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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    I think I just had sleep paralysis earlier! It was so strange, I was just relaxing with my Kirby plush and I fell asleep hugging him and suddenly, I felt like I couldn't move at all...! My mind was still wide awake but my body refused to move! I had to keep reminding myself I wasn't dead or being attacked by a demon or a spirit... but if it WAS a spirit what kind was it? What was it trying to do? What did it want?!
    View previous comments…
    L
    Luca
    Derealization is actually something I frequently experience too, but it doesn't resemble sleep paralysis. Derealization is more like when you feel like your life or surroundings aren't real, like you're living in a movie or you're walking around in a dream state when awake. Also common with PTSD. I also depersonalize which is when you feel like you're observing yourself in the third person.
    L
    Luca
    Derealization + depersonalizing would make you feel something to the effect of watching your life happen from the outside, like you were narrating a movie about yourself. This is something I experience a lot but I don't think I've discussed it much on here.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    It started to feel like that at first. But then my mind got so confused. My body felt like it was indeed asleep, it was convinced that it was sleeping but my mind knew that IT was awake. Then suddenly it went from "Am I sleeping right now?" to "Am I dead? Am I in hell? Am I about to die? Is this what dying feels like?" Then suddenly it was like "TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE ALIVE NOW!!"
    UberScout
    That girl... I was talking to her yesterday and Maddog actually encouraged me to talk to her (read: autistic girl from the other day). So I did.... and this time she was really happy to see me, compared to the night before when she was overwhelmed to the point of crying, I found out she had been kicked out of her hotel room. She blew me a kiss when we finished talking... Hehe..
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I have to say, it's been a while...!
    UberScout
    UberScout
    yellow_blue_betta_dragon_by_snowifer_dcz62i3-fullview.jpg

    "Remember, girls love a guy who listens!"
    UberScout
    Hoo, boy, I gotta tone down the need for weed a little. Little addicted, but just a little. It's all good though! I've been down this road before, I know all the shortcuts.
    S
    Slime_Punk
    The need for weed? Sounds like a game I used to play on Ps1
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Bruh you bout to start an ARG lmao
    UberScout
    Our friend brought over one of their own friends and when I introduced myself we talked for a bit and I found out she's autistic like me! She was kinda overwhelmed though, somebody she talked to on the phone was acting horrible to her... Is opportunity literally knocking at my door right now?! Or am I just crazy...
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Heh yeah.



    Except I was told she has a...ahem... profession, she works in.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    People who peddle things or chemicals are no different. Just because people push/sell chemicals doesn't make them better then her no matter who she is. But l find that peddlers of substances seem to think they are better then others.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Oh, no no, it's not that. I mean honestly I really don't care, I'm just happy I found someone nearby to make friends with.
    UberScout
    Aloe: Last seen performing Reiki on me
    Markness
    Markness
    I wish I could have some. :(
    UberScout
    UberScout
    yellow_blue_betta_dragon_by_snowifer_dcz62i3-fullview.jpg

    "Well why didn't you just tell me earlier, goofball! All you had to do was ask :)"
    UberScout
    Once, I was lashed with a miscreants tongue,
    Twice, I bowed to a tyrants lungs
    Three times over did I pray to God
    Four times more I was herded with a prod
    Five be a count for the names been called
    Six be a number I was forced enthralled
    Seven sins deadly I was taught to look away
    Eight words spoken in the course of a day
    Nine, then ten, I was lashed once again
    Vengeance my drive, Reason I will send
    UberScout
    I CAN'T TRUST LIFE ANYMORE. AND IF I HAVE TO DO ANOTHER LOOP OF THIS YEAR AT THE BEGINNING OF 2023, I'LL BE BRUTALLY HONEST, I'D RATHER JUST KILL MYSELF! So, if I'm not online for more than a week after 2023 starts, you'll know what it means...
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    And yet, still my soul wishes to fight?
    Have I gone mad?
    Or have I simply taken on the same drive to survive as a wolf? Or a lion?
    Doesn't a mammal in the wilderness constantly prowl forward when their stomach is devoid of sustenance? If an animal can recognize that staying hungry for too long will lead them to an early grave, could not a human afflicted with the blessed curse of Autism do the same?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Maybe madness is not limited to throwing one's thoughts to the wind. Maybe there is a good side to madness, if it can lead us to stay alive.
    S
    Slime_Punk
    You're stronger than you think. You've got this, hell or high water :sunglasses:
    UberScout
    I am not looking forward to 2023 at all. In fact I am actually really, really dreading it. If I was completely unable to stay happy this whole year, not to mention the amount of random crap we had to deal with from other people, added to that things in my house randomly just ceasing to work or function, or just something else like any kind of bad news, I just... I DO NOT TRUST 2023 AT ALL. I DON'T TRUST LIFE ANYMORE
    S
    Slime_Punk
    Maybe 2023 is the year that you take control of your own happiness? That could be really powerful!
    UberScout
    I need a very, very, VERY long nap in my Betta friend's tail fin curls.
    S
    Slime_Punk
    Aloe must've visited me last night because I slept like 13 hours, lol
    UberScout
    UberScout
    yellow_blue_betta_dragon_by_snowifer_dcz62i3-fullview.jpg

    "I hope you didn't miss anything important. You looked so exhausted yesterday. I just thought you could use a break for a little bit (smile)"
    UberScout
    Contractors came without me expecting ANY amount of work to be done on the house today. They had to take our whole kitchen floor out because it wasn't level; dinner is pizza rolls tonight. Meanwhile.... I am never speaking of this day again. What it put me through fails earthly description.
    UberScout
    Woke up in a good mood for the first time, thanks to some extra w e e d, thanks mom! And yet, while drinking a Bang is a great way to get woken up, I am still pondering how many gigabytes of RAM I really have. Feels like more than 8. Does anyone else smell colors?
    UberScout
    Aloe: "Aooh... Poor Charles... He must still be grieving... Er... Oh goodness, he's not. Wait... What on Earth is this energy coming from him?"
    UberScout
    Other more mundane stuff. He just found out his *real* mother died earlier ago, and he's not taking it too well, it's hitting him pretty hard. But that's why I'm still here with my family. They need my help. And I know Aloe knows that and understands it.
    UberScout
    I'd ask you guys if you'd want to role-playing a tabletop rpg over the net with me (Cause I know I'm always talking about it :P ) but the only thing really holding me back from it is time; during the day I spend lots of my time helping around the house, mainly with Maddog; he's been getting a LOT better since That Time We Shall Never Speak Of AKA "The Really, Really Dark Ages" but I still have to help him with
    UberScout
    So I am now in a weirdly out-of-nowhere Star Wars phase; mum let me grab Knights of the Old Republic off the Play Store (only $9.99!) And on par with my role-playing urges, I decided to make a character for Star Wars RPG. Well, specifically Edge of the Galaxy, but it was the only PDF of the core rules I could find that didn't ask me to do a stupid survey first.
    UberScout
    Hi everyone! Don't worry I'm still alive, I've just been busy having THE MOST AWESOME SMALL CHRISTMAS EVER!! I only got a few things but uh... having a new phone and a Kirby plush and a NEW PHONE that isn't a piece a crap for once has GOT to be the best day of my life!! AND I had some of the BEST CHRISTMAS WEED!
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Happy Holidays. This year seemed to be a better year for you.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Well... THIS part of the year maybe. Still not without chaotic energy around the house not but a day after Christmas, but I'm actually mostly healed of my psychotic depression (read: %96 healed, so still a ways to go.)
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