find relationships hard but love my dad and brother.
I think men are tiresome to be around. I find connection with friends difficult. So much verbal and the lack of blood connection is just a bit distant for me.
If I could probably spend time with anyone at all just always my family
But not enough of them.
But definitely love my dad and brother and the rest.
Even with childhood trauma

 

[Aspychata]

School is a lot tougher these days, but then kids mature faster, still those on the spectrum don't quite mature in the ways NT kids do. And there's the rub.

 

[VictorR]

I feel like I do not fit in, I love women but it is hard to find empathetic women who are just themselves and not like super vain or arrogant.
But I do not always connect with men easy either, I find them pigheaded and annoying. And do not think I am like minded to them.
I think men are really pig headed and stubborn and just overall think different. Lots of men struggle with empathy and compassion and just get annoying and in their moods. When women when they are good are fun, loving and giving.
I honestly to not always enjoy a man in my space and that is why I think I would find relationships hard but love my dad and brother.
I think men are tiresome to be around and actually also struggle to feel attracted to the male physique. I just kind of view it as dirty
Whereas usually women smell nice and just you take good care of themselves whereas males are hairy it is just like ewwwww
And just take up so much of space and you just want everything to look and smell beautiful and men to get lost.
So just very little time around them. Because all they do is annoy and pretty ugly on top of it even handsome men are still ugly to some degree.

Let us love our neighbours and not make derogatory remarks about them, especially broad-brush ones.

 

[Aspychata]

Thanks @VictorR . Sometimes we need a gentle nudge that everyone is at this forum, and we should be more open-minded. Our biases may shape our opinions, but those opinions are just opinions.

 

[The Pandector]

Me too..I feel like no one likes me and if they got the chance they would backstab and use and abuse me.
And have childhood trauma and do not feel like my family gets me
But am not good with friendships and prefer family connections.
I feel like I do not fit in, I love women but it is hard to find empathetic women who are just themselves and not like super vain or arrogant.
But I do not always connect with men easy either, I find them pigheaded and annoying. And do not think I am like minded to them.
I think men are really pig headed and stubborn and just overall think different. Lots of men struggle with empathy and compassion and just get annoying and in their moods. When women when they are good are fun, loving and giving.
I honestly to not always enjoy a man in my space and that is why I think I would find relationships hard but love my dad and brother.
I think men are tiresome to be around and actually also struggle to feel attracted to the male physique. I just kind of view it as dirty
Whereas usually women smell nice and just you take good care of themselves whereas males are hairy it is just like ewwwww
And just take up so much of space and you just want everything to look and smell beautiful and men to get lost.
So just very little time around them. Because all they do is annoy and pretty ugly on top of it even handsome men are still ugly to some degree.
But yeah I find connection with friends difficult. So much verbal and the lack of blood connection is just a bit distant for me.
If I could probably spend time with anyone at all just always my family
But not enough of them.
But definitely love my dad and brother and the rest.
Even with childhood trauma

Hunh. I thought it was just me. Yeah, hanging out with the guys has always been uncomfortable for me. Is there something in the world besides football? Sure; basketball and car races. They talk about women as if they weren’t slavishly in love. Gimme a break. The whole male bonding thing is bizarre. One or two at a time isn’t as bad, but, sheesh.

You’re right: girls smell better and don’t take up so much space.

 

[Rogue Princess]

People are ingenuine and insincere. Empathy is fake, it does not exist. Personally I don't get attached to humans knowing everything is a farce. It's all a mockery.