Does this annoy you too?

[Outdated]

It's probably individual, but couldn't it also be about taking everything more literally than intended, like all the sayings, raining cats and dogs etc.. I always get a mental picture of the literal thing, and then go ohh... no it means this or that (also for sayings in my native language)

Almost everything in life is a bit more complex where autism is involved but most of us are taught how to communicate with others from an early age and young children learn things so much more quickly and easily than adults.

 

[kriss72]

Almost everything in life is a bit more complex where autism is involved but most of us are taught how to communicate with others from an early age and young children learn things so much more quickly and easily than adults.

Yes, at least when it comes to language skills

 

[Cutesie]

When people ask me how I'm doing, I usually say "better than I deserve". They usually laugh.

That's what financial advisor Dave Ramsey responds to radio callers.

 

[Cutesie]

I understand it but hate it. It's an extension of the "hi" greeting. But "hi" and "hello" really are meaningless, so they don't bother me. I can't hear "how are you" without thinking of it as question, although I know that it's not one. Besides, being "asked" it makes me think of the answer, which is usually negative for me.

A huge mistake was telling a close relative a few months ago about those feelings. Almost every phone conversation now starts with him making some comment about it. Sometimes it's him lecturing me about social niceties, sometimes it's outright mocking my sensitivities.

When I volunteered at a group home, one of the guys was in a wheelchair and couldn't speak much. He used a board - filled with hundreds of words - to communicate. This man craved attention. It really hurt him when staff members would walk past him, toss out a "how are you", and keep going without even looking in his direction.

On the other hand, I have an uncle who does this when talking to loved ones: At the beginning of a conversation, he asks the question. Knowing that people don't answer honestly, he'll ask it again a few minutes later, doing it until the other person either confides or tells him to stop. While it's annoying, I do appreciate his sincerity, and this practice is a part of why he is my one of my favorite relatives.

 

[Jonn]

Does anyone else mind being asked how you're doing, by people who clearly have zero reason to actually care how you're doing?

I was gang-stalked for around 40 years.
The first 20 were horrendous.
I used to literally turn around and walk in the opposite direction to avoid any contact with ppl.

The stalking has essentially stopped, so these days, I am rather indifferent to those banal questions, but it depends on the seeming intent.
Some ppl mean well.
I ignore the ones who give off a bad vibe.

 

[Jonn]

A stranger has never asked how I'm doing today. Why would they?

Obviously, you haven't been gang-stalked.

 

[Misty Avich]

I remember when I was younger I used to get really irked when the person I was with was greeted by every stranger that passed us but always ignored me, and I took it personally.
This was because one time I was with my mum and we both had our bikes. We were in an alley and an older woman was coming along in a wheelchair. I was in front of my mum, and I kindly moved aside to allow the disabled person to get by safely. I gave a friendly smile but she just glared at me as she passed. I shrugged it off, thinking she might just be that type of person. But when she passed my mum I heard her say hello to my mum. I assumed maybe my mum knew her, but when I asked if she did know her my mum said no. So it made me wonder why she would glare at me but be friendly to my mum when she didn't know her.

It seems that if you just meet someone's eye subconsciously you're more likely to get a hello from them than when you force yourself to look at them as you pass. Ordinarily I don't have a problem with making eye contact subconsciously, but when I'm walking along a street I suddenly become too aware of where I'm looking and suddenly forget how to make eye contact naturally when a stranger passes, because I'm focusing too much on thinking "oh, what do I do? When do I look at this person coming towards me? If I look at them it might make them self-conscious, if I don't look at them it might look like I've got something to hide, if I try and smile at them they might just glare at me like the disabled woman did then I'll get RSD, aarrgghh, what do I do?" The best way is to be focused on something else so that I'm not consciously thinking of how to be when passing a stranger, but that's easier said than done to consciously make yourself focus on something else.
That's why I feel more comfortable when I have a rat with me. When I went into a pharmacy with my rat in his pet carrier backpack (it has a window), I was focusing my thoughts on my rat and worrying that the pharmacist might boot me out if they saw my rat, and so because my thoughts were elsewhere I subconsciously met a woman's eye and automatically smiled, and she smiled back (she hadn't seen my rat, as I had just walked into the store and he was in my backpack).

 

[Cutesie]

I remember when I was younger I used to get really irked when the person I was with was greeted by every stranger that passed us but always ignored me, and I took it personally.

You were a child. Your chaperone and the strangers that you passed were usually adults. Adults tend to talk to adults and ignore children.

I'm not discounting the possibility that you somehow turn people off. It's just important to remember that reasons exist other than what we instinctively think about.

Ordinarily I don't have a problem with making eye contact subconsciously, but when I'm walking along a street I suddenly become too aware of where I'm looking and suddenly forget how to make eye contact naturally when a stranger passes,

I have the opposite issues: Making eye contact in conversation is a challenge. When on the street or similar settings, it's clear from others' reactions that I stare, or appear to stare, at strangers.

