Being and living asexual

[Bronzelincolns]

Firstly it is possible to have children without having sex, artificial insemination is a thing, so is adoption.

so much for sex..

people have sex with people they're not attracted to all the time. Gay people have been getting married to the opposite sex and having obligatory sex in order to stay "in the closet" since marriage and laws against homosexuality began, and that is only one amongst many reasons.

so much for romance..

Lastly, please do some research instead of stating your ignorant opinions as fact.

you do the same..

 

[Bronzelincolns]

@Bronzelincolns sometimes, if you don't agree with something, but know it might be hurtful to someone else... it's better not to say anything at all and walk away... hint, hint.

not when they're making factual claims. if they're hurt by those claims being challenged, that's not my problem.

i'm not trying to change anyone's mind or telling anyone how to live their life but if you're gonna attempt to push ideas on people, you can't yell foul when your ideas are challenged.

 

[Monachopia]

No one is pushing any ideas. People are expressing difficulties they have with intimacy and sexual expression. This is a vulnerable topic to people. I understand that you feel like they're saying something at odds with what you perceive and believe, but what do you accomplish with your comments? Nothing. People here feel alienated in the world as it is.
I have read things here that I don't agree with either, but I walk away. It's not the place for it.

 

[Fino]

right, masturbation is not a sexual act.

believe as you will, i'm not here to change your minds. you're gonna have a hard time selling this to someone else though.

Strawman. I didn't say masturbation isn't a sexual act, you're just continuing to argue on a false premise: your misunderstanding of asexuality.

Just to be clear, I haven't and won't find any of this hurtful, but I like his advice anyway. I think maybe the way I form sentences comes off as harsh, judging by problems I've had in the past, but there is no negative emotion intended in any of this!

 

[Bronzelincolns]

No one is pushing any ideas. People are expressing difficulties they have with intimacy and sexual expression. This is a vulnerable topic to people. I understand that you feel like they're saying something at odds with what you perceive and believe, but what do you accomplish with your comments? Nothing. People here feel alienated in the world as it is.
I have read things here that I don't agree with either, but I walk away. It's not the place for it.

they are,

asexuality is an orientation, it's a spectrum, you can be romantic without sex, etc. those are ideas. those ideas are being challenged.

good to know the people i'm actually talking to don't have hard feelings(I think).

 

[Bronzelincolns]

I didn't say masturbation isn't a sexual act,

great,

so how do we describe ourselves as asexual when we're consistently participating in a sexual act in order to gain sexual pleasure for ourselves?

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

@Bronzelicolns I always try to keep up to date on the research on asexuality. Since you can't seem to be bothered to use google I'll help you out.

Here are some recent research articles on aseuxality:

SAGE Journals: Your gateway to world-class journal research
Patterns of Asexuality in China: Sexual Activity, Sexual and Romantic Attraction, and Sexual Desire
Sexuality Studies
SAGE Journals: Your gateway to world-class journal research
Chasing Aces: Asexuality, Misinformation and the Challenges of Identity | Colborne | Dalhousie Journal of Interdisciplinary Management

And some classics:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490409552235
https://www.researchgate.net/profil...-a-conceptual-understanding-of-asexuality.pdf
https://bura.brunel.ac.uk/bitstream/2438/4762/1/Fulltext.pdf

I also don't find any of this hurtful, but I generally agree with @Monachopia

 

[Fino]

great,

so how do we describe ourselves as asexual when we're consistently participating in a sexual act in order to gain sexual pleasure for ourselves?

The polite translation of your question is: "So if masturbation is a sexual act and you participate in a sexual act, then I must be misunderstanding what it means to be asexual. What does it mean, if it doesn't mean to refrain from all sexual acts?"

And your answer has been kindly posted several times and again right above this post! Good luck!

 

[Bronzelincolns]

The polite translation of your question is: "So if masturbation is a sexual act and you participate in a sexual act, then I must be misunderstanding what it means to be asexual. What does it mean, if it doesn't mean to refrain from all sexual acts?"

And your answer has been kindly posted several times and again right above this post! Good luck!

unfortunately I didn't get any answers to this question from here or from the posted articles. just assertions, conjecture, and an apparent political agenda to have asexuality identified as a legit orientation along with homosexuality, a topic none of my comments were addressing or were concerned with. there are some posts here that say that abuse is the cause for their abstinence.

an accurate translation of my question is: if being asexual means you have no sexual desire but you participate in a sexual act to fulfill your sexual desire which you say doesn't exist, how is this logically consistent?

