Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?

[Fino]

I lost interest in ever reading anything by him after I stopped calling myself a Christian.

There is no marriage in Heaven.

 

[Markness]

There is no marriage in Heaven.

I don’t believe in a Heaven.

 

[Markness]

I don't know you and my limits never let me know lots of things about life.

But I want to suggest you to search your partner where your interests are, being attracted each other just by appearance will not last, it's a candle burning without refills.

And a little advice, maybe not important now, eat something together, quiet at the same table before doing any kind of proposal, someday someone smarter than me will explain you why.

It would be a dream come true to meet a partner through my interests and it’s frustrating how it hasn’t happened yet.

 

[tree]

For comments regarding religion/faith please use the Religion area.

 

[tree]

It would be a dream come true to meet a partner through my interests and it’s frustrating how it hasn’t happened yet.

Great to see the last word "yet" as in the *hasn't happened yet* sense.



https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/not_yet

 

[Rodafina]

@Markness,
Sorry if you’ve talked about this in the past, but I don’t think I know the answer. Do you like animals? I bring this up for two reasons.

One. If you do love animals, they can be a great way to start conversations, maintain conversations, and sometimes even make connections. In a way, it’s almost annoying if you go walking around with a cute animal - the number of people that want to stop and converse with you is truly surprising to me. So not ideal if you are going for a loner-walk, but I have found animals to be a very nice way to meet people, even love interests.

Two. The two dogs that I have had in my life have really taught me serious lessons about lifelong connection. Of course we weren’t conversing as a long-term couple might, but through my dogs I did have to learn imperfection, forgiveness, and how to move on together even after I feel I have totally fouled things up. My relationships with my dogs taught me about commitment in a way that I can actually use with humans.

Of course, this idea probably won’t do if you don’t like animals. And it is true, one has to be fortunate enough to have the resources and means to appropriately care for a pet, but there are always other peoples pets to “borrow” – like volunteer groups, dog walking, dog parks.

I’m a dog person. I typically hate talking. I don’t really mind talking to you or anyone else about my dog. Interesting.

 

[Rodafina]

That's why I recommend the forum game section to you.

It's practice in maintaining an on-going playful conversation.

Woah, pardon my silly language here, but this is super duper helpful advice (I mean for me, @Markness… turned out I needed this advice,too.)

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My younger son's technique worked for him same age then as you are now, so you need to think outside the box,

 

[Markness]

@Markness,
Sorry if you’ve talked about this in the past, but I don’t think I know the answer. Do you like animals? I bring this up for two reasons.

One. If you do love animals, they can be a great way to start conversations, maintain conversations, and sometimes even make connections. In a way, it’s almost annoying if you go walking around with a cute animal - the number of people that want to stop and converse with you is truly surprising to me. So not ideal if you are going for a loner-walk, but I have found animals to be a very nice way to meet people, even love interests.

Two. The two dogs that I have had in my life have really taught me serious lessons about lifelong connection. Of course we weren’t conversing as a long-term couple might, but through my dogs I did have to learn imperfection, forgiveness, and how to move on together even after I feel I have totally fouled things up. My relationships with my dogs taught me about commitment in a way that I can actually use with humans.

Of course, this idea probably won’t do if you don’t like animals. And it is true, one has to be fortunate enough to have the resources and means to appropriately care for a pet, but there are always other peoples pets to “borrow” – like volunteer groups, dog walking, dog parks.

I’m a dog person. I typically hate talking. I don’t really mind talking to you or anyone else about my dog. Interesting.

I do indeed like animals. I like cats which is considered unusual for men in Texas, which I think is ridiculous. Most guys I encounter who have pets prefer dogs. No, I don’t dislike dogs. I like dogs who are mellowed out and don’t require huge amounts of attention.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It would be a dream come true to meet a partner through my interests and it’s frustrating how it hasn’t happened yet.

Keep at it. Keep being social and notice and be kind to the shy women. If there are people needing rides to venues, help out. People notice such things.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

keep in mind a lot of women your age are now going into round two or even three divorced, may have started families are worried themselves, that they are not at their prime. You have to put yourself out there.

 

[Rodafina]

I like cats which is considered unusual for men in Texas, which I think is ridiculous.

Agreed. Cats are awesome and so are guys who love them.

I like dogs who are mellowed out and don’t require huge amounts of attention.

Also agreed.



I brought it up because demonstrating attention and affection towards someone else’s beloved animal, I think, is one way to show interest and build connection.

At least I can say that from my perspective it is true… When a guy is kind to my dog, it means a lot to me, and anytime I have come close to connection, it has often been over the presence of my dog. Obviously, I am not the one to be asking here, as I feel like you do much of the time, but the added benefit of animals is that they just make me happy.