 

[Misty Avich]

You were a child. Your chaperone and the strangers that you passed were usually adults. Adults tend to talk to adults and ignore children.

I'm not discounting the possibility that you somehow turn people off. It's just important to remember that reasons exist other than what we instinctively think about.

I was an adult then, in my 20s.

I have the opposite issues: Making eye contact in conversation is a challenge. When on the street or similar settings, it's clear from others' reactions that I stare, or appear to stare, at strangers.

Making eye contact with passing strangers is so difficult for me - unless they are interacting with me (like asking for directions or something), or are holding a door open for me or something because I then find it easier to look at them and say thank you. And if someone is talking to me I make eye contact automatically, no matter who they are.

 

[Cutesie]

I was an adult then, in my 20s.

Got it.

And if someone is talking to me I make eye contact automatically, no matter who they are.

I never learned that part of masking. My situation is more complex than other auties, because I have vision issues. These include being cross-eyed, though that was addressed with surgery when I was little. Perhaps due to the physical condition, the adults in my life didn't try that hard to get me into social compliance.

 

[Misty Avich]

I've been making eye contact since birth (or maybe 3 or 4 weeks, or whenever the right age is when babies start making eye contact). Well my parents say I did. And I remember making eye contact when I was a child because I can remember faces of children and teachers I haven't seen in years very well. Usually eye contact is how we humans learn to recognise faces and also understand facial expressions. You can't really see the full picture without looking at the eyes.
So it's always been subconscious for me. Until it comes to passing strangers in the street. But I think that's social anxiety, as I've read up about social anxiety in NTs and it's commonly known for people with social anxiety to worry about making eye contact in certain environments but is otherwise natural in others.

For me eye contact is like chewing food. I can chew food naturally without biting my tongue, but if I suddenly become conscious of what I'm doing with my tongue whilst chewing, I start worrying that I'm going to bite my tongue. Or like seeing your nose - your eyes can always see your nose but most of the time you don't see it unless you consciously think about it.

 

[Suzette]

A stranger has never asked how I'm doing today. Why would they?

It is a very American greeting. Particularly western U.S.
It is more a habit and reflex than seeking of knowledge.

I sounds friendlier than "Hello" alone.

Ps..I hate shaking hands with every fiber of my being.

 

[Cutesie]

It is a very American greeting. Particularly western U.S.
It is more a habit and reflex than seeking of knowledge.

I sounds friendlier than "Hello" alone.

Ps..I hate shaking hands with every fiber of my being.

It's not very common now, but people used to greet each other with "how do you do" instead of "hello". The other person would respond with "how do you do", and no one was expected to actually say how they were doing.

This formality was used by well-bred people in England, but I've noticed it on some old American films as well.

 

[Outdated]

It is a very American greeting.

In Australia it's slightly different - "How're you going?"

That's the most common here but there's many variations such as "How's things?", "How's life treating you?", and back in the 80s if you're a man "How's it hanging?".

 

[Cutesie]

Ps..I hate shaking hands with every fiber of my being.

Before entering a social situation where shaking will be expected, wash your hands and don't dry them. I do this sometimes and say, "My hand is wet." (I'm not bothered much by the actual shaking, but I do feel yucky afterwards.) Other people may see it as weird, though.

 

[Jonn]

In Australia it's slightly different - "How're you going?"

That's the most common here but there's many variations such as "How's things?", "How's life treating you?", and back in the 80s if you're a man "How's it hanging?".

A little to the left.

 

[Cutesie]

Who here is bothered by "What's up?" Do you respond with "the sky" or "the ceiling"? I usually just say "nothing".

 

[Jonn]

Who here is bothered by "What's up?" Do you respond with "the sky" or "the ceiling"? I usually just say "nothing".

It is actually:
'Sup.
With a head nod.

 

[Autistic Yoda]

Before entering a social situation where shaking will be expected, wash your hands and don't dry them. I do this sometimes and say, "My hand is wet." (I'm not bothered much by the actual shaking, but I do feel yucky afterwards.) Other people may see it as weird, though.

When attending any event where much handshaking is expected (weddings, conferences, etc.), I always wear an Ace bandage on my right hand. Just try it if you're interested in a get-out-of-handshakes-free ticket. The moment they begin to reach in for a little unnecessary ritual dude-touching, just hold up your fake-injured right hand and shrug. Works every time, and no one will ever think it's weird unless you reveal the trick.

 

[SusanLR]

The subject of quite a few topics on here.
It always annoys me. I do see it as a ritual. Especially in places of business.

Today I had an appointment with a doctor.
The receptionist did the how are you today routine.
I answered, "As good as it gets."
Sometimes all I give is a nod or faint smile.
Other times I think of something off the wall to say thinking they will find it amusing.
Depends on the mood I'm in.