How to reconcile male and female perspective on creepiness

[Prometheus]

Nothin creeps me out. The creepier she is the better. I find they are more fun that way. Anyway, thats a weird word , because i've never thought of any woman as creepy. That's what women use..

 

[Polchinski]

Perhaps the ultimate in hooking up with a "bad boy". Creepy, attractive in ways beyond looks, and above all quite threatening.

I thought we were talking about non-attractive being creepy, and now you are saying attractive is?

By the way, putting two separate problems together we find yet another absurdity:

1) Women are more likely to be attracted to bad boy than nice guy

2) Women are more likely to label someone as creepy when they are not attracted to them

Therefore

3) Nice guy is more likely to be labeled as creepy than bad boy

However

4) Creepy means likely to act unsafe

Therefore

5) Nice guy is more likely to act unsafe than the bad boy

But thats the contradiction. I thought it should be the opposite?

 

[Polchinski]

Nothin creeps me out. The creepier she is the better. I find they are more fun that way. Anyway, thats a weird word , because i've never thought of any woman as creepy. That's what women use..

I wasn't talking about guys labeling women as creepy. I was talking about guys (and girls) interpretation of situations when women label guys as creepy.

In other words, the situation is the woman labeling the man creepy. But then the spectators of that situation are both male and female. Male spectators and female spectators come up with a different interpretation of it. Hence I was asking spectators of both genders to weigh in.

 

[Prometheus]

) Women are more likely to be attracted to bad boy than nice guy

Actually, that's not true. Women are more attracted to a nice guy with money. Studys says. But it's all ...just conjecture. Really.

 

[Magna]

This is also why men who have trouble getting dates are easy targets for self-help types, handsome men who make a lot of money teaching such men to approach women in counterintuitive overly aggressive, "macho" ways.

It's simply a fact that women can and often do react differently to men who use the same approach depending on attractiveness of the man. If a woman finds a man attractive that man's approach may either be accepted, tolerated or refused in a neutral manner. If a woman finds a man unattractive but who used the same exact approach, that man's approach is often viewed as being offensive, "creepy" and the woman's negative reaction strong.

 

[Judge]

I thought we were talking about non-attractive being creepy, and now you are saying attractive is?

By the way, putting two separate problems together we find yet another absurdity:

1) Women are more likely to be attracted to bad boy than nice guy

2) Women are more likely to label someone as creepy when they are not attracted to them

Therefore

3) Nice guy is more likely to be labeled as creepy than bad boy

However

4) Creepy means likely to act unsafe

Therefore

5) Nice guy is more likely to act unsafe than the bad boy

But thats the contradiction. I thought it should be the opposite?

As usual, you are attempting to twist my words. I merely provided you with an example of how creepy and threatening can be attractive. Not to all women, but a few. The point being one stressed in many posts in this thread. That it's all subjective. Absurd by many standards, but not all.

Your quest for a concise and objective explanation on such things amounts to a wild goose chase. Where some particularly on the spectrum can only see conditionals of black and white without recognizing all those shades of grey in between.

On subjects of human behavior, it's best to leave your logic at the door. Again, "different strokes for different folks".

 

[Judge]

We can look at it like this, Bill Gates doesn't have groupies. Tommy Lee from Mötley Crüe have had more groupies than anyone can count. And he was a real scumbag sometimes. The loud, cocky macho guy is often swarmed by women.

It does make me wonder how Bill Gates might have faired with the ladies had he not become wealthy at all.

Tommy Lee? Don't tell that to Gene Simmons. And Wilt Chamberlain is no longer around to brag about it.

 

[Prometheus]

That's because they are musicians, rock stars are high status. I'm sure even dorky rockstars are very popular. Bill Gates, is an anomaly, he can buy anything. I'm more interested in the converse of the bad boy stereotype, the bad girl stereotype, apparently, if a girl is attractive, and also "crazy" or should I say temperamental in her emotions, she is perceived as more attractive than the humble virtuous good girl. Good but plain girl. Again from this same study, I read like a week ago ago. A girl might be considered the equivalent of 'creepy,' but also attractive then.

 

[Judge]

A girl might be considered the equivalent of 'creepy,' but also attractive then.

Reminds me of Sid Vicious' girlfriend Nancy Spungen. Such a charming couple they made. Creepy, occasionally threatening and yet attractive to a lot of fans. Go figure.

Social dynamics that cannot be reconciled. Where all you can do is scratch your head at times.

 

[paloftoon]

Looks, which are quite subjective, I'd say are a huge factor. If someone that one is attracted to has the same behavior as someone that one is not attracted to but with the same behavior, that unattractive person might be considered creepy. Whether it's creepy or not, it's human for us to want that behavior. We don't really know people except over time, and we may want to get to know people based on our own feelings and impressions.
We say it's behavior, but I think looks come first consciously or unconsciously, followed by behavior interpretation.


I once told a friend who was best friends with this other person that if he shook my hand and rubbed his finger on my palm privately like his friend did, I'd think it was weird, but I'd actually enjoy the attention since we were physically intimate. However, I was never physically intimate with his friend, and he just did that weird "handshake", and I let that friend know that these actions didn't make me feel comfortable at the time. He tried to defend himself and I didn't want anything to do with him after he kept sending me never ending paragraphs and needed clarification on what he can and can't do. My idea of clarification was to keep it short and just state to him not to communicate or touch me in any way at all including a handshake or shoulder touch etc.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Thank God I'm married, never had issues attracting women, sort of like been seen as weird have never been called a creep.

