Anyone have depression?

[Bubblepig]

I am diagnosed with chronic dysthymia, which is basically a kind of depression that lasts a long time. At best my mood is "flat", at worst I'm suicidal.
When I feel like hurting myself, it is usually because I become obsessed with that thought. I do not actually want to die, but I can't stop thinking about it until I take action.

 

[Plungerhead]

Boy, this is probably going to be a long post. Too bad I/we simply can't plug a usb cable from our brain to the computer. My typing can be a bit erratic; never having any chronilogical flow.
There was a time when I looked forward to getting older; hoping the depression/anxiety and abandonment issues would subside. But now that I'm 58, the issues are still there with all their original intensity and angst. I can't seem to maintain a relationship for any significant length of time; I have very few friends; none of which I would call dear friends.
Medications have never helped......Well at least the prescribed ones. :unsure: The last med I was prescribed was Cymbalta.. What a joke! I've been off it for 2 years now and I STILL have brain zaps. Their tv ads are now promoting it as a painkiller. Hard to believe no one has sued the maker of that drug yet.
Dammit...........my thoughts are racing all over the place. No way I can type everything I want to say. Again, it seems there is no hope for for me. What makes maters even worse is that I'm also a Gemini!!! God help me. Please.

 

[Geordie]

I have depression, I am recovering from it. It made my road in life bumpy, but well, such is life.

One note about medication: It made me less active, so I can't do a lot of the things I take for granted in the past. Like having the ability to sleep for 2 hours every day (a necessity if you want to do a lot of great things in life, it seems). More likely, I sleep 9 hours a day currently.

 

[Roxy]

Ask your doctor if you can cut back on the dosage to see how you do. I have done that before, and it worked out fine for me. A few years later when I suffered a setback, my dosage was increased for a while but once I did well for a time my dose went down again. Your experience may be different, but it never hurts to ask.

I eventually spoke to my care coordinator about my meds having thought long and hard about what to do. She spoke to the Dr and he agreed to try it so I reduced the Quetiapine by half (300mg to 150mg). That was almost 2 weeks ago so I'm going to cut it in half again soon. So far it's all been fine

 

[Roxy]

Medications have never helped......Well at least the prescribed ones. :unsure: The last med I was prescribed was Cymbalta.. What a joke! I've been off it for 2 years now and I STILL have brain zaps. Their tv ads are now promoting it as a painkiller. Hard to believe no one has sued the maker of that drug yet.QUOTE]

I had the brain zaps with Venlafaxine - horrible Anti-depressants never worked for me either. The only thing I found did work was St. John's Wort. It didn't stop the depression completely but it did help a lot. After researching it on the 'net' I found I could take a far higher dose that I was taking so increased it which helped even more. May be worth a go Plungerhead.

 

[buckyboy14]

Yes, I do. I get depressed over some things that I know are silly, but apparently because of alexithymia.

I often feel so depressed when I see people in relationships, particularly people younger or the same age as me. There's one boy who just gets all the girls; it feels so unfair to me, and always contributes to me becoming depressed. I always wish I knew what it was like to be in a relationship because everybody else seems to be in one.

 

[Loomis]

Yes, I do. I get depressed over some things that I know are silly, but apparently because of alexithymia.

I often feel so depressed when I see people in relationships, particularly people younger or the same age as me. There's one boy who just gets all the girls; it feels so unfair to me, and always contributes to me becoming depressed. I always wish I knew what it was like to be in a relationship because everybody else seems to be in one.

You will find someone buckyboy. You are still young and have much to look forward to. When I was your age I was a mess. I did not gather myself together until I was in my late 30's. Knowing you are an aspie is a great help. I sure wish I had known when I was young. I was diagnosed six weeks ago at age 63. Imagine spending a lifetime not knowing why you did not get along with other people. I understand your wanting a relationship and seeing the unfairness of watching others easily achieve what you currently cannot do. My advice is to find a "good" counselor or therapist. What worked for me was to ask people who are in the counseling profession who they think are the best therapists. I mean the top ones who get results. Then be persistent until they take you on as a client. When I just went to random therapists what I got was random quality. I have had many therapists throughout my life and they have all helped in one way or another. Their job is to help you understand yourself, define your goals, and figure out a way to achieve them. Two of my therapists were top quality. One of them, who I met in my late 30's, profoundly changed my life and put me on a path to sucess and self-fulfillment. When I met her for the first time I felt an aura of peace and goodness surrounding her; I was stunned. (I am not sentimental, new-age, religious, soft-minded, spiritual or superstitious. I function in life as a cold-blooded logical realist.) This was literally a once in a lifetime moment for me. Because of her I was able to change my life and achieve most of my goals that previously were impossible. Shortly after seeing her I married a beautiful woman and I have a sweet aspie boy of 17.

