Everybody I know has a life except for myself

[Metalhead]

Day 4 without alcohol.

I am pumping my body full of coffee and water instead of beer. It does a little bit, but the cravings are still there.

I also need to figure out a drama free way to create a lot more distance between myself and my toxic blood family.

 

[Suzette]

Day 4, that's great.
Have you ever heard of "The grey rock method"?
Grey rock method: What it is and how to use it effectively
Please read the article. It would really help with your family.

 

[Thinx]

Sounds like you are determined to beat those cravings.

Can you say more about what's hard about keeping distance from your family? I know they have been very abusive, and you had gained significant independence from them.

 

[Metalhead]

Sounds like you are determined to beat those cravings.

Can you say more about what's hard about keeping distance from your family? I know they have been very abusive, and you had gained significant independence from them.

My mother has been insisting on visiting me every weekend, and I have been trying to avoid talking about dramatic things with her but she insists on continuing to bring those subjects up so she can continue gaslighting me over them.

 

[Thinx]

I see. How does she 'insist on visiting'? Because you made yourself financially independent of her I think?

 

[watersprite]

Next time, don’t let her in. Maybe even a white lie that you’re, err, not alone.

 

[Aspychata]

Omg. I had no idea she was still around you. Just horrible. No wonder you still feel bad.

My heart goes out to you having to deal with such a toxic parent.

Good hear that you are working on freedom from beer. Our need to numb ourselves can sometimes be incredibly strong especially if we feel powerless. I have a toxic situation and l hate myself and l hate dragging down people around me. I do struggle. I have gotten a little better dealing with emotions. Trying speaking up to your mother. Understand she does trigger you and that you have acknowledge those feelings once she takes her toxic arse home.☺

 

[Metalhead]

Almost 2 weeks without booze now.

And I started hitting the gym again last week. And I started weight training again for the first time since the pandemic started. And my body is super sore now. But that will pass.

I cannot bench press as much as I used to be able to, but I can get there again.

And now that I am not drinking, I also am spending a lot more time with my Xbox.

There are meetup groups on Meetup.com that interest me, but they are not having meetups currently because of the pandemic. Bloody hell.

The pandemic will pass eventually, I have to remember I am not alone with this isolation.

 

[Thinx]

Great progress! It's good news for your health, mental and physical, that you have been so determined. Then when the pandemic issues do recede, you will be fit and ready. It doesn't seem to be over yet, but there's a lot of work happening to lessen it's effects.

 

[Metalhead]

I am having some heavy duty insomnia now due to the lack of booze in my system. That is even further a sign that quitting was a good idea. I suppose I could take some Benadryl to knock myself out so I get some rest before work tomorrow, though resorting to drugs is not the greatest idea in the world.

I feel an itch that beer can scratch. I had no idea I was actually this addicted.

 

[Misery]

I suppose I could take some Benadryl to knock myself out so I get some rest before work tomorrow, though resorting to drugs is not the greatest idea in the world.

Well, it depends on what specifically it is. However, my guess is that it also wont help in this situation, considering what specifically is keeping you up. One way or another you're going to have to fight through the detox process, and that's never easy for anyone... there's no quick solution either.

Instead of trying Benadryl outright, if you do decide it's worth a go, ask a doctor first after explaining the situation; they can tell you if it even has a chance of doing something. After all, no point in taking a medication that will have zero effect, that's just silly.

I feel an itch that beer can scratch. I had no idea I was actually this addicted.

I dunno about the others here, but... in all honesty, even through text on a forum it's been quite obvious for a long while. Could see it very frequently in the stuff you post. Recognizable in large part as I have family members who used to be heavily addicted to that stuff (though not to a dangerous level, no drunk driving or anything) and I saw a lot of the same stuff in many of the things you'd say, and I notice that you tend to mention alcohol like, a lot. Not sure I'm explaining it right, but... yeah, it was noticed.

But, you've done well to kick the stuff, so that's good... many dont get this far.

Now you just have to keep it up and not relent. That's probably going to be quite a challenge, but you're up to it, yeah?

 

[Thinx]

Hope you got some sleep. But as you know, it's worth going through this difficult stage to get through with the addiction and get your freedom to choose how you live back.

