Clichés I get told in regards to love

[Markness]

Why does it seem like it’s bad that I want a loving partner?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That's how it approached my future wife knocked on her bedroom door in my rooming house, I ran asked if she would be willing to accompany me in watching my cousin playing in a band in bar. I quess you could call that a first date.
When she first moved in she was putting together a Ikea dresser. So I just helped her put it together before her parents left after dropping off her stuff, I got to know her a bit.

That is so nice that things worked out for you. If one never takes a chance the outcome is pre-ordained.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The trick is I was not desperate, just shopping around ready to settle down large 3 story Victorian style house with
a number of female tenants. I would socialize with the upstairs people sort of a commune like atmosphere. The main floor was private for us landlords, my brother and a close friend.

 

[Markness]

I am told I shouldn’t look for a partner because apparently one is supposed to come into your life when you aren’t looking. To me, that’s like not seeking out karate practice but somehow you’ll learn it.

 

[Markness]

I’ve made attempts to get out of my rut but they never succeeded.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The trick is I was not desperate, just shopping around ready to settle down large 3 story Victorian style house with
a number of female tenants. I would socialize with the upstairs people sort of a commune like atmosphere. The main floor was private for us landlords, my brother and a close friend.

Yes! It happened when I expected nothing but a friendly transaction and so was in a more relaxed state about our interactions. She had such a lovely phone voice that I would call her about backpacking gear and getting in shape for trail maintenance just to hear her. Soon I didn't need any pretext and we would just talk.

I think for the both of us we were primed to recognize realistic possibility and ready to follow through with the initial connections we made.

 

[Markness]

This is really starting to sound like “Haha, Markness is a loser!” to me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am told I shouldn’t look for a partner because apparently one is supposed to come into your life when you aren’t looking. To me, that’s like not seeking out karate practice but somehow you’ll learn it.

As I have pointed out, life will not gift you with a partner for a relationship, but you need to be prepared for chance opportunity. You need to:
- Understand how to present yourself well.
- Recognize the personal attributes that will mesh with yours.
- Be able to engage with them to introduce yourself.
- Express things positively and be interesting, confidently demonstrate your potential.
- Follow through.

Others will have other ideas, but mull over some of this.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

This is really starting to sound like “Haha, Markness is a loser!” to me.

Howso? Those describing their relationships just did not blunder into them. There were many small steps along the way where we were prepared for what seemed like chance opportunity. A decade earlier and I would have been unprepared to recognize an opportunity, much less knowing how to act and respond.

 

[tree]

I feel like no one has gone through what I am having to deal with.
@Markness

Feels bad, feeling that way.
As if your situation is utterly unique, unfathomable
to any other person.

Does it seem likely that no other individual on earth has
ever experienced a situation similar to yours?

Possibly you are over emphasizing the details and
failing to recognize the commonality of human
experience.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My wife's friend for over 40 years has many medical issues, loss of a leg before she meet him, now on permanent oxygen due to loss of lung capacity. Never once have we seen him as a loser, just a guy living his life through some what limited.

 

[Markness]

I feel like no one has gone through what I am having to deal with.
@Markness

Feels bad, feeling that way.
As if your situation is utterly unique, unfathomable
to any other person.

Does it seem likely that no other individual on earth has
ever experienced a situation similar to yours?

Possibly you are over emphasizing the details and
failing to recognize the commonality of human
experience.

Even other depressed people I know manage to form intimate relationships and excel at their talents while I continue to fail.

 

[Markness]

Howso? Those describing their relationships just did not blunder into them. There were many small steps along the way where we were prepared for what seemed like chance opportunity. A decade earlier and I would have been unprepared to recognize an opportunity, much less knowing how to act and respond.

Some of the posts directed at me come off as boasting and the rating system seems to be used to take silent jabs at me.

 

[Forest Cat]

Some of the posts directed at me come off as boasting and the rating system seems to be used to take silent jabs at me.

I think you are looking at things in the worst possible way. I haven't noticed anyone taking jabs at you but I have seen several people try to be helpful and give advice several times. People have given you some support here. I think you really need to stop the negativity somehow, if I sat down now and thought about the things that aren't good and things that bother me, I would become very depressed. So I can't do that. You shouldn't either, you need to think forward and make plans and changes. You aren't happy, things aren't great, so you need to make changes.

