How do all you cope with long periods of isolation?

[Shamar]

Of course most of us here are
considered ‘introverted’ (whether that be how we just are or forced to due to anxiety reasons, I suppose I’m a bit of both), and for the majority of my life I have enjoyed being alone as I don’t have to bother masking to people, but I’ve now gone a year without any form of social contact thanks to falling out of all my previous peer groups and it’s really starting to catch up to me. Is there at least any way to mitigate those feelings in the meantime? I’m too burnt out to speak with people but yet I crave connections with people again, it’s a vicious cycle I’ve been stuck in for a while.

Thank you for taking time to read this whoever you are.

There is isolation away from people, and isolation surrounded by people. You seem to be the latter. I have experienced both. Isolation with a few, when on an expedition, is enjoyable. With no one around except my crew (and by that I mean nobody else within miles), I don't suffer from loneliness. Isolation surrounded by people is much worse, and that is when I really suffer from loneliness. Like you, I crave connection with people, yet I cannot. With nobody nearby, the craving goes away.

Think about it. Are you less lonely when there is nobody nearby?

 

[Chimorin]

There is isolation away from people, and isolation surrounded by people. You seem to be the latter. I have experienced both. Isolation with a few, when on an expedition, is enjoyable. With no one around except my crew (and by that I mean nobody else within miles), I don't suffer from loneliness. Isolation surrounded by people is much worse, and that is when I really suffer from loneliness. Like you, I crave connection with people, yet I cannot. With nobody nearby, the craving goes away.

Think about it. Are you less lonely when there is nobody nearby?

I felt both, but at least I had value surrounded myself with people more higher in value than me, even though they turned out to be snakes but that’s a different story. Even when I was with them though I’d just sneak off on my own somewhere hidden as like I said I felt lonely, but also uncomfortable and detached, but I miss that rush of validation. I suppose what I’m getting at is that I don’t miss the people themselves, but the validation they gave me if that makes any sense.

 

[Cutesie]

At the very least I’ve got the one person who will understand me fully inside and out for the rest of my life, and that person is me.

That's great. I've been trying to understand myself for a long time; though I keep learning more, I'm still a baby when ot comes to really getting me.

 

[Chimorin]

That's great. I've been trying to understand myself for a long time; though I keep learning more, I'm still a baby when ot comes to really getting me.

I get you. You find an answer to a question regarding yourself, only to lead you more questions. Endless cycle, eh?

 

[Cutesie]

I get you. You find an answer to a question regarding yourself, only to lead you more questions. Endless cycle, eh?

Yes, but it's not just that. Self-discovery isn't worth that much if it doesn't lead to positive action. Figuring out what is "wrong" with me has not yet changed anything, and I'm drowning in hopelessness.

 

[Outdated]

Figuring out what is "wrong" with me has not yet changed anything, and I'm drowning in hopelessness.

As long as you keep focusing on what is wrong you're going to keep feeling hopeless and miserable. Try focusing on what is right instead.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/the-harmful-effects-of-the-rumination-cycle.49377/

 

[thejuice]

That was my grandfather's advice:

Don't go dreaming in the realms of What If. You can get lost in there. You play with the cards you've been dealt.

That's going in my quote book if that's alright

 

[thejuice]

I have the rather unsatisfactory situation of being isolated at home and then isolated in public when I go out. Bright lights and piped music mean I go into my shell. I volunteer two days a week which is the highlight of the week. I want to do more of that. I'm fighting my natural inertia and the inclination to do as I've always done, because it's safe and familiar.

 

[grommet]

Mostly perseverance.

Reminding myself that I have thrived on solitude more than companionship. And that my OCD can make it a challenge for much of anyone to coexist with me in close quarters.

And trying to take some comfort in having everything within my own personal environment on my own terms, with no particular compromises. Compromises were seemingly the greatest challenges in my failed relationships. I just came to painfully realize years ago at the age of 49 that I likely would not make a suitable partner for most people.

I enjoy companionship on occasion. Yet I cannot go without solitude for very long under any circumstances. For me it simply boils down to who- and what I am.

I've lived in a near-state of isolation since 2006. Much easier facilitated in having retired.

This feels like my life too. Almost everything you said. But I do feel very lonely.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I am okay with being alone for semi-long periods. But I need companionship or else I just wither away.

I don't do well with new people. I am sort of frightened of them. And I don't trust them to be there when the going gets tough, or to truly care to celebrate with me the good things.

I do like people very much. I enjoy watching them from afar. Maybe at the park, or in a shopping mall. Sitting quietly, smiling and watching. Especially little children, old folks, and dogs.

But long time friends and close relatives, as long as they haven't done something truly hurtful, I am so very loyal to them. I stay in close contact. I feel bereaved, as if they fell off the face of the earth, if I cannot find them for a long period of time.

I feel love very intensely. Like it pulses through me. And I am very very loyal. Those I love, I stay with forever. And I protect them and truly pray earnestly for them all throughout my days.

Without my longtime golden loved ones, I wither. I just feel so small and lonesome. The touch starvation grows. I do not like when new people touch me, but a lot of my love for my golden friends and family, it is expressed through touch, gifts, silly play, and communication.

So I guess it's communication and sharing, praying, telling secrets to one another, talking about days' adventures and struggles together. Showing each other cool stuff. Jokey silly play, touch such as hugs or hand holding or touching the arm in surprise to point something out.

