Does this annoy you too?

[thejuice]

Nobody really asks me that. Women I communicate with are too busy online scrounging for simps to serve as their finsubs.

What do you get out of communicating with/ funding these parasites?

 

[Autistic Yoda]

...and the world's most successful aspie just rephrased my exact sentiments:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1859356661997060345

 

[FayetheAspie]

I don't really see why it would be annoying for someone to be polite and while most people may in fact only be asking out of some presumed obligation, others are genuinely concerned about the other individual's well being. Now if it was said with a sarcastic tone or a taunting tone or something, then I would find it somewhat annoying but not really worth feeling like the rest of my day was ruined or anything.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't really see why it would be annoying for someone to be polite and while most people may in fact only be asking out of some presumed obligation, others are genuinely concerned about the other individual's well being. Now if it was said with a sarcastic tone or a taunting tone or something, then I would find it somewhat annoying but not really worth feeling like the rest of my day was ruined or anything.

Agreed.
I don't know why so many Aspies make a problem out of this. It's just another way of saying "hello".

It's like when I was listening to an audiobook about an autistic girl, before they were going out her sister said "I'll be two minutes", so the autistic girl literally counted to 120, then went and started yelling abuse at her sister for lying to her, as the sister was more than 120 seconds.
I mean, living with someone that literal would admittedly get on my nerves. You don't really know how long it's going to take to get ready, so saying "I'll be two minutes" isn't exactly a truth or a lie, it's just a figure of speech, meaning "I won't be long". Even if they were far longer getting ready than I assumed, I still wouldn't say they told a lie. I'd probably just yell "hurry up!" or something, if it was literally getting too long.
Like one time when I was in a restaurant, I asked for a glass of water when the waiter brought the meals to our table, and he said, "certainly, two secs" and went off to get me a glass of water. I didn't stare at my watch and go "wait, he's been longer than two seconds, he's a liar! He lied to me! How could he?" Instead I just started eating my dinner knowing he was coming back with a glass of water for me, which he did, probably about three minutes later. By then my mind was on the conversation I was having with the others at my table.

 

[Cutesie]

I don't know why so many Aspies make a problem out of this. It's just another way of saying "hello".

There are two reasons that I can tell for why some of us have a problem. Both involve how our brains operate - not a decision by us to "be difficult":

1) There are Aspies, and other Auties, who simply don't understand non-literal language. Asked "how are you", they think that a question is being asked, with expectation for a truthful response. If they are told that waiting will be "two minutes", they anticipate that it will take that long.

While most of these people do learn that certain phrases are use insincerely or as exaggeration, they are masking each time that they fight to understand it against their natural thinking. Resentment at being forced to use the NT system follows.

2) It's more complicated for people like me; don't expect that the following description will truly explain the issue. We are perfectly capable of comprehending all manners of expression, but we don't necessarily like them. For me specifically, there is a lot of thinking about the various meanings of words. Often, I love to play with them and use puns. At the same time, I can hate non-literal usage, even though I understand what's being said.

I'd very much like to know how many others are in this second category. Is it even related to autism?

 

[Cutesie]

Immediately after I left the previous comment, I overheard my brother saying to our mother: "I'm not going [to an event] tonight; my stomach's out of shape." I knew what he meant, but really wanted to make a joke about how the shape of his stomach hasn't changed. My mind didn't want his "wrong" statement to pass unnoticed. Since I know that such teasing annoys him greatly, I managed to keep quiet. Instead, I did a bunch of stimming and briefly covered my ears to alleviate the anxiety caused by shutting up.

 

[Misty Avich]

2) It's more complicated for people like me; don't expect that the following description will truly explain the issue. We are perfectly capable of comprehending all manners of expression, but we don't necessarily like them. For me specifically, there is a lot of thinking about the various meanings of words. Often, I love to play with them and use puns. At the same time, I can hate non-literal usage, even though I understand what's being said.

I probably was referring to this one.

I only overanalyze things when general anxiety is involved, which has nothing to do with taking things literally or not liking non-literal phrases. I seem to be good at noticing patterns, and if I can see a pattern that doesn't make sense, like me being treated differently from others or something, I get all wound up and need closure. But that is part of RSD and GAD.
The GAD brain automatically overanalyzes situations that has caused distress, and the reason it had caused distress is usually due to a bad experience in the past, such as trauma from bullying or abuse. So bad experiences allows us to see those patterns and freak out that history could be repeating itself. Before I was bullied on another site in 2022-2023, I didn't really get so sensitive to name-calling or other spiteful behaviour on forums and didn't notice patterns of how I'm treated Vs how others are treated, etc. probably because some from the other site are here and their minds have been poisoned against me from the bullies on the other site which makes it harder for me to get over and makes them show me up with snarky comments. Bullying can do a lot of emotional damage, especially for us folk with high anxiety levels.

 

[GrownupGirl]

When, exactly, did it become polite to lie?
When I was a kid I went to a religious school and for some time I believed liars didn't go to heaven. And yet people lie all the time. It feels like the entire world just runs on lies and more lies. It's gross.

