How To Stop Wanting Relationships

[Judge]

No-no, I found the boyfriend here, and he was 49 at the moment, and he was thinking about giving up, so move the age plank higher!

Forgive me, but I have to ask.

In your opinion, was it in any way his autistic traits and behaviors that drew you towards him in the first place?

It has always been a thought of mine relative to my female friends who eventually became girlfriends. That to them I was simply "different" in ways they never really explained, nor did I ask. Though in my case I had no thought of being autistic at the time.

 

[thejuice]

As well as that, according to nature, most men are meant to be expendable and are not meant to reproduce. Someone like me is not meant to exist, shown by how much pain I've suffered from loneliness and ostracism.

I believe we're bred to fight and die in war. You might get prestige from that if you survive and a chance to procreate. If you do something particularly heroic you might get officially recognised and it might get you into the halls of power and then you have the pick of the bunch. These days it's hard to be Rambo, it's all about team strategy and mechanisation. No glorious privilege to be the first to scale the ladder to meet the castle defenders for example.

 

[Tired]

Forgive me, but I have to ask.

In your opinion, was it in any way his autistic traits and behaviors that drew you towards him in the first place?

It has always been a thought of mine relative to my female friends who eventually became girlfriends. That to them I was simply "different" in ways they never really explained, nor did I ask. Though in my case I had no thought of being autistic at the time.

will answer you in dm.

 

[Zain]

I believe we're bred to fight and die in war. You might get prestige from that if you survive and a chance to procreate. If you do something particularly heroic you might get officially recognised and it might get you into the halls of power and then you have the pick of the bunch. These days it's hard to be Rambo, it's all about team strategy and mechanisation. No glorious privilege to be the first to scale the ladder to meet the castle defenders for example.

I don't think so. It's the system we're born into. In nature, we wouldn't ever put ourselves in danger because even one small injury would lead to certain death.
In societies and civilisations, the bottom percent of men are definitely meant to be screwed, besides from a lucky few who are born special or meet an incentive, like you noted. I wonder if one day the majority will realise we are living unnaturally, being crushed by those above, and the way humans live drastically changes to benefit everybody as as result.

 

[thejuice]

I don't think so. It's the system we're born into. In nature, we wouldn't ever put ourselves in danger because even one small injury would lead to certain death.
In societies and civilisations, the bottom percent of men are definitely meant to be screwed, besides from a lucky few who are born special or meet an incentive, like you noted. I wonder if one day the majority will realise we are living unnaturally, being crushed by those above, and the way humans live drastically changes to benefit everybody as as result.

For me the solution seems to be a gradual inching towards a fairer society. We'll be long dead before anything close happens. There would be plenty of room for innovation but also much stricter limits placed on inherent 'corporate pyschopathy'.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

As well as that, according to nature, most men are meant to be expendable and are not meant to reproduce. Someone like me is not meant to exist, shown by how much pain I've suffered from loneliness and ostracism.

yeah, i can believe that, i know i'm not alone in thinking this way, i've always hated and resented the popular quote "theres someone for everyone".

 

[Jonn]

I’m happy being single and I’m goal driven but a part of me wishes I can experience being in a relationship. A part of me feel like I’m missing out

Being in a romantic relationship is not the be-all, for some ppl, including myself.

Romantic relationship desire is generally due to:
-Wanting to satisfy sexual needs...
-Wanting to start a family...
-Wanting to find personal meaning...

As we know, we are driven by both "instinctual directives" and social indoctrination.
Go with the flow in whatever direction seems the most optimal at the time.

The wise old sage has spoken...

 

[Markness]

I don’t want to let go of wanting a girlfriend because I don’t want my detractors to celebrate.

 

[Judge]

I don’t want to let go of wanting a girlfriend because I don’t want my detractors to celebrate.

If you truly consider such persons as "detractors", the best course of action is not to have any contact with such people. That their presence and influence is simply too toxic for you.

That it's bad mental health to keep such persons in your social orbit, no matter who they may be. - "Out of sight, out of mind".

 

[Jonn]

If you truly consider such persons as "detractors", the best course of action is not to have any contact with such people. That their presence and influence is simply toxic for you.

"Out of sight, out of mind".

The ignore function works well on this website.

 

[Judge]

The ignore function works well on this website.

