How do all you cope with long periods of isolation?

[Chimorin]

Yeah

I have a hard time balancing different types of emotions

Though I’m not destructive, I used to be

I completely get you on that, stress and anger in particular I have a hard time with controlling, it just absorbs you especially when you have so much grief in life.

 

[Judge]

-

That was my grandfather's advice:

Don't go dreaming in the realms of What If. You can get lost in there. You play with the cards you've been dealt.

Yep. That we must deal with the resources we actually have. Not those we can only dream of.

To become "hardcore pragmatists" in as much as is possible.

 

[KevinMao133]

I completely get you on that, stress and anger in particular I have a hard time with controlling, it just absorbs you especially when you have so much grief in life.

I’m a perfectionist, so I’m controlling

Letting go of control requires me to relinquish my current identity. I’m not yet ready to do that and I don’t need to do so

 

[Chimorin]

I’m a perfectionist, so I’m controlling

Letting go of control requires me to relinquish my current identity. I’m not yet ready to do that and I don’t need to do so

I get you to an extent. I had to let go of my old one and accept not being in control, trying to micro-manage literally everything in your life is an impossible task. Learning to let go of everything ironically gave me more control over my life.

 

[Judge]

I get you to an extent. I had to let go of my old one and accept not being in control, trying to micro-manage literally everything in your life is an impossible task. Learning to let go of everything ironically gave me more control over my life.

Doesn't sound like you have OCD. That's a plus!

For me, my OCD often presents itself as a somewhat "different brand" of perfectionism. A compulsion- not a choice for me.

Making life somewhere between difficult and miserable at times. Something often more problematic than the struggles of autism. Something I cannot disengage that follows me wherever I go, whether I am interacting with others or completely alone.

 

[Chimorin]

Doesn't sound like you have OCD. That's a plus!

For me, my OCD often presents itself as a somewhat "different brand" of perfectionism. A compulsion- not a choice for me.

Making life somewhere between difficult and miserable at times. Something often more problematic than the struggles of autism. Something I cannot disengage that follows me wherever I go, whether I am interacting with others or completely alone.

I completely understand you, I don’t think I have OCD either (which is a good thing, obviously). I did used to try to obsessively micro-manage everything (typically when it came to interactions, what people fought of me, etc.), and it made me feel really miserable. It took me a while to get over it (still working on it), but I’m at a point where a prioritise peace over all else. I have very limited knowledge of OCD but like I said I don’t think I have it. Like I said before, for me at least, learning to not have control gives me more control, however I’m sad to hear in your case it’s a compulsion and not something you can turn off. I can’t imagine the stress you have to endure, I’d also imagine meltdowns are quite frequent for you.

 

[Judge]

however I’m sad to hear in your case it’s a compulsion and not something you can turn off. I can’t imagine the stress you have to endure, I’d also imagine meltdowns are quite frequent for you.

Even Cognitive Behavioral Therapy didn't take in my case. Actually I haven't had meltdowns since I was a kid. Shutdowns happen, but not very often.

 

[Chimorin]

Even Cognitive Behavioral Therapy didn't take in my case. Actually I haven't had meltdowns since I was a kid. Shutdowns happen, but not very often.

I’m glad to hear that at least. I meltdown quite frequently ever since my burnout 2022, it’s a huge pain for me and I hope this goes away sooner rather than later, it’s very limiting.

 

[Tired]

As a person who was living for 10 years with a husband and now for 10 months is living separately and alone (im waiting for a divorce), I can say that it feels rather miserably in the way that I crave physical connection, just gentle hugs, soft touches, holding hands.
I am having job and I volunteer, so I'm always in contact with people, but the only person I want to have a contact with is not with me physically, so it makes me feel very sad very often, and that's why I try to make myself as busy as possible to not ruminate on it.
My colleagues are all socially active NTs, and they often call me in clubs, cafes etc, but it's a torture for me to sit there and pretend like I'm interested in what they're interested in. I have only one friend, but she's having maybe 200 more friends (I'm not joking), so we actually see one another like once per 2 months. I wish I could see her more often, but iiwii. I do like chatting with people online tho, wish I had more online friends, but then sometimes I'm not sure I have energy for having a lot of them.
So I don't want irl social interractions with random people I dont know very good, plus I'm forced into those interractions daily, but I would love a social and physical interractions with my partner.
And because I can't do much about it, all I can do is try to focus on things which make me busy and happy. It's the little things.

 

[Tired]

It's hard to say that I'm isolated, but I don't feel connected to anyone I know irl (except that one friend), and I actively try to avoid any big social gatherings, because I'm socially anxious.