 

[Rodafina]

@Markness, another reason why animals seem important is because for me I had to learn a lot about my own rejection sensitivity. I don’t know if you suffer from this at all, but I am extremely sensitive to hurt from being rejected in the tiniest way.

Either outright rejection or simple things about us that are annoying to a partner will be difficult to manage if and when we do find a partner. We need to be ready to handle a little bit of rejection without totally breaking down (I’m not saying you do this, but I do.) A partner will not be able to support us unconditionally without a little bit of space and understanding for their own needs, too.

My dog has taught me alot about that. For the most part, he wants me there and loves my cuddles but even he needs a little bit of space once in a while and I cannot approach him with my own anger and sorrow and expect him to just take it. Every once in a while he lets me know (Buzz off, Rodafina! he says ). It was actually hurtful at first… Very, extremely hurtful… Even my own dog rejected me? But no, he did not. He needed space and I need to learn more about rejection and my sensitivity toward it.

Sorry for blathering on, but you got me thinking here. I forget if it was in this post or somewhere else where you asked what do you need to be doing to prepare for a relationship? Well one thing that I have to do is build up my tolerance for rejection and my confidence in being an imperfect being in the world and trusting someone may be okay with that.

 

[Rodafina]

I know women like different things just like men do. The truly difficult part for me is getting a conversation going and not having it fizzle out.

Word Association, Answer a Question with a Question, to start with…
It's practice in maintaining an on-going playful conversation.

@Markness, I think @tree is really on to something here. The games are fun, but so close to conversation, too. If you are shy about it, come play answer a question with a question with me… I am new too. It’s fun. Are you sure you don’t want to try? It’s good for all of us to talk about why we are sad, but it is important to laugh together too. If you are ever afraid of looking silly, just stick with me because I guarantee you I will be looking sillier.

 

[Bill J]

I made some attempts to be social for the last few weeks but they still end up with fizzled out conversations and me going home still lonely. Yet other people I know are establishing romantic relationships while I still can’t even get a coffee date.

It takes more than a few attempts, if you understand that point, you can avoid being overly disappointed and look at each attempt as one step closer to success instead of a defeat. Go slow on the first contact, leave the door open, and if you like them and they seem to be interested, ask if you can call them. Great salespeople know how to sell themselves to the "prospect", nobody ever buys anything because a salesperson wants them to, they buy because they see how it might benefit them. Dating is much the same. Each attempt can be a learning experience.

Online dating can be a way to get some experience without the emotional discomfort of physical contact. Don't get discouraged there either, my experience is that maybe 1 in 20 women will respond to a message and some of those are just to say no thanks (or less polite things). Laugh it off, those are their lost opportunity, not mine. If your interest in a woman is strong enough, keep a list and send a brief message to all of those every week. People are busy and may not look at messages every day, maybe not for weeks. The best match I had online dating was a woman I sent a total of 5 messages to. Keep in mind you aren't investing much time or emotion compared to other approaches. It can be fun, but be honest because if you do get to the point of meeting they are going to discover your lies and disappear.

Don't tie yourself to just one approach to finding "prospects". There are social get together, asking friends, clubs, etc. Remove the "too old" thoughts from your mind completely, you have the majority of your life ahead of you. She's out there but not going to come looking for you, it takes time and persistence. Hell, I'm 73, I can see my limited future but I don't let it hold me back. Figure out what values in a woman are important to you and use that for screening.

 

[Markness]

I just want to be with a fellow nerdy/geeky girlfriend who shares alternative interests with me.

I wish I could meet her before the year ends. I don’t want another failed year to befall me.

 

[VictorR]

I just want to be with a fellow nerdy/geeky girlfriend who shares alternative interests with me.

I wish I could meet her before the year ends. I don’t want another failed year to befall me.

Patience is virtue my friend.

 

[Markness]

Patience is virtue my friend.

But if I don’t have a girlfriend before the year ends, what should I do?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My uncle a farmer a lifelong bachelor in his late forties, met a woman at a dance. died at 97 year old married 50 years. the key was target rich environment. I remember going to his wedding anniversary 30 years he jumped on stage and started playing spoons. His personality is probably what attracted a divorce from the city who had been married multiple times She told me going to the dance was out of character for her just wanted to try something different.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I just want to be with a fellow nerdy/geeky girlfriend who shares alternative interests with me.

I wish I could meet her before the year ends. I don’t want another failed year to befall me.

What are you doing to make that more likely? Are you being involved with the groups that attract accepting single women? and where you are contributing to become known?

I like cats which is considered unusual for men in Texas,

Nope. I just saw a program about Ocelots in Texas. Strikingly beautiful wild cats which are endangered and have people working to help them. In fact, I think Texas has more species of native cats than any other region in the USA. On my property, I keep habitat in good shape for the bobcat we have roaming onto the land. You can see how you can get involved in Texas. Contact Us - Texas Native Cats