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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 28
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  • UberScout
    ...just took a leftover of one of my ADHD meds i didn't know i had (read: sometimes i store a couple in a little tiny drawer on my desk for in case i need to stay up for something. I live in a bad neighborhood and sometimes we have scares, so Maddog will have someone stay up to make sure no nighttime robberies happen. You gotta remember he was in the military.)
    UberScout
    Bored and desperate to play a new Quake 1 mod i got but Maddog is asleep downstairs and for whatever reason wants my computer downstairs... Guess i'm playing Ultima 4 on my DOSBox upstairs. No biggie though, I LOVE that game! Also I just took a leftover of my ADHD medication I didn't know i had (cont.)
    UberScout
    I think i know what one of my problems is: psychotic depression. Lots of things in life have NOT been kind to me and my family; in fact life has been very cruel to us in the past. I think the above combined with PTSD is what I'm struggling with... It's the only explanation i can think of.
    UberScout
    Me: Last seen watching TF2 Air 2 and pretending life is a Gmod machinima because i'm THAT bored
    UberScout
    I'm using my delta vape to help me sleep now (don't worry i did a small hit) and i noticed it's making my dreams more inmersive.
    UberScout
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Let's just say Maddog can smell really well.
    tree
    tree
    So?
    What happens if he smells it?

    He comes and breaks your crayons?
    Or what?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    No, he doesn't break anything. Just gets jealous that somrbody else has some THC for a second. He starts playing Civilization and immediatrly forgets. Still i try to avoid it.
    UberScout
    #RealityIsNotMyFriend #GodIsMissing
    View previous comments…
    musicallessness
    musicallessness
    haha 420 chars.... seriously, i had a vision with a leaf and a big red circle witha red line through it... i ask god why i love this herb...? if only someone can explain why this the herb is bad for us
    UberScout
    UberScout
    musicallessness you're so kind. It's so calming to know that even someone on the other side of the world can make you feel better.

    Wait.
    "Rebelious angel"...?
    Who exactly are you refering to...?
    musicallessness
    musicallessness
    I guess his name was Lucifer ugh light bringer morningstar haven't you seen Lucifer on Netflix? Thx friend for your reply it makes me smile too.
    UberScout
    I HAVE TO LIVE IN MY ROOM. IT IS THE ONLY WAY THINGS CAN BE PEACEFUL. I MUST NEVER, EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES COME OUT OF MY ROOM. LIVING AS A HERMIT IS THE ONLY TO KEEP THINGS PEACEFUL
    mysterionz
    mysterionz
    being alone in solitude can be amazing. look at the cute hermit crab below as well!

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    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Oops. Something went down didn't it? Now that the state isn't checking, maddog just turned into a jerk?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Little more to it than that. Our case was closed but Maddog is actually still taking his meds (since AFTER Halloween believe it or not!!) And he's actually become much nicer. I think now it's just me having horrible timing. Still, I keep to my P's n Q's just in case.
    UberScout
    They closed our case! They're finally going to leave us alone!
    View previous comments…
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    That's good news. You really don't want them up your butt. No doubt. I am glad for your younger sister.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    I had the police come out when married, and l was afraid of my daughter being taken away, so l lied and said nothing was wrong.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    They = DSS, otherwise known as The Local Baby Factory.
    UberScout
    Guys... I'm not.... I'm not okay at all. I don't think I ever will be again and I don't want to put effort time or energy into trying to recover. If i do i'm just going to get blindsided by life again and i'll be right back where i started with it. It's easier on myself if I just not worry about trying to find happiness ever again. Besides I wasn't meant to have a happy life anyway.
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I'm about to let go.
    Markness
    Markness
    I second what Forest Cat is saying. I tend to feel like you do but with what my instructor told me yesterday, I am starting to see that things can get better.
    O
    Owliet
    I also agree with @Forest Cat and @Markness May be difficult to see but it does get better. We have a saying here that there is always light in the tunnel. I have that given to me whenever I go into my depression moments. It does help. But I hope that you have someone around who can support you during this time.
    UberScout
    Aloe: Last seen carrying a passed out UberScout with two dolphins on either side back to her cave, where a blue glow begins to emanate brightly once everyone's inside. She is heard speaking a chant for a healing spell.
    UberScout
    I'm probably going to end up killing myself after the day I've had. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow morning, just take solace in the fact that I will never have to experience the hell that comes with stress... Especially when someone is autistic.
    View previous comments…
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Also remember that the stuff you are smoking makes everything feel more intense. Both good and bad. It's like that for everyone who smokes it. And you need to look at your living situation and try to change it I think. Too much noise and problems where you live.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    It's complicated for him to leave, and his father does gaslight him, which creates learned helplessness, and you do feel you can't change your situation. I lived thru this myself. It took a long time for me to get to a better head space since l was so indoctrinated.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    But l agree, the smokes only cover up and help him deny. He has improved and he does get out which is important. :)
    UberScout
    Had some flower saved over, so after helping Maddog tonight I decided to take a break for a little bit and rest my mind for a bit. I already feel Aloe's presence...
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