Don't approach a women unless she approaches you first.

[Zain]

So you really think that every single man who’s in a relationship in the world is either tall, good looking, or a millionaire or billionaire, or a combination of these? Because if this were true, there wouldn’t be 8.2 billion people living in the world today. You should consider that you’re the problem, not women. And by that I mean that you need to adapt to the circumstances of the world. You can’t blame women for your frailties.

What do you mean by “chaste”? This is the twenty-first century. Women aren’t chaste anymore. We aren’t slut-shamed to the same degree as we were pre-1960s. We don’t buy chastity. And men don’t buy it or want it for us either. Women want sex as much as men. If you’re looking for chastity, expect to be alone forever.

People can get into relationships for all sorts of reasons. Doesn't mean it is optimal or what they truly want. People settle. And I'm mainly talking about how dating is nowadays, for millenials and zoomers.
I'm sure there are women out there who are strong and wise enough to resist social engineering and short-term pleasure and choose to be chaste. I want it. I choose to be. What is this about when you say men don't want it? Why are you so fast to say that?

 

[Kalinychta]

People can get into relationships for all sorts of reasons. Doesn't mean it is optimal or what they truly want. People settle. And I'm mainly talking about how dating is nowadays, for millenials and zoomers.
I'm sure there are women out there who are strong and wise enough to resist social engineering and short-term pleasure and choose to be chaste. I want it. I choose to be. What is this about when you say men don't want it? Why are you so fast to say that?

I’m quoting you here: “Women look at 3 things: height, attractive face and money.” Now you’re using the word “people.” By “people” do you mean women? Now you’re saying women get into relationships for “all sorts of reasons,” and we “settle”? I don’t understand why you persist in listening to miserable incels who want you to keep being as miserable as they are, rather than hear what actual real women are telling you. The men here, too, are trying to guide you.

Are you saying that women who choose to have sex when and with whom we choose simply haven’t resisted social engineering and short-term pleasure? Zain, honey, oh my god,—you either need to move —or adjust your views about women and sex. Women love sex, we’re allowed to have it now as we choose:—we make our own choices, and we don’t feel guilty about it. And PLEASE post a thread RIGHT NOW on this forum asking how many men want “chaste,” obedient women. Do it. You’ll get the answer to your question. I don’t need to answer it for you. They will.

 

[Hypnalis]

So you really think that every single man who’s in a relationship in the world is either tall, good looking, or a millionaire or billionaire, or a combination of these? Because if this were true, there wouldn’t be 8.2 billion people living in the world today. You should consider that you’re the problem, not women. And by that I mean that you need to adapt to the circumstances of the world. You can’t blame women for your frailties.

What do you mean by “chaste”? This is the twenty-first century. Women aren’t chaste anymore. We aren’t slut-shamed to the same degree as we were pre-1960s. We don’t buy chastity. And men don’t buy it or want it for us either. Women want sex as much as men. If you’re looking for chastity, expect to be alone forever.

The right to have preferences, even unrealistic ones, goes both ways.

It's clear you know both sets of cliches (or statistically significant conceptual and behavioral biases if you prefer
I'm wondering if you can see that you don't present them in a balanced way.

 

[Kalinychta]

The right to have preferences, even unrealistic ones, goes both ways.

It's clear you know both sets of cliches (or statistically significant conceptual and behavioral biases if you prefer
I'm wondering if you can see that you don't present them in a balanced way.

Wonder away. Or send another smiley face and then present an opinion in a “balanced way,” if you think I haven’t. The women he’s envisioning only exist in oppressive places where women are at best shamed from birth about sex or at worst are sewn into bags and tossed into rivers and drowned for making decisions about their own sexuality. Sure, if Zain wants to move to deepest Arkansas or Iran, I’m sure he’ll find “chaste women” aplenty. But if he lives in the Western world, he’ll need to broaden his mind pronto, or settle himself to being single for the rest of his days.

 

[Kalinychta]

People can get into relationships for all sorts of reasons. Doesn't mean it is optimal or what they truly want. People settle. And I'm mainly talking about how dating is nowadays, for millenials and zoomers.
I'm sure there are women out there who are strong and wise enough to resist social engineering and short-term pleasure and choose to be chaste. I want it. I choose to be. What is this about when you say men don't want it? Why are you so fast to say that?

Also you didn’t watch the movie I sent you! Watch it, dammit. And report back lickety-split.

 

[lunarious]

I should'nt be here.

