How to reconcile male and female perspective on creepiness

[Polchinski]

Everyone has their own opinion, and the right to avoid anyone they see as a possible threat.

And what if most people feel that way about someone, yet said person doesn't have bad intent. What are they supposed to do?

Re-reading your post, you didn't say "bad intent" you said "AIR of bad intent". But "air" might not reflect the actual intent. Thats what Asperger is all about: miscommunication.

A person has control over their ACTUAL intent, but they have no control of the AIR they produce. So do you think its unfair they are being avoided due to something they have no control over?

 

[Judge]

One even weirder thing is that this thread had 2000 hits in 48 hours. That's around 1800 more than most threads. Not saying it's wrong, it just seems very odd.

It's a pattern I've observed about forums even prior to the Internet. - Controversy (trolling) generates hits. The messier it gets, the more hits a thread receives.

People are drawn to controversy like a moth to a flame. Happens all the time.

 

[Polchinski]

You can't control how people may perceive you in real-time. Plain and simple. It doesn't matter how unfair it may be.

That is precisely what I am complaining about. So if the way you are perceived has nothing to do with anything you have any control over, then what is even a point of doing anything? We are just all here to sit out our 80-year punishment for the way we were born.

And in our society in particular, "perception is reality".

That is precisely what is unfair. Particularly since perception has nothing to do with what you have any control over, yet people assume its a "reality" that you have bad intent. No you don't: your intent is to be the total opposite of how you are being perceived. Yet you have no control over said perception.

 

[Judge]

That is precisely what I am complaining about. So if the way you are perceived has nothing to do with anything you have any control over, then what is even a point of doing anything?

You just answered your own question. It isn't fair and there's nothing you can do about it. But then I wish I had a dollar for every instance of this we could collectively identify. But that's life- and humanity. Imperfection at its finest.

https://www.britannica.com/topic/human-nature

 

[Polchinski]

You just answered your own question. It isn't fair and there's nothing you can do about it.

Its amazing how you can just accept that kind of reality. Particularly since its an aspie forum so it directly affects most people here.

Most people seem to object when it comes to discrimination based off of race. Well, how is discrimination based off of other stuff you have no control of any better?

 

[tree]

Nobody said it was better.

 

[Judge]

Its amazing how you can just accept that kind of reality. Particularly since its an aspie forum so it directly affects most people here.

Most people seem to object when it comes to discrimination based off of race. Well, how is discrimination based off of other stuff you have no control of any better?

It's easy. I'm a political scientist. A student of the lowest form of human behavior. Though such an education also helped me to better understand so much "grey" between that which is "black" and that which is "white".

 

[Vindiesel]

Its amazing how you can just accept that kind of reality. Particularly since its an aspie forum so it directly affects most people here.

Most people seem to object when it comes to discrimination based off of race. Well, how is discrimination based off of other stuff you have no control of any better?

So what have you gained in knowledge or insight about hearing everyones opinions? Is your question answered or you just ready to jump into the pool of nihilism and accept your fate of only worrying about what you can control?

 

[Forest Cat]

Its amazing how you can just accept that kind of reality.

Do people have a choice? People can protest and fight it and yell "not fair" all day long and it would change nothing. You make it sound like people have a choice, like people can change it if they want to. We either accept reality and adapt to it or we try to fight reality. I recommend adapting to it.

 

[Mary Terry]

One even weirder thing is that this thread had 2000 hits in 48 hours. That's around 1800 more than most threads. Not saying it's wrong, it just seems very odd.

"Very odd" and deliberately argumentative makes it creepy. I think many of us consider it a self-fulfilling prophesy.

 

[Judge]

Do people have a choice? People can protest and fight it and yell "not fair" all day long and it would change nothing. You make it sound like people have a choice, like people can change it if they want to. We either accept reality and adapt to it or we try to fight reality. I recommend adapting to it.

One must inevitably "pick their battles" very carefully in this context. Where some considerations of civil rights must be considered above others. Another unfortunate reality.

 

[Mary Terry]

And what if most people feel that way about someone, yet said person doesn't have bad intent. What are they supposed to do?

Re-reading your post, you didn't say "bad intent" you said "AIR of bad intent". But "air" might not reflect the actual intent. Thats what Asperger is all about: miscommunication.

A person has control over their ACTUAL intent, but they have no control of the AIR they produce. So do you think its unfair they are being avoided due to something they have no control over?

Life is not fair. If you act like a creep, regardless of your intent, then the world views you as a creep. Change your behavior.

