Aspies and casual sex

[SimonSays]

We had 11 children together.

I cannot imagine. I struggled with one.

 

[Crossbreed]

I struggled with one.

Ten living.
Family scorecard: ⚤ ♀♀♂♂♂♂♂♂♀♀♂♂⎛♀⎞♂♀♂♂♂
(We have two likely Aspies [ASD1] and two low-functioning children [ASD2&3].)

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

What's your idea of casual sex? I mean, I don't think that's too hard to get, but it depends what kind of quality or aspects you are wanting. No guarantee that the other person would be any good at it, I guess, or whether the sex would be worth putting up with them as a person to get. It looks glamorous in media portrayals, but good sex often depends on intimacy, and/ or being able to be confident and assertive with the situation. How are you seeing this?

it does better than relationship sex.

 

[Aspychata]

Well, many here seem to think that multiple partners are satisfying. I would be satisfied with a partner that showed some desire towards me and even initiated things without me having to ask. I hate to be put in the position of having to beg for anything. I have tried to talk about that with her, but she won't change. I have told her with age I don't feel the same excitement about her body and it would help if she would take the lead sometimes, but that has not gotten through. I'm running out of options, as I know I would only end up isolated if I quit the marriage.

Sometimes leaving the relationship or living separately until she gets a clue. If you are unhappy, maybe it's time for a talk. It takes two people to have a relationship.

 

[paloftoon]

If you're going to engage in casual sex, I suggest always use protection. If a person doesn't want to use protection and you do, they are not even a good casual partner for you. Personally, I like to try to be platonic friends with the person even if the fun stops, but that turns off most people. It makes me feel more comfortable to aim for casualness this way because the person tries to care about your feelings. Then rather than quantity, I'm attempting more quality.

The con to this is that because feelings are more involved, one person could want to end up committing to the person more than the other.

Also, keep in mind that a few people can be manipulative and then will say they are okay with your interest to use condoms and then push using condoms at the last minute in the moment. It's easy to fall into that trap. So, you have to be able to stand up for yourself and say "no" and maybe even get dressed and leave if you say you want condoms and they overtly disregard that.

 

[Au Naturel]

Well, many here seem to think that multiple partners are satisfying. I would be satisfied with a partner that showed some desire towards me and even initiated things without me having to ask. I hate to be put in the position of having to beg for anything. I have tried to talk about that with her, but she won't change. I have told her with age I don't feel the same excitement about her body and it would help if she would take the lead sometimes, but that has not gotten through. I'm running out of options, as I know I would only end up isolated if I quit the marriage.

Marriage is a contract. At one time violating the contract was thought to be a legal and religious crime that could be punished legally and socially and send you to hell to boot. The contract itself was defined by a set of religious requirements. That's not how it is for most people today.

Today even having a contract is only a matter of personal preference. It only has those provisions the participants originally agreed to. A lot of marriages go on the rocks because the spouses had entirely different notions of what was expected of them. They never got to the important questions like what the definition of infidelity was, how much authority each had for the use of common resources for individual wants, or how they could settle an intractable dispute between them.

If one party violates the contract the other can ignore it up because either it doesn't really matter to them or because they are afraid to assert themself. The participants can renegotiate the contract. They can tear it up and throw it away. "Love, honor and cherish" are subjective terms. Obedience no longer applies. Infidelity is whatever the two of you agree upon.

You and your wife are not the same people who agreed to the original marriage contract. Times change and so do people. In a healthy marriage, both parties realize this and adjust to each other's changes. If you still love your wife, the two of you need to do a renegotiation of the contract to produce a result both of you can live with. A marriage counselor could help. The alternatives are to suck it up and be miserable or to terminate the contract. Simple as that.

Multiple partners are only satisfying if you'd prefer to have multiple partners. Settling down is only satisfying if you feel the need to settle down. Not everyone is meant to do so. Serial monogamy is also an option.

 

[Aspychata]

People have become more enlightened, more able to discuss needs and desires and expectations.

Think before you get married, each state should outline what marriage means, and more importantly, the financial consequence of divorce. The division of debits, assets, and dependents. Too many people enter in not knowing anything.

My ex destroyed my personal items, told me go ahead and call the police, it's community property, they won't do anything. Well now, l will not remarry after that little road trip.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

People have become more enlightened, more able to discuss needs and desires and expectations.

Think before you get married, each state should outline what marriage means, and more importantly, the financial consequence of divorce. The division of debits, assets, and dependents. Too many people enter in not knowing anything.

My ex destroyed my personal items, told me go ahead and call the police, it's community property, they won't do anything. Well now, l will not remarry after that little road trip.

Wow! What your ex did was cruel. But does that surprise me? Not really, because from my perspective our society has become cruelty. No thought of justice, just punishment. As you state, there are clear legal ramifications when entering or dissolving a union. That and my basic affection for a woman who made such a significant positive impact upon my life is foremost on my mind as I work to seek sexual happiness. Meanwhile I cannot get an appointment before August to get counseling for the PTSD-like anger/regret/bitterness I feel over my sexuality, driven by current experiences.

 

[Aspychata]

Wow! What your ex did was cruel. But does that surprise me? Not really, because from my perspective our society has become cruelty. No thought of justice, just punishment. As you state, there are clear legal ramifications when entering or dissolving a union. That and my basic affection for a woman who made such a significant positive impact upon my life is foremost on my mind as I work to seek sexual happiness. Meanwhile I cannot get an appointment before August to get counseling for the PTSD-like anger/regret/bitterness I feel over my sexuality, driven by current experiences.