 

[tree]

Some of the posts directed at me come off as boasting and the rating system seems to be used to take silent jabs at me.

You feel put down because other people have done some stuff that
they're pleased about and you envy them.

It's as if you feel their happiness detracts from the possibility of having any yourself.

"...the rating system seems to be used to take silent jabs at me."
I don't see that, myself.
You seem to figure that since you rate yourself as a loser, a failure, everybody
else must evaluate you the same way.

 

[Shaddock]

I’m convinced that I have never and will never find someone I’m compatible with, and I’ve made peace with that. This is definitely a reason I feel like I’m probably “aromantic”

feel like that too. the thing is that I think that it´s not unlikely that there could be someone where it fits, but there is no certainty, it could be that you never meet that person and that´s a very sad thought.

the best is when you really don´t need anyone, that makes it easier, but most people don´t feel like this.

when I think what could be and what I wish and what actually is, then I don´t want to think about it anymore, because it´s too hurtful. but I think whenever there is progress in a life, then there is still hope.

I think your chances to find someone are much higher than mine lol. so if we would do a race, I think you would win lol. but I will let you know, when I would be wrong lol.

 

[1ForAll]

I think the problem for many getting into long term relationships is their expectations are either too high, or too little. For those who would take anyone for a relationship, that reeks of low self-esteem and desperation, and soon they'll find the compatibility so off, or nonexistent, the end of the relationship will likely happen somehow. And for those who have too high of expectations, that is a turn off to many persons too, as it implies either too much ego or unfair judgment of others, as the one with high expectations often has just as many if not more problems than the one they were judging. They just cannot see that or admit that. They may have distorted views.

Most healthy relationships take time to develop. So, if one comes across as too pushy, desperate, and needy, or in the opposite case, too judgmental, unfair, or arrogant, of course those relationships with others likely won't even often start, much less be longer term. Most persons want stable and secure persons, and not those who are at the extremes. It is no coincidence that most in long relationships on the forum likely not only were willing to give the other and others who were different at first inspection a chance, but they must have had one or more very important qualities that were more attractive for longevity, after further time elapsed and further review.

Having good character traits like intelligence, a good positive attitude, flexibility, selflessness, patience, emotional strength, compassion/empathy, honesty, politeness, leadership skills, communication skills (quality, not quantity) and/or financial success, to name a few are very attractive to most. Physical attractiveness these days mean less to many than before. One of my big triggers is with shallow persons and deceitful persons. I can spot that a mile away, yet I do not want very blunt persons in my life either. My wife and I make things work because we have some similar interests, but compatible personalities. What she lacks, I have, and visa versa.

But, we gave each other a chance not knowing the other early on, when she was severely troubled and I being very shy then. We both could have ran away, but we worked through initial impressions and later learned we could not have made wiser choices. So, we deserve the lasting results. But, I must say, and I'm not picking on anyone here specifically in this forum, but the sample size is pretty large from my reading of all the posts and my analyses there, I can see why "some" here would have relationship and contact difficulties. Either your priorities are elsewhere--not on your improving your health first--or your focus often seems on others being wrong or worse than you, but not on how you can be better.

Most could see more negatives than benefits to any type of longer relationship with those who seem mentally weak, behaviorally immature, too needy, unstable. and/or if they seem too attention-seeking, superficial/shallow or if they are critiquing nicer or well-meaning others left and right or prioritizing mostly some other thing.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Some of the posts directed at me come off as boasting and the rating system seems to be used to take silent jabs at me.

Yep I agree. Its you and me that's always picked on that it's all my fault single girls don't even talk to me.

 

[Markness]

You feel put down because other people have done some stuff that
they're pleased about and you envy them.

It's as if you feel their happiness detracts from the possibility of having any yourself.

"...the rating system seems to be used to take silent jabs at me."
I don't see that, myself.
You seem to figure that since you rate yourself as a loser, a failure, everybody
else must evaluate you the same way.

People who’ve outright told me they dislike me have gotten positive ratings on their posts.

 

[tree]

Whether these people told you they didn't like you,
or whether they said your behavior wasn't useful,
I don't know.