Being and living asexual

[Bronzelincolns]

I identify as asexual , Iv been in one relationship and was the first time I was intimate with someone, I kind of knew I was asexual from a young age but never put a name to it , When I was with my partner and we were intimate it just did nothing, I felt nothing, It I would do it to please him, I never told him how I felt , just faked it. I never masturbate either because That also does nothing, never experienced “pleasure”. Eventually I started to resent it and we ended up breaking up.
When I spoke to people about being asexual, they would commonly say “u just haven’t met the right one!” Or “maybe he just wasn’t good”.
I ended up trying again with someone else and again I just hated it .
So iv since not bothered with even talking/ dating anyone,
I feel like In this day an age everything is about sexual attraction/lust. And it irritates me slightly,
But I think it’s say in the sense of I feel like I’ll never be able to have a relationship or kids , I never used to want either but as Iv got older I and everyone around me is getting married and having a family it shows me what I’m missing out on.
I feel like Iv been cursed , I’m an aspie and asexual , i struggle with everything daily , can’t realy cope with having friends , and I can’t do relationships so feel like a really bad excuse of a human lol.
But some people have sed to me in the past that it’s not a bad thing being ace , they sey sex can complicate things sometime, so I guess I don’t have to worry about it .
And some say “ah I feel so sorry for you” but I tell them “I don’t know what I’m missing because Iv never really liked it or felt anything from it”

I think I could have a relationship with another asexual , but I live in a small town in the uk and then my aspie traits make it hard for me to be around people
So I’m not sure what my future hold.

once you get over the peer pressure and group think you'll be fine. I used to worry about ever finding someone myself. you see everyone pairing off and having children and it gets to you.

the key is to be okay with who you are and not feel the need to validate your existence by how you compare to others.

 

[the_tortoise]

I don't believe that a true asexual male would ever make such a statement.

But do you know what kind of attraction he means?

There are many kinds of attraction to other people, not just sexual attraction. Here are my definitions/conceptualizations:

There is aesthetic attraction (you think they look aesthetically pleasing/beautiful, enjoy looking at them -- similar to how you might enjoy looking at a beautiful work of art).

There is intellectual attraction (you like or relate to their ideas and the way that they think, you would enjoy talking about thoughts and ideas with them or hearing about their thoughts and ideas).

There is emotional attraction (you feel emotionally connected to them or want to be emotionally connected to them, care about their feelings and want them to care about yours, want to share feelings and experiences, to offer/receive comfort or encouragement or other emotional things).

There is romantic attraction (which I think is a combination of other types....where you want to develop an intimate bond with another person, to be with them/be connected with them a lot, share/express affection and love and in a more intimate and serious way than you would in relationships with friends or acquaintances).

There is sexual attraction (you want to engage in sexual activities with the person, with or without any of the other types of attraction).

 

[Fino]

@hope_jasmine don't assume you're disqualified from sex, as if you're inherently capable, you still have the potential to enjoy sex just as much as anyone else. And you don't have to limit yourself to relationships with other asexuals, there are plenty of understanding, wonderful people of all orientations that you could be happy with.

On another note, there are many sexual disorders, two of which are called "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder" and "Sexual Aversion Disorder." The person I've been arguing with insists "asexuality," based on it's name, must be these two disorders, because he read the name and that's what it seems to mean and since it seems to mean that to him then it must be a fact and everyone should conform to his immediate perception. So maybe learning what those two disorders are could help someone differentiate them from asexuality, and in doing so understand the apparently enigmatic meaning behind the dark secret of asexuality.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

nah, that never works

people tend to hold on to their deeply intrenched way of thinking regardless of what you tell them.

Wait, you mean people can hold onto their entrenched ways of thinking even when contradicted by multiple first person accounts, the experiences of an active community of people numbering in the 100s of thousands, and decades of research conducted by experts in fields of psychology and sexology? SHOCKING.

 

[Helen G]

My husband is asexual. It was hard when he first figured it out but our marriage is not built on sex. There are plenty of ways to experience intimacy and connection. Unfortunately, we live in a world where love and sex is perceived as being dependent on each other.

 

[SageRose]

I had just realised what Asexuality means I have realised the whole time I am an asexual.

Looked into it further, I had found there are females who are asexual and it's put me into a position that I am almost ready to have a relationship. After reading about asexuality, I feel more attracted to female asexuals and I am actually finding them very attractive.

Are there any asexuals posting on these forums?

I like to find out more what life is all about being an asexual.

I'm also what is called 'asexual' although I'm not really fond of such labels. For me, some people like sexual intercourse and relationships and others simply don't. Then there are also those who are repulsed by it. I'm repulsed by anything sex-related. The idea alone makes me cringe. Not to mention how I've often had to suffer in social occasions or conversations in which peers or people of my age would often refer to it in disgusting and all too detailed ways and I had to pretend I didn't mind..anyway. Not being interested in sexual stuff in such an oversexualized society is really awkward. I've only talked about it with like 2 persons in rl and I still feel those are the only ones who could 'get it'. I personally have successfully avoided relationships for years but things are becoming more awkward now that I'm 25 years old and people start being 'weirded out' by my complete lack of interest in them..even my parents are acting weird about it. I think regardless of people's reactions, people who are asexuals should not have to compromise themselves and their lives just to appear 'normal' to others. I wish you all the best

 

[Xerces Blue]

@SageRose I'm sorry you had a hard time with the expectations of non-asexual people (I don't know a better way to say it)
I think you just have to do what's best for you.
They think they know what's best
But they don't know what's in your head or heart.
No one can.
Just remember they're not trying to hurt you.

@Aspie_With_Attitude
Maybe you're more attracted to other asexuals because there's less Stress/expectation.
I could be completely off base here
I don't know you or your experiences so this could be my own biases.
No intention of insult or the like.

 

[inkfingers]

I think I'm more aromantic than asexual. I will never have sex outside of marriage, and since I don't want to get married, I won't have sex. I avoid people in general, because I HATE interacting with people, and a romantic relationship sounds like pure torture to me!

 

[SageRose]

I think I'm more aromantic than asexual. I will never have sex outside of marriage, and since I don't want to get married, I won't have sex. I avoid people in general, because I HATE interacting with people, and a romantic relationship sounds like pure torture to me!

I dont blame you. Romance today seems like an awkward stereotypical or robotic procedure. Silly anniversaries that if you dont remember, you dont 'love' your partner, superficial mandatory gifts with no meaning other than showing that you've spent a lot of money, materialistic importance to the relationship, words and phrases people must learn to use the right way to make sure they don't mess things up,etc.. It just seems too un-original and robotic at times.