Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?

[Markness]

It really hurts that I can’t figure out something most people can and that time is running out for me.

 

[Markness]

Yeah, stagnant sucks, so shake things up a bit! Try something totally different and weird and outlandish. And if it’s a total failure, you can probably post about it on here and everyone will have your back.

I have made different efforts and I’ve often gotten ill will wished upon me when I’ve failed.

 

[Rodafina]

I didn’t know the social rules. I was always told that women liked gentlemen and I thought being nice was the way to go about it.

Anyone who says “women like…“ is not telling you the full story. “Women” does not describe a homogeneous group. Some women may like gentlemen, but some want the opposite. For my part, I don’t even know what that means.

Same goes for social “rules” – some people like those who follow them, others prefer the rule breakers. It’s frustrating when people paint women as a monolith because it is simply not true. It makes it hard for guys like you who are trying to figure out how to be happy in love.

 

[Shaddock]

I think as long porn exists, getting a girl friend is not my first topic. and I think it should never be the first topic. I think friends and other topics are more important.

maybe watch more porn (irony (or maybe not?))

I know, my advices are always very helpful.

 

[Markness]

Anyone who says “women like…“ is not telling you the full story. “Women” does not describe a homogeneous group. Some women may like gentlemen, but some want the opposite. For my part, I don’t even know what that means.

Same goes for social “rules” – some people like those who follow them, others prefer the rule breakers. It’s frustrating when people paint women as a monolith because it is simply not true. It makes it hard for guys like you who are trying to figure out how to be happy in love.

Even women have told me “Women like…” and that’s partly because they bought into the norm that women should be subservient and follow men. I’ve even had a woman tell me she didn’t want a female president to ever get elected because “Women argue!” Really? Only women do and men don’t? That’s ridiculous!

 

[Rodafina]

Even women have told me “Women like…” and that’s partly because they bought into the norm that women should be subservient and follow men. I’ve even had a woman tell me she didn’t want a female president to ever get elected because “Women argue!” Really? Only women do and men don’t? That’s ridiculous!

Case in point. This person you speak of and I are apparently both women, and yet we do not agree.

 

[Slim Jim]

If you can emotionally and mentally connect with a woman to the point she keeps touching you,then you touch her back lightly, and she how she responds, if she doesn't object, then that means she likes you.

And might even consider dating you. If she smiles politely but moves her body posture away from you, or acts cold and indifferent. Then just forget it. Watch body language at all times. (I know alot to juggle...)

Staring is another good indicator. If she keeps looking at you, then turning away, then looking at you. She might think you are attractive. (Unless you are just looking or acting odd.)

I think most people gauge if find you attractive or not immediately. In first minute of meeting somebody. Mn obviously do this. I'm sure its same for women. (It doesn't have to be conscious. totally subconscious. ...ever ask a woman why shes attracted to X and not Z....no logical answer..its all instinct.)

Then just talk talk, say right thing, be cool, be real, don't complement her too directly or strongly. It makes you look desperate. Like you're into her for only ONE reason. Her body. (Which I guess is the case 9 times out of 10....and honestly you may WANT her sexually, but you don't actually NEED her.) Most important thing, try get her number before you part ways.

Yeah this all seems hard. Because not every woman is going to respond positively to you or even if they are attracted, wont follow through on those feelings. You have to make first moves at all times. But approach enough woman, one will eventually respond with interest. Then you just have to make sure you don't screw it up.

Okay thats preliminary, now on to Phase 2....

(Oh and f course if you like a person, treat them respect, and don't lie to them, be upfront and honest. Saying one thing, then doing another will destroy the relationship...)

Of course way more too it than that...nuances...but thats how you get a date!!!! hey now how to keep her, please her till shes infatuated with you, and keeps coming over to your place, (or you to hers.) Thats another story.

 

[Markness]

Case in point. This person you speak of and I are apparently both women, and yet we do not agree.

I didn’t agree with her either. In fact, I wanted to face palm at the statement but couldn’t at the time.

 

[Markness]

If you can emotionally and mentally connect with a woman to the point she keeps touching you,then you touch her back lightly, and she how she responds, if she doesn't object, then that means she likes you.

And might even consider dating you. If she smiles politely but moves her body posture away from you, or acts cold and indifferent. Then just forget it. Watch body language at all times. (I know alot to juggle...)

Staring is another good indicator. If she keeps looking at you, then turning away, then looking at you. She might think you are attractive. (Unless you are just looking or acting odd.)

I think most people gauge if find you attractive or not immediately. In first minute of meeting somebody. Mn obviously do this. I'm sure its same for women. (It doesn't have to be conscious. totally subconscious. ...ever ask a woman why shes attracted to X and not Z....no logical answer..its all instinct.)

Then just talk talk, say right thing, be cool, be real, don't complement her too directly or strongly. It makes you look desperate. Like you're into her for only ONE reason. Her body. (Which I guess is the case 9 times out of 10....and honestly you may WANT her sexually, but you don't actually NEED her.) Most important thing, try get her number before you part ways.

Yeah this all seems hard. Because not every woman is going to respond positively to you or even if they are attracted, wont follow through on those feelings. You have to make first moves at all times. But approach enough woman, one will eventually respond with interest. Then you just have to make sure you don't screw it up.

Okay thats preliminary, now on to Phase 2....

(Oh and f course if you like a person, treat them respect, and don't lie to them, be upfront and honest. Saying one thing, then doing another will destroy the relationship...)

