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Being Female and on the Spectrum - Social Problems With Other Females

Scorpiogirl said:
I have the same issue. I have always struggled with women including my mother. I can't form any relationships with other mums at school when I drop my kids off. My ex wouldn't let me associate with other men who weren't relatives and I find myself at 32 now without any friends. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in struggling socially ESP with women. Thanks for posting your thread xx
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You may feel lonely, but you are not alone.I went through the "Opposite Sex" thing with my wife. Jealousy is destructive, as she came to discover. Good luck my friend.
 
Scorpiogirl said:
I have the same issue. I have always struggled with women including my mother. I can't form any relationships with other mums at school when I drop my kids off. My ex wouldn't let me associate with other men who weren't relatives and I find myself at 32 now without any friends. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in struggling socially ESP with women. Thanks for posting your thread xx
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I struggle with my mother too. My sister, I get along with better, though she too sometimes finds my guy-typical behaviour odd. I too have few friends because of this, though I've recently made some new guy friends, so hopefully it's a lasting social circle.
 
I hope your new friendships work out. I had brothers but I already see the troubles my daughters have with each other. They are hard work.
 
Scorpiogirl said:
I hope your new friendships work out. I had brothers but I already see the troubles my daughters have with each other. They are hard work.
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Ah, yes, it sounds like you have your hands full. If one of your daughters is like us, in that she gets along better with men, I would recommend advising her (if you have yet to) of what she can expect. I never had the talk from anyone, about how men can be, and learned later in life that men and women can view "friendships" differently. I'm much more informed these days.
 
Both my daughters have been diagnosed. My eldest, almost 10 is already noticing how different she is to other girls and always gets along better with the boys.
 
Scorpiogirl said:
Both my daughters have been diagnosed. My eldest, almost 10 is already noticing how different she is to other girls and always gets along better with the boys.
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Ah ok, she is still quite young. Well, it's good that you're getting all this information now, as some Aspies can find teenagers to be a little confusing (I know I did, and still do at times) :p
 
It seems like more maternal women like me pretty well. I didn't think I affected people much one way or the other, being rather shy and quiet, but some women seem to take a surprisingly strong dislike to me from the get go. It's all quite puzzling. I have had to deal with a few of those in a work environment, too, it's not fun.:(
 
Been there! Nearly every time. Almost the only women I can spend time with and get along with are old women. The younger they get, the ruder they get! And they just don't seem able to appreciate a quiet night of checkers or crocheting. Every now and then a girl will surprise me and be nice instead of condescending, catty, judgmental, and/or spread rumours of how I'm sleeping around with every guy I know. How they arrived to that conclusion, I'll never know, because I was practically a monk when I was a teenager! All I needed was a tower and some chants, and I was good to go.

To some degree, I understand why I attract trouble with women. My dad raised me to be very blunt and strong-willed, and those who are inherently bossy really don't like me because I won't blindly obey them (or at least humour them so they'll go away) like everybody else does. I've also had a bunch of random people come up and tell me I'm pretty for some bizarre reason, so maybe whatever they find attractive about me threatens other women. I am the Frumpmeister, wearer of loose clothes and no makeup, how much of a threat can I be!?
 
I always had problems making female friends. I'm not a typical chick. I don't understand the drama on which other women seem to thrive. I think more like a man and have a hard time relating to other women.
 
I don't wear makeup (don't know how), have no idea on fashion trends (but latest new car released, heck yeah!) Strangely I do sew, find myself modifying clothing because nothing really either looks cool to me or is just impractical. Most of my female interaction is just shunning, so I guess that's good. When I was a manager I tended to be the one manipulated and really ignored the workplace gossip in any decisions. In high school I just accepted the loser status and carried on with what I was doing. I made the mistake of learning that women like to be complimented, but when I do its either a thanks or a "gtfo you creep" kinda stare.

AsheSkyler , I dress pretty frumpy, lots of cardigans, dresses, pants that cover butt, and shirts with all cleavage removed. More clothing=better. I thought guys liked less clothing, meanwhile I'm fixing a new shirt I bought to show no boobs.
 
handbanana said:
I don't wear makeup (don't know how), have no idea on fashion trends (but latest new car released, heck yeah!) Strangely I do sew, find myself modifying clothing because nothing really either looks cool to me or is just impractical. Most of my female interaction is just shunning, so I guess that's good. When I was a manager I tended to be the one manipulated and really ignored the workplace gossip in any decisions. In high school I just accepted the loser status and carried on with what I was doing. I made the mistake of learning that women like to be complimented, but when I do its either a thanks or a "gtfo you creep" kinda stare.

AsheSkyler , I dress pretty frumpy, lots of cardigans, dresses, pants that cover butt, and shirts with all cleavage removed. More clothing=better. I thought guys liked less clothing, meanwhile I'm fixing a new shirt I bought to show no boobs.
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Might I recommend the magazine Popular Mechanics? They introduced me to my dream car!

