Help Please: Possible Aspie. Very Very long, only read if you're interested in helping :)

[The Phantom]

P. I am not a diagnostician but I think I see Aspers generally socially inept, somewhat detached, focused, and high bandwidth. Boorish but brilliant.
All the other aspects are subsets. I could be wrong.

Yeah I think that's what it is for the most part.

OCD and Aspergers are not, technically, "parts" of each other. You can have either one without having the other.

They often coincide. That's not the same.

Yeah, I don't think I phrased that correctly. I fully understand they don't come together. I meant that if it was possible one could develop OCD or other similar disorders because/ as a part of Aspergers. Not always, but I meant possible SOME cases of OCD and Aspergers have some sort of strong relation (in an individual case). Thanks for clearing that up though.

 

[Beverly]

Phantom, my mother was the same with me, wanted me to be a "prissy" girl. I am anything but, in fact so tomboyish as to be close to being transgendered, and people have thought I am. In games, I play male characters because they are more relatable to me.

Being the stubborn person I am, I never caved to my mother. We aren't' on speaking terms now, haven't been since I was 24 and, though it was difficult then, I am very glad I never caved, never hid who I am. Had I coved in to her wishes, I'd still be faking it, still be acting the priss when that isn't me. Now, I can use that acting to fit into a situation where it's expected but, my real friends know I'm a tomboy that hates makeup, skirts and, heels with a passion.

They know I like hunting, fishing, fixing cars, building computers, cooking and am not afraid to carry or move heavy things. Mostly I'm "one of the guys" that just happens to be a woman and, as much as it may not seem so to you now, it really doesn't matter when it comes to being accepted.

It's true that you will most likely end up with more male than female friends, and feel more at ease in a mostly male group but, contrary to what your mother may have told you, not every male wants sex with every female. Men are just a capable of platonic friendship as we are and, they enjoy it regardless of your gender if you are into what they are into.

Play the game now if you have to, it might be easier on your family life but, never forget who you are, don't loose yourself to the game.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

I do function fairly well, but I do struggle a lot. I have my moments where people can tell, but usually I'm good at disguising it. I think one of the biggest problems I have trying with the expectation to conform mostly comes from my mother. Allow me to explain. I have an older brother, and that's it. So we're kind of the 'ideal' family for some. My mother had many friends who were very jealous when I was born, because they had only sons, and they wanted a daughter. My mom got what she wanted though. When I was a baby up until about 10 years old, I was a very feminine/girly. My favorite color has always been Yellow, but I loved pinks and glitter and the like. I also liked wearing barrettes with all the girly designs and such. but I stopped wearing them cause I wanted them to stay completely in place, and not move. I always wanted it to be 'tighter'. But that's a different issue, but I think it's related to my OCD, I'm not too sure. Anyhow, I started turning into a tomboy around 5th grade. My room was still the same after all those years, but I wore either my brothers hand-me downs, or very plain/sporty girls clothes, and I started befriend a lot more boys, even though I always had male friends. I wore headbands in place of barrettes and never wore skirts since. It wasn't a 'rebellious' thing, It's just what I liked. Unfortunately my mother is upset baout this and wants me to be more feminine, thinking that It would improve my social life. She outright REFUSES to let me dress up as a boy character for halloween or any school costume days. Before she would have allowed it, but since I've gotten more boyish she's been acting different. She get's mad when I don't want to wear earings or lipgloss, or anythign like that, even when I tell her it's too dressed-up for me, and I know people would comment. Not insult, but i still don't like it when people mention it.
Anyway, I do see where you're coming from with the brain development. I can see how isolation helps to think deeper about certain subjects, I find that moreso than talking with a friend (usually. And while i can't think of a specific example, I often find myself telling my friends what they're doing is idiotic, and they think I'm uptight/unfun or just being silly.
And thank you, I will definatley be sticking around no matter my diagnosis. I do wish to be an author (even not as my main job, but a hobby) one day, so maybe I can create my own influence haha just a passing thought.

P, most folks seek security in conforming to conformists. We tend to seek answers to our questions by conforming to non conformists. Security and curiosity
are mutually exclusive to each other. That is to say one must sacrifice one to satisfy the other.
I see a great potential within you, young Jedi. Dare to be great and teach the children no matter what their age. Your mom bought into the indoctrination of her time.
Education and love are the answers to most human problems.
Soar above the fray, prove your points by exceeding your own expectations. Be true, to you.

 

[AsheSkyler]

OCD, ADD, SPD, ASD

I accept your wall of text, and raise you another.
It's probably come up already, but likely you have autism and OCD, ADD, and SPD are your main three comorbids, with a touch of social anxiety.

Let's just get this out of the way: I am EXTREMELY sensitive. [...] I also get irrationally sad when another kid (one of my friends, usually a boy) gets in trouble.

Cynthia Kim from Musings of an Aspie discusses that odd sort of sensitivity where somebody else gets in trouble and YOU feel guilty. I do that too. Really annoying, ain't it?

FYI, I HATE being interrupted when I'm watching a video or listening to music. I get into a zone, and when my mom tries to talk to me about random stuff or yells at me to do my work I get extremely mad. I clench my muscles and groan and act very weird. It's an almost wired physical reaction. Sometimes, I cry when I have to go out, cause I was in the middle of something. I need to be told and have time to prepare in advance to go out, or I'll either get angry or cry. I refused to go to dinner the other day because my parents told me to just get dressed and go, but I was sweaty and feeling unclean and I refused to do it, because I wasn't allowed to shower.

Oo, I hear ya! Zones are nice places to be, you spend so much of your day tensed up and hyperaware of everything so you don't offend people by being too weird, so you go to zone out and relax or go in the zone so you've got all the brain power you need to focus on a project. And then somebody bugs you and shatters it to a million pieces.

It's also common Aspie behaviour to like to have routines, rituals, and a proper heads-up to prepare for something. I have a house rule that nobody just drops in unannounced, I must have a day's notice first. Of course, I also work from home, so I can hit people with a double whammy of being rude, and also being unprofessional and disrespectful of my job. I tend to keep myself busy trying to keep finances up, so I can get particularly aggressive with unwanted visitors.