I'm talking about real life exposures. Not online. Besides, the ignore function won't change that such persons are present and visible online. Like I said, out of sight- out of mind.

He needs to truly distance himself from such people whether online or offline. Assuming of course they really do reflect that level of malice (detractors).

Admittedly more problematic too if they are in his inner social orbit. Like relatives or even friends or coworkers who may or may not know the damage they are doing.

 

[Jonn]

Don't. Use the rationale that you haven't yet had one to determine it's something that doesn't work for you.

Then after a handful of failed relationships at the age of say, 49 you can decide to give up on the idea knowing you tried. No, I'm not trying to be funny. It's just the story of MY life.

But you? You still have plenty of time left to figure this out.

Agreed.

Give it a serious go.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

 

[Jonn]

Well, the idea of a relationship is up to the individual (or possibly family controlling their children because of culture and personality.). There are a small number of asexual people. Most people desire a relationship because most humans have that animal instinct to desire a combination of physical and emotional desires. If the physical desires are not a big deal to you, then certainly I do not feel you would be missing out on having or not having a relationship, and just building platonic friendships would be enough.

Agreed.

I read somewhere, where marrying for love is a relatively recent social custom.
Billions of ppl throughout history were married off for social and/or monetary gains, including the provision of alliances of the power elite.

 

[Judge]

Agreed.

I read somewhere, where marrying for love is a relatively recent social custom.

That's an interesting point. While western cultures may play this down to some extent, I'm inclined to think that all cultures have their own reasons for promoting marriage outside of whether or not a couple is in love or not.

Yes- that it is relatively recent* to focus on marriage for love alone.

* Within the last 100 years or more? Or less?

 

[Jonn]

That's an interesting point. While western cultures may play this down to some extent, I'm inclined to think that all cultures have their own reasons for promoting marriage outside of whether or not a couple is in love or not.

Yes- that it is relatively recent* to focus on marriage for love alone.

* Within the last 100 years or more? Or less?

I heard 200 years.

 

[paloftoon]

There are definitely people who tried to marry for love in our history, but many of those people had to go into hiding or were persecuted in some way because at least one of the people in the couple/marriage didn't have a wealth status similar enough to the other person basically.

 

[blue_bird]

I'm caught in between wanting and not wanting a relationship. I have a very negative self image and assume women see me the same way. To fix that would take time, and my 30's are almost over. It's easier to just give up and cocede that I wasn't meant for a relationship, but being human we have a natural need for human companionship and support. If there was a way to just shut off that natural need,I would have used it already since the toing and froing can be torture at times.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm caught in between wanting and not wanting a relationship. I have a very negative self image and assume women see me the same way. To fix that would take time, and my 30's are almost over. It's easier to just give up and cocede that I wasn't meant for a relationship, but being human we have a natural need for human companionship and support. If there was a way to just shut off that natural need,I would have used it already since the toing and froing can be torture at times.

This is exactly right. I hate when people say "well if you want a girlfriend get one, if you don't then don't!" And we're supposed to be the black and white thinkers? Lol

 

[Jonn]

I'm caught in between wanting and not wanting a relationship. I have a very negative self image and assume women see me the same way. To fix that would take time, and my 30's are almost over.

Giving up in your late 30s is premature, imo.
In the scheme of things, it is still young.

The thing is, is having an off-the-shelf significant other relationship what you really want...
Or is it what you have been conditioned to want via social indoctrination?

BTW:
Working on yourself is the best investment anyone can make, period.
And it may ultimately pay dividends via friendships/relationships to boot.

Also:
I suggest focusing on developing friendships, rather than hunting for a mate.

 

[blue_bird]

Giving up in your late 30s is premature, imo.
In the scheme of things, it is still young.

The thing is, is having an off-the-shelf significant other relationship what you really want...
Or is it what you have been conditioned to want via social indoctrination?

BTW:
Working on yourself is the best investment anyone can make, period.
And it may ultimately pay dividends via friendships/relationships to boot.

Also:
I suggest focusing on developing friendships, rather than hunting for a mate.

I suppose you're right. I'm just not sure how many years it would take to get over my issues.

That's a good question. Do I want a relationship because I really want one, or is it to fulfill the need of knowing I'm just as capable as the rest? I suppose it's a bit of both. I'm not really sure.

Yes, I agree focusing on friendships is probably better for me right now.