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Lost@plushy That has a multi faceted answer. Though the long and short of it is that I've, in one way or another, embraced the darkness. Just not...- Xinyta
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I'm Not An Artist.Do not feed into the lies of the mind. No one and nothing can stop you from trying, other than yourself. I draw on occasion. You'll see my profile...
- Xinyta
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LostIt's difficult when you're caught between wanting to improve - which means self analysis, and wanting to let go - which means no analysing of...- blue_bird
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I hate street charity collectors with a passion. They make smartarse comments when I obviously feel uncomfortable in their presence. However, their presence would not be an issue if they did not approach me. I have no problem with someone standing behind a street stall touting their cause but...
After my diagnosis back in 2019, I found out that things I thought were just my personal issues were in fact traits of autism. My dislike of the texture of certain fabrics, for instance. I also hate people getting too close in many situations which also seems to be an autism issue.
But what...
I have gone back to reading William Souder's Mad at the World: A Biography of John Steinbeck. I had to put it down earlier in the year when it got up to the part where the author describes In Dubious Battle, a novel I had not read. I should have known that would happen (how do you write a book...
You know. I always mention how there are clues in our wording, when we are down on ourselves. Yet, I have never applied it to myself. I know I'll not figure it about by stewing on it, yet I internalize it anyway.
I feel I must look at all I've written down and see if there are patterns I can...
I wonder if i will ever be able to act like myself again. Whenever i make up my mind people show their ugliness to me so casually i am filled with hatred and fear. And i want to keep myself hidden from the world until i die. Because whenever i think oh people are not that terrible they exceed my...
I am looking to do a thesis at the end of my history degree ie: when all the coursework has been completed. Something on the Anglo Saxons would really interest me. For those not in the know, that is the name given to various peoples who occupied England once the Romans decamped at the...
I was in Canberra not so long ago visiting cousins I had not seen in yonks. One cousin suggested I stay at her place next time I came to town (she has a husband and two children). I was polite and thanked her but inwardly, I hyperventilated. The idea of having my own hotel room even though it...
The feeling
Of rain inside, the storm, the cold, the darkness. The need to keep the lights off, to forget all the chaos and oppression for a moment.
Waves crashing inside my head threaten to topple even the sturdiest buildings, a sailor in the midst of the waves, pleading for mercy, but not a...
My last assignment was to write a piece on the Dark Ages and problems with the term. Historians now tend to refer to Late Antiquity and the Early Middle Ages. The border between the two is not clear but the period was not 'dark'. The negative connotations don't fit with the reality of the...
I understand that autism is simply your condition when you are not neurotypical. But I am willing to own autism as a form of disability. One example: I like to do laps at the pool but prefer to go when it is not too crowded. As such, I select times when there are relatively few people (not...
Not that long ago, I found out what executive functioning means. Once I understood what it was and how autistic people have a problem with it, I felt relieved more than anything. As long as I can remember, I have found activities that involve seemingly complex components like driving a car...
- I don't have sensory issues with bright lights, smells, touch or taste. Yes I have a phobia thing of clothing tags but it's more down to OCD than sensory
- I am able to lie and understand theory of mind
- I can understand body language, face expressions and tone of voice well
- I get...
I am always pretending i am normal, and i have friends and a social circle and i can relate to people. I am always pretending i am smarter than i am and i fear someday people will find out the truth. I might ruin my employer's business.
I used to have a best friend that i talked everyday but...
I have started looking into the idea of a dual layered system. Masking and a psychological defense bubble. Entities on thier own serving thier psychological purposes for different things. It's a work in progress, but I have dubbed this idea the 'Super Sheild Theory'.
I will most likely have...
I see my folly.
I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life have ever let go of anything. I have blamed this. I have blamed that. But I have largely blamed myself for things that I have no control over. Blamed myself for things that never existed. Blamed myself...
I submitted an assignment recently about primary sources re: Charlemagne's coronation (800CE). I was happy with my mark but the assignment made think of how we would analyse primary sources about events that happened more recently. Imagine trying to find the truth about the stabbings at Bondi...
I've been reading Lynne Segal's interesting work on ageing. She hasn't broached the subject of autism but I wonder if my autism serves as a form of protection when it comes to ageing. Earlier in life I got used to being ignored because I was odd and I found it easier, indeed enjoyable, to...
This is a thing I need to admit to myself. No matter how much I despised her, I still took on her traits.
I took on:
- Being Pessimistic
- Despising everyone and everything
- Being overall negative about everything
- Blaming everyone but myself
- Being Selfish
- Panicing over simple things that...
I got my autism diagnosis from a local psychologist with postgraduate qualifications in the area. I think like many people who are autistic, it didn't change anything but it certainly made sense of what has happened in my life, how I have responded to things, and of course how I currently think...
I have spent the public holiday today making progress on my essay for my Master of History course. The subject is in Mediaeval history and the essay is on the period of crisis in 14th and early 15th centuries. A massive famine in the early 14th century, the Black Death a bit later on, the...