Dad Jokes

[Alaric593]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It wanted to see a man lay a brick.

I hope to live in a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

 

[NDR2]

Why did Adele cross the road?

Spoiler

So she could say hello from the other side.

 

[Alaric593]

The Beastie Boys are releasing a 5 part anthology. Parts A thru D will be free, but you'll have to fight for your right to Part E

 

[Jumpinbare]

Billybob: Bubba, you know I would face death for you.
Bubba: Hey, what about that bear we met last Fall? You took off running and left me standing there.
Billybob: The bear wasn't dead.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Kid: I'm worried about my brother. Last night he poked his head into my bedroom.
Teacher: Lots of kids poke their heads into their brother's room.
Kid: On the end of a stick?

 

[NDR2]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

Spoiler

A gummy bear.

 

[Dagan]

I just stood there and watched a ship wreck.....I let it sink in.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Relax! It's only a trap!

 

[NDR2]

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

 

[Cryptid]

A Buddhist monk requests a hotdog from a street vendor: "Make me one with everything."

The vendor grins at the joke, prepares the hotdog, passes it to the monk, and says "That'll be three dollars."

The monk hands back a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor drops the twenty into the till and starts serving other customers while the monk patiently waits for his change. Finally, after several other customers have been served, the monk speaks up.

"Sir, I gave you twenty dollars for a three-dollar hotdog. Where is my change?"

"Oh, disciple", says the vendor. "Has your master not taught you that change comes from within?"

 

[GrownupGirl]

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.

 

[NDR2]

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

Spoiler

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

[Cryptid]

Q: When does a joke become a 'Dad' joke?

Spoiler

A: When the punch line become apparent.

 

[NDR2]

Dear Math: Grow up and solve your own problems.

 

[Cryptid]

Dear Math (postscript): I don't know where to find your 'X' so stop asking me.

 

[Cryptid]

I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday.

Spoiler

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it!

 

[Cryptid]

Five out of four people admit they’re bad at fractions.

 

[Cryptid]

The Data Center at work told me I needed an eight-character password, so I picked . . .

Spoiler

. . . "Snow_White_and_the_Seven_Dwarfs".

 

[Cryptid]

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but . . .

Spoiler

. . . I turned myself around.

 

[Cryptid]

If a police officer's children refuse to sleep during nap time, is each one guilty of resisting a rest?