I think then you will feel a lot more able to tackle the underlying stuff you are up against. You need a plan that can't be undermined. Probably you need to work on getting or reviving links with any allies and friends.

Maybe take up a new interest, volunteer, join a cause and do stuff instead of playing games and staying alone and vulnerable. I know Covid has made all that more difficult. But as you can sometimes see on this forum, many of us might be undermined and manipulated by family members or others if we did not find some way to take active steps to have other support and lives they cannot damage.

 

[Metalhead]

Hope you got some sleep. But as you know, it's worth going through this difficult stage to get through with the addiction and get your freedom to choose how you live back.

I think then you will feel a lot more able to tackle the underlying stuff you are up against. You need a plan that can't be undermined. Probably you need to work on getting or reviving links with any allies and friends.

Maybe take up a new interest, volunteer, join a cause and do stuff instead of playing games and staying alone and vulnerable. I know Covid has made all that more difficult. But as you can sometimes see on this forum, many of us might be undermined and manipulated by family members or others if we did not find some way to take active steps to have other support and lives they cannot damage.

I was able to sleep for a couple of hours. I probably will get a lot more sleep when I get home from work today. I do need a new interest outside of video games and home movie watching. I finally will commit to buying that bicycle I wanted for a while, despite my mother's protests that it terrifies her.

 

[Metalhead]

More than two weeks without beer, and I really want to walk to the corner store to break my sobriety. Exactly how long is this BS supposed to last? I get it, I am an alcoholic and not drinking is the best thing I can do for myself. My body is sending me the exact opposite message because I am addicted.

 

[Thinx]

Yes, it'll take a while for that to stop happening. Your body doesn't get that, but your mind does. Short term, it will be tough; exercise is your friend, as you have said. Try putting on some music and dancing? Tidying your cupboards? Painting a wall? Making a model from a kit? Phone a friend? Make a meal?

Activity is best. And that's true anyway, as drugs and alcohol don't sit well alongside meaningful or focussed activities. Distract yourself, and occupy yourself. It will be great to be more fit.

 

[Metalhead]

Yes, it'll take a while for that to stop happening. Your body doesn't get that, but your mind does. Short term, it will be tough; exercise is your friend, as you have said. Try putting on some music and dancing? Tidying your cupboards? Painting a wall? Making a model from a kit? Phone a friend? Make a meal?

Activity is best. And that's true anyway, as drugs and alcohol don't sit well alongside meaningful or focussed activities. Distract yourself, and occupy yourself. It will be great to be more fit.

Yeah, I think I will walk to the gym instead of the corner store to burn off some of this (insert favorite expletives here) energy I am feeling. Damn it, I hate this feeling I am having.

 

[Metalhead]

I am incredibly cranky right now. And irritable. And angry. I am feeling everything I have tried to avoid feeling. And I am very pissed off right now.

 

[tree]

I am incredibly cranky right now. And irritable. And angry. I am feeling everything I have tried to avoid feeling. And I am very pissed off right now.

I think your blood sugar is low.

When was the last time you ate?

This question is not intended to deny the reality of your thoughts and feelings.
I am asking because you mentioned wanting to go get a drink, and alcohol
consumption messes with blood sugar. Wanting a drink can be an indication
of low blood sugar....and irritability, anger, and overwhelming feelings are
definitely associated with that state.

 

[Metalhead]

I mean, seriously, I tell my parents I was sexually abused by my aunt and uncle, and my mother, who usually is a strong supporter of the “Me Too” movement, decides to tell everybody in the family that she read a scientific study about people who believed in all their hearts and souls that they were sexually abused, but that does not mean the abuse actually happened, and that I am the only person she decided to apply that scientific study to. Not to mention, the family is accusing me of emotional blackmail because I am refusing to go to family functions where this aunt and uncle are invited to.

Anybody can do whatever they want to me, and my mother will make sure there is nothing I can realistically do about it.

Hell. I am beyond pissed off right now.

 

[Metalhead]

I literally just vomited repeatedly even though I had no alcohol in my system. I can’t live with this feeling. This hopelessness. This disgusting feeling that the most narcissistic people in the world have all of the power.