How to reconcile male and female perspective on creepiness

[Human Avatar]

You would have to list what women consider creepy .

If you are a Autistic male and have trouble masking all the time, it is fact women will find you creepy

It has been proven that if a woman knows you are autistic first they don’t find you as much of a threat .

Which really is horrible if you think about it. That is wrong In so many ways .

Ted Bundy was very attractive and charismatic. Nobody found him creepy .

Just goes to show how ducking wrong perspectives are .

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

You mean Mötley Crüe? Don't forget, Steven Tyler thought the dude looked like a lady.

I had pretty long hair in the past mistaken for a woman a few times usually while in bar and wife in bathroom. blonde, Natural curl what can I say even the women like it.

 

[The Pandector]

Frankly, I wouldn’t mind if some creepy woman was stealing glances, making tentative uncomfortable advances, displaying an attraction I had yet to encourage. But then, I’m near six foot and not too flabby at a buck-eighty-five; I’m safe.

On a cruise I misguidedly took, I was stuck in an elevator with four apparently single women. When I stepped out of the elevator, I had a new insight into the female condition.

Other than when hunting in packs…. Women, I suspect, use a holistic approach. First level, most obvious, is the man clean and appropriately dressed? Then, is his visage clear; does he seem to be aware of and adjusted to his surroundings? Then, how does his body language make me feel? It goes on.

If, at any point in the evaluation, the woman detects intentions contrary to her own, the deal is broken. Hanging on past the moment of her decision that you’re not the one puts you in jeopardy of being labeled creepy. The world is a different place once you’re a creep.

There is no reconciling male and female views. Men kid themselves that they control the scene. In fact, any man wandering free who thinks men decide who they are going to ask out is probably susceptible to a host of hormone-related maladies… or very handsome or wealthy.

 

[Judge]

Ted Bundy was very attractive and charismatic. Nobody found him creepy .

True dat.

"Get in the Volkswagen sweetie. It'll be fun!"

 

[Polchinski]

Maybe: For some women it IS about looks,

So, as a woman, how would you explain why you would judge the guys intentions by their looks? I mean, wouldn't looks be genetics while intentions be a choice? Why would you assume that there is a relation between the two?

therefore some unattractive men have to try twice as much effort to "attract" a woman if he's on the prowl (even that word is creepy). And sometimes this can come off as desperate which is not very attractive, but in fact "creepy", thereby some men coming to that conclusion. Maybe?

So are you saying that its not looks that are creepy but "trying too hard" that is. While the former would simply "set up" a guy to do the latter?

Or would you say its a combination of both, and looks by themselves do contribute? If so, why?

Can't speak for any other women but sometimes it's easy to tell when a man approaches you what their intent is based on eye contact and body language.

So can you tell me about the difference between intents of creepy guys and non-creepy guys, and why it correlates with looks?

And not everyone WANTS to be approached with an agenda on their minds.

That part makes sense: I don't want to be approached by telemarketers either. But in this case it should apply to all guys, not just unattractive ones.

Being a woman and vulnerable - always have to be on guard for predatory situations - just facts.

And what if I know for a fact I would never act predatory? When people misunderstand "facts" about me, it is a lot more frustrating than when they are simply not attracted. If we are on the same page about all the facts they are just not attracted, well its a bit disappointing, but its fine. But if they don't understand facts about me that just drives me up the wall.

Just me: doesn't matter how attractive they are, I've always been uncomfortable being approached by strangers

I don't approach women either. For this exact reason. When I complain about them thinking I am creepy, the context of my complaint is the question "why don't they approach me". Now, some people tell me "why don't you approach them yourself". Well, I don't, for the exact reason you just said. So its a no-win situation:

--- If I don't approach women, then they don't talk to me because I don't approach them

--- If I were to approach them, it would be creepy since nobody likes to be approach by a stranger

So what am I supposed to do?

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Ted Bundy was very attractive and charismatic. Nobody found him creepy .

He actually liked to present himself this way, but there were women that got a bad vibe and weren't abducted. He also had to knock them unconscious, typically. He wanted the press/FBI to think he was super smart and charismatic, but he usually got women into the car with violence. (I read a good book on the case called The Riverman, written by one of the main investigators.)

