Being Female and on the Spectrum - Social Problems With Other Females

[apt-get]

I wish I could fit in with women more. Unfortunately, I used to be a dude, and most women that I know are aware of my past, which makes it quite a bit harder, but hopefully it will work out.

 

[IAmParadiseSeekerJW]

I have always struggled with members of the same sex. I feel inferior to women around me. When I was at school, I used to feel more comfortable with the lads and thankfully, I hung around with quite a few. I was into metal at the time and so stuck with the guys who were into metal and kinda felt safe...they protected me though. When it came to sixth form, that group grew smaller and my then crush began to hang out with my friends so I abandoned my friends and joined a group of females...I was never accepted by them, more pitied and they 'allowed' me to sit with them during lunch times. I felt out of place and unwanted. I didn't have anywhere else to go though.

Now i'm older, the few female friends I do have are 50+ years older than me. I still get along with men better...Maybe because they accept me for who I am and I can have a laugh with them...The male friends I have are around 30 and I feel mentally at the same age as them almost if you get me? I don't know. I don't get anyone my own age though...I avoid them like the plague lol

 

[Beverly]

I share this issue as well. I get on much better with males than females in most cases. There are two females who are exceptions but, both of them are considered eccentric and obnoxious by most. Even then, my closest friends are all males.

When I was younger, I got the snotty, ignorant treatment from females for the most part and, females were my worst bullies in school. I don't now and, haven't for years but that's because I learned how to carry myself, how to stand, sit and walk so that I appear to demand respect. That was not easy for me but, my publicist told me I had to learn or I was going to end up the pariah of the band, and he'd have to give the tabloids a few negative stories about me, even if they weren't true or we'd loose fans. (Yes PR is a confusing, sometimes dishonest, always twisted part of having any noteriety.)

 

[illud]

I've thought about that a lot since a long time ago. Sorry if I go a bit off-topic.

Since I was a kid I had my fields of interests, some of them were partially shared with guys. While I was more curious on why things and people work and behave as they do, I rather play team sports with guys, or doing some experiment, than spend recess gossiping or involved in whatever aesthetical activity (play to apply make-up on a doll and such). I didn't found those other activities appealing but I still tried to play to whatever the girls played just to try to socialize with them, but very soon they were harsh towards me for some reason I yet don't fully understand, and then when I was 12 I was bullied by 3 guys and a girl during a year and a half, to the point that I was isolated from the group. The harsher one was the girl, when once she boldly called me bad names because she thought I was a lesbian just because I hadn't expressed any interests towards any boy -3 guys came around asking me out and i said no to their offers because i wasn't interested in those guys.- Luckily high school was better, and still I had male and female friends, then I tried to make more female friends. That said I hadn't seen my school friends, high school friends and university friends since long ago, sure we know about each other via social network but we hadn't seen each other in a long time, they hadn't reached me nor have I. I hadn't been able to make many long lasting friendship, other than via internet if that counts and mostly because we share some common interest -tv serie or music mostly- but still many of those long lasting online friends are males.

My fields of interests are mostly not the ones that other women seem to be interested in, and sometimes it causes social problems, like on family meetings when my female cousins or aunts talk about the tv series, music they like or whatever aesthetic hobby they have -clothing, hair-do, make-up...-, interest which I don't have, or is very different, so there's few we can talk about, so I mainly end talking with the males about their hobbies or politics or whatever. I tried to keep updated on whatever interests and hobbies my younger cousins have -be them guys or girls- for two reason: I didn't want that they feel treated as I feel I was treated when I had their age, and because I honestly care about their interests, I think is important to encourage one's interests and also we'll have something to talk about.

The thing is that I involuntary feel more distant with them, and there are times I wish we were closer, I could tell them how I feel, or if I need some advice, usually related with some emotion or social aspect I don't fully understand. They know that I'm clever, so I think they assume I shouldn't need that help from them.

Generally I rather spend time with guys for the same reason you said vindexa.

On the other hand, my mom helped me a lot, helped me to understand emotions and social aspects, and I would do some -now I know- out of mimicking what she did, it seemed natural to me then, but since she died -as a result of an ictus-when I was 19-, I've noticied since then that my social skills are getting worst specially with women and family women, while on the other hand my aunts try to protect me, assuming my mom's role, I don't like the way they approach me. While my mom understood me and respected my choices, my aunts don't, I think it's easier for them to just try to turn me into something they like or understand.

I don't like it when they would repeatedly ask me about if I'm dating someone, plan to marry, plan to have children. Or more simple suggestions like trying to get me to wear make-up, or wear different clothing -with which I don't feel comfortable-.
Firstly those are life aspects that hadn't been my personal priority so I don't get why they insist so much on those, it just causes me anxiety.

 

[Cinnamon115]

I've had trouble with being friends girls my own age since middle school. I can never figure out if they really want to be my friend or if they are being sarcastic. (I can never tell if someone if being sarcastic). Another problem is that I don't like the same things other girls my age like, such as clothes, boys, country and pop music, make up, etc. The few friendships I did make did not last long, as friends moved away or I wasn't sure how to meet with them to do things outside of school.

 

[allie]

this whole thread makes me so sad.......

women are socialized to compete against each other and hate each other. it's not some kind of inborn trait or "brain wiring" and i find that belief to be personally extremely toxic.

the other issue i have with this discussion is that not all women like or are one thing. i don't like most feminine things, and neither do many other women, so i have nothing to say about what "women" (far too broad a category of people) like or do.

almost all my friendships with men have failed because men have too much power in society so they're not really accountable to me as a friend, they've been very fair weathered to me, because society enables them to be.

most of my friends are radical feminist women; i realize that feminism doesnt interest everyone unfortunately but my women (and actually also a few men) friends from that space are very open minded and don't care about nonnormative thoughts and behaviors.