 

[Chimorin]

As a person who was living for 10 years with a husband and now for 10 months is living separately and alone (im waiting for a divorce), I can say that it feels rather miserably in the way that I crave physical connection, just gentle hugs, soft touches, holding hands.
I am having job and I volunteer, so I'm always in contact with people, but the only person I want to have a contact with is not with me physically, so it makes me feel very sad very often, and that's why I try to make myself as busy as possible to not ruminate on it.
My colleagues are all socially active NTs, and they often call me in clubs, cafes etc, but it's a torture for me to sit there and pretend like I'm interested in what they're interested in. I have only one friend, but she's having maybe 200 more friends (I'm not joking), so we actually see one another like once per 2 months. I wish I could see her more often, but iiwii. I do like chatting with people online tho, wish I had more online friends, but then sometimes I'm not sure I have energy for having a lot of them.
So I don't want irl social interractions with random people I dont know very good, plus I'm forced into those interractions daily, but I would love a social and physical interractions with my partner.
And because I can't do much about it, all I can do is try to focus on things which make me busy and happy. It's the little things.

I’m really to sorry to hear you’re going through that, of course I don’t need to be the one to tell you that separating from someone especially who was that close to you needless to say is really painful, however I’m at the very least glad your trying to best to at least find a way to lift your spirits a bit by appreciating the little things as you said. Of course I’m not nearly as struggling as much as you are but I too have also found myself to be in really dark places, and bad times cause desperation decisions. I made some really bad ones, and thankfully they failed, because through that desperation, I’ve now wanted to cling onto whatever I can to get through life, and as you said I started to appreciate the little things. Of course you might find this quite humorous coming from someone who has only just became an adult but if you ever need someone to talk to about whatever, I’m here. Needless to say your situation is very taxing on you, so offering a helping hand is the least I can do.

 

[Tired]

I’m really to sorry to hear you’re going through that, of course I don’t need to be the one to tell you that separating from someone especially who was that close to you needless to say is really painful, however I’m at the very least glad your trying to best to at least find a way to lift your spirits a bit by appreciating the little things as you said. Of course I’m not nearly as struggling as much as you are but I too have also found myself to be in really dark places, and bad times cause desperation decisions. I made some really bad ones, and thankfully they failed, because through that desperation, I’ve now wanted to cling onto whatever I can to get through life, and as you said I started to appreciate the little things. Of course you might find this quite humorous coming from someone who has only just became an adult but if you ever need someone to talk to about whatever, I’m here. Needless to say your situation is very taxing on you, so offering a helping hand is the least I can do.

Thank you for your kind words, you are very sweet. But no need to downplay your own struggles, we all feel pain and sadness differently, and what can be a mild inconvenience for one person, can break another one. I am glad that your attempts at doing harm failed, and that you can continue living this life, however good it is at the moment. I like the quote "Beautiful things come and go. But they come." You have food, shelter over your head, clothes and even internet. That is something many people can only wish for, and we just take them for granted.
And no, nothing is humorous in you being younger and wanting to help. Being older doesn't automatically make someone emotionally or anyhow else more intelligent, it just gives some experience younger people don't have. But you seem very mature for your age with what thoughts I read from you so far. So... thank you, and if you need a helping ear hand as well - write me in DM.
And there are many other people on the forum who will want to give you some advice or share their own experience. A good place to be.

 

[Chimorin]

Thank you for your kind words, you are very sweet. But no need to downplay your own struggles, we all feel pain and sadness differently, and what can be a mild inconvenience for one person, can break another one. I am glad that your attempts at doing harm failed, and that you can continue living this life, however good it is at the moment. I like the quote "Beautiful things come and go. But they come." You have food, shelter over your head, clothes and even internet. That is something many people can only wish for, and we just take them for granted.
And no, nothing is humorous in you being younger and wanting to help. Being older doesn't automatically make someone emotionally or anyhow else more intelligent, it just gives some experience younger people don't have. But you seem very mature for your age with what thoughts I read from you so far. So... thank you, and if you need a helping ear hand as well - write me in DM.
And there are many other people on the forum who will want to give you some advice or share their own experience. A good place to be.

Probably the nicest message I’ve ever received from someone. I’m glad to see your moral backbone has remained despite all that life threw at you, definitely not easy by any means. Your a good person, I know it’s cliche but I really hope you pull through this, for such a nice person to go through such cruelty is sadly one of life’s many sick jokes. It’s going to be really rough for a really long time, but there will be an end to the madness. Of course it’s much easier to say it than it is to endure it, but of course, I know, you know, that it will come to an end. I don’t know how, but it will.