Then again, lots of women watched his trial because they felt attraction for him. Which is gross. But, I guess they saw him as a victim and not a creep in a parking lot.

 

[Human Avatar]

The matrix , within a paradigm within a Pandora’s box.

Trying to figure women out .
Is doomed to failure.

But if you ever find the key let us know !!

 

[Rodafina]

(removed. I forgot how many times he says ducking.)

Found a clean version.

 

[Human Avatar]

 

[Mr. Stevens]

^And "No Scrubs," of course

 

[Polchinski]

On a cruise I misguidedly took, I was stuck in an elevator with four apparently single women. When I stepped out of the elevator, I had a new insight into the female condition.

So how did those four women actually acted towards you on the elevator?

First level, most obvious, is the man clean and appropriately dressed? Then, is his visage clear; does he seem to be aware of and adjusted to his surroundings? Then, how does his body language make me feel? It goes on.

So what is the rationale for those types of criteria? How would not meeting them imply the guy is creepy?

The "not aware of surroundings" part is interesting. In order to be a threat, a guy has to be strong. If a guy is not aware of his surroundings, he is weak. So why would a woman be scared of him?

Well I realize that he still has advantage over her in terms of "physical" strength. But wouldn't a guy who is aware of his surroundings have that advantage too? So, between a guy who is aware of his surroundings and the guy who isn't, wouldn't the one aware of his surroundings be even bigger threat?

The world is a different place once you’re a creep.

Are you saying that women spread the reputation?

So if you put things together becomes interesting. One woman finds you unattractive. She decides you are creepy. If she decides you are creepy, she spreads rumors. And then everyone avoids you.

But that means that in order to avoid ostracism you have to be attractive to every single woman you ever encounter? Who would ever be THAT attractive?

Men kid themselves that they control the scene.

If men don't control anything, then how can they be accused of being a creep? A creep is someone who makes WILFUL decision to act dangerous. You can't be dangerous without deciding to, unless you are a sleep walker.

 

[Human Avatar]

In the Victorian era men could get a manual as such

 

[Human Avatar]

(removed. I forgot how many times he says ducking.)

Oh no, is there a radio edit version?

 

[Mr. Stevens]

^I know you're only joking, so I'm not directing this at you, but: one problem a lot of men have is they want to listen to other men on women. They don't want to listen to women talk about women. Both are pretty essential.

 

[Polchinski]

The matrix , within a paradigm within a Pandora’s box.

Trying to figure women out .
Is doomed to failure.

But if you ever find the key let us know !!

Apparently some men ARE able to figure women out, since they are married and all.

And by the way this is something I also wonder about. If I look at the way those men talk, they don't talk the same language as women at all. So how were they able to understand them so well, enough so as to marry?

 

[Magna]

So, lets take a married guy, who is 100% loyal to his wife. Wouldn't he also get upset by being called a creep?

Can you give a hypothetical example of when a married man might be called a creep by a woman who is not his wife?

 

[Polchinski]

^I know you're only joking, so I'm not directing this at you, but: one problem a lot of men have is they want to listen to other men on women. They don't want to listen to women talk about women. Both are pretty essential.

And, unlike them, I do want to listen to women. But then women are the ones who tell me "I don't want to talk about it". Yet, what I hear from others, its usually the women who want to talk and the guys who don't. I think "lucky guys: if only I was in their shoes, I would gladly sit down and talk to those women just as much as they want to". Yet the women I get to interact with say "I don't want to talk about it".

 

[Rodafina]

 

[Judge]

Actor Mickey Rooney figured women out alright. But it took him eight marriages to do it.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

And, unlike them, I do want to listen to women. But then women are the ones who tell me "I don't want to talk about it". Yet, what I hear from others, its usually the women who want to talk and the guys who don't. I think "lucky guys: if only I was in their shoes, I would gladly sit down and talk to those women just as much as they want to". Yet the women I get to interact with say "I don't want to talk about it".

There could be many reasons for that, but not all women are in touch with their feelings. And there are many married people who don't understand or care about other people.