 

[Forest Cat]

Life is not fair.

This is very important information. Something everyone must learn. Important to remember. Yelling "it's not fair!" when life kicks you in the face makes no difference.

 

[Judge]

Amusing to see this thread morph into yet another classic example of the contrasting philosophies of Thomas Hobbes versus John Locke. The "nature of man'"versus the interpretation of "inalienable rights".

 

[Polchinski]

Do people have a choice?

People who decide to judge based on creepy behavior do have a choice.

Now, I know that they claim that they don't, since its just an instinct. But you see, people are trying to fight their instincts when it comes to things like racism or weight loss. The reason they don't fight instincts here is because they don't see fit to.

As a matter of fact, when I was googling it further, I saw some advice along the lines of trust your instinct. I was like "what? I thought the issue is they couldn't help it? But actually they think trusting their instinct is a good thing?"

The latest example is @Yeshuasdaughter said there isn't much to discuss. Why not? If the instinct is a big problem then there is. But then she went further and said "avoid those types and protect your loved ones"

Now, if it was just an instinct you couldn't help, then you wouldn't be trying to "protect your loved ones". So clearly it shows that its a choice: the one to trust your instinct. But why do people make that choice?

 

[Forest Cat]

People who decide to judge based on creepy behavior do have a choice.

Now, I know that they claim that they don't, since its just an instinct. But you see, people are trying to fight their instincts when it comes to things like racism or weight loss. The reason they don't fight instincts here is because they don't see fit to.

As a matter of fact, when I was googling it further, I saw some advice along the lines of trust your instinct. I was like "what? I thought the issue is they couldn't help it? But actually they think trusting their instinct is a good thing?"

The latest example is @Yeshuasdaughter said there isn't much to discuss. Why not? If the instinct is a big problem then there is. But then she went further and said "avoid those types and protect your loved ones"

Now, if it was just an instinct you couldn't help, then you wouldn't be trying to "protect your loved ones". So clearly it shows that its a choice: the one to trust your instinct. But why do people make that choice?

If you behave like a creepy guy, people will think you are creepy. That's life.

 

[Vindiesel]

People who decide to judge based on creepy behavior do have a choice.

Now, I know that they claim that they don't, since its just an instinct. But you see, people are trying to fight their instincts when it comes to things like racism or weight loss. The reason they don't fight instincts here is because they don't see fit to.

As a matter of fact, when I was googling it further, I saw some advice along the lines of trust your instinct. I was like "what? I thought the issue is they couldn't help it? But actually they think trusting their instinct is a good thing?"

The latest example is @Yeshuasdaughter said there isn't much to discuss. Why not? If the instinct is a big problem then there is. But then she went further and said "avoid those types and protect your loved ones"

Now, if it was just an instinct you couldn't help, then you wouldn't be trying to "protect your loved ones". So clearly it shows that its a choice: the one to trust your instinct. But why do people make that choice?

If humans exist, then ignorance exist then their will always be people mislabeling people creeps with only using a few data points or "intuition" hence ignorance.

 

[Mary Terry]

People who decide to judge based on creepy behavior do have a choice.

Now, I know that they claim that they don't, since its just an instinct. But you see, people are trying to fight their instincts when it comes to things like racism or weight loss. The reason they don't fight instincts here is because they don't see fit to.

As a matter of fact, when I was googling it further, I saw some advice along the lines of trust your instinct. I was like "what? I thought the issue is they couldn't help it? But actually they think trusting their instinct is a good thing?"

The latest example is @Yeshuasdaughter said there isn't much to discuss. Why not? If the instinct is a big problem then there is. But then she went further and said "avoid those types and protect your loved ones"

Now, if it was just an instinct you couldn't help, then you wouldn't be trying to "protect your loved ones". So clearly it shows that its a choice: the one to trust your instinct. But why do people make that choice?

Stop conflating creeps with people who instinctively avoid creeps. Stop self-absorbed navel gazing.

If you attempt to converse with women the same way you attempt to "converse" here, then it's no wonder women will not give you the time of day and consider you to be creepy.

Change your behavior.

Or just go on whining, arguing, justifying, rationalizing and excusing yourself, if that's what you enjoy.

 

[Judge]

Or just go on whining, arguing, justifying, rationalizing and excusing yourself, if that's what you enjoy.

Point taken. It sure looks that way.

 

[Polchinski]

If you behave like a creepy guy, people will think you are creepy. That's life.

The word "behave" means "action". But if I haven't said or done anything and people just don't like the way I look, how does it fit into "behave"?