Of course way more too it than that...nuances...but thats how you get a date!!!! hey now how to keep her, please her till shes infatuated with you, and keeps coming over to your place, (or you to hers.) Thats another story.

Could you please not make jokes about my situation? It’s a serious one to me.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Dating with ASD is definitely hard, I'm not going to lie, but it's far from impossible. Even if you're a complete jerk with zero social skills (and you don't seem to be, honestly), I guarantee you that you can still get a date. And even a simple date could be enough to prove to you that you can do it again, and again ad infinitum.

Any time that I was in that situation, I had to try super hard in order to get there. Of course it was always worth it and I'd do it again if I were sent back in time, but I had to ask a lot of people out before I'd get some yeses. If you have the same type of luck as me, all you have to do is ask more people. It's an odds game.

Also, not to squash anyone's limiting beliefs, but I was living with my parents and unemployed 90% of the time, so I'm not just blowing smoke. If I was still datable then, there's no reason why you're not.

Honestly, if it's your #1 priority, you'll get there. You've got this. Anyone who tells you that trying hard isn't part of the game is just trying to throw off your groove, and the same goes for anyone pretending like under-confident guys aren't datable; of course they are, if that weren't the case nobody would ever find a date ever.

 

[Slim Jim]

Under-confident is one thing , acting like a wimp is another. Or a crybaby, or just generally signs of weakness seem to be very offputting to women.

 

[Forest Cat]

I wonder if you could be thinking too much about "getting a girlfriend". If I use a relationship I was in as an example, I didn't think "girlfriend!" when I met her. We just happened to meet. And I thought she was nice and funny. I just liked to hang out with her, we formed a friendship. And after a while we were attracted to each other more and more. So I think it could be good to just try to meet people and see what happens, instead of looking spesifically for a girlfriend all the time. If you run into a woman, try to be more relaxed maybe and don't look at her as a potential girlfriend, just try to hang out and see what happens. And be positive, whatever you do, don't talk about being alone or sad if you meet a woman. People are attracted to positive people.

 

[Judge]

It's true. If you project neediness to women, chances are it will repel most of them. But then I'm also repelled by needy, clingy women. When I still require occasional solitude and always will.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I've had a much different experience. If someone didn't expect me to have normal human emotions, that would be a pretty tall order that I'd never be able to fill. The same goes for a lot of men who I know, too.

 

[Slim Jim]

@Forest Cat That's being nonchalant . Which is a good way to be, just in general. Of course, IF you're genuinely not interested in somebody, it's easy to be relaxed. You know, men have reputations, for having no standards, or criteria other than, "Is she's breathing?" But I'm not gonna be instantly attracted to every woman with a pulse. If I walk into a place with 10 women, only 2 I might find attractive. This happens. I see a woman (actually couples) I just find ugly. I think "damn that guy must be desperate...shes short, shaped like a pear, ugly, toothless, tattoos) and He's actually not bad looking!" Whats going on! I guess he 'settled.'" Same with women, I know for a fact, women size up your looks instantly. Not tall enough, (or Too tall!) not young enough, (or not old enough...) not handsome, not muscular blah blah, whatever their preferences might be. Just like a man does. And they are turned off. Or at least not impressed. They are lying if they say otherwise. Let's be real.

 

[Slim Jim]

I mean interested sexually. You can be friendly, even charming, to a woman, not really thinking anything serious about her that way. Maybe in the back of your mind after a while you start to think "what if?" you know, "They say familiarity breeds contempt?" well, I don't know, if you can continually make a girl laugh, respond positively, feel good, smile etc you are doing alright. Girlfriend or not.

 

[Markness]

I did like her and she was and still is very pretty. So there was some interest, but I didn't think "girlfriend" or "relationship" when we met. We just made each other laugh and hung out more and more. So it was pretty relaxed and casual. We had some things in common, that always helps. I just think Markness might be too focused on the word girlfriend. Looking for a girlfriend. I think maybe he should look for people to hang out with first of all and not think too much about that word girlfriend. Be more relaxed maybe. But I don't know, it can be different for everyone.

I struggle just to make platonic friendships. My conversations will fizzle out no matter how hard I attempt to keep them going.

 

[grommet]

I am 33 years old, I work part time, I still live with my mother for a myriad of reasons, I’ve graduated high school with only some college as extra education but I don’t have a degree, and I am generally socially isolated because most of the socialization that happens in my area is at bars. I am really just tired of going to my room alone after a daily slog and not have someone to be there for me as well as I for her.

I’ve tried different avenues to break out of my rut but they don’t ever succeed for me. I fear that I’ve either fallen too far behind socially to even get a coffee date or that there is a cutoff age to dating and I had it happen to me a long time ago.

Just how can I get a date despite my situation if it’s still possible?

I met a man in his mid sixties who had never had a date. One of my best friends is 60 and has never had a date.

I had an eight year relationship that I wanted very badly but now I have lost interest in relationships. I hope very much you get to have one because you seem to want one. I am very glad I had mine, it was wonderful. The bad parts were too bad but the good parts were better than I imagined or hoped for. We were both autistic and met at an autism meeting.

 

[Markness]

I guess I really can’t get a date no matter what I do.

 

[Thinx]

But still you may in the future have a better opinion of your chances. It's unusual, not to get a date ever, and I don't see what would stop you, but the thing is, it's still quite hard work to have a relationship like @grommet may have found at times, so it's not always as we might imagine. Still it's often a mix of fun and hard work and being irritated...