I accept your wall of text, and
raise you another.
It's probably come up already, but likely you have autism and OCD, ADD, and SPD are your main three comorbids, with a touch of social anxiety.
Cynthia Kim from Musings of an Aspie discusses that odd sort of sensitivity where somebody else gets in trouble and YOU feel guilty. I do that too. Really annoying, ain't it?
Oo, I hear ya! Zones are nice places to be, you spend so much of your day tensed up and hyperaware of everything so you don't offend people by being too weird, so you go to zone out and relax or go in the zone so you've got all the brain power you need to focus on a project. And then somebody bugs you and shatters it to a million pieces.
It's also common Aspie behaviour to like to have routines, rituals, and a proper heads-up to prepare for something. I have a house rule that nobody just drops in unannounced, I must have a day's notice first. Of course, I also work from home, so I can hit people with a double whammy of being rude, and also being unprofessional and disrespectful of my job. I tend to keep myself busy trying to keep finances up, so I can get particularly aggressive with unwanted visitors.
No worries, not every Aspie is a math whiz. I didn't come into my math skills until college because I hated how imprecise algebra was. But we do have quite a few running around the forum that suck at math, so you're not alone or disqualified.
There are Aspies that have very poor coordination like that. I never got two-handed playing down well on the piano, even though I can type well. Something about pressing down with a finger on both hands at once throws me off.
On the contrary, there have been some well off actors of movies and theatres that were on the spectrum! And some also have beautiful coordination for dance, martial arts, and other physical things like that, even if they're an absolute klutz at home. Some Aspies who get really focused on studying social routines to blend in sometimes gravitate strongly to theatre since there they can really act out and test their social skills without the repercussions of doing it in person or "for real". And of course some just really love it like any Aspie would a special interest.
All quite normal for spectrum folk. I don't make eye contact either, but I've learned to trick people by staring at a nose, above their head, or something that's in the general direction of their eyes so they don't get scared or offended. Aspies also tend to have issues with speed and volume control when they talk, and as you know we tend to prattle on about things we like no matter how much it bores another person.
I'm a tomboy too. Not just for SPD reasons, but also because I find dresses highly impractical. Oddly, that's quite the female Aspie symptom. A lot of Aspies male or female are androgynous, so you fit in there as well. Of course, there are a few high-fashion Aspies about that are aces and extremely um, "gendered" (?) in their outfits, but most of us lean toward casual and neutral.
A good bit of Aspies girls don't get along with other girls. Many of us also have very few friends, if any. In fact, some doctors out there will dismiss you as being on the spectrum if you want friends at all, so there's an idea just how bad our social graces can be. I feel your pain, I was quite the reject at your age. Every time I seemed to make a friend, they'd ignore me and start hanging out with the "cool" kids and never have anything to do with me. It gets easier as you get older, kids grow up and start acting with decency some day. Be patient and keep at it, you'll be able to have a friend some day.
If you feel bad about your collection, I shall send you a screenshot of mine and how many GB (!) of data I have stored for art references or further reading. I am quite the pack rat!
Despite what some "experts" say, Aspies are quite capable of vivid imaginations! In fact, an obsession with fantasy is one of the
informal diagnostic criteria for females.
Now I know how you got your username! =)
The Phantom of the Opera is a good book too if you haven't read it yet,
you can get it off of Project Gutenberg for free and legally for free. If you don't have an ereader, Firefox has an epub extension so you can read it off your browser too. It's one of my favorite books and it had a really good movie too, so I can't fault you for liking it.
This was actually my first introduction to autism. A good friend of mine had a bunch of work ordered on her apartment building by the landlord and it nearly drove her insane between the chaos, noise, disruption of routine, and changes made. I'm the same way, I get very attached to my surroundings. So you're normal in that respect.
That sums up my childhood and early teens. I read every RL Stine book I could get ahold of, I later discovered Lovecraft, and I had some particularly dark and gruesome writings of my own. My advice is to learn how to filter that interest when you're around other people. People are scared, flighty little critters that frighten easily and you don't want them making weird accusations of you and trying to ruin your life by going around saying you're an axe murderer or something.
QUITE normal, I assure you. As an artist, I can get away with watching animation as "research", and as a mom I can get away with it because "the kid likes it". I say don't blame the Aspie for liking the kiddie stuff, blame Hollywood for making such boring stuff for adults!