School:- I fail math, and struggle in science. I do ok in science depending on which subject. But Math I always do bad in. Because I never pay any attention when the concepts are explained. This is what led me ot believe I had ADD, along with the foot jiggling. I'm good at language, depending ono the teacher. I'm also good at Social Studies, but I am bad at turning in assignments (as with all my classes).

No worries, not every Aspie is a math whiz. I didn't come into my math skills until college because I hated how imprecise algebra was. But we do have quite a few running around the forum that suck at math, so you're not alone or disqualified.

However, I play piano as a well, but I struggle with it. I can play hands separate fluently, but when I pay with both hands I'm terrible. It takes me a few moths to play a very easy piece solidly.

There are Aspies that have very poor coordination like that. I never got two-handed playing down well on the piano, even though I can type well. Something about pressing down with a finger on both hands at once throws me off.

However, my biggest hobby would probably be performing arts. I am greatly involved in my schools Drama program, taking part in school plays and musicals, which my Drama Teacher says I'm very good in. I also an a dancer. This is where my parents start to refuse the idea of aspergers. They think that people with Aspergers are too shy to do Drama work or something of the sort. But believe me, I egt as nervous as anybody, because I feel people will laugh at me for the way I deliver my lines. It doesn't help that I liked a boy in my class, but that's besides the point. I get nervous that EVERYONE will think I'm weird.

On the contrary, there have been some well off actors of movies and theatres that were on the spectrum! And some also have beautiful coordination for dance, martial arts, and other physical things like that, even if they're an absolute klutz at home. Some Aspies who get really focused on studying social routines to blend in sometimes gravitate strongly to theatre since there they can really act out and test their social skills without the repercussions of doing it in person or "for real". And of course some just really love it like any Aspie would a special interest.

Social Life: I can function quite normally at school, but I'm shyer than people think. I usually look people in the eyes only briefly, and focus on either the floor/wall, or another point of their face to mimci eye-contact. This is usually more with boys, even though I don't have any romantic feelings for them. I mean, even if I don't have romantic feelings for them. I act the samea round a boy I have a crush on. I also Don't like talking too much, because I don't like my voice (Very deep for a young girl) and it gets loud unintentionally.And because of how odd it is when it's coming form me, people usually look at me when I'm talking (I mean pretty intensely, and I hate it). But sometimes I'll rattle on and don't realize people are getting bored or fed up. I also hate sall tlak and don't ask people things for the sake of conversation. But mostly I hate it when people expect me to answer. I have a friend who's a small-talker and I loiek her a lot, but it drives me NUTS. I'm scared to approach people who I think are more popular than me, even though I sit with the popular girls at lunch (though I am not popular myself.) But it gets so awkward trying to carry on conversation. I leave as soon as I'm done eating to go to the library and go on my computer or read. I usually prefer to eat lunch in the bathroom, which I've been doing recently. It's just less awkward.

All quite normal for spectrum folk. I don't make eye contact either, but I've learned to trick people by staring at a nose, above their head, or something that's in the general direction of their eyes so they don't get scared or offended. Aspies also tend to have issues with speed and volume control when they talk, and as you know we tend to prattle on about things we like no matter how much it bores another person.

But I don't like going to the gym or outside, especially wearing certain clothes, because I think people are judging me constantly. I wear pretty androgynous/ boyish clothes, and I am quite a tomboy. I enjoy wearing dresses in moderation, but I feel people I'm silly for wearing them. I feel more comfortable in public with more boyish clothes. I feel like people take me more seriously. I also wear the same few T-shirts for various reasons. More on that if you're interested.

I'm a tomboy too. Not just for SPD reasons, but also because I find dresses highly impractical. Oddly, that's quite the female Aspie symptom. A lot of Aspies male or female are androgynous, so you fit in there as well. Of course, there are a few high-fashion Aspies about that are aces and extremely um, "gendered" (?) in their outfits, but most of us lean toward casual and neutral.

I also have friends that are mostly boys. I have friends that are girls, but less. I get along with boys better. Most of the boys in my school find me pretty cool, and I make friends with lots of boys of either older or younger grades.
However, I struggle to initiate friendships, because of my shyness. I recall once seeing a group of kids in my school musical laughing and goofing off before the show (they are a grade/year above me) and going ot the bathroom and crying hysterically because I didn't have friends like that. I think this is a contributing factor to my depression.

A good bit of Aspies girls don't get along with other girls. Many of us also have very few friends, if any. In fact, some doctors out there will dismiss you as being on the spectrum if you want friends at all, so there's an idea just how bad our social graces can be. I feel your pain, I was quite the reject at your age. Every time I seemed to make a friend, they'd ignore me and start hanging out with the "cool" kids and never have anything to do with me. It gets easier as you get older, kids grow up and start acting with decency some day. Be patient and keep at it, you'll be able to have a friend some day.

I have an slight computer addiction. It's what I do most of the time until my parents kick me off. I get up everyday (on a non-school day) and go on my computer first thing. I used to read and draw for hours, until my I got addicted. I have a group of videos I watch everyday, but I always put off watching them because I watch others (due to side/recommended videos) causing me to stay up really late, because I NEED to finish the videos. This is where my OCD rituals differed from my other routines. Because these were not done out of anxiety, but something else. I also have a folder of pictures of fantasy aspects (Heaven+hell, knights,the cosmos that sort of stuff) I have these videos and pictures because like I said I am a writer (well, kinda) and I feel these things help my creative flow and get the tone I want for the story. Most of these youtube videos are of Phantom of the Opera. Weird, I know. I don't really know how to explain. I will go more in-depth on my Phantom obsession in the correct forum. I anyone of you are interested, please tell me and I will give you the link once it's finished.

If you feel bad about your collection, I shall send you a screenshot of mine and how many GB (!) of data I have stored for art references or further reading. I am quite the pack rat!

I have a fantasy/medieval obsession. I used to LOVE playing games where my friends and I would just create a world in our minds and pretend to be different characters. I was usually a Knight/Viking or some kind of rough and tough character. I just loved the imagination used in the game, and how anything was possible, but most of all because it was with my friends. I'm still pretty young, but I miss that TERRIBLY. I hope maybe next school year I can convince some of my friends ( If I have any. My best (girl)friend is moving. I still have my best guy friend, fortunately.) Luckily, some of my friends are still obsessed with Marvel, DC< and anythign in between. One of my best friends is obsessed with Batman, who he claims to be numerous times. My other friend used to call himself Venom.
I also like listening to medieval music and looking at costumes. Long story short, anything related to those kind of aspects. I also enjoy video games. I'm not a gamer girl per say, but I do enjoy the good old Xbox. Probably because I ave an older brother.

