boyfriend broke up with me but instantly regretted it, i accepted him back how do i heal?

[Rodafina]

If you genuinely say to someone “I want to be friends,” and you are not together, make sure you think it all the way through – would you still feel that way if he started seeing someone tomorrow? I don’t mean to put ideas in your head that that would actually happen, but being friends means just that. It doesn’t mean slowly drawing this out and staying emotionally entangled when each person actually needs to grow.

It may be more useful to consider being friends in the future. His responses to you actually seem really honest, vulnerable, and true. You can absolutely love someone but not want to be with them at the same time.

Calling someone’s actions cruel and vicious suggests that you really need space. He cannot live in guilt forever.

Also, you straight up said “I don’t care that we broke up.” Based on what you have shared here with us, you definitely care that you broke up, so it starts to feel like you are just trying to be strong and stoic for him and to move on with friendship instead of really taking space from each other.

I offer these thoughts in friendliness. I understand that this is a sad and stressful situation for you. But someone saying I love you but I just can’t be with you right now makes perfect sense to me and I have been in that position more than once.

 

[taquitolover]

@taquitolover

I wish we could talk more about this, but at best it's not a process that can be handled in a forum, and other factors (e.g. the NT-ND communication gap ) make it harder.

My earlier offers (direct and indirect) still hold though - if you want to discuss wha

thank you so much!!!

 

[taquitolover]

If you genuinely say to someone “I want to be friends,” and you are not together, make sure you think it all the way through – would you still feel that way if he started seeing someone tomorrow? I don’t mean to put ideas in your head that that would actually happen, but being friends means just that. It doesn’t mean slowly drawing this out and staying emotionally entangled when each person actually needs to grow.

It may be more useful to consider being friends in the future. His responses to you actually seem really honest, vulnerable, and true. You can absolutely love someone but not want to be with them at the same time.

Calling someone’s actions cruel and vicious suggests that you really need space. He cannot live in guilt forever.

Also, you straight up said “I don’t care that we broke up.” Based on what you have shared here with us, you definitely care that you broke up, so it starts to feel like you are just trying to be strong and stoic for him and to move on with friendship instead of really taking space from each other.

I offer these thoughts in friendliness. I understand that this is a sad and stressful situation for you. But someone saying I love you but I just can’t be with you right now makes perfect sense to me and I have been in that position more than once.

that is very true! i really do respect his choice and i am happy he made it, and you are right absolutely everyone is . i apologize i am very hurt and feel lied to and deceived but to however that is no excuse for me to project feelings onto him

 

[taquitolover]

th

that is very true! i really do respect his choice and i am happy he made it, and you are right absolutely everyone is . i apologize i am very hurt and feel lied to and deceived but to however that is no excuse for me to project feelings onto h

If you genuinely say to someone “I want to be friends,” and you are not together, make sure you think it all the way through – would you still feel that way if he started seeing someone tomorrow? I don’t mean to put ideas in your head that that would actually happen, but being friends means just that. It doesn’t mean slowly drawing this out and staying emotionally entangled when each person actually needs to grow.

It may be more useful to consider being friends in the future. His responses to you actually seem really honest, vulnerable, and true. You can absolutely love someone but not want to be with them at the same time.

Calling someone’s actions cruel and vicious suggests that you really need space. He cannot live in guilt forever.

Also, you straight up said “I don’t care that we broke up.” Based on what you have shared here with us, you definitely care that you broke up, so it starts to feel like you are just trying to be strong and stoic for him and to move on with friendship instead of really taking space from each other.

I offer these thoughts in friendliness. I understand that this is a sad and stressful situation for you. But someone saying I love you but I just can’t be with you right now makes perfect sense to me and I have been in that position more than once.

i was about to try and explain the actions i thought felt vicious on his part but there is no reason for that i will take this and try to asses how i feel truly

 

[Rodafina]

i apologize i am very hurt and feel lied to

This also makes perfect sense and I think it’s fine to process your feelings and feel whatever you’re feeling as hard as you need to. But I don’t think he is the one who can help you through this now. Saying those kind of things here or with trusted friends in your life seems healing and appropriate.

 

[Rodafina]

I would focus on this part, if I were you. And I think some of us here are saying the same thing. Your feelings are completely valid, but it is your time to heal either on your own or with the support of friends, your therapist, forum members… you are not alone.