Aye, that one likely falls mostly with your OCD. At least, I attribute mine to the OCD.
Artists are allowed a wide berth to be eccentric and weird, so you're less likely to be labeled a creepy stalker than if a normal person was collecting pictures of people.
The possessiveness though is a bit odd, that one you'll have to keep an eye on to make sure it doesn't start to hurt you or others at a later time. It may be due to OCD, autism, or both.
Hi,
sorry it took so long for me to reply! I had so many posts to reply to and yours was so long I was putting it off. Not that the length was a bad thing, I'm so glad you took your time to dissect my 'novel'
Thanks for the link, I've read some of it already. I though I probably didn't have ADD because the symptoms were so similar to aspergers, but now from what you've said along with the link its probably a comorbid then.
Feeling guilty about others is probably one of the most exhausting things during school, considering I am in a grade where toruble-making boys are abundant, and I constantly feel a personal sadness. And I say boys only because the girls never get in trouble!! Although there was that one girl who went into the boys bathroom LOL. Anyway, I had no idea someone else felt like that! That's very interesting indeed. I will be checking out that post.
Zones are definitely a state of bliss in the midst of the constant worry I'll 'expose' my weirdness. The other day I was waiting for an appointment (out to lunch)in a building that was quite empty and just had the sort of 'feel that I liked. I was listening to music and my dad was on his phone. I asked 'Dad, can I walk down the halls?" and so he was like 'Sure.' I then proceesed to march down the hall to the beat of 'Another Brick in the Wall Part 2.' by Pink Floyd, only realizing some of the other clinics were still open and it wasn't lunch for them and people cloud see me. So, that was quite short lived unfortunately haha.
But nothing makes me more mad in regards to zones than when I'm on the couch, minding my own business, listening to the perfect music trying to create a soundtrack to one of my writing pieces, or just watching videos to influence my projects and then... "Go do your work.' Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... I JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN DO YOUR WORK GAAAHHHHHHHHHH!". Whew! That was intense.
The same thing in regards to my routines. 'Let's go to the market' (during the middle of my "Work" as you may call it) actually why don't we not?? "Can we go later?" "No we have to go right now". Uh whyyyyyyyyy. I know I sound like a whiny teen (well, I am) but come one! If I explain to my parents about my 'routines' they'll just think I'm uptight or picky or a control freak (something along those lines)
That's interesting about you not finding your math skills until later. My parents are convinced I'll do the same thing (they think I have the potential to be great at math but just lazy lol) but unfortunately I don't think I'll be having any epiphanies anytime soon. I don't have the freedom I want in math. there are too many rules to memorize and certain strategies you're required to use (although that may be a level thing and will change when I'm older). And ff there was some sort of change that happened in that regard, I wouldn't have noticed cause I wouldn't be paying attention
I can't help it. I don't even have a proper ADD diagnosis to even have that excuse.
It's good to know that other Aspies have that condition (I mean I feel sorry for them obviously, but It's nice to knwo I'm not alone lol.) Once I started seeing symptoms of Aspergers in myself I had wondered if it contributes to my poor two-handed playing.
Yes, I always found it funny how while I fitted the symptoms of an Aspie, I was different from the stereotype. I frequently drop and spill things, and bump into people out in public, but I am one of the top of dance class LOL.
And I definitely see how being a theater Geek works with being an Aspie. I don't know for sure if I have aspergers or not, but let's say I do. I would definitely be on the eccentric side. Naturally crazy hair, perpetually shocked eyes, loud and deep voice (for a 13 yo girl) so yeah I can definitely see how I can disguise myself as an outlandish thespian Haha! Since we're all geeks in the theater community (for the most part; not mentioning the snobs) I do see how we can use that to have some social interactions without judgment, especially since you're supposed to be playing a role.
Just a random story, at a drama festival I was talking to my friend during the introduction of the first day, and we were looking at all the different schools. We pointed out a guy in his mid to late teens, tan, model looks, and in a a white abercrombie and fitch shirt, who we were kinda cynical/wary of and called 'The Abercrombie Guy' lol.
To quote my friend and I's conversation:
Me: "dude, I'm scared of all these people. Oh no! Look! There's a guy in an abercrombie T-shirt!
