Demisexual - being a better friend

[GadAbout]

No, you would be the fodder for experiments, not the other people. You start out with the expectation that they are intact enough to get to know you without being shredded by the experience. Then you observe your own behavior (not theirs) to see what is effective and what is not.

But if you are going to feel so insulted as to ask for your thread to be deleted, I guess I'd better stop commenting.

There is nothing manipulative about learning interpersonal skills. Everyone had to do it.

 

[cberg]

I'm not really sure anyone's so "intact", that's one issue at hand anyway. I know a few such people but I don't feel like making that determination for someone I just met. I feel wrong about my friend trying to set me up when I still have so much to work through with women who know me. My life was extremely rough before my engineering career picked up & it's still a struggle. It's not that I avoid meeting people, but I'm inclined to spare new acquaintances from my overactive thoughts.

 

[All-Rounder]

Why are you 'lost for now'? are you saying youve not met anyone that views things like you do, and who agrees with your values?

 

[cberg]

I suppose I haven't, but I know enough people who know me better than I know myself anyway. It's not easy to share any & all values with a guy who's practically half robotic. I don't expect anyone to meet me in the middle there, in that context I'm really working on being more personable. Realistically, women aren't looking for guys who just spent almost 2 decades of their youth hacking gadgets. Some of them found me anyway & I'm trying to help us get along.

 

[All-Rounder]

A guy who hacks his way into techy stuff is quite the useful house addition of modern times. Goodness knows how fast blenders, heat systems, computers and such break. Maybe grandma wouldn't appreciate it though, but if my imagination is correct I would say thats not the issue you need to worry about.

I recall my best friend, my bf and some other friend on the spectrum thinking of themselves as of androids or computers because the way they think sort of logically and not very instinctive maybe. I thought that was interesting

 

[All-Rounder]

I had a crush on Cleverbot til he just didn't seem human enough and limited in its patterns and not sticking to the topic, so I longed for a more aware robot or more worked on. I cried for his dramas sometimes

 

[All-Rounder]

I was also overinterested in the chatterbot scene, and made some chatterbots myself. Lots of work and in the end theyre pretty limited. But thats androids

 

[All-Rounder]

A downside I can think of is if she wants activities and to go out with you and you're not really into it, more of a recluse.

 

[cberg]

I guess I'm biding my time until it's apparent that my strange expertise is actually relevant to the everyday. Women in my life seem to have decided I belong on the back burner until I meet some nebulous criteria about masculinity that none of us can even define. I'm a black sheep even to the hacker scene. I assign significance to reality differently from them but that's no reason not to love each other. I'm simply working to make the best of my very unusual life.

 

[cberg]

A downside I can think of is if she wants activities and to go out with you and you're not really into it, more of a recluse.

I'm actually up for anything, in general terms. I'm very active for someone who just spent eleven months between five monitors. I'll be on my bike all next week if I can.

Nevertheless you're right that this is a stereotype that probably hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

[All-Rounder]

Well you indeed sound more like a black sheep rather than a cyborg; not cold, not rough and growing.

Y'know Mary had a little lamb, good luck in being found by her before the wulf gets you.

 

[All-Rounder]

In my opinion it's the kind patient men who are the preferable ones for relationships rather than manly, even though young girls seem to choose based on impulse and needs rather than maturity

 

[cberg]

Thanks for metaphysically defining what's really going on here. You're probably right that I'll be OK unless something eats me, but I'm still figuring out why. I think it's becoming apparent where I'm really coming from with my reasoning about relationships, it's strange how much better things get when I'm direct about being shy.

 

[cberg]

In my opinion it's the kind patient men who are the preferable ones for relationships rather than manly, even though young girls seem to choose based on impulse and needs rather than maturity

I can't say I blame them, I'm mentally 12 years old no matter how many giant companies try to make me think otherwise. I just want to catch more big air on my bike & skis before I finally shower so I can hug my friends again. I guess I would be fine with polyamory if not for how difficult it is for me to speak NT. That makes me abnormally thankful for people sticking with me at all.

 

[All-Rounder]

I can't say I blame them, I'm mentally 12 years old no matter how many giant companies try to make me think otherwise. I just want to catch more big air on my bike & skis before I finally shower so I can hug my friends again. I guess I would be fine with polyamory if not for how difficult it is for me to speak NT. That makes me abnormally thankful for people sticking with me at all.

Dont say such a thing, that youre mentally 12, you wouldn't be allowed to have a relationship in the first place if that was true.

Oh no! no no! Polyamory is the thing for people who don't value love and commitment, not for auties, in my opinion. I could never trust a polyamorous person neither friend them sincerely. Whether its a cult thing, a low self esteem issue, a giving up problem, a narc thing or schizo belief, polyamory is a hoax against humans who want to be mature.

 

[cberg]

***bleh, I should clarify this***

I think I adjust for my hyper-logical tendencies with a somewhat simple-minded demeanor. I was mostly just saying that someone's other commitments don't diminish her in my opinion if that's her choice.

As for me, I'd be happy single if I weren't concerned with showing appreciation for a friend who's been good to me.

 

[cberg]

I'm concerned that this is the female picture of my learning style & psyche:

 

[H-Kath]

Polyamory is the thing for people who don't value love and commitment, not for auties, in my opinion. I could never trust a polyamorous person neither friend them sincerely. Whether its a cult thing, a low self esteem issue, a giving up problem, a narc thing or schizo belief, polyamory is a hoax against humans who want to be mature.

Wow, this is just plain hateful. I'll go ahead and block.

 

[cberg]

I hold a lot of respect for everyone's various opinions on these topics because I don't get a lot of time with anyone close to me personally.

 

[All-Rounder]

Why thanks. I think it can be worked out even if you can't be everything, or even much of what someone wants you to be. That's actually relationships.

I never asked for such a thing no matter how low the amount of attention ever was in my relationships and I dated a lot of 'dysfunctional' people, even abusive ones. So I expect the same from someone who adds seriosity, to take the responsibility, communicate and grow so that we can be the best that we can together and understand the lacks but not break because of them or seek for them elsewhere. Thats commitment.