how do I get enough alone time while being married

[Hypnalis]

@AspieChris

My post above is actually my "swan song" for the topic. It's "tuned" for an NT in a special situation.

The ND -> NT rules for timing are a small part of something that might be worth discussing in the forum, but IMO not in this thread.
It's part of thinking about your context and your "audience" before choosing what, if anything, to say; when; and how to frame what you want to say.

 

[uneven]

yup! Timing is important, and it's hard to get it right. I'm reading a relationship book for NDs that suggests having a scheduled/predicable meeting to talk about problems/roadbumps. That would be great, but he doesn't like talking about things like this. It's just more "demands" from me, from his point of view. Even though he can "demand/ask" for things for me to do.

 

[uneven]

No you’re not. You’re just in a very difficult situation. It’s no fun feeling like you need to hide your suffering from your spouse, but it’s his fault for not wanting to help. Men are supposed to be leaders. Good leaders make sure that everyone on the team have everything they need to succeed.

I have had good and bad bosses at work over my 30+ year career. The dynamics of a well run office and a well run house are basically the same. Great leaders at work inspire me to work my a$$ off. Bad ones leave me without the tools I need to be productive, and then berate me for working too slow.

Imagine how much more you could do at home if only you could get the alone time you need. Is there anything he complains that you don’t do, or don’t do well enough? It probably won’t work but maybe approach it from a strictly business angle. Pick one thing and tell him you would have more energy to get it done, or that it would help keep your mind clear enough to learn how to do it better.

Although, it might make him feel like it’s an ultimatum and make him angrier. Only you know the answer.

I really, really like the idea of being a good leader. I'm a leader at work, and I totally agree with your analysis. You are a success if your team/family is a success. You are helping lead me! It feels great, so thank you.