Anyone have depression?

[Becky]

I've always felt that no one wants to hear what I have to say, so I usually just keep my thoughts to myself. I'm finally starting to feel comfortable here though.

Soon as I came here, I knew I could feel comfortable. Still my first day on this forum, feels like I belong somewhere, feels like I can talk freely without anyone saying I sound stupid. Loving it. <3

 

[Harpuia]

Unfortunately for me, I have very few friends and many more enemies, and those enemies are actively trying to make my life hell right now.

 

[Harpuia]

Soon as I came here, I knew I could feel comfortable. Still my first day on this forum, feels like I belong somewhere, feels like I can talk freely without anyone saying I sound stupid. Loving it. <3

I felt the same way Becky. For years I had mistakened my Aspies for Social Anxiety and I was on a forum for SA, and I felt like a fish out of water, until my psychologist directed me the right way. Now, I feel like a fit better.

 

[Alpaca]

I like how anybody can say anything about how they're feeling, or what's going on and everyone else is like "You know what? That makes sense."

Cheezus Friggin Jiste! About freakin time!

 

[Harpuia]

No kidding. It's like I finally found people like me...

 

[Becky]

I felt the same way Becky. For years I had mistakened my Aspies for Social Anxiety and I was on a forum for SA, and I felt like a fish out of water, until my psychologist directed me the right way. Now, I feel like a fit better.

Same up until this year I thought "This just doesn't feel right. I don't know why I get anxiety, stressed and depressed."

Out of googling, I found this site. I thought I was just addicted to my computer, But it's just my obsession that I can't even help. My parents did this ones to me. They took it off of me because they thought I needed a break from it for a month. I was so depressed, I Just sat on my bed, did nothing all day. Lol.

At least my mum knows it's just one of my aspie obsessions.

But she still doesn't know about the common anxiety and depression of an aspie.

 

[kchapman1988]

to be honest today is one of my bad days, everything's just kinda built up. does anyone else have a lot of health problems? my whole body just seems to be failing and falling apart.

 

[NeverEnder]

kchapman1988, I can relate to this, yes.

Besides having Aspergers I have clinical Depression.

Physically, I have a heart condition; I am supposed to be on medication for this but cannot afford it.

Many days I feel like my mind and body are battling me and I am losing the fight.

-Matthew-

 

[kchapman1988]

i'ts so irritating, i has asthma so cant really exercise easily. this means im getting fatter over time.
i've got my dad's weak teeth so they fall apart easily, not sure why but the types of things i can stand to eat is lessening all the time so i now mostly eat rubish and drink cola (the water here is horrible, have tried filtering it but the filter keeps being taked from the fridge) have ibs so my innards are all inflamed.

i need a full workup

 

[Peroxide]

Feel like depression has been the defining attribute of my life. It was the reason (apparently like many) that I got my AS diagnosis in the first place. More so than personality, family or ability/ambition/intellect etc. Everything has been about attempting to escape from what I visualise as a terrifying grey void (with teeth). No idea why it started to seem like that (image-wise) guess it just the physically painfully sensation of a giant vacumn in the chest. Can't explain it. Either way has led to me self-harming and getting into abusive relationships because both were better than depression felt - they were a distraction. Promised my mother I wouldn't self-harm, then rules-lawyered to say that I hadn't promised not to let others harm me. Has anyone else lost memories because of it? I have years where it feels like events are whitewashed over. I can remember a moment/event but not how I got there or why and trying to remember more leads to bad headaches. Its like seeing one scene from a play someone lost the start and end of.

Depression's been the one thing I've always running from. Even the good times were over-shadowed by the threat of when's the next crash coming. I just assumed that anything positive couldn't last and the depression would be worse for having had that temporary relief. Been on various medications over the last decade (including one that made me faint, although the pyschiatrist insisted that wasn't possible), but gone back to refusing to take them. I find they mess me up as much as the depression does and really can hinder recovery/prolong a bout. Best thing seems to be the so-called talking therapies if you can get them (cognitive-behavioural. pyschoanalysis), for me anyway. Find there's a bunch of warnings I've got used to over the years though which make it easier (exhausation, mental overload etc). Seem to be doing better atm. Honestly feels like i've been through so much crap that I've run out of stuff to be scared of.

 

[ravendragonwing]

yes, and what really sucks is I am med-sensitive and get the 1% adverse reactions to the meds and I do not like therapists (the one who diagnosed me told me I was impossible to deal with) and trying to tell people about it (friends, etc) just makes it worse because they do not understand why I cannot get on meds or just pick myself up out of it. I hate my aspergers today.

 

[Arashi222]

yes, and what really sucks is I am med-sensitive and get the 1% adverse reactions to the meds and I do not like therapists (the one who diagnosed me told me I was impossible to deal with) and trying to tell people about it (friends, etc) just makes it worse because they do not understand why I cannot get on meds or just pick myself up out of it. I hate my aspergers today.