True, l have heard firsthand stories from many older females here. I have seen a lot of men treating woman extremely disrespectful in this state. So yes, you are correct, some places, it hurts to be female. I am not signing up for slave chores with an extremely backwards male which is very prevalent with local males.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

True, l have heard firsthand stories from many older females here. I have seen a lot of men treating woman extremely disrespectful in this state. So yes, you are correct, some places, it hurts to be female. I am not signing up for slave chores with an extremely backwards male which is very prevalent with local males.

That's sad. From an early age I've treated girls/women with respect without descending into being a sappy doormat. So, during the time I felt isolated I wondered at the women who would fall for the testosterone poisoned, entitled, guys, and never noticing me. Seeing some of them later in life and the schadenfreunde was very strong.

 

[Aspychata]

My stepfather was a huge axxwipe, so l have always been worried about relationships in general.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My stepfather was a huge axxwipe, so l have always been worried about relationships in general.

You and me, both. My father was absent emotionally and as a role model and my mother was an attention whore.

 

[Wolfsage]

People have become more enlightened, more able to discuss needs and desires and expectations.

Think before you get married, each state should outline what marriage means, and more importantly, the financial consequence of divorce. The division of debits, assets, and dependents. Too many people enter in not knowing anything.

My ex destroyed my personal items, told me go ahead and call the police, it's community property, they won't do anything. Well now, l will not remarry after that little road trip.

Hope your finding peace.

 

[Wolfsage]

I'm actually concerned about intimatecy with a woman. Mostly because of STDs. And the fact there isn't a nice way to ask or find out. But, it isn't just me I'm asking for. I have family to think of too. And getting such a disease would put them at risk.

 

[Fino]

I'm actually concerned about intimatecy with a woman. Mostly because of STDs. And the fact there isn't a nice way to ask or find out. But, it isn't just me I'm asking for. I have family to think of too. And getting such a disease would put them at risk.

Using protection is kinda of assumed, unless pregnancy is the goal.

 

[Judge]

I'm actually concerned about intimacy with a woman. Mostly because of STDs. And the fact there isn't a nice way to ask or find out. But, it isn't just me I'm asking for. I have family to think of too. And getting such a disease would put them at risk.

It's always a leap of faith to some degree, protective measures withstanding.

You just learn to live with life's risks...and there are a lot of them. Without guarantees.

"Get busy living or get busy dying." - Ellis "Red" Redding

 

[Aspychata]

Everyday, you could calculate your odds of living or dying in a freak accident.

In Hawaii, coconuts use to fall off the trees,and damage cars, but l never got hit by one

 

[Slim Jim]

I'm wondering how other Aspies feel about casual sex?

I think it's a mortal sin and quite evil and destructive. But yeah it's great.

The average sex session is 5-7 minutes, but 50% of guys last less than 2 minutes.

And when you give guys some anonymity, they admit it. The most popular response to a reddit poll on “how long does sex normally last” was 1-2 minutes.

That’s a major problem.

The reported ideal length of sex is between 10 and 25 minutes,

It's funny, how I can go seemingly forever 'solo. But a woman is so arousing...that engulfing sensation....is just too much.

I know in the wild, animals only mate very briefly. It's supposed to be quick, because you're in a vulnerable position. SO Evolutionary wise....everything is as it should be.

For the record. I can last more than 2 minutes....

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I think sex is a perfect natural part of life and repressing it will only lead to major problems down the road.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Marriage is a contract. At one time violating the contract was thought to be a legal and religious crime that could be punished legally and socially and send you to hell to boot. The contract itself was defined by a set of religious requirements. That's not how it is for most people today.

Today even having a contract is only a matter of personal preference. It only has those provisions the participants originally agreed to. A lot of marriages go on the rocks because the spouses had entirely different notions of what was expected of them. They never got to the important questions like what the definition of infidelity was, how much authority each had for the use of common resources for individual wants, or how they could settle an intractable dispute between them.

If one party violates the contract the other can ignore it up because either it doesn't really matter to them or because they are afraid to assert themself. The participants can renegotiate the contract. They can tear it up and throw it away. "Love, honor and cherish" are subjective terms. Obedience no longer applies. Infidelity is whatever the two of you agree upon.

You and your wife are not the same people who agreed to the original marriage contract. Times change and so do people. In a healthy marriage, both parties realize this and adjust to each other's changes. If you still love your wife, the two of you need to do a renegotiation of the contract to produce a result both of you can live with. A marriage counselor could help. The alternatives are to suck it up and be miserable or to terminate the contract. Simple as that.

Multiple partners are only satisfying if you'd prefer to have multiple partners. Settling down is only satisfying if you feel the need to settle down. Not everyone is meant to do so. Serial monogamy is also an option.

Sorta an update. Since I wrote this we have come to an accommodation that works and we both enjoy it. Now here I am in Thialand and a couple I met online are taking me around and I am enjoying things immensley. Before getting with them I was feeling a bit lonely, but all the new experiences, cooking lessons, a Sak Yant Tattoo, being blessed at a temple, a massage at Wat Pho, all have kept me occupied. To see if I could be triggered I went to Nana Plaza, prostitute central, and to a bar there. It was a joyless place, and despite undoubtedly beautiful and petite Thai women, I will enjoy getting back to my spouse and some happy lovemaking.