Why would a man use a lot of innuendo?

[Aspychata]

If we can have the actual statements the unknown male said, we can rate his pick-up line on a scale of 1 - 10. And keep this post going for another 5 days. Lol
But right now l need to remove the popcorn from my ceiling. I believe the Florida winning lotto numbers will then appear.

 

[Jonn]

This is one continued bias towards innocence. I do not need to know his motivation to see continued objectionable behavior as a deliberate NT ploy.

What don't you get about the social communication that is meant by this?

And you spouted this inanity that was never said.

You did not even come close to representing what was actually written. Not to see the intent of repetitive behavior when a more personable method of communication was offered, especially to a NT, is definitely misreading the situation. Your presumption of innocence shows a naivety and inexperience with social situations in public venues. What he did is more suitable to the meat markets of pickup bars. Or, haven't you been exposed to that either?

I'll believe that when pigs fly.

@Aspychata says I am not allowed to reply to you.​

Sorry.

 

[Aspychata]

@Aspychata says I am not allowed to reply to you.​

Sorry.

You have freedom to reply to anybody you wish. I have zero control in this forum. I am not a moderator. I am not admin. I am just a random forum member trying to learn just like you. I am sorry if l offended you or you misinterpreted what l wrote. Think l was just getting frustrated of justifying every single remark l made. This post is about the OP, not me or you.

 

[Jonn]

You have freedom to reply to anybody you wish. I have zero control in this forum. I am not a moderator. I am not admin. I am just a random forum member trying to learn just like you. I am sorry if l offended you or you misinterpreted what l wrote. Think l was just getting frustrated of justifying every single remark l made. This post is about the OP, not me or you.

<evil grin>
I was being a little mischievous with my deliberate "misrepresentation" to make a point. I hope I don't owe you an apology, but if I do, you have it.

But seriously, I was simply taking your advice not to continue, via a joke.
I am newish here, and I still need to find my feet in a newish community.

Pax...

 

[Aspychata]

<evil grin>
I was being a little mischievous with my deliberate "misrepresentation" to make a point. I hope I don't owe you an apology, but if I do, you have it.

But seriously, I was simply taking your advice not to continue, via a joke.
I am newish here, and I still need to find my feet in a newish community.

Pax...

Okie doky
We all need humor. Especially moi.

 

[All-Rounder]

Maybe that's it. I guess if he was actually interested in me he would make an effort to have a real conversation with me.

He's been a dog on you. Actually an insult to dogs. It's no fun dating this man as you've already experienced.

If he liked you enough he wouldn't be acting like a disrespectful dog.

He isn't gonna love you or marry you and you won't be able to because he's being irrational and unconcerned. You need a mature man.

 

[All-Rounder]

The thing is he doesn't seem at all shy or awkward. I think he's a very confident guy.

I once tried to have a normal conversation but he seemed uninterested. Yet, he continues with his innuendos.

Not a good sign. He's only seeing you as a sexual source.

Please get away from this guy. He might harass you for years because he wants so as he's being completely irrational.

 

[All-Rounder]

The acceptable sequence is to initiate a social relationship, than find ways to find out if a romantic one is possible.
Skipping directly to sexual innuendo, as this guy has done, means exactly what you'd expect.

What you do next is up to you. If you want to disengage, there are many techniques, but the easiest/most direct ones might make the gym become an uncomfortable place for you, which is still a fail. So make a plan ...

Assuming you want to disengage:
Must do:
1. Do not react positively to this person's stupid games. No "polite laughter", don't respond, don't continue the conversation(s), increase your average distance a little, no touching of any kind ever, etc.
2. Do not make a big thing about it otherwise, except to execute a plan (see below). Removal of a false positive signal (i.e. (1)) is not the same as providing an actively negative signal (which is likely to induce a reaction).

May do:
Use indirectly negative signals (remember you're here because you don't want to nuke the relationship. Don't bother with this if you don't mind drama). Examples:
(a) Each time he does it, look directly at his eyes for a second or two "too long" with an absolutely neutral expression, then turn away and do something else.
(b) Say "please don't do that" in a neutral tone.
Under no circumstances react to a "what do you mean?" deflection or anything similar. You have no obligation to justify your comment, and you will "lose" any continued discussion because he will lie to your face.
(c) Say "Your comments make me uncomfortable".
Similarly to (b), do not defend or justify your statement.
FWIW, in similar cases I always add in the full "abrasive eye contact" version of (a), but if you don't already know how to do that, this is not a good situation in which to learn it.

Direct approach (nukes):
There are lots of options, but simple is always good ...

Tell him to cut out the innuendo. You're not interested in him and you'd prefer to be left alone.

If he keeps it up anyway, two or three more brief, polite, but very direct requests to be left alone, then you complain formally and forcefully to gym management.

Remember that in most countries all you have to do is tell them he's making you uncomfortable with obviously sexual comments and either he, the gym, or both can be reported to the police.
The gym will almost certainly back down. "We'll talk to him" isn't enough either: you need them to intervene, then come back to you and explain what they did. Afterwards, if they don't explicitly tell you they'll help instantly if it happens again, ask them for their plan if he repeats.
If they try to brush it off (not intervene, no plan for if he continues, etc) you have other choices to make, but FWIW the gym would deserve to be nuked.

In all cases, regardless of what you do, don't make threats of any kind, nor indicate possible future actions.
* Never signal your strike
* If you strike, do not pull your punch

Also FWIW apologies are worth nothing IRL. You might get one, but don't have it as an objective.
You want a change of behavior, and you want to train in peace, without looking of your shoulder because there's a known AH in the same location.

I think this would be great, he needs to learn he's not gonna get anywhere by being impolite and making you uncomfortable, sexual harassment must stop.

