Everyone online, stop using stupid phrases like "you will find your tribe" or "your people".

[Tony Ramirez]

It is making me sick hearing it. So far, I have not "found my tribe". I found nothing but misery going to nothing but new social groups trying and trying. Getting sick mentally and physically. Mentally, causing me to go on higher antidepressants and antipsychotics. Physically causing me to actually catch more colds, which before I once went three years without catching a cold. Never mind the body aches and the physical headaches and the cramps and the agonizing pain I get in my body.

It's always the same thing when I try a new social group. I try to talk to people, but I am always spoken over. It gets to the point where every person is engaged in a conversation, even people right next to me and yes I try to talk to them, but I am often ignored and spoken over. Then I just give up and end up putting on headphone every time to drown out their chatter. This happens last Friday when I joined a new Meetup cooking club that my "two friends" were in. Not only after my meal was not even in the picture, but I was the only one without a picture. Even the two newcomers engaged in detail conversations and the new women just said glad to meet you saying goodbye but meanwhile talked to everyone including a "shy guy" who sure knew how to talk.

I am tired of every group containing fake introverts who might possibly be autistic. The only autistic I meet IRL are level 3 worse than my sister than can't even talk sentence and just make noises. Everyone else looks like they might be a level 1 until they start talking, then they are surely normal.

 

[lunarious]

Right.

A narsissist Loves himself. I wonder if that's exactly what you must do. To Love yourself, (edit: then) Love others.

Life is difficult. So i can't write how you should think. You must find that out through meditation for example.

But, recently i learned to better meditate. Meditation is Physically about balance. Balance is in you, balance starts in your core and spine.

But right now you are good to beat up people though . Though defence and balance is not about beating people.

PS: I see Meditation as a sport

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Used to be brother and sister, only brothers and sister I have is my actual family.

 

[lunarious]

The Family is the foundation of society.

 

[velociraptor]

So far, I have not "found my tribe".

That sounds like a you problem. I found my first one over three decades ago and celebrate my next AA birthday on Feb 15th. Found a few others along the way and am looking forward to going paddle boarding with one of them if it ever warms up again. Winter. Blah.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

That sounds like a you problem

How can it be a you problem when I put in the effort to show up to all of these meeting groups but in the end I am ignored. No I don't look miserable at first. I put in a smile. I try to engage but when I am talked over, interrupted and then invisible my mood changes.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's now affecting my body me mentally and physically I think it's damaging it. All I get here is that it's my fault from the same people and that I am not doing enough. I am putting tremendous stress and debt on my parents.

 

[lunarious]

I think or know these same people want you to think they are god. They are arrogant.

If one is dumb, then i'd think he/she is arrogant.

 

[velociraptor]

How can it be a you problem when I put in the effort to show up to all of these meeting groups but in the end I am ignored.

Because all you do is complain to the point where you are a toxic individual and others flee your presence to preserve their own mental health. This is the fundamental problem you have and it is not going away until you change you. Sorry for the bluntness, but this is the hole you're in and all I see you doing is continuing to dig it deeper.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Because all you do is complain to the point where you are a toxic individual and others flee your presence to preserve their own mental health. This is the fundamental problem you have and it is not going away until you change you. Sorry for the bluntness, but this is the hole you're in and all I see you doing is continuing to dig it deeper.

I'm toxic when I go into a new group without knowing anyone but they treat me like I don't exist. I try my hardest to socialize to the point now that I am getting sick insomnia and major anxiety depression my household is a mess literally falling apart the house is too physically because of financial then I have to keep hearing crap from you like it's my fault always gaslighting me instead of encouraging me saying something positive.

 

[lunarious]

@Tony Ramirez ... Right. The people are not so helpful. They don't say good things. Positive things.

I thought: I get more a sense of purpose when I ignore the people and hate, because all i get from them is bad Negativity. So two minus equals plus.

Hate the thought, has never hurt anyone. However the hypocrisy has. Most people are hypocritical.

So we say in Arabic: "The door that brings you Wind, close and relax".

 

[thejuice]

Because all you do is complain to the point where you are a toxic individual and others flee your presence to preserve their own mental health

How do you know it's all he does in public? It seems like an impression you have from how he vents on a support forum.

 

[thejuice]

Tony can you talk to your therapist about relaxation techniques? The 'why' doesn't matter, try not to get lost thinking about the reasons for your current slump. We will always be marginalised. Try to focus on just relaxing. Your body is telling you it's not in good shape, you can reverse this.

