Would I be better or more miserable if I admit I will accept I will never have a girlfriend?

[Tony Ramirez]

How do the women flock to him since women normally never make advances on men even if they really like the guy or are already attracted to him

They just do. I don't get it. Too me he is ugly. He has receding hair line and a face that is not pretty but when he talks to women he engage in long conversation and gets their numbers the hangs out with them solo. He also attracts single women unlike me which seem to attract in taken women which ticks me off even more. I just don't get it. I even talked to him directly. Not about how he attracts women but how I am lonely and that it seems that women hate me. He was surprised to hear me say that but he then told me it's not true. The real kick in the balls was that right after talking to me he was going to meet a single woman at a bar hangout. Really. How the hell does he do it.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't get it either. Maybe because shyness or social awkwardness is less attractive in men than in women, I don't know. It's not just about making the first move. I wish I knew all the answers.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I don't get it either. Maybe because shyness or social awkwardness is less attractive in men than in women, I don't know. It's not just about making the first move. I wish I knew all the answers.

Yep I would say that's an understatement and it goes to show how I have long agreed and I know I'm not alone and thinking this way I know I'm in good company in this and that is women normally don't risk having their social awkwardness or social ineptness be dismissed or be perceived as weird or creepy or uncomfortable when interacting with the other sex

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yes, that's why it's easier for autistic women to date, but not so much where every autistic woman is definitely guaranteed to find a date. There are a lot of lonely, single autistic women who want a boyfriend.
Just lonely, single autistic men do outnumber their female counterparts, and it's not due to autism women being less likely to express it than autistic men. I don't think gender comes into it when it comes to expressing loneliness.

I don't think I've been specific about this yet but it reminds me of a pattern that I've noticed on the TV series titled love on the Spectrum

 

[Misty Avich]

They just do. I don't get it. Too me he is ugly. He has receding hair line and a face that is not pretty but when he talks to women he engage in long conversation and gets their numbers the hangs out with them solo. He also attracts single women unlike me which seem to attract in taken women which ticks me off even more. I just don't get it. I even talked to him directly. Not about how he attracts women but how I am lonely and that it seems that women hate me. He was surprised to hear me say that but he then told me it's not true. The real kick in the balls was that right after talking to me he was going to meet a single woman at a bar hangout. Really. How the hell does he do it.

You are entitled to feel depressed and angry about that. It's one of those constant "but how? And why?" things that just go round and round in your head and all you want is a logical answer to it all, maybe what their secret is. It is frustrating. I get frustrated by those answerless double standard type of situations, like why I get shunned on Facebook more than other people even though I know the hidden social rules on Facebook. It's just an eighth wonder of the world. Nobody can provide an answer, and if they do provide an answer then it's not what you want to hear. I can totally understand that frustration.

If my mother was still alive she'd understand your situation. She was NT, but lacked confidence and had depression and anxiety, and after she split up with my dad she remained single even though she did what you're doing; making a lot of effort to get out there and meet people but everyone she met was already taken or didn't want her in that way. She agonised so badly over it. She felt lonely and isolated and unloved, even when she was still married to my dad. I was upset too, because I've never seen my mum loved before by a man and all I wanted was to see her loved by a man.

 

[Mary Terry]

Yeah I apologize for bringing your sister into this it's just that when you disclosed to me about your sister I was kind of surprised because I've long been under the impression that being born a woman means you are guaranteed to always have options for dating for simply just existing

Your impression is wrong.

 

[Kalinychta]

They just do. I don't get it. Too me he is ugly. He has receding hair line and a face that is not pretty but when he talks to women he engage in long conversation and gets their numbers the hangs out with them solo. He also attracts single women unlike me which seem to attract in taken women which ticks me off even more. I just don't get it. I even talked to him directly. Not about how he attracts women but how I am lonely and that it seems that women hate me. He was surprised to hear me say that but he then told me it's not true. The real kick in the balls was that right after talking to me he was going to meet a single woman at a bar hangout. Really. How the hell does he do it.

Women are much less judgmental when it comes to looks. A man who has a great personality, is funny, sweet, doesn’t have a negative attitude, is charming and intelligent and attentive and responsible and has confidence, etc.—many, many women love men like this regardless of what they look like.

Women aren’t obligated to like men just because you think they should. There are reasons women do and do not like men. When a woman doesn’t like you, you blame her and feel rejected and persecuted rather than take a good, hard look at yourself and ask yourself what you have to offer a woman in a relationship that would make her want to be with you.

 

[tree]

.......I've long been under the impression that being born a woman means you are guaranteed to always have options for dating for simply just existing

If that were true, it would imply that males have extremely low standards for
what is acceptable in feminine companionship.

