Everyone online, stop using stupid phrases like "you will find your tribe" or "your people".

[thejuice]

Tony has had some social success at his games club. I think it helps when it's activity based.

 

[thejuice]

I've settled for being around people but not 'of people', when I inevitably don't get included in conversation like Tony (eg turned away body language, no eye contact, no interest in what I have to say) Ive had to accept my role as the outsider to maintain my sanity.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Tony has had some social success at his games club. I think it helps when it's activity based.

I've settled for being around people but not 'of people', so when I inevitably don't get included in conversation like Tony (eg turned away body language, no eye contact, no interest in what I have to say) Ive had to accept my role of the outsider to maintain my sanity.

Your the only one here that understands me and knows what I am going through. Thanks.

 

[Boogs]

Being very late to realising my neurological state, I always assumed most people just don't like me very much, which for someone with terminal insecurity and lack of self worth, this seemed a perfectly reasonably explanation!

The difficult bit were the few who persisted in being friends, never could understand that nearly so well. Kind of undermined my whole outlook!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

But I want friends and I want to socialize because if I stay home with my narcissist family I will also go stir crazy so it's a catch 22.

 

[tree]

How's it going with the new therapist, @Tony Ramirez ?

Does it feel like the therapist knows what you are talking about?

 

[thejuice]

Yes it's harder for sociable autists

But I want friends and I want to socialize

Chaos at home is never good, adds to the stress!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

How's it going with the new therapist, @Tony Ramirez


?

Good, I speak with him tomorrow

 

[thejuice]

Good, I speak with him tomorrow

Do you think it's worth talking about relaxation techniques? It's literally impossible to be in a nervous, tense, worried, anxious state when you're fully relaxed. You can't be two things at once, you see, our brains aren't that sophisticated.

 

[Boogs]

But I want friends and I want to socialize because if I stay home with my narcissist family I will also go stir crazy so it's a catch 22.

So did I, but came to the conclusion that I'd never have many, but those few I did gradually make were true friends who accepted me for myself. I just avoided having acquaintances, because I couldn't trust them or rely on them.
That was, I figured, the dice I'd had rolled in my creation, and to fight against it seemed just to be rejecting myself and who I was, whether I liked it or not. The truth can be a brutal thing, but I was never any good at living (what I felt) was a lie. In the end acceptance of myself was the best path I found.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am on a verge of another nervous breakdown. I can feel it coming.

What a shock how extremely difficult for only me it is to make "true friends" that "stick with you till the end". What a damn joke.

 

[thejuice]

I exist to annoy people, thats my calling

 

[Boogs]

What a shock how extremely difficult for only me it is to make "true friends" that "stick with you till the end".

You don't really think you're the only one to struggle and suffer? Sorry to say, you're not unique in that fashion.
Why are you so dismissive of other peoples suffering? I can promise you one thing, there are always others who are worse off, as well as others better off.
Have some sympathy for the people here, and explain if you really don't want people's attempts to help and engage?

What I find frustrating, and I'll try to stop posting now as you don't seem to want anything I'm able to try and provide, is you cry for help, are clearly suffering, but don't seem to want to engage with real solutions. Not even to explain why they are no help to you - you prefer to reject them or just ignore them.
Now maybe you only want sympathy here, and don't want actual suggestions to maybe improve your life, and if so that's totally fine, but I keep seeing members making suggestions, trying to help you, only to be rejected, even insulted for their efforts - you give an impression, maybe wrongly, that you have little time or care for others sometimes.
It's unclear to me what you really want from these posts?

I assume you won't want to engage with this post either, which is your choice, but from my own personal view and your reluctance to engage with answers to people's questions and attempts to help and understand from others (me at least, not trying to speak for anyone else) you seem to want to stay in your current unhappy situation.

I feel like you're driving me away - I can't help wondering if this is just me, or if this is something coming out in your face to face encounters that work out badly?

 

[Rodafina]

What a shock how extremely difficult for only me it is to make "true friends" that "stick with you till the end".

@Tony Ramirez,
How much time do you spend reading forum threads that are not yours?

I'm asking because your struggle to find "true friends" that "stick with you to the end" is very common.

I wonder if it would be helpful to you to read more about others on the forum who are just like you in some ways. You are not alone.

 

[velociraptor]

I wonder if it would be helpful to you to read more about others on the forum who are just like you in some ways. You are not alone.

It would also be helpful to not order strangers around:

'Everyone online, stop using stupid phrases like "you will find your tribe" or "your people".'

I think I am a cat that was mistakenly packaged as a human. Telling me not to do something pretty much guarantees that I will. I also like to knock things off of the counter onto the floor.

 

[thejuice]

'Everyone online, stop using stupid phrases like "you will find your tribe" or "your people".'

I don't know, I found that quite funny personally as I know the frustration

 

[thejuice]

Often the illness of depression can be mistaken for selfishness. Part of it is losing interest in everything. Including getting better.

 

[honeytoast]

I feel like you put up expectations of strangers to do something for you, but then get disappointed that it doesn't happen because...they're strangers. They're not obligated to talk or interact with you. You are a stranger to them just as much.

Hope you continue with therapy.

 

[Judge]

It is making me sick hearing it. So far, I have not "found my tribe"

If this offends you so much, you might think about what it was that prompted them to make such a statement in the first place. Particularly if multiple people are saying it. It certainly doesn't sound like something complete strangers would say to you before you actually engaged in a conversation with them.

How you respond to people might prompt them to provide such feedback in the first place. What do you think it could be that would make someone say something like that?

I can only speculate, but it sounds like you are continuing to "info-dump" on people, particularly total strangers. Conversationally speaking, from my own experiences long ago I learned that's something not to do. To keep conversations "light" and not go into anything personal about yourself in general.

That those you don't know intimately are likely to be either offended or uncomfortable by someone being so frank about themselves when they don't really know you. Maybe it's considered something within the guise of NT culture- I'm not really sure. But I do know most persons I hardly know tend to react that way if I get too personal too quickly with them, especially in more casual circumstances like a discussion over a cup of coffee.

Seems to me that if you violate such a social dynamic, odds are the next time you see the same group of people, you will have already alienated them from you. Making any further contact with them likely unsuccessful.

That the only place on the planet you want anyone to tell you, "You need to find your tribe" would be here and here alone. Even then, because you've been a member of this community for years, only a "newbie" who isn't familiar with you would likely tell you something like that here.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I never told them that in the new group. I did not say any personal stuff or trauma dump. I acted normal and was still ignored.

Once again I can better socialize yes regardless of gender with one person if we share common interests. I had conversations that lasted over 10 minutes.

In groups at most two people again regardless of gender. Any more and it falls apart and I can never maintain any conversation.