Everyone online, stop using stupid phrases like "you will find your tribe" or "your people".

[tree]

@Tony Ramirez

It's good that you've started meeting with a therapist
so that you can work on what's going on in your
interactions with people.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You just identified everyone here to tries to help you as wrong and unhelpful.

You say I don't do enough to get out of my comfort zone all the time but when I do you then blame me that it's not enough I am not putting in the effort and again it's my fault. I just can't win.

 

[Judge]

Always back to square one with every friend being fair weather then I get blamed here for not trying or that it's my attitude or that I did something wrong like not engage enough when they ignored me.

It isn't because you aren't trying, or haven't engaged enough with people. But it still seems a mystery of sorts as to why you get negative reactions from groups of people who amount to being complete strangers. That's something to work on and especially discuss with your therapist, who with more information might be able to figure it out.

That it could be just a matter of "social mechanics". Learning what to say in such social situations, apart from what not to say, or even how you appear when you say it. None of this is ever particularly easy for any of us here.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

But it still seems a mystery of sorts as to why you get negative reactions from groups of people who amount to being complete strangers.

Negative reactions to me is being ostracized which I found out is the worst. It actually caused physical pain which is why I now understand why it caused so much mental and physical pain in my body all those years in the past and now in the present.

 

[Judge]

Negative reactions to me is being ostracized which I found out is the worst. It actually caused physical pain which is why I now understand why it caused so much mental and physical pain in my body all those years in the past and now in the present.

No doubt, Tony. But you have to figure out why people are reacting in such a way, so you can at least develop a plan to counter whatever it is that may offend people. One thing for sure, even such social dynamics intended only to be friendly and pleasant can still be complicated- and yes, at times painful for us.

 

[thejuice]

Tony's threads usually run at a high temperature and sometimes it can encourage a few 'brutal truths'. It's not always nice to receive those very personal home truths, especially publicly.

I wonder if there is such a thing as social coaching for autistics. Maybe a life coach? Perhaps with the money saved on yoga Tony could hire one.

 

[thejuice]

Negative reactions to me is being ostracized which I found out is the worst. It actually caused physical pain which is why I now understand why it caused so much mental and physical pain in my body all those years in the past and now in the present.

I have those aches and pains because I never learned to relax and let go!

 

[Judge]

Tony's threads usually run at a high temperature and sometimes it can encourage a few 'brutal truths'. It's not always nice to receive those very personal home truths, especially publicly.

That's usually tough for most of us to deal with as well.

However in the long run I think it's far more important to support members in terms of telling them what they truly need to know, as opposed to what people simply want to hear. As a community, we may have a lot of hurting people here, but we also have a lot of tough and resilient people as well.

While we may struggle with autism and its comorbid conditions, we manage to survive them. We all rock in that respect.

 

[thejuice]

I agree, although they don't want the medicine so bitter they gag.

 

[velociraptor]

However in the long run I think it's far more important to support members in terms of telling them what they truly need to know, as opposed to what people simply want to hear.

I prefer short-term pain for long-term gain. It's better for me to receive the straight goods from others about where and how I can improve.

 

[Judge]

I prefer short-term pain for long-term gain. It's better for me to receive the straight goods from others about where and how I can improve.

Agreed. Though in Tony's case, I don't think any of us (including Tony) knows for sure what may trigger such responses from complete strangers in orchestrated social events.

That's why at this point the best hope he may have may well be in directly and physically interacting with his therapist in real time to get to the bottom of it all. They're trained and paid to do this. For all of our good intentions, we just aren't in the same league.

IMO support just isn't enough for Tony at this point. That he needs real solutions from real professionals.

 

[Mary Terry]

You say I don't do enough to get out of my comfort zone all the time but when I do you then blame me that it's not enough I am not putting in the effort and again it's my fault. I just can't win.

I've never said that you don't do enough to get out of your comfort zone. Never, not even once. What I have repeatedly recommended is that you get a therapist to work with you on why you fail at socializing in the manner you want to socialize.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I have not left the house since Monday. Besides being cold out which before never bothered me I feel better. I can deal with my family.

It's sure a hell of a lot better than going outside in the real world, being ostracized and treated like a freak.

I might not leave the house until Sunday for church unless it's cancelled again because of the weather.

 

[velociraptor]

It's sure a hell of a lot better than going outside in the real world, being ostracized and treated like a freak.

Being lonely isn't so much fun, either. Have you tried volunteer work? I'm just finishing my tea and then I'm going out to shovel snow for some seniors and people with disabilities this evening. I have met some other, very nice folks as part of the Snow Angels program. We have a common interest of helping others and we can connect because of it despite sometimes having nothing else in common. Volunteer work is a great way to meet good people locally while making a difference in your community.

 

[Masked Man]

I have not left the house since Monday. Besides being cold out which before never bothered me I feel better. I can deal with my family.

It's sure a hell of a lot better than going outside in the real world, being ostracized and treated like a freak.

I might not leave the house until Sunday for church unless it's cancelled again because of the weather.

You do what's best for your mental health. If social interaction is not working then stop doing it. Perhaps you should stop doing things that ultimately make you unhappy. Maybe that's best.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Have you tried volunteer work?

Again with no references I couldn't even get my foot in the door. Yes I asked my fair weather friends they said they would help me hence the term fair weather.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You do what's best for your mental health. If social interaction is not working then stop doing it. Perhaps you should stop doing things that ultimately make you unhappy. Maybe that's best.

I tried that for 15 years and I nearly went insane with loneliness. Which is why I started to socialize 5 1/2 ago the same day I registered here.

 

[velociraptor]

Again with no references I couldn't even get my foot in the door.

You don't have to give references to be a snow angel. You just gotta show up with a shovel and move some snow. They're not picky. It's not like being a 4H leader where I had to do a gazillion background checks.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You don't have to give references to be a snow angel. You just gotta show up with a shovel and move some snow. They're not picky. It's not like being a 4H leader where I had to do a gazillion background checks.

I believe you. I am going to try to apply for some volunteer services but if they require references and/or college I swear to God I will not only post it here but I will even show you screenshots as proof

 

[thejuice]

I have not left the house since Monday. Besides being cold out which before never bothered me I feel better. I can deal with my family.

It's sure a hell of a lot better than going outside in the real world, being ostracized and treated like a freak.

I might not leave the house until Sunday for church unless it's cancelled again because of the weather.

How cold is it? Have you got lots of thermals tops and bottoms, I don't feel the cold at all with them on