 

[Nolan1971]

Because of the constant changing of my symptoms every 2-3hrs I get depressed an average of twice daily.
On average 4-6hrs of my day are in depression just split up and that's if life is going well!:bounce:

 

[Geordie]

I can't talk about depression to others outside AC: They think I am lazy, un-motivated and a slob.

How about living with a fixed number of 'spoons', with few chances of getting new ones due to discrimination against depression plus autism, and being tired out by the slightest things in life?

This explains what I needed to say, I got this from another sister autism forum we have. And much as I fear joblessness, I will 'get' it. Sigh!

 

[Megan]

Does anyone have depression whether mild, moderate or severe? Ever feel down or sad because of your loneliness or social difficulties? Have you ever had a moment where you thought that life wasn't worth living anymore?

I was diagnosed with depression five years ago and it was quite severe. I think I have had depression since early childhood. Even when I was young I engaged in suicidal ideation. I suspect it had to do at least somewhat with my social difficulties. The depression is mild nowadays. I used to think that I would always be very miserable and life would always be unbearable, but things changed.

 

[Acetic]

I don't have depression strangely enough. I say it's strange because i should be depressed as my life is a mess at the moment. I have no future plans, I've failed my goals in life, i practically don't exist in society and i have nothing of value to contribute to anyone. But i'm not sad, i feel the most relaxed and stress free i have ever felt. I do panic when i think about the future, but only because i realize this relaxing lifestyle will end eventually.

I have realized that its people that make me feel depressed and miserable. If i am by myself i feel relaxed and happy; i create things, i talk without anxiety, i laugh and smile even. Its only when i try to socialize or get involved in groups that other people make me feel worthless and pathetic. Its always other people that get me depressed and anxious or make me feel like my life is a joke.

 

[Grubby]

I've been depressed, self-hating and suicidal all my life. I guess that's just the way some people are.

I'm doing a bit better now thanks to the cornucopia of psychotropics I'm on, but life's still a real drag.

 

[King_Oni]

On the topic of depression (and not wanting to start another thread about it; though I might, depending on responses)

Do any of you feel there are different types of depression?

Quite common when I mention I have my "down" days... my depressed days, people ask me if I'm really apathic and staying in bed all day, sleeping the day away.

I don't... I get out of bed and try to make best of the day and indulge on interests (or at least try) to overcome my ****** feeling. It only works so far, but at least it works and I get at least some stuff done, and not beat myself since I didn't do anything the entire day.

That being said, I can feel ****** for a few days and feel really, really, really down... and it takes a lot of perseverance of mind to fight any urges to NOT do stupid things alongside that I might to into full blown agressive meltdown mode. So far I'm doing fine. On those days for most part I can't really think straight either, but at least... I get out of bed, get dressed and do a few less stressful things. But as ssuch fighting more negative urges is tiring... usually a few hours of sleep will help me to sleep it off though.

So my question is; can anyone identify with different types of depression as such? Since I don't believe depression is merely "I feel like crap and thus I'll stay in bed all day"

 

[Kelly]

So my question is; can anyone identify with different types of depression as such? Since I don't believe depression is merely "I feel like crap and thus I'll stay in bed all day"

I have varying levels, there are bad days when I just feel a bit sad and down and I don't really know why, just something small has upset me and put a downer on the whole day but I can carry on and pretend everything is fine, I've become very adept at hiding my feelings like that, so I can laugh and joke and play with my daughter etc but inside I feel terrible.

Then I have times when I feel so upset and ****** for a number of days/weeks, everything is annoying and tiresome and what's the point in doing anything but I still get on with things. I'm still able to mask my feelings to an extent just not as well as on the less severe sad stage described above and I find it harder to smile and pretend everything is fine so that everyone else can be happy.