Despite what some "experts" say, Aspies are quite capable of vivid imaginations! In fact, an obsession with fantasy is one of the informal diagnostic criteria for females.

Now I know how you got your username! =)
The Phantom of the Opera is a good book too if you haven't read it yet, you can get it off of Project Gutenberg for free and legally for free. If you don't have an ereader, Firefox has an epub extension so you can read it off your browser too. It's one of my favorite books and it had a really good movie too, so I can't fault you for liking it.

My building got renovated, and I was incredibly mad. I hated how they were changing it. I wanted it to be the same. I wanted to make sure I had pictures of the building before they changed it. Even when they changed the security code button pad I was bummed.

This was actually my first introduction to autism. A good friend of mine had a bunch of work ordered on her apartment building by the landlord and it nearly drove her insane between the chaos, noise, disruption of routine, and changes made. I'm the same way, I get very attached to my surroundings. So you're normal in that respect.

I am weirdly drawn to what others consider macabre. I read lot's of horror ( I have a book of the best of H.P. Lovecraft). I also have a fascination with elements of death, and hell. Some of the aspects of this might stem from my OCD, others probably not. It's not an anxious way. I'm not scared of it. I find it, for a lack of better words, epic. I just find it so amazing. Tell me if you're interested in learning more about this.

That sums up my childhood and early teens. I read every RL Stine book I could get ahold of, I later discovered Lovecraft, and I had some particularly dark and gruesome writings of my own. My advice is to learn how to filter that interest when you're around other people. People are scared, flighty little critters that frighten easily and you don't want them making weird accusations of you and trying to ruin your life by going around saying you're an axe murderer or something.

My room still has the smiley flowers and butterflies from when I was in 1st grade. I'm too embarrassed to let anyone in my room, bu I don't really wanna change it. Not just for stability. I like it. I stilll watch shows for little kids, be it shows for actual babies/toddlers of for 7 year olds. I watched them proudly still about 4th grade (Hannah Montana was a favourite LOL), and then watched them in private. I still watch Disney Channel shows (the good ones, mind you )

QUITE normal, I assure you. As an artist, I can get away with watching animation as "research", and as a mom I can get away with it because "the kid likes it". I say don't blame the Aspie for liking the kiddie stuff, blame Hollywood for making such boring stuff for adults!

I used to think all things had souls. Well, most things at least. Main things. I think part of this is my OCD, but possibly part due to my possible Aspergers syndrome. I don't really know. But i used ot get sad when any inanimate object was neglected, or thrown out. I used to feel sorry for it, and tell it that I loved them. ESPECIALLY if they had a face. A face made it all the mroe real to me, and hurt me even more. It's excruciating for me to chuck out anything that is a character, or looks like it could be a living creature. I think this contributes to my hoarding issue.

Aye, that one likely falls mostly with your OCD. At least, I attribute mine to the OCD.

OkK, my most shameful obsession. I have a slight obsession with people. But unfortunate, it's boys only. And I don't even like them romantically. I have a sketchbook (well, I have many) and I've gone onto the school website, found their school photos, and drew them. I'm just weirdly fascinated by them Like I said before, I write, and I've started to mold characters after them (I've talked to them before and know their general personality). I wish I could monitor who they date, because I feel like they only deserve the best. I usually end up disliking their girlfriends and hoping that they'll break up (which usually happens. They are middle/high schoolers lol) And it's not only for a certain group, I feel that way with a lot of my male friends who I'm not attracted to. Not all of them, but quite a lot. But it's not a motherly kind of worry. It's not a jealous crush way either. I don't know how to feel about it.

Artists are allowed a wide berth to be eccentric and weird, so you're less likely to be labeled a creepy stalker than if a normal person was collecting pictures of people.

The possessiveness though is a bit odd, that one you'll have to keep an eye on to make sure it doesn't start to hurt you or others at a later time. It may be due to OCD, autism, or both.

 

[Progster]

I agree with what others have said - do your own thing and maintain a critical and independent mind. don't let others drag you down or try to turn you into something you are not, because they are doing this for their benefit and not yours; they aren't worth getting upset about. Be polite and civil to others, but be true to yourself. If they don't like who you are, then it's their problem.

 

[The Phantom]

Phantom, my mother was the same with me, wanted me to be a "prissy" girl. I am anything but, in fact so tomboyish as to be close to being transgendered, and people have thought I am. In games, I play male characters because they are more relatable to me.

Being the stubborn person I am, I never caved to my mother. We aren't' on speaking terms now, haven't been since I was 24 and, though it was difficult then, I am very glad I never caved, never hid who I am. Had I coved in to her wishes, I'd still be faking it, still be acting the priss when that isn't me. Now, I can use that acting to fit into a situation where it's expected but, my real friends know I'm a tomboy that hates makeup, skirts and, heels with a passion.

They know I like hunting, fishing, fixing cars, building computers, cooking and am not afraid to carry or move heavy things. Mostly I'm "one of the guys" that just happens to be a woman and, as much as it may not seem so to you now, it really doesn't matter when it comes to being accepted.

It's true that you will most likely end up with more male than female friends, and feel more at ease in a mostly male group but, contrary to what your mother may have told you, not every male wants sex with every female. Men are just a capable of platonic friendship as we are and, they enjoy it regardless of your gender if you are into what they are into.

Play the game now if you have to, it might be easier on your family life but, never forget who you are, don't loose yourself to the game.

Hey, thank you for the support. It's really nice to hear from someone with a similar experience.

