That's great news @Tony Ramirez . Glad that he is able to counsel you and you are open to him and feeling better about yourself in the process.
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Don't approach a women unless she approaches you first.
- Thread starter Tony Ramirez
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Steelbookcollector217
Well-Known Member
well can't speak for every guy, i'm sure tons of men hate and resent that role, expectation of them, many just don't bother to disclose or vent their feelings about it online, yes i know i'm a broken record on this, that gender role is why i'm sure for all time, the forever alone community is male dominated, most chronically forever alone people 30+, 40+ and older are mostly male, even guys, men, who have a better attitude/mindset than me and Tony do, are not mental/emotional wrecks, are still at higher risk of being forever alone/single than women are.
Sadly saw another disclosed case of a guy from the UK that was fuel to fire.
As I said I am handling it much better since off the coffee which is almost like a drug. The ones that snub me I snub back with the same treatment. Why would I want to be friends with them always walking on egg shells.
Caffeine - Alcohol and Drug Foundation
If you are doing better without coffee, are there any caffeinated beverages
that you do still use? (Like Coca Cola, Mt. Dew, ordinary Lipton type tea...etc?)
Yes I drink them less to except green tea but moderate as I have but mostly now water and seltzer water but really the coffee was the real bad thing with caffeine.
Steelbookcollector217
Well-Known Member
Tony, do you think therapy has helped you in anyway?
Yes, it's helping.
"He's never gaslighting me on my obsession with wanting single women, even just as friends or wanting to travel"
I think a lot of the advice on this forum over the years has been for you to look inwards for the validation you seek, rather than outwards; and your attempts to seek it in other people.
Gaslighting is a hot word in mental health these days, but it doesn't detract from the reality that people's advice on here is noteworthy. Again, saying we're gaslighting is pointing the finger away from you, and not asking yourself what you need to heal within.
You might not wish to accept the advice, but it's been repeated time and again - much like your monologues about the anger and distrust you have against so many people.
Realise that if the pattern keeps repeating itself; the constant in this equation is you - and your actions and beliefs that need to be addressed.
You may well continue to blame other people as being the issue, but that disempowers yourself from ever addressing the issues that lie within.
You yourself describing it as an obsession shows it's not healthy.
"Wanting single women" is the sticking point here.
How many potential opportunities for genuine friendships might have been lost because of your standards that only single women are valid and worth your time and effort?
Ed
I think a lot of the advice on this forum over the years has been for you to look inwards for the validation you seek, rather than outwards; and your attempts to seek it in other people.
Gaslighting is a hot word in mental health these days, but it doesn't detract from the reality that people's advice on here is noteworthy. Again, saying we're gaslighting is pointing the finger away from you, and not asking yourself what you need to heal within.
You might not wish to accept the advice, but it's been repeated time and again - much like your monologues about the anger and distrust you have against so many people.
Realise that if the pattern keeps repeating itself; the constant in this equation is you - and your actions and beliefs that need to be addressed.
You may well continue to blame other people as being the issue, but that disempowers yourself from ever addressing the issues that lie within.
You yourself describing it as an obsession shows it's not healthy.
"Wanting single women" is the sticking point here.
How many potential opportunities for genuine friendships might have been lost because of your standards that only single women are valid and worth your time and effort?
Ed
Relationships with women are for good-looking men only.
Ugly guys like me don't stand a chance and I know it.
The pretty girls are obviously not going to go out with an ugly loser like me and I realized that a long time ago.
In fact I think that the pretty girls don't like it when an ugly guy asks them out because it makes them feel bad about themselves.
Ugly guys are not supposed to be dating. period.
Ugly guys like me don't stand a chance and I know it.
The pretty girls are obviously not going to go out with an ugly loser like me and I realized that a long time ago.
In fact I think that the pretty girls don't like it when an ugly guy asks them out because it makes them feel bad about themselves.
Ugly guys are not supposed to be dating. period.
What do you mean by ugly though? Usually ugly is just an opinion, often believed by those with a low self-esteem.
If you don't look like an evil monster like that horrible Axel Rudakubana (if you look him up you'll get the shock of your life) then you probably aren't ugly.
Looks aren't always the reason one stays single. It's usually charisma and social skills that can attract people, just like making friends. I've seen photos of some male Aspies here and they're very good-looking but can't get a girlfriend. Even "average-looking" is attractive.
I don't consider myself very attractive compared to women who wear lots of make-up and straighten their hair, but I'm told I'm not as unattractive as I believe I am. Plus I'm in a relationship so I'm not really looking to attract anyone.
My partner thinks he's ugly too but I think he's the most handsome and cutest guy I've ever met, and he's in his 60s.
It would be interesting to see what you looked like.
Because anytime I've seen photos of guys who post things like you - they looked normal, sometimes even good-looking.
What was always noticeable though was that they never smiled. Not even a hint of a smile. Just a gloomy face.
No wonder people responded the way they did to them.
Truly ugly people are rare. I would argue as well that there is no true "ugliness." There are just people who are not attractive in the way you see in media - which of course is not reality.
Categorizing people as either *pretty* (in the case of females)
and *ugly* (referring to some males) seems to leave out a lot
of people.
It seemed sort of a discriminatory label, *pretty girls.*
What about everybody else?
Are the 'pretty' ones the only ones worth being friends with?
and *ugly* (referring to some males) seems to leave out a lot
of people.
It seemed sort of a discriminatory label, *pretty girls.*
What about everybody else?
Are the 'pretty' ones the only ones worth being friends with?
The father is strong and ugly. The mother is weak and beautiful. The child in-dividual becomes 50/50 ... however the rich get richer and poor poorer, due to a problem.
We say to a female you are Beautiful always. And we say to a man you are Neat (like OCD or Autist). A man should be able to turn around The World or table, for Truth (edit) and Justice
Truth is not one for the two genders.
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Everbody else are sleeping
Well you should also consider that generally women don’t need to be “approached.” Most people in relationships meet through mutual friends, work, other social settings they’re already comfortable in and involved with, &c. Meet up with your friends, do things and go places that make you genuinely happy and challenge you, and you’ll meet people naturally.
Hating and blaming women isn’t doing you any good. It’s making you bitter and cruel and irrational. You shouldn’t be any of those things.
Do you laugh enough every day? I love wit and humour, and would wither without them. I think laughter is so vital, almost as much as air. Women love men who make them laugh. I’m prescribing you Buster Keaton. Just watch this for me and mellow out and laugh.
That's how I met my partner. I don't really know which one of us approached the other first, it was just a mutual sort of move on both parties I think.
So you really think that every single man who’s in a relationship in the world is either tall, good looking, or a millionaire or billionaire, or a combination of these? Because if this were true, there wouldn’t be 8.2 billion people living in the world today. You should consider that you’re the problem, not women. And by that I mean that you need to adapt to the circumstances of the world. You can’t blame women for your frailties.
What do you mean by “chaste”? This is the twenty-first century. Women aren’t chaste anymore. We aren’t slut-shamed to the same degree as we were pre-1960s. We don’t buy chastity. And men don’t buy it or want it for us either. Women want sex as much as men. If you’re looking for chastity, expect to be alone forever.
Exactly. This whole business of “approaching” women…I mean yes, whenever a man materializes out of nowhere/wherever and starts hitting on me, my entire body stiffens and I go into DEFCON2 mode. But when I’m in a social circle or setting that I’m comfortable with and I interact with men there, I’m completely fine.
You don’t want to be friends with them, though. You make it clear when you join groups that you’re there to find sex. Announcing your sexual intentions and “snubbing back” women who are put off by your manners is the reason you’re repeatedly kicked out of groups.
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