Although I am frightened of interacting with new people, my golden friends and family- I cannot live without them. It's like living inside of a bleak, gray vacuum if I do not have loving companionship. I count on a little wreath of love to carry me through. And I try with all I am to be part of the wreath of love for everyone I care about.

 

[Cutesie]

Nicely written, @Yeshuasdaughter.

 

[Jumpinbare]

"How do all you cope with long periods of isolation?"

I treasure them. I'm retired now, but I was an early blooming self isolator. I HAD to minimally socialize to earn a living, so now I have earned my isolation

 

[Chimorin]

Yes, but it's not just that. Self-discovery isn't worth that much if it doesn't lead to positive action. Figuring out what is "wrong" with me has not yet changed anything, and I'm drowning in hopelessness.

I feel you on that. I’m looking for them myself, but as you said it does make you feel hopeless. In my case I just had to accept that some questions are better left not answered, at least for me.

 

[Chimorin]

I am okay with being alone for semi-long periods. But I need companionship or else I just wither away.

I don't do well with new people. I am sort of frightened of them. And I don't trust them to be there when the going gets tough, or to truly care to celebrate with me the good things.

I do like people very much. I enjoy watching them from afar. Maybe at the park, or in a shopping mall. Sitting quietly, smiling and watching. Especially little children, old folks, and dogs.

But long time friends and close relatives, as long as they haven't done something truly hurtful, I am so very loyal to them. I stay in close contact. I feel bereaved, as if they fell off the face of the earth, if I cannot find them for a long period of time.

I feel love very intensely. Like it pulses through me. And I am very very loyal. Those I love, I stay with forever. And I protect them and truly pray earnestly for them all throughout my days.

Without my longtime golden loved ones, I wither. I just feel so small and lonesome. The touch starvation grows. I do not like when new people touch me, but a lot of my love for my golden friends and family, it is expressed through touch, gifts, silly play, and communication.

So I guess it's communication and sharing, praying, telling secrets to one another, talking about days' adventures and struggles together. Showing each other cool stuff. Jokey silly play, touch such as hugs or hand holding or touching the arm in surprise to point something out.

Although I am frightened of interacting with new people, my golden friends and family- I cannot live without them. It's like living inside of a bleak, gray vacuum if I do not have loving companionship. I count on a little wreath of love to carry me through. And I try with all I am to be part of the wreath of love for everyone I care about.

Man, that’s actually a really sweet message. This world definitely needs more people like you in this world, needless to say.

 

[Chimorin]

I have the rather unsatisfactory situation of being isolated at home and then isolated in public when I go out. Bright lights and piped music mean I go into my shell. I volunteer two days a week which is the highlight of the week. I want to do more of that. I'm fighting my natural inertia and the inclination to do as I've always done, because it's safe and familiar.

I get you there. Stuck in the same comfortable yet monotonous cycle of familiarity, yet I buckle when I try to change it. Really limiting.

 

[thejuice]

Yes I am one to make false starts too. It's an anxiety and rigidity issue for me, I rarely ask for help or investigate cures because it seems uncomfortable. I remember hearing that the lower brain self sabotages. It believes isolating has made you survive so far, so more of that is good for future survival. So it takes a lot of intentionality to overcome this maladaptation.

 

[Chimorin]

Yes I am one to make false starts too. It's an anxiety and rigidity issue for me, I rarely ask for help because it seems uncomfortable. I remember hearing that the lower brain self sabotages. It believes isolating has made you survive so far, so more of that is good for future survival. So it takes a lot of intentionality to overcome this maladaptation.

I really relate to you on that, I want to make new starts like you said but my brain just implodes.

Yeah, it’s a survival thing, I just want to be back amongst the living for lack of a better word, but I’m too stressed and exhausted to coexist with them, it’s very frustrating and feels somewhat hopeless.

 

[thejuice]

I really relate to you on that, I want to make new starts like you said but my brain just implodes.

Yeah, it’s a survival thing, I just want to be back amongst the living for lack of a better word, but I’m too stressed and exhausted to coexist with them, it’s very frustrating and feels somewhat hopeless.

I was listening to a podcast last night and they were talking about isolation and how socialising is like a muscle that needs exercise. So starting small and building up.. It's tempting to do something counter productive like trying to bench press 300 lbs from the get go your body is trying to protect you in a weird way. Needs gentle encouraging.

 

[Chimorin]

I was listening to a podcast last night and they were talking about isolation and how socialising is like a muscle that needs exercise. So starting small and building up.. It's tempting to do something counter productive like trying to bench press 300 lbs from the get go your body is trying to protect you in a weird way. Needs gentle encouraging.

I feel you there. Ironic you mention bench pressing because I started working out for a few years now to give the appearance of being a bit of a brute to stop people from talking to me or at least to stop people giving me bother (both failed in both aspects, in the first case it just led me getting compliments, not the desired reaction of people leaving me alone (a compliment is a compliment though, mission failed successfully)), and also have being doing boxing for years as well to defend myself if I have to again. Even though I might be more physically stronger and know how to defend myself, my brain always takes over, like an elephant being scared of a mouse. Your brain will always takes over, definitely need to find away to control it rather than it control me, easier said than done sadly.

 

[Jonn]

I really relate to you on that, I want to make new starts like you said but my brain just implodes.

Yeah, it’s a survival thing, I just want to be back amongst the living for lack of a better word, but I’m too stressed and exhausted to coexist with them, it’s very frustrating and feels somewhat hopeless.

I was gang-stalked very badly for 20 years when I was younger.
"Survival" was the name of the game and left little else in my life.

I survived...