Friend: "Oh yeah. I mean who wears abercrombie to a drama festival?"
LOL.
We were in one of the same activities, and he laughed at my comedic performance and actually turned out to be pretty cool, so yeah there's that.I guess I"m just scared of teen boys haha. Just though I'd share the story with you, it's a testimony to just how weird my friend and I are in social situations haha.
And I've come to know that some of the actors I knew were speculated to be aspies. Marilyn Monroe and Robin Williams come to mind in that particular. Apparently Marilyn had a very high IQ and was actually quite shy Off-Camera, and Robin had a very eccentric personality, but also as we know suffered from depression which I hear is not that uncommon in aspies.
Very interesting, a lot of the peopele I've talked to on this forum do you the whole 'focus on other facial feature besides eyes' thing like you and I. I just thought some people just plain looked away. Hmmm. I guess it;s way more common than I thought. I do find it harder to make contact with light colored (blue, green) eyes rather than brown? Do you feel similar? Could it be because you can see the pupil more clearly? Doesn't help since I like someone with very blue (almost grey) eyes
It's an interesting process for sure
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Yeah, mines not just for SOD reasons. It's just not me. Not to mention I feel silly. I'm very casual, but almost wither 'Prep' or 'rocker' I wear black tees (usually rock logos) with denim shorts or jeans, but I aso wear headbands to school and secretly yearn to wear argyle and a button up with khakis or something LOL. That's probably why i love my ban duniform so mu(White dress shirt, black pants, black vest) Just an ode to unique style. I love hearing about aspie style though. it's so fascinating. Brings to mind what another user wrote about his former fashion sense when he was in school. Very interesting to hear about.
And I really had no idea being a tomboy was so common for aspie women. Beverly told me about her experience and how it was a bit simialr to mine, but before that I had no idea how often occurring it was.
I get along Ok with most girls, but after a while they really start to think I'm weird. I'll just say something or give a look that kinda warns them of 'My real identity' haha. Boys find that side of me funny, so maybe that's why they like me better. Girls my age are just meant to be so phony that I seem like a freak when really I'm just a 'free bird' lol. Unfortunately while they boys enjoy my company and say how they hate the girls, at the end of the day they still prefer the girls over a quality frien (not trying to toot my own horn, if you were at my school you'd know what I mean by that. They just hang out together because it's 'fun; and not for the reasons you should be friends with someone. It's ok, I'm still waiting on the day that they'll grow up and out of it. Yes, older kdis tend to be much more mature in that aspect. Probably why i usually befriend freshman boys easily haha. They're much more accepting compared to the kiss in my grade. In fact I'm usually friend with MANy older kids regardless of gender. Must be a maturity thing. Having an older brother helps I guess.
I would definitely be interested in your 'collection' haha! I don't even know if you're serious or not, but I would totally be willing to do a swap. I love seeing what inspires people.
And I'm a pakc rat two, both virtually and physically. Moving out is gonna be torute, and transferring computer data take s a looong time. I also hate letting people use my computer cause there are so many weird things in every corner just waiting to be revealed.
That's really interesting! I knew that it was common in aspies, but never knew that a fantasy session would be criteria! (be it formal/official or not) Especially for females in particular.
Haha, know you know! I only saw the show in january but became obsessed instantly. I've seen the movie too. I would definitley be interested in reading the book, I've been wanting to do that for some time, so I will be checking that out. And my username is not what it is just because I like the story. It's really the character of the phantom himself. Hey, he has an amazing voice, had is own underground layer, AND he wears a cape. I mean come on! If wearing capes were socially acceptable, you know that I would be rocking one as part of my signature look. Plus he has cool hats and a mask.