My mom doesn't want to be 'prissy; per say, but 'feminine' in her words. Whenever someone acknowledges my atypcial dress sense (usually a family member, otherwise family friend) she'll say something like "I wanted/begged/asked her to wear a dress/skirt/dress up fancier but you know" and she'll do this laugh and look at me smiling, but the eyes are very knowing. It boils my blood to see her look at me that way. I know she doesn't mean harm, but I feel like she wishes I could be the daughter she was 'lucky' to have, you know, a stereotypical daughter. She even outright denies that I'm a tomboy, or even a bit masculine, as if saying that will make it true.
I don't mind dresses, makeup and the like at all, inf act I do occasionally lie eto dress up (for formals in our ettiquette program and such) it's just that I don't feel comfortable going out in public like that, because it's out of character for me, not to mention I can't apply makeup to save my life. I needed a friend help to apply lipgloss But for the most part I'm a very casual dresser, simple (often unisex) design tees with either jeans or sports shorts. And slip on shoes/ flip flops. I could go into why I don't wear sneakers besides school/sports *cough* LACES *cough* another time. For the most part my mom is ok with what I wear casually, but what I really wish I could dress like is something she's NEVER allow, and something I would think people would jusge me for wearing.
Basically, I consider myself a sub-type of tomboy, because we're all different. I'm, for lack of better words. something that could be called 'preppy tomboy. It's a VERY weird hyrbrid of mine. Hey, I'm unique .
I have two certain looks that I would wear if I wasn't so nervous about being judged/ and my moms comments. Look A. is kinda the typical young girl tomboy you'd expect. Hoodie, raglan tee, sports shorts, and backwards hat. But look B. is the 'preppy tomboy' look. Headband to keep hari out of face (not a ponytail person. Plus my hair is too short)Straight cut jeans/chinos, short sleeve white button up, Argyle (lol what can I say) sweater vest, and checkered slip on vans. I know. but it's what I like. Hopefully one day I can dress like this.
As for hobbies, I'm definitely on the nerdier side of the tomboy 'spectrum'. I play COD and Grand Theft Auto with my older brother, and minecraft (haha don't judge), and love any medieval games (where you become an awesome character, along wit your friends, and go along with a quest/story). I do love a good game of tag with my friends, but I'm asthmatic and that causes problems sometimes . in general I like sporty games when I'm not feeling lazy haha.
One thing that stuck out to me was how you are a male character when you play games. I'm very similar. I choose male avatars, or if I'm playing a fantasy type game will go for a androgynous type character (no gender/sex, basically, that was the only word I could find at the moment). In partifulcar my friend told me she was writing a story and wanted to base a character off of me. When she asked me male of female I immediatley said male. It's just how I felt. I have no desire to be a boy, but that's just the way I am when it comes to those things.
Specifically, there is a reason my name my name is 'The Phantom' and not 'Christine Daae'. Many fans of the Phantom of the Opera (who are female) like to have fantasies about being Christine, and I do see the appeal, but I'm ALL about the Phantom. Fireball thworing, cape and mask-wearing, with a cool underground lair and not to mention awesome voice? Sign me up! I've already got the low notes down (I have a deep speaking voice naturally, and am an Alto II voice type, being the lowest female voice type).
I do admit to being pressured to fit in physically as well. Especially in regards to the romance department. Because looking at the type of girls the guys like, who are very feminine with long flowy hair. I was seriously considering relaxing my hair (I have a head of chin-length, black, incredibly curly hair that could be made into 3 wigs and is probably the opposite of what people fin appealing) and changing the way I dress, but hopefully I can be convinced otherwise.
And as to the male friends thing, yes I'm probably likely to have more male friends than female friends ultimately. But that's alright with me. A couple of female friends for 'girl talk' and I'll be content with all the male friends in the world, I'm not bothered as long as they're quality. And my standards aren't high. One of m y closest friends, who is my enighbor and 'gym buddy' is a boy who is obsessed with claiming to be Batman. Don't worry, I'm in good company .

 

[The Phantom]

I agree with what others have said - do your own thing and maintain a critical and independent mind. don't let others drag you down or try to turn you into something you are not, because they are doing this for their benefit and not yours; they aren't worth getting upset about. Be polite and civil to others, but be true to yourself. If they don't like who you are, then it's their problem.

Hey progster, nice seeing you here again. Thanks for the advice. I'm working hard to maintain my individuality, and hope that in my future professional career I can inspire others who are like me to do the same. You're right about whose benefiting from me changing, that would definitely be the case with my mom and the tomboy debacle.
I'll make sure to be respectful towards others; but sometimes i don't realize when what I'm saying it a bit inappropriate for the situation . You're definitely right, it's their problem if they don't like or want me to be myself.

Thanks for your input!

 

[The Phantom]

P, most folks seek security in conforming to conformists. We tend to seek answers to our questions by conforming to non conformists. Security and curiosity
are mutually exclusive to each other. That is to say one must sacrifice one to satisfy the other.
I see a great potential within you, young Jedi. Dare to be great and teach the children no matter what their age. Your mom bought into the indoctrination of her time.
Education and love are the answers to most human problems.
Soar above the fray, prove your points by exceeding your own expectations. Be true, to you.

This has been very helpful and inspiring. I agree with your post wholeheartedly. The bit about security at the beginning was very insightful to.

And Jedi, I like it. Perhaps I should change me screen name to 'The Phantom Jedi' and change my avatar to this?

Haha, I jest. ( I know Palpatine is not a Jedi. I just meant a star wars/ Phantom of the Opera theme in general. Please don't hurt me)

Anyway, thanks for your constant support!

 

[Progster]

Hey progster, nice seeing you here again. Thanks for the advice. I'm working hard to maintain my individuality, and hope that in my future professional career I can inspire others who are like me to do the same. You're right about whose benefiting from me changing, that would definitely be the case with my mom and the tomboy debacle.
I'll make sure to be respectful towards others; but sometimes i don't realize when what I'm saying it a bit inappropriate for the situation . You're definitely right, it's their problem if they don't like or want me to be myself.

Thanks for your input!

I know what you mean about getting the tone right, or saying the right thing. I don't always get those things right - or I miss the cue for them and don't realise they are expected of me. I often misunderstand other people's intentions and misinterpret them. What I meant was things like please and thank you. These are easy, because there are distinct rules for when to say them. For example, I always try to remember to say thank you when someone helps me - this is what I meant by being polite and civil.