 

[velociraptor]

How do you know it's all he does in public? It seems like an impression you have from how he vents on a support forum.

Familiarity with the type. Over two decades as a sponsor in AA as well.

 

[lunarious]

Boooo

 

[Mary Terry]

@Tony Ramirez - If you'd stop thinking you should be the center of attention at social gatherings, you'd fare better. If you're hogging the floor, trying to be the only one talking and expecting people to hang onto your every word, then, yeah, people are going to avoid you. If you listen to what others are talking about and respond to what they are saying, then you become a contributor to a conversation, a participant, and a part of the group. You can't always control the topic of a conversation among people or you will alienate them.

 

[lunarious]

You can't always control the topic of a conversation among people or you will alienate them.

Is this True @Tony Ramirez ?

 

[Boogs]

I'm toxic when I go into a new group without knowing anyone but they treat me like I don't exist. I try my hardest to socialize to the point now that I am getting sick insomnia and major anxiety depression my household is a mess literally falling apart the house is too physically because of financial then I have to keep hearing crap from you like it's my fault always gaslighting me instead of encouraging me saying something positive.

@Tony Ramirez, people will always respond to what they perceive in someone. This seems a common occurring issue, in almost every situation you've described to my best recall, but the one common factor is yourself.
Without judging or self-criticising, maybe you need to dwell on the fact that there's something in your behaviour, that isn't in others (in those situations) that's triggering a bad reaction towards you.

In the end, it doesn't matter what it is as such, it's not a question of blame, or fault, in either direction, it's a simple message that unless you first work on what that may be, then change that, you'll be stuck in a repeating progression of unhappy situations that it seems are making you ill.
Because others you try and interact with clearly don't know what it is, so expecting them to be able to discern it in you and change their own behaviour, is just not going to happen, and the more you rail against it the further away you move from a solution to it.

I'm sorry if that's not the message you want to hear, but it seems you're unwilling to listen and respond to the many suggestions made in good will here, and give the impression (accurate or not) that you expect everyone else to fix your problems. I believe this is the stark reality you face if you really want to turn things around. Many of us here have taken a long time to get to similar points, I'm sure many haven't yet got there, and it's a continuous process in the end - learning to consider yourself more objectively.

If knowing how others think (believing you're gaslighted etc) doesn't help change things, then that leaves yourself to work on. With the best will in the world no-one else can do it all for you.

[Edit}:
I notice you've often mentioned being 'gaslighted' but I've never seen any details about that. Can you tell us a little more detail about what's being said to you that you consider to be gaslighting? I ask as an effort to get my head around what you're really trying to describe because to me it's just a word unless there's more context.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

@Tony Ramirez - If you'd stop thinking you should be the center of attention at social gatherings, you'd fare better. If you're hogging the floor, trying to be the only one talking and expecting people to hang onto your every word, then, yeah, people are going to avoid you. If you listen to what others are talking about and respond to what they are saying, then you become a contributor to a conversation, a participant, and a part of the group. You can't always control the topic of a conversation among people or you will alienate them.

No I don't want to be the center of attention. Stop putting words in my mouth. I just want to be acknowledged that I exist. Meaning that I don't want to be the one sitting there every time by myself while everyone else is talking even right next to me forcing me to put on headphones.

Again for the billionth time I try to engage in conversation with them and again I am spoken over and ignored the other person many times a newbie so called faker sky guy introvert will talk his head off and I can't get a word in. Every time. You are not there.

 

[Boogs]

Stop putting words in my mouth.

I think @Mary Terry was only making a suggestion, not judging you or putting words in your mouth...

If you're hogging the floor, trying to be the only one talking and expecting people to hang onto your every word, then, yeah, people are going to avoid you.

I think she's trying to provide possible explanations, as your descriptions are not always easy to fully understand.
If you think someone here has misunderstood something you've written, I'd suggest a couple things instead of disparaging them -
One, you're judging someone trying to help, not someone insulting you or being abusive.
Two, on that basis, maybe if you were to provide a better explanation as to what you mean, then you can correct this in a constructive fashion that may be more helpful to you, and less likely to alienate others here trying their best and being put down for their efforts because you think they aren't good enough.

If I'm wrong, and there's something else going on, the onus is on you to make that clear, not expect everyone to understand you automatically, especially in a forum such as this full of all sorts of people with all sorts of conditions and problems.

Just a thought, I doubt you'll like it, but how about trying to engage with other peoples posts looking for advice and support here? I may just have not seen it (in which case I apologise), but you don't seem to engage as much in other threads here?