Aspire husband clueless about boundaries with other single women

[Catherine Crowne]

help! A newly divorced woman that was a neighbor of ours is now calling and texting my husband. She has suggested they do some things together , but he’s been busy.
Last night, she called to have him check in her son who was w her ex husband. And told him to call her back. He ran over, everything was fine and called her back. She then suggested that he check out a concert she’s going to.
She may be able I get him a ticket.
I am hurt.
He tells me I am paranoid and jealous.
Why oh why can not he respect my feelings????

 

[TinyTownFamily]

My opinion is that the lady is being inappropriate, and I don't think he should be engaging in social activities with her. I know that my wife would be unhappy in your situation, and I do not wish to make my wife unhappy, nor do I wish to hang out with someone that may have inappropriate intentions.

 

[Crossbreed]

It sounds like he is being played. I don't think he is seeking to cheat.

Autism is a "pervasive developmental disorder." What that means is that some parts of our brain/behavior does not mature at its expected rate. The higher functioning of us have enough traits that have so matured to compensate for the traits that have not.

I am married and have a bunch of kids, but (it seems like) I still view other women through the eyes of a 12-13yo.

I do not know how to bring that to your husband's attention, though.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

My opinion is that the lady is being inappropriate, and I don't think he should be engaging in social activities with her. I know that my wife would be unhappy in your situation, and I do not wish to make my wife unhappy, nor do I wish to hang out with someone that may have inappropriate intentions.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

I think you are right, but he can not see that. So I am deeply hurt and do not know what to do.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

It sounds like he is being played. I don't think he is seeking to cheat.

Autism is a "pervasive developmental disorder." What that means is that some parts of our brain/behavior does not mature at its expected rate. The higher functioning of us have enough traits that have so matured to compensate for the traits that have not.

I am married and have a bunch of kids, but (it seems like) I still view other women through the eyes of a 12-13yo.

I do not know how to bring that to your husband's attention, though.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

I understand what you are saying.
I agree, he does not seem to understand that she is using him to fill a void. Let alone disrespecting me.
My stomach is in knots and I have such distress.
I am afraid he will do something stupid.
I don’t know how to handle this.

 

[Crossbreed]

Have you come out and said directly, "You know, she's putting the moves on you?"

 

[Catherine Crowne]

Yes. And he sarcastically told me I am paranoid and jealous. Very shaming.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

I am actually furious. I am not a mincing mouse. But I don’t believe in confronting people or making demands or ultimatums. I feel my hands are tied.
I honestly feel he doesn’t get it.

 

[Crossbreed]

Yes. And he sarcastically told me I am paranoid and jealous. Very shaming.

That is sad that he responded that way, but at least, you are on record. More at PM.

 

[Fino]

Even if he doesn't believe there's anything to worry about, he should be respectful of your feelings and accommodate those, whether or not he thinks it's right or logical.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

Even if he doesn't believe there's anything to worry about, he should be respectful of your feelings and accommodate those, whether or not he thinks it's right or logical.

Exactly! This is what brings the deepest pain. I am very careful with men. I am a singer and an artist, I have had situations where men have had their crushes and I shut it down right away. I have also dropped male friends due to respect for him. Now I feel.... well, I don’t know.

 

[Tom]

I think your feelings are more than justified. The claim that you are being paranoid if he goes out with another woman is ridiculous. It's openly disloyal and disrespectful.

 

[Catherine Crowne]

I think your feelings are more than justified. The claim that you are being paranoid if he goes out with another woman is ridiculous. It's openly disloyal and disrespectful.

Thank you. I did have a talk with him this morning about it and he told me that they weren’t planning on going together. She told him about the concert and she was also planning on going.
Then she told him about another one she is planning on going to.
He explained they have been friends for a long time.
He very much resists abandoning that friendship because I am paranoid.
I am sad because He doesn’t invite me or even give the opportunity for me to say whether I want to go with him or not.
He just st assumes he will go with his “friends” without me.
I guess I just don’t understand.

 

[Crossbreed]

I am sad because He doesn’t invite me or even give the opportunity for me to say whether I want to go with him or not.

Are they concerts that you are interested in? Why is no one inviting you?

 

[Catherine Crowne]

Are they concerts that you are interested in? Why is no one inviting you?

They could be.
I don’t know why I’m not invited.

 

[onlything]

Did you try asking if you could go to the concert together?

 

[Crossbreed]

If your husband is invited some place, you should jump in with "I want go, too..."

 

[Catherine Crowne]

If your husband is invited some place, you should jump in with "I want go, too..."

Ok. I tend to be shy about that.
I have done it and sometimes he tells me, no you don’t, you just want to babysit me.
But, I will keep trying to figure this out. It’s hard!!!