 

[Starflowerpower87]

When I'm alone for a long time I go visit a coffee shop and have lunch there. Sometimes I meet people I know when I'm out and about. When I'm home alone I listen to kexp.org. It's a good radio station. The hosts are great. They even have a saying " You are not alone. " You get to listen to them talk about the world and nice music. You get to go to the streaming archive and pick what you want to listen to. It helps to fill the day. Also at night when I'm alone I watch warm feel good movies that make me forget I'm alone. I actually spend a lot of time alone and find it hard to make friends. So I know it can be hard. It still gets to me but I count my blessings.

 

[Chimorin]

When I'm alone for a long time I go visit a coffee shop and have lunch there. Sometimes I meet people I know when I'm out and about. When I'm home alone I listen to kexp.org. It's a good radio station. The hosts are great. They even have a saying " You are not alone. " You get to listen to them talk about the world and nice music. You get to go to the streaming archive and pick what you want to listen to. It helps to fill the day. Also at night when I'm alone I watch warm feel good movies that make me forget I'm alone. I actually spend a lot of time alone and find it hard to make friends. So I know it can be hard. It still gets to me but I count my blessings.

I definitely value the peace solitude gives me. I feel being alone feels great 90% of the time, just it really bothers me when that bad 10% kicks in. It just really sucks you know?

 

[Starflowerpower87]

I agree. I want friends but at the same time I value my alone time. Sometimes I just wish a true friend that understands my space would just materialize and we could have a sleep over.

 

[Chimorin]

I agree. I want friends but at the same time I value my alone time. Sometimes I just wish a true friend that understands my space would just materialize and we could have a sleep over.

I feel you there hard on that, but sadly I don’t think that reality will ever come, at least not for me. There’s just not that many of us, and also many of us are just closed off, myself included at times. A painful pill for me to swallow was that my idea of people wasn’t who I thought they were as stupid as it sounds, at this point I just have to accept there isn’t many of us and chances are finding someone who will fully understand us is slim to none. I’ve got me in life though, that’s the one person I will have for as long as I live. Your the only person your guaranteed to have in your life if that makes any sense, so it’s very important to be your ‘best friend’, if not things will be very miserable, as I’m sure we both learned.

 

[avanaphia]

I'd love to be able to give you advice but I can relate to this soo much. You aren't alone. I also find comfort in being alone. I only ever leave my house to go grocery shopping and to go to college. That's really it. I avoid people as much as possible because maintaining conversations is exhausting. I wish I had a social life yet the few times I am around people I still somehow feel lonely. I try my best not to compare myself to other people my age. I recently got a pet dog which has helped with the loneliness which is nice.

 

[Chimorin]

I'd love to be able to give you advice but I can relate to this soo much. You aren't alone. I also find comfort in being alone. I only ever leave my house to go grocery shopping and to go to college. That's really it. I avoid people as much as possible because maintaining conversations is exhausting. I wish I had a social life yet the few times I am around people I still somehow feel lonely. I try my best not to compare myself to other people my age. I recently got a pet dog which has helped with the loneliness which is nice.

I feel you there hard. So many important milestones I missed out on, just make me die inside a little lol. Lonely with people, lonely without them, only difference when I’m with people I’m stressed. It’s vicious though as I do want that circle, but eh, it’s tricky y’know?

 

[Chimorin]

You're 18 so you may change, it could get easier to be around people. I think you should try and try again. I have isolated myself a few times over the years. The most extreme one was leaving everything behind for 18 months, no one knew where I was, not even close family. Didn't have a mailbox, no phone. I regreted that when I returned and it was time to pay 18 months worth of overdue bills. And my mom was very upset, I found out she thought I was dead. I felt bad about that.

I learned over the years that I also have that thing in me that most people have, I need the group, people are group animals, we need contact with each other. It's important. It helps us, helps us grow and maybe even to be better people. I live alone now and even a little isolated but these days I just try my best to stay in touch with people and get more people into my life. And not isolate and run away. It can be exhausting and difficult to be around people, but being isolated is worse I think. It's not healthy.

If someone wants to isolate, at least check your mail and pay your bills. It's important.

Agreed. I did something of similar nature also around a year ago, left one circle to fall out with the next, quit my job (didn’t even go back to collect pay), royally backfired but I had to get away from everything. Now I have a hard time trying to go back but I know I have to, I hate this cycle. Thank you for the advice though, reinforces I know what I should do if that makes sense.