Then I have my really bad phases where I just can't seem to shift this feeling of utter misery,I still get on with day to day life but it's very obvious I'm not happy(I don't stay in bed all day or anything I'm just noticeably miserable) I cut myself during these times when it all gets too much and I often think "I wish I were dead, just get it over and done with because really what's the point in any of this it's all crap and life is one constant miserable battle"....I never actually try to kill myself I just think about it alot. My meltdowns are alot more violent when I'm like this (i.e I break things, hit walls, hit myself etc), every little thing winds me up so I have meltdowns almost every day. I do tend to lay down during the afternoon for an hour or so, depending on how bad the day has been. I will also struggle to get out of bed in the morning with the attitude of 'what's the point it's going to be another crap day so meh', I also find it very hard to sleep often getting just 4 or 5 hours a night if I'm lucky.

 

[Divrom]

I am SO bored of being depressed! :S

I don't mean this as a joke, but being depressed gets me down. Does anyone know what I mean by that?

It's just yet another thing to deal with, more meds to take, more meetings to go do. Etc.

 

[Butterfly_Lady]

I have been depressed most of my life. As I get older it continues to get worse. i was taking some meds for a little while which did nothing for me. I had been getting them through a free clinic which I can no longer make it to because of the hours my mom works. I was suicidal for quite a while. well technically i never stopped having thoughts like that but they aren't as bad now because I know if I did it, my mom would follow. she has been clinically depressed for most of her life too. Suicide is the only sin God cannot forgive you of. I have varying stages of my depression. i have times when i can't stop sleeping, wishing i wouldn't wake up again and i have times when it's just been a bad day and i will get over it.

 

[imagesbyholly]

Wow, I was just coming to the site to post about Rhodiola Rosea. Sorry if I sound like an infomercial, but I get excited (aspie thing!) when something works and want to tell everyone. I started taking it, 3 a day, but it made me really jittery so I stopped. A month later I started again taking just one a day and I've been doing that for two months. It has made such an incredibly huge difference in how I feel.

I have been severely depressed, and suicidal on and off (for long periods) since I was in the fourth grade. I am 29 now. I still deal with bouts of craving death, everything looking bleak and hopeless. But while I was on the Rhodiola I wasn't. We took a long weekend five hours from home and I forgot my rhodiola. Three days without it and I had already lost all motivation, felt terribly sad and despondant, terribly sensitive to noise, felt like everyone was against me, obsessive negative thoughts that I couldn't stop.

I got mine from mountain rose herbs online, my fav. place. But there are lots of places to get it. There was a fox news article about it featuring a psychologist and his wife who initially started taking it to help with Lymes Disease, and now they use it to treat patients for anxiety, depression, and PTSD. It is also fantastic for adrenal fatigue. The vid was on youtube, you can probably look it up.

Oh, Geordi and Butterfly Lady and so many others- I know how awful it is to be stuck hopelessly under that black fog- St. Johns Wart and all that other stuff never worked for me. But this really does! I hope some of you will try it, give it a month or two, and have good results like I have! It has made it so much easier for me to stick to a routine and go to bed at a decent hour and wake up easier and get things done and feel GOOD which is so rare! And promote happiness in my family. Ah, to breathe the free air!

Just, if you try it, take it early in the day and in the middle of a meal It can give you indigestion at first if you don't. And wait a month before upping your dose, especially if you are small like me. Some people take three a day but for me that was too much.

 

[Divrom]

Suicide is the only sin God cannot forgive you of. I have varying stages of my depression.

If God is God He can do anything he wants.

 

[Dara]

Does anyone have depression whether mild, moderate or severe? Ever feel down or sad because of your loneliness or social difficulties? Have you ever had a moment where you thought that life wasn't worth living anymore?

Yes, to all the questions.

I started having suicidal thought at about 7, but then my problem wasn't social, it was related to my family environment.
Growing up it got worse and worse, I started to isolate myself and suffered of anxiety.
My depression reached the worst point about 5 years ago, but it started getting better after that. I haven't been suicidal since then, even when I feel more hopeless, there's a part of me that always remember that it's only momentary.

 

[The Penguin]

Yes I do. Dating did helped me but haven't had anyone in a long time. Tired making friends online never went well. Last year I learned to enjoy doing things alone. I love camping and hiking.

Things become bad again when I lost my job last November. I felt down for a few weeks and did nothing. It took me a while to get motivated again to fix my life. I found it hard for me to find support and harder to find a job cause of my disability. The only thing I need in my life is a reliable income and I can find ways to enjoy myself alone. It might be possible my life will be back on track soon.