I am sorry to hear that you're therapist said that to you. Please don't think all therapists are that way. It maybe that you're not impossible you just take a lot of care to work with. Meds are a hard thing for a lot of people. I prefer not to be on meds for most things in my life but for some people its must. I hope you find something that helps.

 

[ravendragonwing]

Thanks Arashi222, the thing is that I have never found a therapist that is good, so I gave up trying. It depressed me more to go through the trouble to find one, pay the co-pay, go to a few sessions, and nothing happens.... or all the want to talk about is putting me on meds, or how good fish oil is for you (ick!!!!). What I need is an action plan and no one was willing (able?) to give me one.

 

[Arashi222]

Thanks Arashi222, the thing is that I have never found a therapist that is good, so I gave up trying. It depressed me more to go through the trouble to find one, pay the co-pay, go to a few sessions, and nothing happens.... or all the want to talk about is putting me on meds, or how good fish oil is for you (ick!!!!). What I need is an action plan and no one was willing (able?) to give me one.

You are welcome...its just that finding the right therapist for you is a lot like finding the right pair of shoes. I think that as clients its hard to see that therapists are human too. I think going into a session with a new therapist explaining why you don't want meds or that you want a cohesive action plan is a good idea. Its hard to remember sometimes that therapists are all individuals too and finding the one that clicks for you is hard sometimes but I am sure there is one out there. Sometimes its just going into your session with you're current therapist and saying look I don't want meds I want an action plan that can help me cope. See what they say. It takes time to find a therapist. I have my masters in social work I was therapist in my internship before I graduated. Some people really liked me...others just didn't like my style and quit coming. I don't take it personally I just realize that my style isn't for everyone. But my suggestion would be to have you're own agenda when you walk into the room and let them know what you are looking for. I really hope you get help just for your own sanity sake. I wish I could help make it better for you. I hope things get better. I really do.

 

[Bay]

Arashi is right. It is worth the trouble to find someone who is a good fit for you. It is your time, your money, your process AND you have to live with the results. This is the time to self-advocate.

I have had many therapists over the years and have only found two that were truly a good fit for me. One thing I have learned is that it is important to know what will work best for you. For instance, now I go into a first session with a new therapist by telling them that I respond best to an interactive style, and I ask if that is something that they can do. More importantly, I have to be honest with myself when it is not working and be willing to speak up about it. Or, if I find that I have missed several appointments because I forgot, I take that as a message from my subconscious that the therapy relationship isn't working out for me. It is embarrassing to have to leave a therapist but it is better than the alternative.

Okay, I have sidetracked a bit and will get down off of my soapbox now.

 

[Becky]

I was on Ritalin meds when I was younger. It made me worse. It gave me headaches, wrecked my brain cells. Idk what else but it sucked big time. No one understood me either, the doctor I used to have was reaaaaaaally nasty and said mean things to me too.. Even in front of my own mother!

 

[Harpuia]

I don't want to do meds for that reason. I only am slightly depressed for the most part and I fear taking any meds at all could mess up what little coping strategies I may have been able to use over time...

 

[King_Oni]

I don't want to do meds for that reason. I only am slightly depressed for the most part and I fear taking any meds at all could mess up what little coping strategies I may have been able to use over time...

That's what my therapist told me as to why she wasn't totally happy if I were to decide I want to take meds. Mind you, it wasn't because of depression. However; My AD(H)D keeps my Asperger's a bit in check, so I can cope with stuff. It makes me less neurotic. Chances were that if I were to take up meds for my ADHD, I'd end up more depressed and neurotic, which in the result would make need even more meds. End result would probably been worse then I am now.

And to be honest I don't feel like "giving it a try". "meds for your brain" are something you should handle with care.

 

[Roxy]

Taking meds just sucks. I take Quetiapine for depression and yeah, I do get it really bad sometimes. But I started taking Quetiapine around the same time I got my AS dx. My depression hasn't been anywhere near as bad since but I'm not sure if it's because of the meds or just because I finally have answers and now I don't beat myself up about the way I am. Knowing there's a reason for it kinda makes it ok. In the words of my therapist 'I totally accept myself'.

I've been thinking of coming off the meds. I'm scared I'll get ill again though and I really don't want to have more time off work. My attendance was just getting so much better and my new boss is keeping a close eye on me. They're getting rid of people at work which is scary, I'd hate it if I lost my job. I suppose the question is, do I put up with the side effects of the meds or take a chance on it all falling apart?

 

[Bay]

Ask your doctor if you can cut back on the dosage to see how you do. I have done that before, and it worked out fine for me. A few years later when I suffered a setback, my dosage was increased for a while but once I did well for a time my dose went down again. Your experience may be different, but it never hurts to ask.