 

[The Phantom]

I know what you mean about getting the tone right, or saying the right thing. I don't always get those things right - or I miss the cue for them and don't realise they are expected of me. I often understand other people's intentions and misinterpret them. What I meant was things like please and thank you. These are easy, because there are distinct rules for when to say them. For example, I always try to remember to say thank you when someone helps me - this is what I meant by being polite and civil.

Ahh I see. I always say please and thank you, but often very quiet, and my parents always think that I didn't say it! haha.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

This has been very helpful and inspiring. I agree with your post wholeheartedly. The bit about security at the beginning was very insightful to.

And Jedi, I like it. Perhaps I should change me screen name to 'The Phantom Jedi' and change my avatar to this?

Haha, I jest. ( I know Palpatine is not a Jedi. I just meant a star wars/ Phantom of the Opera theme in general. Please don't hurt me)

Anyway, thanks for your constant support!

The Phantom Jedi, has a nice ring.
Once you master within, you will master without.
May the "farce" be with you.

 

[The Phantom]

The Phantom Jedi, has a nice ring.

It does, doesn't it?

Once you master within, you will master without.
May the "farce" be with you.

Haha, I like it!

 

[The Phantom]

Yeah, that germaphobia thing is hard. I still carry hand sanitizer, don't use it much here in the USA anymore, I can wash my hands and, that's enough. Abroad, I definitely use it, sanitation is not always as good as it is here. I also use it, on a piece of tissue, to wipe the seat before I sit in a public restroom - even if the y offer seat protectors (besides the sanitizer helps the protector stay in place.)

Don't just look to your local peers for friendship, I met my first real musician friends via a pen pal program. My pen pal ended up joining a band, the band made it to moderate fame. They came to the US on tour and stayed with me for 2 months Well, some of them are still performing, one has his own record label, another is a talent scout now. Because of them, I have met many more musicians. Most I have met in person, only 8 I chat online and via phone with that I have not met face to face yet and, I will meet 4 of them this summer, only have 4 days but, that's time to jam.

And don't let age be a factor either, I have two from overseas that call me their "US Mom" LOL I am near the age of their mothers but we met through my first musical friends because I write lyrics, so business tuned friendship.

Yeah, I'm learning not to use it excessively, but I little sanitation won't kill anyone I'm just trying to be sure not to go overboard, though it's hard. I sanitize once I tie my shoelaces! otherwise I wash my hands, that's fine. I put toilet paper ALL around the toiler seats in a public restroom if I have to use one , but I can't stand them (that's a whole nother story!)

Hmm, Pen pals is an interesting idea. I once tried sending an email to a girl form Greece who was on a list of people looking for a pen pal, but I never got a reply unfortunately haha. I might look into that later,for now I'm very content with the community here on Aspies Central!

I'm not a musician per say, so it might not be the same procedure as you took. But I did do a Drama festival locally here this year, and met a ton of people and exchanged some contacts. I hope I can see them again! If not, the power of the internet will suffice for the time being Or in the future if we become famous performers. Ha! That's a bit of a stretch though.

And don't worry, I am usually friends with people of different ages. In fact I am probably friends more with older kids and younger kids than kids my age. Mostly older. It's a bit odd, but I like it.

 

[ChrisC1983]

pressure is calming/relaxing for many on the scale, "temple grandin" for example has a youtube video where she spoke about how she made a compression machine for herself (and i myself will press certain parts of my head depending on my stress level, or my eyes if it's very bad... so wanting a barrette to be tighter could be part of that. i would suggest seeing how a hat would feel... but it sounds like your mother may have a fit if you decided you like baseball caps lol. part of her thing can be because you appear to be boyish to those around you.. part can also be because of your age. there's a lot (far too many) expectations around that age for everybody.. and how to dress/act is one of them. i used to enjoy skipping through school (i was often the one who went back and fourth to different classrooms.. you could say i was the "teachers pet". usually i finished my work early so i was bored.. and our school wasn't that great so most teachers had to borrow or buy supplies. so, since i was done with my work and now napping on the desk.. why not send me, right? which was fine to me. i could skip a LOT faster than i could walk and the feeling was nice. but, needless to say.. a young teenage boy should not be skipping around in public, especially at school) i also had "odd" clothing too. quick example.. in 10th grade i had about 10 different colors of the ruffled tuxedo shirts you would see people in movies wear when going to prom or a wedding.... and i had a nice black wool jacket and wore dress pants and doc martin (steeltoe.. still like steeltoe shoes) dress shoes. the first day of school that year, my teacher instantly blurted out "what am i going to do with you" the second he seen me. but i did wear them for the rest of the year...... and if i had a practical way to properly wash them (they're not washing machine friendly) i would probably still have some today)

also.. thinking everybody around you is stupid is also a symptom lol. yeah, there's a lot of symptoms. my summation sofar is that it stems from the internal thought. as you mentioned, you have a deeper thought process about topics than others around you.... so while others learn by trial and error, you've already excluded many of those errors just by thinking about it. so now eventhough you're doing something for the first time, you're doing it at an intermediate level while others are doing it at a novice level. and i will say, it probably will bother you for the rest of your life to watch others screw up very simple things (simple to you anyway.. maybe people may gain knowledge as they go through life, but they still act like teenagers when presented with new things) and the only thing you can really do is setup a system that works for you to manage your reaction to their situation.
for example..... if it doesn't directly involve you and doesn't cause serious problems for them... let them learn. it's painfully slow to watch but it does work for them.
or you can look at it as such..... while they can't seem to figure out that science project no matter how hard they try (eventhough it's obvious to you) they could be saying (silently) the same thing about you and a topic. now, to me.. that sucks. i would like to know what i'm messing up so i can fix it.. but because of social conventions, making comments like that to others is something many do not do. especially not in public settings with people they're not close friends with. so i go back to what i originally said.... both you and them have a way of learning that is simply different from one another. as long as it's not causing real harm to the person involved in the learning, then just let it slide. or ask if they want help, but don't offer information until they say "yes". if they say "no".. walk away. because the temptation to correct their error as you watch them do it again will be very high so you can't be near them since you may mutter something about the problem that they might hear lol

 

[Beverly]

Chris, I agree, most people I know are idiots most of the time. I also understand what you are saying about letting them do it their slow, mishap prone, failing way. I can see problems when I think things through but, I don't think NTs see the details we do so, they think something will work when it won't because of a detail they didn't focus on. We ma not see the whole picture well, but we see each detail one by one and, once we can put them all together in our mind, we have the solution. We think about it 10 times and do it once, NTs reverse that and think once then, do it 10 times before they get it right.