 

[Fino]

I don't feel like arguing about any of that anymore, but I am curious what you think: if I find the act of sex with another human as sexually provocative as a sack of orange peels, what is that?

 

[Bronzelincolns]

I don't feel like arguing about any of that anymore, but I am curious what you think: if I find the act of sex with another human as sexually provocative as a sack of orange peels, what is that?

if you're instead fapping away to porn on the side, I honestly don't know.

 

[Fino]

Okay, so you don't know...what if we labeled the thing you don't know? If we arbitrarily assigned what I described with a word, just to make it easy to refer to...

and what if that word we chose was... "asexual"?

You just accidentally learned what it really means! Case closed! Yay! We did it!

 

[Bronzelincolns]

as I stated earlier, if you want to hold to that contradiction. you're welcomed to do so.

 

[Fino]

You're hilarious! I only have one last question and then I'm done on the subject, I promise!

If you were to "win" the argument and turn out to be right and me wrong... would my sexuality suddenly change??

 

[Bronzelincolns]

You're hilarious! I only have one last question and then I'm done on the subject, I promise!

If you were to "win" the argument and turn out to be right and me wrong... would my sexuality suddenly change??

nah, that never works

people tend to hold on to their deeply intrenched way of thinking regardless of what you tell them.

 

[Fino]

I see...I could see that! I think you might have a point! People do do that, don't they? Hmm, I'll keep that in mind!

Thank you for all your responses!

 

[Bronzelincolns]

I see...I could see that! I think you might have a point! People do do that, don't they? Hmm, I'll keep that in mind!

you'd be surprised..

have a good day.

 

[SusanLR]

if you're instead fapping away to porn on the side, I honestly don't know.

I suppose the term "fapping" means masturbation. What if this act started around age three and continued through life? Would you term a child that knows nothing even about sex having a sexual act from
finding a self stimulation? It is just that. A stim.
No porn needed.
I've watched it when with other people who wanted to watch it so I would fit in.
I felt nothing from viewing it except maybe the thought of why do people want to do these things?
Certainly did nothing for me.

if I find the act of sex with another human as sexually provocative as a sack of orange peels, what is that?

Exactly. To me the key is not desiring the sex act with another human.
What ever other emotional feelings I may have for them.
That is my definition of asexuality.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

I suppose the term "fapping" means masturbation. What if this act started around age three and continued through life? Would you term a child that knows nothing even about sex having a sexual act from
finding a self stimulation? It is just that. A stim.
No porn needed.
I've watched it when with other people who wanted to watch it so I would fit in.
I felt nothing from viewing it except maybe the thought of why do people want to do these things?
Certainly did nothing for me.

you'd be a different case as you got nothing from porn at all. porn is one way to get the job done. all you really need is your imagination. as they say, the greatest sex organ we have is our brain.

sex is a form of stimulation in and of itself. whether with yourself or another person.

 

[hope_jasmine]

I identify as asexual , Iv been in one relationship and was the first time I was intimate with someone, I kind of knew I was asexual from a young age but never put a name to it , When I was with my partner and we were intimate it just did nothing, I felt nothing, It I would do it to please him, I never told him how I felt , just faked it. I never masturbate either because That also does nothing, never experienced “pleasure”. Eventually I started to resent it and we ended up breaking up.
When I spoke to people about being asexual, they would commonly say “u just haven’t met the right one!” Or “maybe he just wasn’t good”.
I ended up trying again with someone else and again I just hated it .
So iv since not bothered with even talking/ dating anyone,
I feel like In this day an age everything is about sexual attraction/lust. And it irritates me slightly,
But I think it’s say in the sense of I feel like I’ll never be able to have a relationship or kids , I never used to want either but as Iv got older I and everyone around me is getting married and having a family it shows me what I’m missing out on.
I feel like Iv been cursed , I’m an aspie and asexual , i struggle with everything daily , can’t realy cope with having friends , and I can’t do relationships so feel like a really bad excuse of a human lol.
But some people have sed to me in the past that it’s not a bad thing being ace , they sey sex can complicate things sometime, so I guess I don’t have to worry about it .
And some say “ah I feel so sorry for you” but I tell them “I don’t know what I’m missing because Iv never really liked it or felt anything from it”

I think I could have a relationship with another asexual , but I live in a small town in the uk and then my aspie traits make it hard for me to be around people
So I’m not sure what my future hold.