Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?

[Luca]

What are you doing to make that more likely? Are you being involved with the groups that attract accepting single women? and where you are contributing to become known?


Nope. I just saw a program about Ocelots in Texas. Strikingly beautiful wild cats which are endangered and have people working to help them. In fact, I think Texas has more species of native cats than any other region in the USA. On my property, I keep habitat in good shape for the bobcat we have roaming onto the land. You can see how you can get involved in Texas. Contact Us - Texas Native Cats

I didn't even know there were ocelots in the US! That's amazing!
@Markness It would be great if you could figure out a way to help out with protecting wild cats and other animals. I know how much you love cats.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

But if I don’t have a girlfriend before the year ends, what should I do?

You do what we all do when life has other ideas for us. Put one foot ahead of the other to be the best at parenting ourselves. Advocate for ourselves, and enjoy what we can of our world.

 

[Gerontius]

Markness, do you even have a profile on a dating site? If not make one. Go and put something up on whatever site is popular in your area and see what you can find. You can always edit it some too.
And not everyone falls in love once with Ms. Right. Sometimes it takes time to become Mr. Right. And who's right for one isn't right for the other.

 

[Markness]

Markness, do you even have a profile on a dating site? If not make one. Go and put something up on whatever site is popular in your area and see what you can find. You can always edit it some too.
And not everyone falls in love once with Ms. Right. Sometimes it takes time to become Mr. Right. And who's right for one isn't right for the other.

I used to have multiple dating profiles and I never got a date with any of them.

 

[Gerontius]

I used to have multiple dating profiles and I never got a date with any of them.

Try again but maybe phrase them positively. The women change with time too. You're in your 30s. Early 30s. A lot of women in the 25-35 age range who are looking for someone who is sensible and decent and kind.

 

[Markness]

What are you doing to make that more likely? Are you being involved with the groups that attract accepting single women? and where you are contributing to become known?

I am not currently in any social groups. I’ve either been made to leave them or they grew to be disappointing so I stopped attending.

 

[Markness]

Try again but maybe phrase them positively. The women change with time too. You're in your 30s. Early 30s. A lot of women in the 25-35 age range who are looking for someone who is sensible and decent and kind.

Yes, I am in my 30s but it’s just so difficult being single while all four of your siblings keep surpassing you in romance. This is partly why I can’t stop thinking about my singleness.

 

[VictorR]

Yes, I am in my 30s but it’s just so difficult being single while all four of your siblings keep surpassing you in romance. This is partly why I can’t stop thinking about my singleness.

How about less thinking about singleness and more thinking about how you can be an awesome Markness.

 

[Markness]

How about less thinking about singleness and more thinking about how you can be an awesome Markness.

If I could excel at my interests instead of getting stuck with them, I would actually feel “awesome.” Instead, I feel like I am malfunctioning.

 

[Rodafina]

If I could excel at my interests instead of getting stuck with them

@Markness, would you mind explaining this to me a little more. Do you mean your special interests are things that you feel you are not good at? Like music? (I am NOT saying you aren’t good at music, I just recall you saying that a few times.)

What does it mean to get stuck with a special interest?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am not currently in any social groups. I’ve either been made to leave them or they grew to be disappointing so I stopped attending.

So, what have you done to expand the reach of those groups to be more welcoming and accepting of people like you?

Yes, I am in my 30s but it’s just so difficult being single while all four of your siblings keep surpassing you in romance. This is partly why I can’t stop thinking about my singleness.

Are you your own person or not? Life is not a zero-sum game.

To me your constant complaining exemplified by these two quotes demonstrate a shocking passivity. A wind sock does not make for decent relationship material.

 

[VictorR]

If I could excel at my interests instead of getting stuck with them, I would actually feel “awesome.” Instead, I feel like I am malfunctioning.

If I'm not mistaken, writing is one of your interests and you're doing well in your course right now. I'm happy to see that.

and to revisit a response from another thread-

To quote Thomas Edison, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

To add to this, I'd like to note that sometimes it just happens that someone really likes something, but just don't have the skills themselves. It doesn't mean they have to remove themselves from the field. In sports, there have been some people who have not been particularly adept at the sport themselves, but turned out to be amazing coaches, managers, and/or officials, and these are positions that need to be filled themselves. And what they do know from playing the sport themselves helps them in their roles, even if they did not play at the same level themselves.

If we apply that to your situation, you could consider being a writer/reviewer, collector, cataloger, historian of drawing and guitars. Or maybe you could be a sounds systems specialist who joins bands on the road to ensure they have the right notes. There's lots of ways to be involved in something without being the star yourself.

 

[paloftoon]

I think people can sense the lack of social activity and they might have a hard time connecting with you socially.


Then, also, there's appearance, which is very subjective, but if you want to show yourself to someone you don't know here on camera for an honest opinion or get several opinions, I guess you could do that if you want an idea on how others might view your appearance currently- but that takes a lot of guts.

Also, if you aren't employed, this is a huge factor. If you're always trying to get work, this alone can help suit a more quality mate.

 

[Aspychata]

But if I don’t have a girlfriend before the year ends, what should I do?

Keep trying of course. On improving yourself. You really need to view yourself as marketable. Do you have a brand image? When people think of you, do they think, he has a nice smile? Do you make people laugh? Is there something that stands about you? Maybe get a tattoo of a cat face on your arm. These are just ideas, maybe you will come with something else.

 

[Markness]

@Markness, would you mind explaining this to me a little more. Do you mean your special interests are things that you feel you are not good at? Like music? (I am NOT saying you aren’t good at music, I just recall you saying that a few times.)

What does it mean to get stuck with a special interest?

Getting stuck, for me, means that I either can’t seem to progress with an interest or even mess up at it whenever I attempt it. Apparently that is common for depressed people, though.

Example: I want to play the guitar better and beyond simple songs. But more complex songs tend to be daunting for me to play.

 

[Markness]

So, what have you done to expand the reach of those groups to be more welcoming and accepting of people like you?


Are you your own person or not? Life is not a zero-sum game.

To me your constant complaining exemplified by these two quotes demonstrate a shocking passivity. A wind sock does not make for decent relationship material.

I go out and do my best to socialize. But my conversations tend to fizzle out.

I think I am my own person at the end of the day. I just apparently need confidence and to believe in myself.

 

[tree]

@Markness
"....my conversations tend to fizzle out."

Practice.

The forum games are good for that.

 

[Rodafina]

The forum games are good for that.

This is so true. Since the last time tree said this I have been trying it and it is really good advice.

I will play with you in any game if you want. It’s good fun.

Getting stuck, for me, means that I either can’t seem to progress with an interest or even mess up at it whenever I attempt it. Apparently that is common for depressed people, though.

Example: I want to play the guitar better and beyond simple songs. But more complex songs tend to be daunting for me to play.

Thank you for explaining. I do understand what you’re saying. Sometimes I get really frustrated with my special interests because I feel that I am not very good at them or other people are much better. There is this pressure from inside me to be good at something I am so interested in, but, instead of getting good at it, I avoid it.

That’s interesting that it is common for people dealing with depression. I didn’t know that.

 

[Markness]

Is there a cut off age for dating, especially if you didn’t get to do it in your developmental years and didn’t get to experience the “psychosocial moratorium?”

 

[Alexej]

Is there a cut off age for dating, especially if you didn’t get to do it in your developmental years and didn’t get to experience the “psychosocial moratorium?”

No there is not
Look at all the older folks who get into relationship later in life.
The dating may look different, and be different, but it is "age appropriate" (just to coin a phrase)