 

[Hypnalis]

Wonder away. Or send another smiley face and then present an opinion in a “balanced way,” if you think I haven’t. The women he’s envisioning only exist in oppressive places where women are at best shamed from birth about sex or at worst are sewn into bags and tossed into rivers and drowned for making decisions about their own sexuality. Sure, if Zain wants to move to deepest Arkansas or Iran, I’m sure he’ll find “chaste women” aplenty. But if he lives in the Western world, he’ll need to broaden his mind pronto, or settle himself to being single for the rest of his days.

You seem to be denying other people the right to have preferences. This is not reasonable.

You may be right that his preferred profile is not as common in 2025 as it was 50 years ago.

Of course I like facts - if you have reliable data to support that position I'll change my mind.

 

[Zain]

Also you didn’t watch the movie I sent you! Watch it, dammit. And report back lickety-split.

Sorry. Which movie? I remember you recommending authors, not a movie.

I’m quoting you here: “Women look at 3 things: height, attractive face and money.” Now you’re using the word “people.” By “people” do you mean women? Now you’re saying women get into relationships for “all sorts of reasons,” and we “settle”? I don’t understand why you persist in listening to miserable incels who want you to keep being as miserable as they are, rather than hear what actual real women are telling you. The men here, too, are trying to guide you.

Are you saying that women who choose to have sex when and with whom we choose simply haven’t resisted social engineering and short-term pleasure? Zain, honey, oh my god,—you either need to move to Iran or join Hamas,—or adjust your views about women and sex. Women love sex, we’re allowed to have it now as we choose:—we make our own choices, and we don’t feel guilty about it. And PLEASE post a thread RIGHT NOW on this forum asking how many men want “chaste,” obedient women. Do it. You’ll get the answer to your question. I don’t need to answer it for you. They will.

By people, I mean men and women since they both have a set of preferences they want in a partner. But at some point they are disadvantaged due to age, lack of money, lack of time, etc so they will have to settle. So, when I say all sorts of reasons, I mean unnatural reasons from circumstances created by the environment (society) that one is in. Money can't make one become attractive, the other person is attracted to what can be bought with the money. The person with the money doesn't become attractive because of numbers or paper.
It's unnatural to go from one partner to the next. In nature, things like contraception wouldn't exist, so it would be more punishing to not select your partner properly. So yeah, there is definitely social engineering involved.

 

[Kalinychta]

You seem to be denying other people the right to have preferences. This is not reasonable.

You may be right that his preferred profile is not as common in 2025 as it was 50 years ago.

Of course I like facts - if you have reliable data to support that position I'll change my mind.

I’ve never once said that I deny anyone’s right to prefer anything. What? I’ve never spoken against his or anyone else’s autonomy. I have no idea what you’re referring to here.

I said: “The women he’s envisioning only exist in oppressive places where women are at best shamed from birth about sex or at worst are sewn into bags and tossed into rivers and drowned for making decisions about their own sexuality.”

What I’m saying is that so-called “chaste” women exist in oppressive places—such as in certain areas of the United States—where women are shamed from birth about sex. In worse places in the world, women are still tortured and killed for making sexual decisions about their own bodies and sexuality.

Really, if you want to encourage Zain and other young men on this forum to look for “chaste” women, you’re not doing them any favors. You’re making everything worse for them. Women like sex. Most of us start making love circa the age of seventeen. There’s nothing wrong with that. Sure, if Zain or anyone else wants a woman who feels guilty about sex and wants a man who wants her to feel guilty about sex,—fine, okay. Good luck with that.

 

[Kalinychta]

Sorry. Which movie? I remember you recommending authors, not a movie.

By people, I mean men and women since they both have a set of preferences they want in a partner. But at some point they are disadvantaged due to age, lack of money, lack of time, etc so they will have to settle. So, when I say all sorts of reasons, I mean unnatural reasons from circumstances created by the environment (society) that one is in. Money can't make one become attractive, the other person is attracted to what can be bought with the money. The person with the money doesn't become attractive because of numbers or paper.
It's unnatural to go from one partner to the next. In nature, things like contraception wouldn't exist, so it would be more punishing to not select your partner properly. So yeah, there is definitely social engineering involved.

I don’t get it. I mean I understand what you’re saying, but you have this impressively complicated, almost scientific, tenctacular set of criteria, a formula of sorts, for attraction and relationships. It’s weird to me. To answer an earlier question of yours: yes, humor does it for me. I love men who make me laugh. And yeah, relationships don’t always last. That’s another fact of life. They just don’t. And that’s okay also.

Oh, it was one of the other guys here that I sent a film to, sorry. I sent a Buster Keaton two-reeler to him. I was lecturing about humour, and all that. My point to him was just to watch something funny, or read something funny. Here’s one for you. I don’t even care if you watch this, or just go to a play or read a book or watch a movie that’s funny. No one seems to be laughing anymore, and we need to be.