So often, my husband says "how do you know what's going to happen before you try?" I just know, I can see what will happen when I think about each detail that needs attention for something to be done properly. He calls me the queens of efficiency because it may take me a bit longer to decide how something should be done but, once I get to doing it, I am finished quickly and, correctly. I do not waste energy on pointless reaction nor on pointless action that I know would fail before I even act.

That used to bother me that I didn't do thing the same as everyone else, or that I thought about things differently, that I saw details they missed but did not see the big picture they saw. No I accept that it is all a part of who I am and, what has made me who I am and, I like me so, all is good.

 

[The Phantom]

i'm 31.. and as many here already said.. you sound very similar to many of us. i'm also trying to figure out how to tell my father. i also ramble far too much so i'll try to keep this brief... basically, i figured out i probably had aspergers years ago (or similar.. high functioning autism, whatever.. in my mind it's all the same thing on a slightly different spot of a giant scale) and even others online who never met me suspected it (i mean, around 10 years ago..).. so to me, it's no surprise. recently, a psych finally verbalized that i most likely have an autism spectrum disorder (they don't like to officially label anything.. it costs them money and paperwork) so thats the closest i'm going to get to an "official" word.

anyway, as far as telling your family.... what if you presented the symptoms instead of the diagnosis? so instead of saying "i think i have aspergers" just say "well, you know i have OCD... and ADD, and emotional problems, and ____________" and keep listing everything. even write it down if you need to. especially the sensory stuff (for example.. i hate summer. as a statement, that just sounds like i'm an anti social person who doesn't like going out.... and while those are symptoms, what it boils down to is that there are so many social expectations when going out that when you couple it with more activity such as motorcycles and kids yelling/playing outside (noise) and the added sun (i can feel my skin burning within 1-2 minutes of direct sunlight or even minor cloud cover.. although i don't have any typical sunburn appearance for an hour or so, when a "normal" person would start to feel the same sunburn i do in 1-2 minutes time) and it starts to make more sense

ultimately it's up to you. you don't "need" to get a diagnosis... if you know what's wrong, you can learn how to fix it. you're obviously intelligent so that isn't a problem (there's a lot of great youtube videos relating to autism, aspergers and sofourth.. since it's all on the same idea they can all be helpful in their own way) and you can work on it that way while trying to get your family to help support 1 specific issue after another (focus on sensory problems.. when you can solve those, the other issues start to fix themselves much much easier. but don't kill yourself...... the eye thing for example, you may never be able to look a person in the eye. i know, i try... i can get up to about 3 seconds before needing to float to another part of the face if not away from them entirely... and honestly, that is REALLY pushing it for a true necessity purpose........ but instead, maybe focus on their nose.. or 1 eye.. or an eyebrow...... anything on their face. people like to know you're paying attention so even if they're not positive that you're looking at their eyes, you're still looking at their face and they'll believe you're looking at their eyes or atleast it will suffice so they know you're paying attention. eventhough you can be looking at a bird in a tree and pay more attention to them then than looking at their face lol)
but what i wanted to get to was.. while you don't "need" a diagnosis... if things were to get a bit worse or simply not improve at the pace needed for college, a diagnosis would help you to get into college. and, again, clearly you're intelligent and enjoy researching topics of interest.. so if you have something you really enjoy doing at that time, you'll probably want to go to college for it.


to boil it all down....... make sure you don't lose yourself. keep the things you're passionate about. although you did mention drawing and such.. you also mentioned what i refer to as "people watching". again, it's similar to myself.. and honestly i have not figured out how to turn that into a career path. i know there's things such as being a psychiatrist and such, maybe a couples therapist... or even just working in a human resources related capacity. or i'm totally wrong and you'll end up wanting to make claymation movies (hey, i like them anyway lol). i can't say what you should focus on, but don't lose your focus when you do find it. the thing you always enjoy coming back to will be the thing you always want to do. i had some major family problems when i was about your age and i had to become an adult instantly at that age and it wasn't easy (mother was schizophrenic, father had a bipolar breakdown.. grandfather died, who lived with us.. my cat died, sounds silly but he was my best friend then.. and it all happened within 1 year time) so i kind of lost everything before that point and went into auto-pilot since then. because of it, i don't want to see anybody else do the same. potential is a phenomenal thing..... and people with aspergers have the level of focus it takes to tap into that potential and do world altering things. whether you want to or not is another story.. i'm not trying to add any pressure to your life. you could simply become a freelance artist doing what you love making a living at it.


and, for the fun of it.. you can take the "raads" test online. its "not an official test" and all that but i believe it's fairly accurate, i think others here would agree. and it could be another way of communicating your concerns with your family.... maybe have everybody do the test and compare scores. if you're anything like me, the circle graphs are fun lol

Hey,

thanks a ton for your thorough response! Don't worry about rambling, considering your replying to my post, which is basically an essay. You're talking to a fellow rambler. Talk away! I love reading long responses, it gives you so much to think about. I would like to talk to a psych or someone of the sort to get some sort of guidelines on my situation, similar to you. A completely official diagnosis for me would cost probably a good portion of my tuition, and I go to a private school.

That's a very helpful way to approach my family. I think I'll try that the next time I'm feeling brave. I think once they know all the problems they'll be so surprised they won't be surprised the the prospect of me having Aspergers lol.

You're right about me not needing to get a diagnosis. Oh, and thank you for complimenting my intelligence haha. I will get to watching those videos, do you have any recommended channels in particular? However I would like to try and get one, because it would help my parents and teachers understand why my grades are the way they are, and how they can help me. But all in all I'm content with anything as long as my parents know and understand my situation. As for the eye contact thing.. yeah I understand I might not be able to get over it. It's not terribly intense,; but it's still there. I need to take breaks from making eye contact if I maintain it for a long time; otherwise it's downright uncomfortable. But hopefully I can get away with looking at a different facial feature other than the eyes.
I do guess that with my good friends it's ok, but people who I perceive to have some sort of power over me (age, grade, popularity, authority) I can get uncomfortable. I mean If I talk to a kid a grade abbove me I might have to stare at their nose lol.
Interestingly enough, I find it harder to make eye contact with people with non-brown eyes. Like blue, green, etc. Mayeb it's because you can see their pupil better, i"m not sure. But it makes me more nervous. Shame because a boy who I may or may not have romantic feelings for has pale blue/sometimes grey eyes lmao.

