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Any of you not able to make friends? I know I very rarely make friends.

Perhaps it's worth turning it around and asking what you would want from a friendship. A lot of us get encouraged or even pushed into "getting a friend" then get distressed when it doesn't work out. Might it be that what neurotypical people consider friendship, in many cases, isn't actually something you'd desire? Perhaps you're after a different type of relationship, with different ways of interacting with each other.
 
MNAus said:
A lot of us get encouraged or even pushed into "getting a friend" then get distressed when it doesn't work out.
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After 5 years a hopeful but betray textationship with you though finally was a platonic casual female friend ever then still with constant men and couples only constantly bother only friends even with new places would anger any autistic heterosexual man up.
 
Jonn said:
So you have give up on RL friendship altogether?
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I do ok with the few friends I have. I don't think I can more friends. It's causes too many problems.
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Better off. It will actually be better for your health in the long run and it will prevent autism burnout which trust me you don't want to experience.
 
Amethystgirl said:
It's none of your business how many friends I have. Why do you want to know?
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Hi there, I'm not quite sure who you're replying to in your messages, but hoping you're OK. If you're having troubles and fears it might be worth reaching out to someone you trust and letting them know what's going on.
 
I think maybe I've had a few NT friends over the years. I didn't go out to make friends or anything like that but I was always open to it. If you meet many people over several decades, and you are not terrified of it, I think the odds are you'll make friends. But for me, it was literally one in a thousand - maybe more. Your best bet is people who share an interest with you.

Autistic people have problems distinguishing between friends and friendly acquaintances and people who act friendly but are after something. It doesn't pay to be desperate to find a friend because it makes the job of distinguishing between them even more difficult.
 
I used to worry to, but for some years, stopped worrying and now, do have a friend and it was not really a deliberate action.

I gave up worrying, because I just thought: what is the point? It is not going to happen, since I have no idea of the concept of friendship, so why push myself?
 
Part of making friends is that people change, and sometimes not for the better. We need to be okay with the idea that a friendship might not last forever, and we need to tell ourselves that we are still cool people who can hold our own and look for new people, adventures, or other hobbies to try to find a place to belong.

Rejection does hurt, but find ways that help you move on. It's okay to be angry for a bit. Something that helps me is creating boundaries once a friendship breaks up. If that person tries to do a rebound, be open to it, but on certain terms- such as they have to go only to things you want to do.
 
For me, the funniest of facts is that I never tried to make friends. I'd be the kid sitting alone in the corner of a room full of other kids, and one or two others always ended up deciding to come and talk with me. Then, after a bit of forced chit-chat, they'd decide we'd be friends.

Even as an adult. We had a Church meeting, I was one of the new people, and a couple of other ladies decided I should be their friend 😅 I didn't complain of course.

I have a few good friendships that happened like that.

Of course, a lot of those situations didn't turn out well but 🤷‍♀️
 
I've definitely struggled to make friends (still do!). Facial expressions and their meaning are often confusing. I have to catalog in my mental database every single expression and it's meaning. If I encounter a new expression, I have to catalog that too or I won't understand it then and now and in the future.

That lack of instinctual intuition when it comes to facial expressions has resulted in a lot of awkward conversation and I think is a big reason friend-making has been so difficult.
 
Neia said:
For me, the funniest of facts is that I never tried to make friends. I'd be the kid sitting alone in the corner of a room full of other kids, and one or two others always ended up deciding to come and talk with me. Then, after a bit of forced chit-chat, they'd decide we'd be friends.
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I relate to this a lot! I often did things alone in social situations growing up. Almost all the friends I made were because they approached me and decided they liked me.
 
I read somewhere that if you struggle to make friends then finding a romantic relationship would be impossible. But that's never been true for me. Finding romantic relationships are easier for me than making friends, and knowing what to do in a romantic relationship is easy for me too. In fact it just feels all natural, like I just know what to do from the start. Yet friendships just don't happen to me as often as it does for the average NT. I don't know why. I think it's because (and I'm not trying to generalize here, as I know this obviously doesn't apply to every autistic person) women on the spectrum are more likely to find romantic partners but less likely to have a group of friends, while men on the spectrum are more likely to struggle with finding dates but more likely to find themselves a group of friends to hang out with. I think it might be because autistic men might be more likely to share the same sort of interests as their (male) NT peers, such as music gigs/concerts or science fiction movies like Star Trek or superhero movies, or be comfortable/competent in IT or engineering-type jobs so they sort of form friendships with others who do the same job. But interests for women are more along the lines of beauty, cosmetics, weddings, fashion, etc, which can sometimes be difficult or daunting for a lot of women on the spectrum. I'm quite a tomboy and generally tomboys aren't accepted much in society once we become women.
 
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