 

[All-Rounder]

I'd go with what @Aspychata observes. A guy being suggestive does that because he has been rewarded for that in the past. He sees you as a one dimensional person.

I have never been able to speak that way to woman, so perhaps there is something wrong with me too.

Wilgus has said it the best. Good observations.

 

[Jonn]

He isn't gonna love you or marry you and you won't be able to because he's being irrational and unconcerned. You need a mature man.

Or a German shepherd? <woof>

 

[Primrose]

Overwhelmed and stressed about this now. I regret laughing at the first joke but since then I looked blankly at him when he jokes and don't respond.

I think I will change my hours at the gym.

 

[Jonn]

Overwhelmed and stressed about this now. I regret laughing at the first joke but since then I looked blankly at him when he jokes and don't respond.

I think I will change my hours at the gym.

If he persists, after you make it clear you are not happy with the attention, report him to management.
You shouldn't have to change your times because of him.

But please, talk to him and ask him to stop beforehand.
There might simply be a misunderstanding.

 

[All-Rounder]

This is one continued bias towards innocence. I do not need to know his motivation to see continued objectionable behavior as a deliberate NT ploy.

What don't you get about the social communication that is meant by this?

And you spouted this inanity that was never said.

You did not even come close to representing what was actually written. Not to see the intent of repetitive behavior when a more personable method of communication was offered, especially to a NT, is definitely misreading the situation. Your presumption of innocence shows a naivety and inexperience with social situations in public venues. What he did is more suitable to the meat markets of pickup bars. Or, haven't you been exposed to that either?

I'll believe that when pigs fly.

Hi. I remember you, you're Luca's friend. Nice points.

Jon is my friend also.

Can we agree to disagree with others? I think Jon is not gonna agree with that idea despite your points. I think it's better if it ends like that before it escalates.

I have seen Jon ignore your replies a couple of times, he has also been in friendly vibes saying 'respectfully disagree' or 'I beg to differ.' I think he's accused you of something, maybe that's what made things not too good. I believe you've been coming on too strong multiple times engaging him. He's also new here so he's getting used to it. Can you switch focus on other members? Myself for example.

It's better to not expect our ideas to be accepted as truths by other people. They have to think for their own.

 

[All-Rounder]

If he persists, after you make it clear you are not happy with the attention, report him to management.
You shouldn't have to change your times because of him.

But please, talk to him and ask him to stop beforehand.
There might simply be a misunderstanding.

I think it's very hard for some folks to turn down someone especially after we've liked it first. It's like they're gonna not believe it now or keep asking me questions. That's why I usually tell their hirers if it's like a company to communicate it to them if they've not been taking my communication hints and body posture. With a gym things get more complicated.

Because I don't have to deal with someone's ego or tantrums. And they know I mean business, I have trouble being assertive and taken seriously. Which i think is a lot of people on the spectrum, besides being terrified of people and situations.

Maybe it all boils down to anxiety.

 

[Primrose]

Since you laughed at the first joke he told you and thought it was funny, the guy might not have any idea that he is doing something wrong. So you could try to just tell him, he might even feel bad about it and apologize if he knew. But he can't read your mind, so looking blankly at him is not really a solution.

Yes, I regret laughing at the first joke.

I have tried to convey that I'm not amused since then.

Dealing with a lot of health problems, job loss in past few weeks and I'm not feeling up to talking to him. Too anxious.

 

[All-Rounder]

Yes, I regret laughing at the first joke.

I have tried to convey that I'm not amused since then.

Dealing with a lot of health problems, job loss in past few weeks and I'm not feeling up to talking to him. Too anxious.

It's normal to laugh and feel entertained, feel emotions. As it's normal to feel uncomfortable\aversive if it's too much and disgusts you, and they're treating you like a sexual object not wanting to further the relationship. Some people are oblivious, and some just don't care about others 'cept to get their fix, whatever obsession they have.

Obsession can be dangerous in nature. Some people stop it, others don't.

 

[Primrose]

Is it possible to have this thread closed?

Thanks for all the replies.

 

[All-Rounder]

I think it's wrong when somebody thinks they can get sexual relief without valuing the person. Not only is it selfish because they're not considering the way the other person will be able to find satisfaction but it's also no interest in getting to know the other person or forming a connection. It's not very mature, and is alike mindless teenagers in college or whatever. Such an environment would not be great to someone who has values and well-directed esteem around their relations.

I'm not saying being promiscuous is not fun but as a former promiscuous person that never stopped my interest in the human being. Perhaps that distinguishes us from animals, if we favor that distinction.

 

[All-Rounder]

Is it possible to have this thread closed?

Thanks for all the replies.

Yes, you can private message @tree if you want a faster response.

 

[Jonn]

I think it's very hard for some folks to turn down someone especially after we've liked it first. It's like they're gonna not believe it now or keep asking me questions. That's why I usually tell their hirers if it's like a company to communicate it to them if they've not been taking my communication hints and body posture. With a gym things get more complicated.

Because I don't have to deal with someone's ego or tantrums. And they know I mean business, I have trouble being assertive and taken seriously. Which i think is a lot of people on the spectrum, besides being terrified of people and situations.

Maybe it all boils down to anxiety.

As you know, I don't lack assertiveness, so it wouldn't be a problem for me.

But, on reflection, if a person isn't confident in approaching a person in such a situation, perhaps changing times might actually be the better option if there is no inconvenience.
Approaching management without talking to the guy might punish someone who may not deserve it.

I have been on the receiving end of many attempts at character assassination myself, hence my interest in this thread. I'd rather an innocent person isn't unjustifiably vilified.
The guy may be a creep, but we don't really know.

My policy is to avoid conflicts wherever I can. However, my assertiveness has paid dividends from time to time.
But, "whatever floats one's boat".