Beyond the autism component. The effect of intelligence in social situations.

[Shevek]

I used to do this but realized that, human beings, by and large, make decisions based upon their emotions and how they "feel" about something. So in social dynamics, people don't want the correct fact, they want people to agree with them.

I quit trying to be right all the time because it kept backfiring on me. If you want to be well liked, you have to choose: you can be right all the time or you can have relationships with others. Choose one.

When my ex told me that I could be "right OR happy" I was astonished, but eventually saw that she was insisting that I never challenge her delusions. If she believed in Santa Claus, everybody else should too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Does not follow Boolean logic, more choices that just those.

 

[Masked Man]

When my ex told me that I could be "right OR happy" I was astonished, but eventually saw that she was insisting that I never challenge her delusions. If she believed in Santa Claus, everybody else should too.

And you do not have to entertain someone like that. If a belief system does not align with your own, you have the choice to leave or stay.

It's helpful to note that this is an extreme example. When I think of autistics arguing, I'm thinking more along the lines of someone constantly correcting someone else's grammar usage. I have a coworker who I believe is on the spectrum. He cannot understand why he is unpopular but is keen to correct the grammar of those around him when he was never asked to do so. I've told him, I get he's trying to help, but if no one has asked him to do this, he shouldn't do it because it upsets people. I told him he's clearly ignoring the point of the message just so you can point out something that is of no interest to anyone but himself. He still doesn't get it.

 

[Jonn]

I used to do this but realized that, human beings, by and large, make decisions based upon their emotions and how they "feel" about something. So in social dynamics, people don't want the correct fact, they want people to agree with them.

Agreed.

This happens generally, but I have observed that those on the spectrum tend to priorities sharing the facts rather than lying to placate others emotionally, more-so that NTs.
The happy medium is to develop ppl diplomacy, in addition to knowing when to remain schtum.

Spoiler

You got to know when to hold 'em...
Know when to fold 'em...
Know when to walk away...
And know when to run...

I quit trying to be right all the time because it kept backfiring on me. If you want to be well liked, you have to choose: you can be right all the time or you can have relationships with others. Choose one.

I never focus on being right.
I focus on seeking the Truth.

These days, the Truth-Seeking missions are often done internally.
I have no desire to play one-upmanship.

BTW:
How many ppl have come across this term?
It was popular at the time I was a young adult.
I haven't seen it mentioned, these days.

one-upmanship
/wʌnˈʌpmənʃɪp/
noun
informal
noun: one-upmanship; noun: oneupmanship

1. the technique or practice of gaining an advantage or feeling of superiority over another person.

 

[Neri]

Agreed.

This happens generally, but I have observed that those on the spectrum tend to priorities sharing the facts rather than lying to placate others emotionally, more-so that NTs.
The happy medium is to develop ppl diplomacy, in addition to knowing when to remain schtum.

Spoiler

You got to know when to hold 'em...
Know when to fold 'em...
Know when to walk away...
And know when to run...

I never focus on being right.
I focus on seeking the Truth.

These days, the Truth-Seeking missions are often done internally.
I have no desire to play one-upmanship.

BTW:
How many ppl have come across this term?
It was popular at the time I was a young adult.
I haven't seen it mentioned, these days.

I'm certainly familiar with the term.

I'm also about truth and diplomacy and figuring out when one needs to be prioritised over the other. No my strong point, but then again, maybe I'm being hard on myself. I'm generally a mild mannered "pleasant" person who keeps to themselves, and, by and large, publically sings and dances and looks bohemian more than soapboxes. Having had very egocentric people around me all my life I have learnt to "live and let live" or speak my truth and run for cover.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm no good with brutal honesty. When the boss told me off for having extra breaks (because I was the only one stupid enough to be caught) I told him that I wasn't the only one who has extra breaks. My boss is overprofessional and doesn't believe in coworkers covering up for each other, so he asked me who else has extra breaks and wanted to take their names. I couldn't snitch on my friends, so I just said "never mind". I knew he couldn't do anything without proof, so he didn't take it further.

The only time I can make social errors is when I spill out a secret due to empathy overload. For example, when me and my husband inherited some money, we offered to pay for lunch when we went out with his daughter. I knew his daughter was worried about our money situation and she showed concern that we'll be skint if we paid. I didn't want her to worry, so I said "it's okay, you really shouldn't worry about us now, we have a lot of money now". My husband looked annoyed and told me to shush. Then I remembered that it's taboo to talk about how much money you have, even to close family members, but I felt it had to be said just so that she knew we were financially stable and could relax. So, by being too focused on her feelings, I blurted something that should have been kept quiet.

Another example of me blurting out something when focusing too much on feelings, was at my old job, when person A was a supervisor but hated being a supervisor, while person B really wanted to be a supervisor. So one Friday I'd arrived to work in a good mood, and person B said that she was now the supervisor. I gave a little cheer, which upset person A and she walked off in a huff because she thought I was implying that she was a crap supervisor or something. But it wasn't that at all. I was merely expressing joy because they'd both got what they wanted; person A was relieved the stress of the supervisor role and person B was now in the role of supervisor, so they'd both got what they wanted and were both happy with the new arrangement.

So that's the sort of impulsive social faux pas I can make from time to time. I wouldn't call it brutal honesty, it's just that words can come out faster than I wanted and then I find myself having to correct myself by saying "oh, I didn't mean it in that way..." It can be very embarrassing at times.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

another reminder on how my mindset and perspective has changed

 

[Boogs]

I have to wonder whether apparently less intelligent people may be repelled by folk they consider smarter than themselves, because it's their best response to protect themselves (I mean they've developed that behaviour on an evolutionary level) since the intelligent one may well find it easy to cheat and steal the resources of others.
I'd question how we defining intelligence here, and I think there's more to it than just one attribute, but all the same, social rejection of smartarses (to use the colloquial) is a way less intelligent people can protect themselves from exploitation to some degree. It appears in the past those with exceptional skill such as smiths were often excluded socially and had to live apart from the societies that supported them, trading their skills for food and protection.

I don't do so well with know-it-alls, though I'm not saying know-it-alls and knowledgeable people are the same thing. I look up to smart, wise people who really are intelligent. But some people seem to just be know-it-alls as a way to put you down, doubt you, make sure you're always in the wrong, and they do it because they know that you lack the knowledge to know whether they're right or wrong.

Ah! You probably dislike my posts then!
I tend to come across as a know-it-all, I strongly suspect, although in reality I tend to question myself a lot my 'tone' of writing doesn't, I suspect, come across well at all! But I is wot I is, what to do, eh?

 

[Crossbreed]

...since the intelligent one may well find it easy to cheat and steal the resources of others.

Even though I have a Higher Motivation now, I have never believed that there can be a "perfect crime." In fact, I believe "perfect crime" is an oxymoron.
Perfection promotes order.
Crime is inherently disorderly, and all of its ripples will, eventually, point back to their source. Most criminals, particularly repeat offenders, get caught eventually.

 

[Misty Avich]

Ah! You probably dislike my posts then!
I tend to come across as a know-it-all, I strongly suspect, although in reality I tend to question myself a lot my 'tone' of writing doesn't, I suspect, come across well at all! But I is wot I is, what to do, eh?

Nah I don't think there's any know-it-alls here really. Usually the type of know-it-alls I'm talking about are often toxic people who are bigheaded, like the bully at work (he's NT). It's okay to just show intellect and wisdom.


Our boss wants us to snitch on each other all the time but we don't want to. He says it's professional, but we still don't want to. We'll only blow the whistle if someone is being bullied, sexually harassed, that sort of thing. But as for petty little things, nobody can make me snitch on my friends.