Thanks for the advice. He is actually already very comfortable with my kids and I believe he feels he is like part of the family already. I know this because two years ago when my youngest daughter tried to hug him he jumped back and wouldn't let her and I said to my daughter not everybody likes hugs and you have to ask his response was hugs are okay and he gave her a side hug that was it and then she tried to do it again later that night and he did the same thing jump back but now he gives full on hugs and even puts his face on the side of her face and then he looked up at me and smiled. He is also definitely way more comfortable with me he came over my house last night and it was just me and him no kids I told him that the kids were having a sleepover and asked him if he wanted to come over and have dinner. Of course he did not commit right away he said he might wanted to get some sleep since he hasn't been able to sleep much lately so I had said to him if that's what you want to do then just sleep you don't have to come over and he's response was I don't know I might need sleep I might not but anyways he came over knowing it was just me and him. So my question is if I invited him over just me and him for dinner would that be interpreted as a date. I am trying to figure out if he realizes that I like him romantically. I have tried with things like that I always make food for him leave it at his house trying to show him I like him. Anyways he stayed with me until 1:00 in the morning and then I walked him home we can talk for hours he is very comfortable with me but still shy and nervous at times. Even his body language has changed he used to keep a little bit of distance between us when we walked or we were standing next to each other now he walks really close to me and stands really close to me. I agree I feel like he just doesn't know what to do cuz he's never had a girlfriend. So I don't want to do anything that would freak him out but obviously I want him to know how I feel or else this relationship is going nowhere. My other question is never having a girlfriend is it because he never wanted one or just never had the opportunity? I do think he likes me more than a friend because I don't think he would spend this much time with me. Even though last night he was so tired he did not want to go home he stayed for a while I'm the one who said it was getting late. It's all very confusing for me but I appreciate everyone's advice.
Part of the problem is likely to be that each time he 'settles' into the family and he gets comfortable, he then adjusts back out of it again until next time, so what seems like ought to be a linear progression to you in his comfort zone, might be rather more a sawtooth to him. This is particularly possible if he's experienced rejection before, where he will lack confidence. Sadly, many on the spectrum have experienced rejection in their family or personal life, and expect it.
The question about girlfriends is impossible to answer with any certainty, but autism doesn't rob people of desire and the wish for meaningful relationships. It tends to cause a rather confused and confusing series of emotions about how to make it actually happen, particularly when we're typically rather poor at interpreting others, because we tune in much better to words and actions.
Even then though, the problem remains that he likely has no idea how to proceed, and even more so, what to actually do. So instead he'll probably wait for you to take the lead, and assume that if you want a relationship, you'll tell him - or show him. And that isn't going to be helped by you dropping hints because hints aren't the message he is likely to be looking for or even understand.
Take last night for example. He was tired, yet came over, and stayed up with you talking until 1am, even though its was probably way beyond his threshold for sleeping. What if (this is only hypothetical) he was hoping that by then, you'd take him to bed, and in stead you told him it was late so in effect he had to go.
It's that easy for the wrong message to translate across the neurotypical/neurodivergent threshold, so you may have been sending a signal to him that actually you didn't want him there, when actually you perhaps did.
He won't have any way to translate these signals, not just because he's on the spectrum, but because he lacks prior experience of relationships so has no record to refer to for cause and effect.
It sounds to me like you're doing a lot of the right things, and that's a great thing because most people would likely give up and find someone far less trouble, but Aspies are typically very black and white in the way we think - as can be seen by a lot of the replies to you in this thread - and we can't really adjust that thinking very well because we don't know how. You're the one who has to find a way to do that - to couch your feelings and hopes into his way of thinking, and still manage that with ought frightening him with his lack of experience.
Personally, I'd be encouraging him to come over for an evening, and then when it gets late and you're both tired, tell him that you'd like him to stay for the night if he'd like to, instead of going home, and that if he would, you'd like him to sleep with you, but you're happy to set him up on the couch instead if he'd prefer.
I know that sounds a bit forward, but what I'm getting at is not so much the sleeping together thing, as the fact that you're giving him a clear signal as to what your preference would be for him stopping over the the night, and where, if he'd like to, so he can't mistake what you'd like and doesn't have to try and guess.
And if you don't really want him stopping over, then take that 'I'd like....' lead into whatever it is that you would really want him to know when there are choices to be made, so he can take your lead.
It might frighten him away, so there is a risk, but you can help that by explaining that you like his company and you really think he likes yours, so it's good to just take your time together. It's that 'together' which will tend to work, because the chances are he's mystified how to grasp that concept as a real-life thing.