*Possess option for interlocking parts?
OK, it's a go.*

 

[Kalinychta]

If that were true, it would imply that males have extremely low standards for
what is acceptable in feminine companionship.

*Possess option for interlocking parts?
OK, it's a go.*

I’ve come across my fair share of men who view women not as people but as female bodies. Most, though, do see women as individuals.

 

[Hypnalis]

If that were true, it would imply that males have extremely low standards for
what is acceptable in feminine companionship.

Nothing is 100% true in human matters of course, but a reasonable approximation for a surface discussion is that 20% of "dating age" men find dating easy, and 20% of "dating age" women find it difficult.

It's much easier for the "lowest" 20% of women than it is for the "lowest" 20% of men.
There's indicative data on this from dating apps.

Also it's not a "symmetrical" domain. This is obvious If we expand "dating" in both directions (one of which is LTRs).
Goals and expectations aren't the same. So we'd hardly expect behaviors and statistics to match up.

"Equal" in this context doesn't mean identical.

 

[tree]

...ask yourself what you have to offer a woman in a relationship that would make her want to be with you.

@Tony Ramirez

Can you work with that idea?
What are your strong points?

 

[Slime_Punk]

If that were true, it would imply that males have extremely low standards for
what is acceptable in companionship.

*Possess option for interlocking parts?
OK, it's a go.*

Some do, though. I used to be like this and it's not a good way to find compatibility at all. What happens is, you (me, that is) end up feeling like you're being non-judgemental and cool about things but instead, you overlook blatant red-flags and let them kind of trample you because you're afraid to say "Nope, that's not going to work".

Of course not every given gender acts a certain way, but it can be easy for some men to say, "Everything is totally fine!" (when it isn't) because they think it's really the only way for them to be in a relationship.

 

[kriss72]

Of course not every given gender acts a certain way, but it can be easy for some men to say, "Everything is totally fine!" (when it isn't) because they think it's really the only way for them to be in a relationship.

Do you mean they say everything is fine to others or to them self when it isn't?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Do you know what would be the breaking point and make me snap. The think that happened on Saturday came close but this senerio would be it.

Let's say I went somewhere to any social gathering and I saw a woman I was attracted to. She kept looking at me and I kept looking at her. That is usually a sign that she likes you, right. Well let's say it's mingle time and she approaches me which has been happening or even I approach her by walking near her and she says hi and we talk. We start talking about things. I mention my activities like yoga. She says that's great. I mentioned how I never done it. How the teachers are great and the classes are not intimidating. I ask if she does it. She responded either yes or no, so we talk more. Then she mentions a boyfriend or a husband and then I finally lose it. I say why the hell did you bother to talk to me? Why the hell did you keep looking at me? I am tired of women like you always in relationships always only talking to me and I can't take it anymore. Screw all of you. Then I will yell to the entire room while leaving screw all of you there are no single women who will talk to me if give a damn about me.

Then I would walk home snapping at couples. When I go to yoga except talking to the teachers and complaining and complaining here I will no longer bother to talk to the students. I will tell my married friends from church to get lost. I will be a mess and I will be sick of women. Let's just hope that senerio does not happen.

 

[tree]

@Tony Ramirez


How did making up a scenario that would be
very disappointing to you help you in any way?

 

[Rodafina]

I say why the hell did you bother to talk to me? Why the hell did you keep looking at me?

Because, in your scenario it was a social gathering, Tony.

Let's say I went somewhere to any social gathering

People go there to be social. It's not something I understand well, but people do it.

The way you do not value women who are not potential girlfriends is just plain insulting.

There are so many women on this forum who are not going to date you, but we try to help you and support you. You speak of us as if we are trash.

It is hurtful.

 

[kriss72]

Let's say I went somewhere to any social gathering and I saw a woman I was attracted to. She kept looking at me and I kept looking at her. That is usually a sign that she likes you, right.

I'm sorry, I'm autistic (surprise!), so I might not understand all social queues, and this is only from my own view on the world and cultures are very different around the world, but if by "like you", you mean in a romantic way, then no, it doesn't have to be the reason, but like you, like - want to get to know you better in a non-romantic way, yes, that is very possible - it is not like because women (or men) are in a relationship then they stop wanting to talk to new people.

 

[Misty Avich]

Women tend to look at others if they want a friendly chat with them, even if it's not going to lead to romance. I don't think it's fair on yourself to expect every woman who talks to you to mean they want to date you. If you don't expect it then you won't be as disappointed when they mention their partner. It's a bit like buying a lottery ticket and literally expecting to win each time, then becoming angry and disappointed because you haven't won. It isn't good for your mental health or your blood pressure.