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Lost@plushy That has a multi faceted answer. Though the long and short of it is that I've, in one way or another, embraced the darkness. Just not...- Xinyta
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I'm Not An Artist.Do not feed into the lies of the mind. No one and nothing can stop you from trying, other than yourself. I draw on occasion. You'll see my profile...
- Xinyta
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LostIt's difficult when you're caught between wanting to improve - which means self analysis, and wanting to let go - which means no analysing of...- blue_bird
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To me, love is something more than caring for someone. When someone can see through your soul, understand you intuitively and makes you feel alive. I have lots of memories like this, people that come and go from my life, some were friends, others mere acquaintances. I never let them see me fully...
Being young
Being wild
Chasing dreams
Feels alive
Underneath the stars
Dancing only starts
When we set it free
Will this always be?
But even the life
If I realized
On a hill up high
Would it be all right?
And yet I
Feeling the rhythm and lines
And yet I
Feeling the marching and heart...
The clouds are rolling in from up high
Gray and heavy smoke covers the skies
The world's got darker and colder fast
But I believe it is unshaken
After the rainfall and the rest
The world will awaken again
The slumber will fade and go away
It will all change into bright and green
The storm...
I do only remember bits and pieces of what happened. My dad found the woman who would be my stepmother. She came over to see me at my grandparent's house for Christmas. Alot of my dad's family and relatives were there. I probably was 6 going on 7 years old. My stepmother put up a good act...
I don't remember my birth, like many. Though I lack alot of memory in the few years after that. Most of this account in my earliest years was told to me by relatives on my Dad's side of the family. This is in hopes of keeping a record for myself too.
From what I know, I was born in Alton...
Hate. No one has any idea how strong of an emotion it is. No one thinks about the pain that is caused to create such feelings towards others, let alone towards the self. Experience is a teacher in this way.
For someone, like myself, with ASD. This is a world too real to properly describe. To...
This is the story of how my life happened and how it affected me. Alot of my early years was from what I was told by relatives, more than my own memories. But it is important all the same.
THIS ISN'T A PROFESSIONAL NOVEL. Just me putting down my experiences. Hopefully it'll be some help to...
I've found today, that my mind's negative nature is far more insidious than I gave it credit for. Well played kid me. Well played.
What it is, is that my mind constantly looks for something by default to distract me from reality. Since I started limiting my phone, my mental state is now trying...
You might be wondering why I describe my feelings of my ASD experience as "shameful", and it has most probably offended you (unintentionally, of course).
Being ashamed of having anything "wrong" with you shouldn't be misconstrued as trolling or hurting others. That is not my intention, which is...
I feel awful inside but numb outside. Its like the anxiety and nausea is inside an ice shell. I hope it will pass soon.
I said what i meant to my friend and it did not end well. I had to mask but i was too anxious and i let it slip.
I am beginning to think she will not call or message me...
This was oddly a late night thought process last night. Thinking about what it would be like to be a nudist. And if I'd possibly enjoy it. Though I was mildy tipsy and pretty tired from from 3 beers, so that may of influenced it a bit.
Though let's get the less safe for work thing out of the...
My issue with paying attention isn't that I don't. It's just that my focus is in the wrong place.
I am really seeing it now, that taking my mental state and what I focus on, in to account. I need to keep my mind active to avoid negatively spiraling. This is especially important when I am alone...
I was apathetic for a few days and a bit depressed. Listening to this song on a mix, i started crying Somehow.
Thinking of my own life, my father's and how hard it has been for both of us. Still, there are people who live with a greater loneliness and pain than us. We are one of the luckier...
There is something that I am now considering. That my misery cycle had a side component to it. Not that it is surprising. But I think I put myself in a infinite loop of autistic burnout because of stress and anxiety.
It would explain alot. My mental state being what it's been, fueled my...
Identity-first language says, “I am autistic.”
Person-first language says, “I am a person who has autism.”
I prefer identity-first language because it invites culture. Person-first language causes shame about one’s disability. Autism is not like an addiction to be shamefully recovered from. It...
I hurt so many people whom tried to help me or love me. I hated myself too much, i did not know i could accept it.
I am sorry for everyone who could love someone like me. You are all wonderful people and i hope you can forgive me and forget about me. I am so grateful to you and i wish for your...
What I mean is that I am not in the right mental state to face the world. I'm not entirely ready for situations that can happen in the world. This isn't self-deprecation. Just self-realization.
I am not pleased by this, but I need to also remember this till I am ready. Same with my foggy, lost...
Tonight I went to the ladies conference and there were traveling stage lights and a loud speaker system and a very large crowd and I just kind of froze. I went into a trance. People kept asking me if I was ok and it was so embarrassing. It felt like being on a rollercoaster and wanting to puke...