 

[paloftoon]

Another interesting scenario I can think of is FaceBook. Some people, they might add people they never have met in-person with or video chatted with. The adding is more likely to occur if they are attracted to the person since they don't have the potential in-person or even interests to work with. Maybe, someone will add because they were mutual friends with someone else and possibly in the background, they are attracted to so and so too. They night not verify an account of someone they think they know. Just because someone is mutual friends with someone else doesn't mean it's a verifiable account though. I always ask the mutual friends themselves if I see a new account I'm interested in adding (or if such a person requested to friend me) etc. personally. Not everyone will do that.

It's easy to focus on certain superficial things, lol!!

 

[Judge]

Thank God I'm married, never had issues attracting women, sort of like been seen as weird have never been called a creep.

Yeah, it can be pretty rough out there autistic or not and quite single.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think you are asking about the double standard that exist...."hot attractive guy" ask female out with the same line sentences, behavior nets a date....same situation "ugly guy" and nets "he was creepy" and no date.

So the correlation between "creepy" and "ugly" in this context is a synonym to some women.

I dont know where this conversation/question is going. Its all subjective to ones interpretation.

If you goal is to be creepy then compliment womens elbow skin or back of knee skin...then follow up with if she likes bath and body works lotion.

I am not a handsom guy. Never was. So I sorta learned to dress well and act pleasantly. I could see that hot/confident guys had an easier time than I, but I was never interested in attracting those children. I enjoyed connecting with women who would take the time to know me. Those are the type that seemed to value interests, character, and potential. And, while I had other issues that prevented me from bedding them, I was satisfied with the character of the attractive women I connected with and learned a lot about relationships.

 

[LadyS]

Maybe: For some women it IS about looks, therefore some unattractive men have to try twice as much effort to "attract" a woman if he's on the prowl (even that word is creepy). And sometimes this can come off as desperate which is not very attractive, but in fact "creepy", thereby some men coming to that conclusion. Maybe?

And I state some, because like others above me have said, you can't say that about all women. Because it is true that it's all about behavior and how men 'look' at you. Can't speak for any other women but sometimes it's easy to tell when a man approaches you what their intent is based on eye contact and body language. And not everyone WANTS to be approached with an agenda on their minds. Being a woman and vulnerable - always have to be on guard for predatory situations - just facts. Wish more men understood this. It's nothing personal.

Just me: doesn't matter how attractive they are, I've always been uncomfortable being approached by strangers - I say this because I know some members tend to get frustrated by other women not responding to them in a manner they like or understand when approached, which end up resentful of women and then pinned as "unfriendly" and "picky" or even "snobby". But some of us really do have social anxiety and fear of being vulnerable in unfamiliar situations.

 

[Polchinski]

Thank God I'm married,

How come none of the married guys ever worry about being called creeps by women other than their wife? And no, I am not talking about cheating. As mentioned earlier: attracting women and avoiding being called creep are two different things. So, lets take a married guy, who is 100% loyal to his wife. Wouldn't he also get upset by being called a creep? I mean, if someone accuses you of being a bank robber, you would get upset -- even if you are not looking to get hired by a given bank. Similarly, if a woman calls you a creep, you would be upset too -- even if you are married and all.

I can think of few explanations, lets see whether there is anything to them:

1) Maybe there IS something to the idea that, due to prevailing sexism in a society, guys don't care what women think other than using them? And thats why, once the need for the women is being taken away (by the fact of being married), the guy no longer cares whether women think of him as creep or not?

2) Being unattractive won't earn you a creep label. A creep is someone unattractive who can't accept that he is unattractive. By the virtue of being married, the guy can accept that he is not attractive to other women and, by the virtue of accepting his lack of attractiveness, is no longer creepy.

3) Contrary to what some people were saying, women "do" have a common denominator in terms of how they perceive a guy. So a guy who is being perceived as a creep would not be able to find a wife. And, conversely, a guy who was able to find a wife, has good enough social skills not to be perceived as a creep.

4) Having a wife is a type of "social proof" that gives you an immunity from being perceived as creep.

5) Other. Please explain

 

[Rodafina]

And he was a real scumbag sometimes. The loud, cocky macho guy is often swarmed by women.

Maybe they are feminists attacking him

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Yeah that could be it. I read that book they wrote, "The Dirt", and they didn't mention any attacks by feminists though.

You mean Mötley Crüe? Don't forget, Steven Tyler thought the dude looked like a lady.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I was wondering where this came from until I saw a u-tube video of women in gyms commenting on men looking at them while they worked out. fortunately, I Have a small home gym, The battle of the sexes just keeps going just the battle ground changes.

 

[Judge]

I was wondering where this came from until I saw a u-tube video of women in gyms commenting on men looking at them while they worked out. fortunately, I Have a small home gym, The battle of the sexes just keeps going just the battle ground changes.

Reminds me of those television commercials where they cite "a judgment-free gym". Uh -huh...whatever.