Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?

[Forest Cat]

I thought coffee dates were the first level of romance. They aren’t?

They can be but there are also other things. You shouldn't lock on to that and see that as the only option. For example, trees advice further up is good.

 

[Markness]

Seems like a remarkably painful way to attempt engaging with another person.

Very formal and awkward.

I'd rather a person asked if I wanted to go for a walk. Where ever. Fill in your
own location. Then you could be side to side, instead of facing each other,
and you have the action of walking in common. And seeing things.

Right here, where I am, I ask if somebody wants to go up the road
to see the yaks, or the horses, or down the road to look at the ponds,
for example.

It never crossed my mind because most of the dating I’ve heard people talk about was meeting for coffee. I would actually prefer something like that so the stakes wouldn’t be so high.

 

[tree]

They can be but there are also other things. You shouldn't lock on to that and see that as the only option.

Yes.
Something that feels natural to you.

An activity you're comfortable within.

 

[Forest Cat]

It never crossed my mind because most of the dating I’ve heard people talk about was meeting for coffee. I would actually prefer something like that so the stakes wouldn’t be so high.

My sister went bungee jumping on a first date once. That was pretty far away from coffee, so remember that there are lots of options. But it's very common to meet over coffee, so you're not wrong about that.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

For my future wife I just knocked on her bedroom door , said I was going out to watch a gig in a bar my cousin was playing at would she care to join me. that's all it took.

 

[Markness]

My sister went bungee jumping on a first date once. That was pretty far away from coffee, so remember that there are lots of options. But it's very common to meet over coffee, so you're not wrong about that.

One girl I used to know told me she wanted something exciting instead of romantic. A lot of women on dating sites/apps said the same. I just wanted to meet someone at a bookstore or something.

 

[Forest Cat]

One girl I used to know told me she wanted something exciting instead of romantic. A lot of women on dating sites/apps said the same. I just wanted to meet someone at a bookstore or something.

Yeah but remember that women are different/like different things. I'm sure someone would like the same thing as you. I just think you should keep in mind that there are many options or different things to do, so you don't get stuck on just one thing.

 

[Markness]

Yeah but remember that women are different/like different things. I'm sure someone would like the same thing as you. I just think you should keep in mind that there are many options or different things to do, so you don't get stuck on just one thing.

I know women like different things just like men do. The truly difficult part for me is getting a conversation going and not having it fizzle out.

 

[tree]

The truly difficult part for me is getting a conversation going and not having it fizzle out.

That's why I recommend the forum game section to you.

Word Association, Answer a Question with a Question, to start with.

It's practice in maintaining an on-going playful conversation.

 

[Thinx]

Lots of us here have that same issue, @Markness, I certainly do. I asked my first partner out in a handwritten note as we were both finding it hard to take our conversations to anything more. I tended to meet people at regular events, and always talked with them a lot about shared interests, and got to know them quite well, before I ever went out with them.

A date a friend set up for me once was a disaster. I had no idea how to be, with a relatively new person, on a date. Awful, I hated it and felt so stupid and disempowered. Then, going for walks or to a film or a poetry reading etc was so much more enjoyable, it took the pressure off me.

 

[Fino]

I've never been able to fuel conversations and so have only dated and made friends with people who were "talkers." I love people who like to talk on and on and only require me to fill in 10% of the conversation. I've had lunch with people who weren't like that and it was nearly all silence.

 

[Markness]

Lots of us here have that same issue, @Markness, I certainly do. I asked my first partner out in a handwritten note as we were both finding it hard to take our conversations to anything more. I tended to meet people at regular events, and always talked with them a lot about shared interests, and got to know them quite well, before I ever went out with them.

A date a friend set up for me once was a disaster. I had no idea how to be, with a relatively new person, on a date. Awful, I hated it and felt so stupid and disempowered. Then, going for walks or to a film or a poetry reading etc was so much more enjoyable, it took the pressure off me.

I actually have talked to people at Meet Up groups a few times before I tried to talk to them outside the events of those particular groups. Sadly, they never got back to me.

From what I’ve seen and read about, you have to keep saying the right things but one single slip up is game over.

 

[Markness]

If the year ends with me still single, it will feel like another failure upon myself.

 

[Fino]

Why not give yourself until March 27th of next year? Or May 13th? I don't understand the difference between my random choices and yours.

 

[Markness]

Why not give yourself until March 27th of next year? Or May 13th? I don't understand the difference between my random choices and yours.

I don’t want to live past this year if nothing gets better.

 

[Fino]

C.S. Lewis had no romantic relationships until around his 50s. His lover then died eight years later.

 

[Markness]

C.S. Lewis had no romantic relationships until around his 50s. His lover then died eight years later.

I lost interest in ever reading anything by him after I stopped calling myself a Christian.

 

[Markness]

I've never been able to fuel conversations and so have only dated and made friends with people who were "talkers." I love people who like to talk on and on and only require me to fill in 10% of the conversation. I've had lunch with people who weren't like that and it was nearly all silence.

I’ve been punched in the face for being a “talker.” On the other hand, I’ve been considered to be boring for not talking enough.

 

[Billthecat]

I am 33 years old, I work part time, I still live with my mother for a myriad of reasons,
.......
Just how can I get a date despite my situation if it’s still possible?

I don't know you and my limits never let me know lots of things about life.

But I want to suggest you to search your partner where your interests are, being attracted each other just by appearance will not last, it's a candle burning without refills.

And a little advice, maybe not important now, eat something together, quiet at the same table before doing any kind of proposal, someday someone smarter than me will explain you why.

 

[Fino]

I’ve been punched in the face for being a “talker.” On the other hand, I’ve been considered to be boring for not talking enough.

I've been punched in the face for no reason and for any reason. You should still do what comes naturally to you.