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Xinyta

Xinyta

♡Goofy genderfluid person♡ They/Them/She/Her 35 From Illinois
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  • Xinyta
    I need to meditate on some findings. I am starting to understand some of things my Uncle says all the time.

    I have a issue with electronics. More specifically, being alone while watching tv, on my phone, or gaming. I have done that for a long time, and it seems to make me backslide when I do it.
    View previous comments…
    T
    thejuice
    Could be a mixture of trauma and managing autism symptoms? I only say that because I do what you do and believe mine to be mostly the second reason.

    I found traditional therapy ineffective. When id talk about needing to wear an eye mask and headphones to shut out the world so I wouldn't combust, they'd look at me confused, sceptically.

    I'm still knee deep in the mire of addiction.
    T
    thejuice
    @jsilver256 what's seems a contradiction is reaching for the most stimulating thing In modern culture when we're over stimulated. Maybe it's the familiarity of it, but a phone only makes things worse.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I guess it depends on what you mean by stimulating. I play Sudoku or Kenken on a tiny screen and shut out everything else around me. No sound or anything.
    Xinyta
    I watched the movie Captains Couragous. It has me thinking alot about people. That there are good people in the world that just want to make a living. Have families. And have common goals. That believe on way or another in God.

    Also it's a story about maturing as a person.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I looked it up on Amazon. I will read the book. Thanks for the recommendation.
    Xinyta
    I am realizing how prone to rumination and internalizing I am. Especially when I don't sleep well. That just compounds the rumination more.

    I am doing good today though. I even woke up feeling good and ready for the day.
    T
    thejuice
    They say a creatively engaging activity can stop rumination.. something where you're not just going through the motions
    Xinyta
    I've had alot to think about today.

    My stepmother. My behaviors. My habits.

    It's all going to have to be delt with. Though. I think it's more going to be about allowing myself change, from the hermit I've been for a long time. This has been the hardest thing for me.
    Xinyta
    Gasoline is such a overwhelming smell. Me and my Uncle had to fill a gas container for running the lawnmower and other equipment. Handing the stuff sucks, because it gets on your hands and takes a while to fade. Even after washing them.
    Xinyta
    Had a busy day at my neighbor's place. Creating a trellis for the gourds he wants to grow, removing the blown engine from a old tiller, and fixing the panels on the garage door.

    These hands were in oil, gas, dirt, and other materials, for about 3 hours or so. So it's been a productive day.
    Xinyta
    Today was a good day. Watched basketball, since today is the first day of March Madness.

    The only thing that sucks is that arms and back started hurting this afternoon from the work in the garden yesterday. Having to move around a heavy tiller.
    Xinyta
    As of tomorrow, I will of been signed up here one year. Time flies. Time that has opened my eyes to alot and has me questioning everything.
    Xinyta
    20240318_095945.webp


    This is another drawing I did. A more environmental drawing with Dimile. The stone slab says "The heart-soul calls all beings".
    NoKipAr on the run
    NoKipAr on the run
    you're good at what you do, but I also draw. hell! infact I'm an aspiring animator!

    get all the practice you need!
    try drawing the same thing, a character, a prop anything.....see how much you improve!
    Xinyta
    It's honestly kinda nuts how frequently temps fluctuate where I live. Today is going to be in the 70°F range today. Tomorrow, we are going to see around 40°F to 50°F temps.

    Truthfully. I really only feel like I more recently have taken note of this. It's not even spring yet, and it sure as heck feels like it.
    Xinyta
    20240314_102706.jpg


    I decided to do another bust style image. This time with a ring frame and some sayings written in Younger Furthark.

    I did the writing with help from this site. Turning my saying ideas in English, to the selected rune script I chose to write it in.
    Xinyta

    You know. This song was the TRUE start of my spiritual journey. I inadvertently started it after hearing this song in a music mod for Skyrim that changed the default soundtrack. Everytime I heard it, I felt one with the character I made.

    That was a calling. I was being awakened.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Do you like Gåte? They have some good tunes. Progressive Norwegian folk-rock.

    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    I appreciate the suggestion.

    I have actually not listened them before. I was, funnily enough, thinking about expanding to some other bands of the like.
    Xinyta
    I feel something calling inside me. I have been driven once more to listen to these:



    It's like there is this indescribable desire to seek my inner spiritual awakening and be driven to find a home inhabited by my spirit, more than my body. This calling is so much stronger than before.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    Two sets of lyrics from Skugge not only echo in my mind, but resonate in my heart.

    Elden tvingar deg or meg (The fire force you from within)

    Svara eig du sjolv (Answers you find within)
    Xinyta
    20240312_111530.webp


    This is my attempt at drawing a bust image of Dimile. Thinking about adding more and coloring it later.
    Xinyta
    20240311_173727.jpg


    I just did this a moment ago. A quick sketch of what I was mentioning earlier. A rabbit/dragon hybrid. A Ragon(ra-gun). I am naming them Dimile Solhart.

    I know this isn't a clean photo. But I am using my phone to take a picture.
    Xinyta

    It's been sometime since I listened to anything by Disturbed. This is a really good one. It eerily reflects a part of myself I am going to alleviate.

    Though due to recent events. My anger isn't what it was. So maybe I have let go alot more than I thought.
    Xinyta
    I think I have found my full identity spiritually. Something that makes sense. I've always known that dragons are kin to me. But there was a missing piece for a long time. I feel I've found that piece possibly. In the form of the rabbit.

    The mix of instincts, speed, power, wisdom, and just wonderous capabilities overall. Seem to match my overall being.
    Xinyta
    I never understood this before yesterday. I could never hate a person. What I hate, are unfair actions toward me and others. This DOES leave room to forgive my stepmother. How? Because I have separated the person from the actions, in how I am now thinking.

    It's thier actions in my head. Not them.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    Forgiveness is always a struggle. I try and remember intellectually that it is quite rare that people knowingly are mean to each other. It's all horrible ignorance and self-centeredness.
    Xinyta
    We had a scare tonight. My Uncle fell over and had issues getting back up. He's alright now and is in bed. But it's up in the air what happened.
    Xinyta
    The day is has been getting better and better as it's been going on. I'm feeling a increase in spirit that seems to be burning brightly. It's not solely excitement. It's something else. A sense of determination, maybe. A feeling of increased resolve. Feeling like I am getting ready to face my demons head on.
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