And thanks for the advice. As well as the suggestions lol. Those are actually quite creative (couples therapy, etc.), considering how creepy some of my um, 'hobbies' can be. But you managed to make it work. Well, I don't have the patience for claymation (though I do appreciate the effort) lol, your suggestions were very helpful. In fact, you were a bit close with the 'people watching' suggestion. I was considering (well, I still have a lot of time to plan out college +career lol) studying psychology in college and possibly becoming a psychiatrist. Well, that's a bit general and i definitely wouldprobably choose a more specific field. But yeah, close enough. In the past I've thought about becoming a guidance counselor because they have all the cool toys lol. As a hobby though, I would like to do some more performing, whatever that may be (I would want to live in NY if I could afford it so broadway's an option I guess. Just have to get over my fear of singing lol.) I also like writing and want to publish something someday, but would not make that my full-time career because that's not always reliable.
I do have a cunning plan for a way to combine all three of my interests, but I'm not ready to unveil it just yet. In good time, in good time.

Anyway, thanks for the reply! Now I need to get to replying to your other response lol.


Oh yeah, and I tried taking the RAADS test, but it restarted after I answered all of the (80!!!!) questions, just because I didn't put in proper log in details(which they SHOULD have told me BEFORE I took the test)... grrrrr. Also, one tof the options is 'True only when I was younger than sixteen', but I'm younger than 16... so the option 'True only when I was young' would work better, so I used a condensed version. Anyway, I'll get back to you on that if you're curious. For now, I took a quick Psych Central test with similar questions, just less of them, and got a general score of 34. 331 & up is Autism/Aspergers likely, so yeah.

 

[The Phantom]

pressure is calming/relaxing for many on the scale, "temple grandin" for example has a youtube video where she spoke about how she made a compression machine for herself (and i myself will press certain parts of my head depending on my stress level, or my eyes if it's very bad... so wanting a barrette to be tighter could be part of that. i would suggest seeing how a hat would feel... but it sounds like your mother may have a fit if you decided you like baseball caps lol. part of her thing can be because you appear to be boyish to those around you.. part can also be because of your age. there's a lot (far too many) expectations around that age for everybody.. and how to dress/act is one of them. i used to enjoy skipping through school (i was often the one who went back and fourth to different classrooms.. you could say i was the "teachers pet". usually i finished my work early so i was bored.. and our school wasn't that great so most teachers had to borrow or buy supplies. so, since i was done with my work and now napping on the desk.. why not send me, right? which was fine to me. i could skip a LOT faster than i could walk and the feeling was nice. but, needless to say.. a young teenage boy should not be skipping around in public, especially at school) i also had "odd" clothing too. quick example.. in 10th grade i had about 10 different colors of the ruffled tuxedo shirts you would see people in movies wear when going to prom or a wedding.... and i had a nice black wool jacket and wore dress pants and doc martin (steeltoe.. still like steeltoe shoes) dress shoes. the first day of school that year, my teacher instantly blurted out "what am i going to do with you" the second he seen me. but i did wear them for the rest of the year...... and if i had a practical way to properly wash them (they're not washing machine friendly) i would probably still have some today)

also.. thinking everybody around you is stupid is also a symptom lol. yeah, there's a lot of symptoms. my summation sofar is that it stems from the internal thought. as you mentioned, you have a deeper thought process about topics than others around you.... so while others learn by trial and error, you've already excluded many of those errors just by thinking about it. so now eventhough you're doing something for the first time, you're doing it at an intermediate level while others are doing it at a novice level. and i will say, it probably will bother you for the rest of your life to watch others screw up very simple things (simple to you anyway.. maybe people may gain knowledge as they go through life, but they still act like teenagers when presented with new things) and the only thing you can really do is setup a system that works for you to manage your reaction to their situation.
for example..... if it doesn't directly involve you and doesn't cause serious problems for them... let them learn. it's painfully slow to watch but it does work for them.
or you can look at it as such..... while they can't seem to figure out that science project no matter how hard they try (eventhough it's obvious to you) they could be saying (silently) the same thing about you and a topic. now, to me.. that sucks. i would like to know what i'm messing up so i can fix it.. but because of social conventions, making comments like that to others is something many do not do. especially not in public settings with people they're not close friends with. so i go back to what i originally said.... both you and them have a way of learning that is simply different from one another. as long as it's not causing real harm to the person involved in the learning, then just let it slide. or ask if they want help, but don't offer information until they say "yes". if they say "no".. walk away. because the temptation to correct their error as you watch them do it again will be very high so you can't be near them since you may mutter something about the problem that they might hear lol

That's definitely something to consider about the whole pressure thing... I never thought of it that way. I do think I could find some instances where taht could apply as well. in fact, I do hate light touching. I'm find with a hand on the shoulder and such (well depending who you are lol) but I HATE it when it's light. It feels half-@$$ed, or even like I'm a baby (not too far off lmao). I never knew why, but perhaps that's it. Also, if I was wearing a dress when I was younger (the ones with the tie-back sash, which I usually avoided for the next reason) I had to have it tied aorund my waist/bask REALLY tight, so it fit like a belt or something of the sort. I could not stand to have it flopping around and stuff lol. I always assumed it was OCD, but thinking about it it could be more than that.
For the whole barrette thing... right now I wear headbands (in case you missed that by mistake) so those are fine. Because naturally they are stretchy and will be smaller so they can fit well, so I'm definitley loving those. I don't like the hard headbands for those exact reasons. (move easily, not around the whole head, loose). Not enough to cut off my circulation lol, but pretty tight. but they stretch out sometimes (too much beyond repair) and it causes problems. When I think more about it, the whole pressure thing is starting to make more sense. I thought I was a sadist or something when I tried 'strangling' my teeth when I was flossing to the point of pain hahaha.