 

[Lemon Zing]

What do you get out of communicating with/ funding these parasites?

Disappointment.

 

[Autistic Yoda]

I'll take this one step further because I think I'm picking up on a useful pattern: You've probably already figured out by now that when someone you barely know addresses you as 'my friend', that's a red flag of dishonesty. That person probably intends to use you in some manner. Not always, but usually.

I hypothesize that when people engage in 'how are you doing today?' ritual insincerity, it's somewhat of a warning sign as well. They're subtly overcompensating for how little they're actually inclined to care about your well-being and best interests. That's a person who's looking to overcharge you, sell you things you're better off not purchasing, and won't be naturally inclined to cut you a break when they could easily do so. Just a theory, but I'm probably right.

 

[Autistic Yoda]

Here's another pattern everyone should know: Whenever you get a phone call that begins; "Hello (your name), I am X from Y company. How are you doing today? *pause*"... Just hang up! Even if you're already doing business with that particular company, one fact will be true, a hundred percent of the time: They have nothing to tell you and something to sell you. Irreputable charities soliciting donations do the same thing. Telemarketers invade your privacy and interrupt your day in attempt to hustle your money. Such pests deserve no courtesy, only scorn. If no one rewarded bad behavior, we'd have a lot less of it and a better world.

 

[Outdated]

Here's another pattern everyone should know: Whenever you get a phone call that begins; "Hello (your name), I am X from Y company. How are you doing today? *pause*"... Just hang up!

Definitely agree with this if you're in Australia, calling people like that is called Soliciting and it's illegal. If you get a sales call like that in Australia then it's 100% absolutely a scam. Door to door sales (hawking) is also illegal here now, no more strange young men with funny accents trying to ram their religion down our throats.

 

[Shevek]

My counselor agrees that if you just reply "Fairly suicidal, thanks" in a cheerful tone of voice, they won't even hear the words.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

When, exactly, did it become polite to lie?
When I was a kid I went to a religious school and for some time I believed liars didn't go to heaven. And yet people lie all the time. It feels like the entire world just runs on lies and more lies. It's gross.

I do not answer the phone any more for this reason. When working did not always say hi just ignored, probably why I was seen as a bit off.

 

[Shevek]

When, exactly, did it become polite to lie?
When I was a kid I went to a religious school and for some time I believed liars didn't go to heaven. And yet people lie all the time. It feels like the entire world just runs on lies and more lies. It's gross.

Lies are a necessary social lubricant. When have we ever been advised to tell women they are fat, or tell kids there's no Santa Claus? Marital infidelity is rampant, but because the lies are usually successful, kids wind up with better genes and better support overall. If someone has an accident and regrets it, the evidence will usually be hidden by others. Those are white lies, and if used with skill and benign intent, they have always been polite.
Darker lies are used to cover deliberate crimes, from taking the last cookie to killing a King. The rewards for self-serving lies have risen with the wealth of society, first from generating agricultural surpluses, and now with technology creating incredible fortunes. Whole PR companies take advantage of our credulity to maintain huge lies, and are making deception endemic. We may have to tell a little lie to avoid being harmed by a big one.

 

[FayetheAspie]

It is wrong to lie. And as for the Santa Claus bit, I was brought up knowing that it was false. I knew my parents bought my presents and it was fun. I got to go to the store with one parent to buy for the other and then do the same for the other once I was old enough to get something with my allowance money and that was fun as well.

 

[Judge]

It is wrong to lie.

Dishonesty and diplomacy are one and the same. A pragmatic perpetuation of politeness in the face of uncertain agendas to maintain sovereignty.

Unethical to some, but totally practical to others, who make the decisions. And all nations practice it, except for those who don't. And they too are lying.

It can and does annoy some of us, but it doesn't change the reality that it's a social norm in every society whether they admit it or not.

 

[Shevek]

Suppose you had to administer drug tests where you work. There's a new employee you have known for years, with their whole future and their new family depending on the job. You know that they love poppy-seed muffins. You know that your testing machine can't distinguish between poppy seeds and heroin. Do you report their false positive as fact, as required in your job description?

Your grandmother has lost most of her marbles, but is happy because she is sure that all of her grandchildren will go to Heaven, because they don't have tattoos. Do you correct her, and throw her into anguish until she dies?

You move to a new neighbourhood where most people support a different sports team, religion, or politician than you do. Do you go around telling everyone you disagree, or do you go around to see what things you do have in common, like gardening or Bollywood so you'll feel safe and sociable? The world is full of people who disagree on very basic matters, Either one side is wrong and inadvertently lying, or they both have it wrong. It is best to try to use facts only for good.

 

[Misty Avich]

I believed in Santa up until age 9. I'm glad I did. It made Christmas feel more magical. I wasn't bothered when I found out he wasn't real though. I just figured out for myself that it was our parents who bought us our presents.

 

[AprilR]

I actually like it when people interact with me positively. I also have no problem saying what i feel at the moment like "Fine, a bit tired"etc.