 

[Hypnalis]

I’ve never once said that I deny anyone’s right to prefer anything. What? I’ve never spoken against his or anyone else’s autonomy. I have no idea what you’re referring to here.

You said this, and continued along the same lines for several posts:
"You should consider that you’re the problem, not women. And by that I mean that you need to adapt to the circumstances of the world. You can’t blame women for your frailties."

Stating a preference doesn't make someone a "problem", nor does it establish they have "frailties".
Doing so is a "slippery slope" at best. What if someone used it to weaken e.g. the "No means no" and "No is a complete sentence" principles?

What I’m saying is that so-called “chaste” women exist in oppressive places—such as in certain areas of the United States—where women are shamed from birth about sex. In worse places in the world, women are still tortured and killed for making sexual decisions about their own bodies and sexuality.

Which specific areas are you talking about? Or are you using "certain areas" as a proxy for some other category? AFAIK no mainstream religion shames women about sex - they're more likely to encourage it. But most prescribe marriage as pre-requisite for members of the religion to engage in sex. You don't have to agree, but it's not reasonable to call it oppression.

And why attach "in certain areas of the world 'very bad things happen'" to a statement about personal preferences? It seems unreasonable to attack people who post here for the existence of events or actions that may occur in places they've never been (or, likely as not, even heard of).

Really, if you want to encourage Zain and other young men on this forum to look for “chaste” women,

Where did that come from? I've never done this in the past, and never will.

BTW I don't mind the accusations as such, but I don't like people claiming I said things that I didn't say or imply.
Please don't do that again.

 

[Zain]

I don’t get it. I mean I understand what you’re saying, but you have this impressively complicated, almost scientific, tenctacular set of criteria, a formula of sorts, for attraction and relationships. It’s weird to me. To answer an earlier question of yours: yes, humor does it for me. I love men who make me laugh. And yeah, relationships don’t always last. That’s another fact of life. They just don’t. And that’s okay also.

Oh, it was one of the other guys here that I sent a film to, sorry. I sent a Buster Keaton two-reeler to him. I was lecturing about humour, and all that. My point to him was just to watch something funny, or read something funny. Here’s one for you. I don’t even care if you watch this, or just go to a play or read a book or watch a movie that’s funny. No one seems to be laughing anymore, and we need to be.

I used to actually be funny and spend a lot of time thinking of jokes. I would watch a lot of comedians and emulate them. Jimmy Carr was my favourite. But I realised that it is not a good substitute for the three things I listed, so it was a waste of effort. If people want to laugh, they should go watch people who are paid to make jokes.
And I believe women and men should have one partner, not only women. It's okay to desire sex and do it but I think it is healthiest inside marriage, that's all.

 

[Kalinychta]

You said this, and continued along the same lines for several posts:
"You should consider that you’re the problem, not women. And by that I mean that you need to adapt to the circumstances of the world. You can’t blame women for your frailties."

Stating a preference doesn't make someone a "problem", nor does it establish they have "frailties".
Doing so is a "slippery slope" at best. What if someone used it to weaken e.g. the "No means no" and "No is a complete sentence" principles?

You said I was denying someone’s right to have a preference. Your post was about rights. I have never challenged anyone’s rights or autonomy. You’re switching subjects.

Which specific areas are you talking about? Or are you using "certain areas" as a proxy for some other category? AFAIK no mainstream religion shames women about sex - they're more likely to encourage it. But most prescribe marriage as pre-requisite for members of the religion to engage in sex. You don't have to agree, but it's not reasonable to call it oppression.

And why attach "in certain areas of the world 'very bad things happen'" to a statement about personal preferences? It seems unreasonable to attack people who post here for the existence of events or actions that may occur in places they've never been (or, likely as not, even heard of).

Specific areas: I said, oppressive areas.
It is reasonable to call it oppression, whether it applies to women or men or both. Sexual desire is part of our animal nature. Denying it, in women or in men, is oppression.
I have not attacked anyone here either. I don’t think Zain feels attacked—I hope not. The point I was making is that women all over the world are sexually shamed and oppressed in different ways and to different extremes. Anything that happens anywhere else in the world could happen here.

Where did that come from? I've never done this in the past, and never will.

BTW I don't mind the accusations as such, but I don't like people claiming I said things that I didn't say or imply.
Please don't do that again.

Your entire argument is about Zain’s “right” to hold women to sexist standards. Go ahead and tell him and the other guys on the forum who are struggling with relationships that it’s their right to want “chaste” women, that if that’s their preference it’s totally cool. I’m telling them otherwise.