But all jokes aside, I do feel an odd sort of ability to relate to him. no, the the facial deformity (although that is up for debate LOL) but the kind of isolation and rejection he suffers, the desire for positive human interaction. Things like that. IN fact, one of the men who have played the role of the phantom in the show based his approach on the assumption that the Phantom has Aspergers. Intersting. huh? He didn't 'diagnose' him or anything, and it's in no way official, but he took some traits of aspergers an applied it to the movments. Like turning away from Christine if she looked at him in the face closely. There is some more, but I can't think of it at the moment. I only read about this way after I saw the show, but it's definittley cleared up some of the reasons I so grealty connected/empathized with the character. Now, I don't know if that explains why I play the songs int eh dark and lipsync to the Phantoms part while pretending to be him. I do believethat might be a different story
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of course the choas was overwhelming and incredibly inconvenient, (they only had 1 working elevator at a time) but in the end it all boilded down to how I didn't want it to change after living with that same design for 6 years. They got rid of the water fountain and replaced it with plants. PLANTS. Don't get me wrong, I do like plants, but they already put so many plants! The had to get rid of the fountain? What's even the point of that? Now i"m sad again
haha. But that's interesting how your friends reaction to the construction introduced you do autism. I guess it does good sometimes haha. It's ok. But there's been talks of re-tiling the WHOLE building, and I won't even start on how I feel about that!
Ahah, yes, I do tend to offput some people when I mention my interest in the works of Lovecraft and others. Someone asked me if I was goth because I mention Edgar Allan Poe. It was a passing joke though. I do have an embarrassing story on that though, if you're interested haha.It involves friends who just won't take a hint lol. I don't know if she is an aspie (there is a possibility) but either way she's got even more filter problems than I do! haha. But yeah, I do try to be careful. People usually accept my more mild horror books, but if they see the worst of it they are sure to be creeped out. Especially the 'popular' girls in my grade. I'd for sure get an axe murdered rumor, or at least some talk behind my back. Oh well, they don't know REAL fun anyway
. It's not like I'm the only one though.
Interestingly enough, I do show my writing regularly to one of my friends, currently a book I am working on. It's been in development for over a year now, and It started off very childish, and corny, as any 11 year old's amateur work would be. I've lerned recently that she thinks my book is a children's book and is in the Harry Potter age range (Meaning, the target age range, about 8 and up) I didn't comment, but inside I did an evil laugh, because I've been working on a much darker and twisted version (well, it's a plan in my mind.) She's told me she's never met a a friend like me before (as in so messed up haha) and she comes from a pretty conservative Mormon family, and it's been very amusing to see her react to my readings +pictures about Hell and demons and such for the first time. She was for sure very thrown off at the beginning. now it's even funnier to see her act so unsurprised when I mention anything of the sort.
But I'm just scared for what my extended family would think! Strict Catholics I tell you, and I know a few in particular who would be very unforgiving of my black leather volume of
Necromicon. Oh well, I'll work my way out of it.
Haha yes! I do so love the guise of 'artist' because it makes so many things acceptable. But I do see how that can relate to my very um, 'young' interests. Even better, though I want to have kids regardless of this fact, what makes it even better is the very excuse to buy kiddie toys and watch childrens shows+ movies is because 'The kid likes it!' I remember once wanting to buy a baby toy but asking my mom to say it's for my "younger sibling" (I'm the youngest) Unfortunatley my mom wouldn't be able to get away with that. Oh well, maybe next time
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Yes, that definitely is at least partly because of my OCD. The reaosn Is aid it was possibly Aspergers is because I sawa an article on the whole 'Objects have souls' thing the author had aspergres and said they thought it was also Aspergers, and many Aspie commenters agreed. So I think it might be possibly both. But surely OCD at least.
What I think about the whole thing has changed overtime though. I don't usually think they have souls, but I still feel the same sadness, not because of the object, but because of the person who made it. Like' what goes on through my head when I'm sad because something's been thrown out/neglected is that "Oh, this person put hard work into designing this patter/toy/flyer/object/whatever and now people aren't appreciating it" something like that, but obviously much more extreme. Like I can feel that way about a random junk mail flyer or the ones they hand out of the streets. Anything.
They're different things now, but i sitll believe they're highly related.
And again, the benefits of being an artist. I use this to reassure myself often, because peopel will atl east now it's for artistic purposes. Of course many won't understand (snobby classmates come to mind) but I know the mature ones will.
Don't worry, I'm making sure I'm not going to far. Yeah, I know it's weird and far enough already, but I'm monitoring myself. Right now it's not hurting myslef or anything, I usually i can talk myself out of strong unreasoned emotions when something comes up. I've always been quite good at reassuring myself anyhow.
Well, on that very long note, Thank you so much for the reply! You've definitely helped a lot!
)