And I'm glad my 'cynicism' might have an explanation lol. I'm never told directly, but I' can tell 9sometimes) when people think I'm a killjoy for preventing them from doing stupid stuff. And now I have somethign to counter it. 'While you waste your time being stupid and doing silly things, I am thinking of the outcome of said stupid things just to prevent you from the consequences' or something like that lol.
But yeah, I agree fully with everythign you've said.

I have a question if you don't mind thinkgin about it, do you ever find yourself extremely irritated when someone tells you do do something repeatedly? I don't mean just slight annoyance, I make a groaning or whiny noise and might even start to clench. I don't know, it's weird. Would you consider this an Aspie type trait?

Also, sorry for the many questions, but my family is going to the US for summer, and out plane back doesn't leave until a few days after our last destination. So my family is trying to go to Hawaii, but I'm really don't want to go and I'm starting to complain. Not because of Hawaii exactly, I want to go someday for sure. But to me it just seems so random and rushed and uneventful for a place like Hawaii. I want to have more time (like a goof few months) to actually get 'exited' and 'prepared mentally' for it. Do you get what I'm saying. I just hate the way they're going about it now. It's so random. I'm sorry, I'm weird lol. not to mention I'm NOT in a beachy bathing suit mood at the moment. Plus I'll get annoyed.
So yeah.... lol. Do you think this might be a product of my (possible) Aspergers? Thanks.

 

[Beverly]

People who repeat themselves annoy me period but, it's infuriating when they have asked me a question, especially asked me to do something and, they repeat it tow minutes later. I used to keep quiet and try to ignore it but now, I tell them that i heard them the first time and, if they ask again, the answer will become no.

I am also equally infuriated when people do not listen to me and I have to repeat myself. I said it once, that is enough, if you are to deaf to hear it, that is your problem. I tell people that too and, rarely repeat myself.

I use pressure points to help me relax, to ease an ache here or there, whenever it's needed. There are points all over the body that can relive various things from stress, to headaches, to pain to nervousness, fear, lots of things if you can use your pressure points.

 

[The Phantom]

People who repeat themselves annoy me period but, it's infuriating when they have asked me a question, especially asked me to do something and, they repeat it tow minutes later. I used to keep quiet and try to ignore it but now, I tell them that i heard them the first time and, if they ask again, the answer will become no.

I am also equally infuriated when people do not listen to me and I have to repeat myself. I said it once, that is enough, if you are to deaf to hear it, that is your problem. I tell people that too and, rarely repeat myself.

I use pressure points to help me relax, to ease an ache here or there, whenever it's needed. There are points all over the body that can relive various things from stress, to headaches, to pain to nervousness, fear, lots of things if you can use your pressure points.

Wow, that sounds just like me!

 

[ChrisC1983]

i hate repeating myself, but i will willingly (and unknowingly sometimes) do it. but that's also because i stutter and generally will speak softly compared to others around me. even if it's in a loud room (which i hate anyway) i only have a slightly louder tone than speaking in a quiet area (which, having a monotone voice is also an aspie trait.... i can whisper but basically nobody hears me then lol. and i can yell.... which scares the living hell out of everybody because i never yell unless i'm VERY mad. so me being that loud scares and confuses everybody within earshot) but i'll usually groan or such (maybe silently if i think they'll hear me) but i can't repeat it a 3rd time, i just give up by then. and since i stutter, sometimes i can't even physically repeat it if i want to so i'll just say "nevermind" or such.. or i'll totally reword what i said to try and keep the same meaning but use words i can say that time around. ("what did mike say about his car?" may turn into "mike said he had some car problems, right?" or something like that..... which is fine if they didn't really hear me at all. but some people ask you to repeat yourself because they think you may be lieing.. and since i can't repeat myself word for word, they won't believe what i said)

also.. i do have a habit of missing some lines of text. i'm not dyslexic or anything, but i've had the same problem since i was a kid. i never read 1 book required for school.. instead i would research everything i could on the book so i could pass whatever tests we were doing for it. basically, by the time i get to the end of the line of text and go back to read the next line, i keep losing my place (for example.. "keep" is on the line above, and "losing" is on this line. but, reading it, i get "i keep tests we were doing..." and know that's wrong so i glance back and then see i should be reading "losing my place". which is compounded by the fact that my memory is terrible for text and verbal stuff so i'll forget what i'm typing and re-read my own stuff just to keep going lol)

planning/routines do touch on the OCD thing, but they're also a big aspie trait. i actually just mentioned this to somebody else i've been talking with online. basically.... everything needs to be fully planned out. which is fine, most people plan before a trip. but "most people" just figure out where they want to go, how long, what to wear, and say "ok, i planned.. lets go". whereas people with aspergers need to figure out the weather for the time they'll be in that area, possibilities that the weather may be wrong, where exactly to go (not just "the beach"... which beach, multiple beaches, what might be a good place to eat, what hotel you'll be at, what type of rental car to use.. if you should even need a rental car..) who you may meet, how busy the areas will be, what time you're going to go to certain places (if the hotel has breakfast at 8am, maybe wake up at 7:30, get ready.. have breakfast, by 8:30 you can stroll down the boardwalk checking the shops, by 10 you're at the beach........)........ there's various degrees of that planning. some may need to plan it down to the minute or even know what stores will be on the boardwalk so when they roam by they have a plan as to what shops to go into. others may say they can go to the beach for 2 hours or roam the stores for 2 hours but it doesn't matter which comes first)
i've never really been on vacation. my last real vacation was around age 10-11 when we went to a cabin in New Hampshire that we went to each year (my fathers boss has 2 cabins next to eachother.. but i never knew which one we were staying in until we got there. and it drove me nuts... eventhough i had been in both, liked both, and i liked the area they were in) but, more recently... about 7 years ago (yeah that's recent for me) i went with a family friend to Florida to see her father. i kept asking her about the area and what there was to do around there. eventually she told me his exact address and i spent a while googling the area and checking google maps (both street and satellite views) of the area so when i was there it would all be somewhat familer to me. because if it wasn't, then it would just be a week long panic attack

i'm not sure how much planning you generally need for things like that. but googling the area, surrounding stores, maybe finding a facebook page about the area.. could help. it's certainly a lot easier now to pull up that type of information than when i was young.