 

[Kalinychta]

I used to actually be funny and spend a lot of time thinking of jokes. I would watch a lot of comedians and emulate them. Jimmy Carr was my favourite. But I realised that it is not a good substitute for the three things I listed, so it was a waste of effort. If people want to laugh, they should go watch people who are paid to make jokes.
And I believe women and men should have one partner, not only women. It's okay to desire sex and do it but I think it is healthiest inside marriage, that's all.

So you think that in everyday life, people shouldn’t laugh? Laughter is something that should only happen in comedy clubs?

That’s a completely reasonable view to hold, that sex is healthiest within a committed relationship. I think most people would agree with you there.

 

[Masked Man]

Well you should also consider that generally women don’t need to be “approached.” Most people in relationships meet through mutual friends, work, other social settings they’re already comfortable in and involved with, &c. Meet up with your friends, do things and go places that make you genuinely happy and challenge you, and you’ll meet people naturally.

This is true and I think this is something that a lot of men (and sometimes women too) miss.

There is no standard script to follow. There is no step by step method to acquire access to sex. People aren't like a vending machine where you put in compliments and sex falls out.

All of this is done through social interactions. And if you pay attention, women DO approach men, quite often. It just does not look like you would think it would. And if you aren't able to recognize it, you'll miss it.

This is why people need social interactions and they need to practice at it to get better at it. Because it's not a script, it's more like a dance.

 

[Uri]

Science shows there are genetic differences between people.

Maybe those genetic differences between humans are important for happy relationships as well.

Although I'm not a biologist, I think I know a bit about human evolutionary biology and about how the human brain works. The human brain is incredible complex and we are just beginning to understand it.

Also science shows that we are not completely all the same evolutionarily and genetically speaking.

For instance not everyone is as mathematically gifted as Albert Einstein who came up with the theory of special and general relativity and later also discovered quantum theory.

Also not everyone can beat Garry Kasparov at chess and not everyone can write a superstrong chess engine who can beat the very top professionals in games like Chess and Go.

I think that maybe those genetic and neurophysiological differences between humans, although small, may also play a role in deciding who will form successful and happy relationships and those always struggling forming these happy relationships.

 

[Misty Avich]

This is true and I think this is something that a lot of men (and sometimes women too) miss.

There is no standard script to follow. There is no step by step method to acquire access to sex. People aren't like a vending machine where you put in compliments and sex falls out.

All of this is done through social interactions. And if you pay attention, women DO approach men, quite often. It just does not look like you would think it would. And if you aren't able to recognize it, you'll miss it.

This is why people need social interactions and they need to practice at it to get better at it. Because it's not a script, it's more like a dance.

While I do feel that finding relationships are harder for men on the spectrum, I still agree with you here. There was no ''script'' when me and my partner began dating. He drove the bus I regularly got, I thought he was cute but he seemed too shy to take much notice of me. We had little chats (just smalltalk) during his cigarette breaks in the bus station, but due to his shyness and lack of confidence I wasn't quite sure if I was annoying him or not or if maybe he was married or something. But I still knew there was no harm in just chatting.
But then one day he asked me what my name was and gave a satisfied smile when I told him, and I can't remember what we said next but it led to him saying that he lived all on his own. I don't know why but I knew that was a clue that he was trying to tell me he was single and wanted a partner. I told him I still lived with my parents and pretended to be embarrassed about it, but he then said ''come to my hometown, sort of like a date.''
I smiled and said that I'd love that. But we both were too shy to ask for each other's phone numbers, so he got one of his bus-driver friends to give his to me via Facebook, as my partner didn't have Facebook but his friend did and had me as a friend already.

Now, 10 and a half year later, we're still happily together. I'm not trying to make anyone here jealous or anything, I'm just saying what really happened and maybe this might be helpful to some.

 

[Masked Man]

While I do feel that finding relationships are harder for men on the spectrum,

From my perspective, men on the spectrum are more likely to have difficulties dating due to the social skill aspect. If you have a disorder which affects your ability to socially "read" other people, that's going to naturally put you at a disadvantage.

Women on the spectrum are also at a disadvantage as well - it just does not look the same. It's still a disadvantage though but I don't want to get into the "who has it harder" Olympics because it's not a useful discussion.

Some NT men also have difficulty dating because they are lacking socially due to their cultural upbringing. If you grow up in a culture that still views some people, in this example women, as "other" and "not like us" you will naturally have a hard time empathizing with that person and will view that "other" with suspicion and contempt.

I harp on this but they really need to learn to see as just people. People are just people. They're not mysteries to be solved.