36 and still feeling like I did when I was 17.

[blitzkrieg]

I worry that my cousins who know I am single think I am a loser for not having a partner like they do.

I also occasionally still get asked why I don’t have children like my siblings do.

This sort of thing is common unfortunately. People in a position of relative social strength like to belittle and pick on people they view as inferior to themselves, in an effort to make themselves feel better and/or to stroke their own egos.

 

[Jonn]

Apparently you were wondering why I don’t want “advice” from you. To be honest, you’ve made many jokes and jabs about my situation. That makes me think you don’t have any genuinely serious advice for me.

The jokes were never an attack on you.
You may have noticed, I joke ALL the time, no joke.

 

[Markness]

I get worried that people think I'm a loser for not having children. I do want just one child but I just can't bear all that pregnancy and pain and childbirth. I am very pain-sensitive and squeamish. So many other women on the spectrum seem to have kids and bring them up all right.

I’ve been told I would make for a loving and caring father since I am not aggressive. Sadly, it seems women in the crummy culture I live in tend to prefer aggressive men.

 

[Markness]

I wish I didn’t have to go to work today. I didn’t sleep well last night.

 

[Markness]

Was I born just to be hated and abused?

 

[Markness]

Those who accuse me of never blaming myself for my struggles want me to hate myself.

 

[Boogs]

Was I born just to be hated and abused?

No more than those bully's were born to be so insecure in themselves they need to abuse others to validate themselves?

Those who accuse me of never blaming myself for my struggles want me to hate myself.

In a world of billions of human's (or fair facsimiles), there will always be someone who blames you for something.
But why should you hate yourself for that? It's often got little to do with you, much more to do with them.
It's only the symptoms of this that really impact you, not their random opinion's.

Personally, I found in the end that working on myself was the only answer - learning what I respect and disrespect in my own behaviour, and once able to be brutally honest about myself (to my best ability at least) the criticism's of others are to some degree blunted of their viciousness as perceived if not intended.
Because all those abusive and/or uncaring people who put you down will never just disappear, so we have to accept that there's a place in our ecosphere for these people (or they wouldn't exist) and nothing we do will change that.

 

[tree]

Those who accuse me of never blaming myself for my struggles want me to hate myself.

That's quite a pretzel of words.

accuse
blame
struggles
hate

You feel accused and believe someone wants you to hate yourself.

The person I have seen being the most negative about yourself is you.

 

[Markness]

That's quite a pretzel of words.

accuse
blame
struggles
hate

You feel accused and believe someone wants you to hate yourself.

The person I have seen being the most negative about yourself is you.

What else could the people who don’t like me think about?

 

[tree]

What else could the people who don’t like me think about?

Are you asking me to suggest other topics for them to think about?

Do you imagine that people have nothing else to think about except you?

Or what?

 

[Boogs]

What else could the people who don’t like me think about?

There's only one way to possibly know that, and that would have to be by asking them, and hoping to be told the truth, unless you've discovered a way to read other peoples minds, something that even if there were a mechanism to be able to do it, you'd not understand it without becoming that person, which would then make it impossible to evaluate and understand from your own perspective.
So do these people actually say this to you? That they dislike and hate you? Because that's a remarkably strong reaction, I'd find it hard to believe there wasn't something more to it.

You worry about your cousin thinking you're a loser (whatever a loser actually is), but have they said that to you?
And as for worrying about someone belittling you because you're not the same as them, they sound like the one's with problems to be having such a shallow view of life that only their way is the acceptable way, it seems rather intolerant, even discriminatory and even bullying? Is that really them, or could it be that you're jumping to conclusions sometimes?

 

[Markness]

So do these people actually say this to you? That they dislike and hate you?

You worry about your cousin thinking you're a loser (whatever a loser actually is), but have they said that to you?
And as for worrying about someone belittling you because you're not the same as them, they sound like the one's with problems to be having such a shallow view of life that only their way is the acceptable way, it seems rather intolerant, even discriminatory and even bullying? Is that really them, or could it be that you're jumping to conclusions sometimes?

Yes, I have been told those things.

One cousin has indeed called me a loser and said other put downs to me.

 

[Boogs]

Ok, then you know they are not people who are good for you! There will always always always be horrible people for as long as there are people. Unfortunately we can't choose our family in the same way we can choose our friends, but that doesn't mean we have to like them. I had two sisters, one, my older sister was the only member of the family with whom I had any kind of real love for, and visa-versa, I was the only family she cared about (that's not quite right, she did care, but couldn't change them or their bigotry, for example).

We both had a great dislike for our younger sister who was far more interested in lying, playing people off against each other, trying to get others in trouble, etc.
Stuff as happens with many siblings but she was a right nasty piece of work and my older sister who didn't have a bad bone in her and would always put others first, almost refused to see her again on learning of her (my older sister) terminal diagnosis. She'd never have done anything to hurt her, but simply didn't want to waste a minute more of what little time she had left and the genetic familial connection meant little to either of us - our younger sister is just not a particularly nice person for us to be involved with.

I can appreciate if it causes family issues that force you into being in contact with them (or some other negative outcome), but beyond that, does it matter to you what thoughtless (or worse) people think? Especially someone who is so insensitive and doesn't sound to me like they have anything in mind but boosting their ego at your expense. If so, that's not someone to respect on the face of it, and for me I'd just avoid them from then on.

 

[Masked Man]

How old were you when this happened. From my memory, you hang on to things that were said 20+ years ago.

Clearly there are things you should discuss with your therapist because they are not serving you.

One cousin has indeed called me a loser and said other put downs to me.

 

[Markness]

Ok, then you know they are not people who are good for you! There will always always always be horrible people for as long as there are people. Unfortunately we can't choose our family in the same way we can choose our friends, but that doesn't mean we have to like them. I had two sisters, one, my older sister was the only member of the family with whom I had any kind of real love for, and visa-versa, I was the only family she cared about (that's not quite right, she did care, but couldn't change them or their bigotry, for example).

We both had a great dislike for our younger sister who was far more interested in lying, playing people off against each other, trying to get others in trouble, etc.
Stuff as happens with many siblings but she was a right nasty piece of work and my older sister who didn't have a bad bone in her and would always put others first, almost refused to see her again on learning of her (my older sister) terminal diagnosis. She'd never have done anything to hurt her, but simply didn't want to waste a minute more of what little time she had left and the genetic familial connection meant little to either of us - our younger sister is just not a particularly nice person for us to be involved with.

I can appreciate if it causes family issues that force you into being in contact with them (or some other negative outcome), but beyond that, does it matter to you what thoughtless (or worse) people think? Especially someone who is so insensitive and doesn't sound to me like they have anything in mind but boosting their ego at your expense. If so, that's not someone to respect on the face of it, and for me I'd just avoid them from then on.

I wish I could’ve showed them that they were wrong about me and that I didn’t have to become like them if I wanted to succeed.

 

[Markness]

Are you asking me to suggest other topics for them to think about?

Do you imagine that people have nothing else to think about except you?

Or what?

When they see my username and posts, they are probably thinking unkindly of me.

 

[tree]

When they see my username and posts, they are probably thinking unkindly of me.

You're a mind reader?

Is that a teachable skill?

Can you teach me to do that?

 

[Markness]

You're a mind reader?

Is that a teachable skill?

Can you teach me to do that?

I am not. I have heard negative talk about me when the speaker isn’t aware of me and have been told by others that someone was speaking unkindly about me.

 

[tree]

I am not. I have heard negative talk about me when the speaker isn’t aware of me and have been told by others that someone was speaking unkindly about me.

So you're generalizing from past experience.

This is not necessarily applicable to this forum.