Anywho, yes, more clothing is better! Dunno about you, but I get cold very easy, and the last thing I want is an unwanted breeze in the harder-to-keep-warm areas of my body. And the higher the neckline, the less digging I have to do when my mouth is feeling like being a messy eater.
 
AsheSkyler said:
Might I recommend the magazine Popular Mechanics? They introduced me to my dream car!

Anywho, yes, more clothing is better! Dunno about you, but I get cold very easy, and the last thing I want is an unwanted breeze in the harder-to-keep-warm areas of my body. And the higher the neckline, the less digging I have to do when my mouth is feeling like being a messy eater.
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I live in a desert and still go full gear (arms covered, longer dress/shorts) in the summer. Plus for me the only thing that can save me from messy eating is a full body tarp. I will never be seen in public with a tank top or anything sleeveless.

The Nissan GTR is what does it, I want to drive one of those so bad. Saw one in a showroom and the fiance had to keep me away.
 
In my case, it's never smart to be mean to the one who fixes stuff. I don't like fashion, socializing, little kids, talking about boys, or parties, though, so I don't fit in with that crowd. Don't like JRPGs, anime, Japan, Korea, J-pop or K-pop, and cosplay, either, so I don't fit in with geeky women in most cases, either. The biggest groups out there have never been for me.
 
Wow, I was hoping I'd find a discussion like this on here. Everything you just described has been a struggle for me since I was a little girl. I'm 24 now and still can't seem to make a real connections with other females. I've grown so distrustful over the years because of the back-stabbing, and two-faced nature.

My biggest problem was always at work with socializing with other female coworkers. Having aspergers makes it hard enough to start or even just continue a conversation, but I have always been really nice and probably far too trusting. So many coworkers were sweet and kind, until I'm sitting in my bosses office because one of them blamed me for something or "told" on me for saying something I shouldn't have (which I really can't help...) It felt like being a teenager, drama and all. I don't currently have any female friends, and I don't know the last time I actually did.

But same as you described, I always get along fine with males like I'm just one of the guys, but it has caused issues being in a serious relationship because my boyfriend had a hard time understanding and accepting that all of my friends are male. For some reason (from my perspective at least), other females seem to think less of me as well, like they can tell I'm "different," and easily walked all over. Then jealousy ensues because I'm friends with the guys, and I become "competition" when I really have no interest whatsoever.

Maybe male friends are just easier for my social issues... there is no hidden meaning behind words, they are easier to read and to relate to. But I do wish I had a stereotypical female "bff," I feel like I'm missing out on a whole other world; the things you can't talk to with or do with a guy.

I've been isolating myself since middle school, I gave up on trying to make friends a long time ago, I was even deemed unable to work in retail by my doctor because of the stress from coworkers and too many customers. Even now back in college, I feel like a complete shadow sometimes like girls are afraid of me, even though I'm quite nice once I get comfortable talking to someone I trust. Being newly diagnosed has at least given me a little bit on insight on it though. :/
 
When I was around your age, I experienced this horrendously! It was like: meeting me for the first time and thinking, wow this girl is really nice and then, another girl comes along and suddenly, I am ignored and due to my childhood issues, I have never felt comfortable around my own sex and I tell you, if I go into a public toilet, even today, at nearly 45, I go in and come out straight away; you will never see me standing gossiping with other girls and touching up my make up or hair!

I thought I was tons better today, but just this year, I went to a concert for the first time ever, and on my own, to see Taylor Swift and honestly, I might as well have gone back to my teens, for seeing groups of girls absolutely FREAKED me out and oh the shame, when trying to find my seat and having to go past them, which they were fine, but ya no, a case of just a throw look and getting back to what they were gossiping about! So, I look at my ticket and realize with sinking heart, that I read the wrong number, which meant, that I had no choice but to go back and this time it was a case of looking down their noses at me (which I don't really blame them) and one saying in a very haughty voice: can't you go that way; I don't want to move my things again! I knew I was worthy of being scorned, but it did not make it any easier to bare and when I finally found my seat, I am afraid I sat down and tears just escaped but thankfully, due to the darkness, and the fact that no body card, I got away with it and then, this couple came to sit next to me and the woman bent down and said: I think you are in my seat and again, I could have died to see that yep I got the blasted wrong seat again! Amazingly and thankfully, her husband said: does it really matter? We have seats and she just did a sweeping motion with her hand and said: no guess not and the relief that I felt was enormous. You see, I did not appreciate how awful the stairs were and I am such bad balance, due to always falling over, that it was a complete nightmare, but Tays made up for it, because she blew me away and I was shocked to find me standing up and dancing and singing!

I finally have some girl friends, but I will never feel completely at ease with my own sex and yep, I love men and rather their company any day!
 
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