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How To Stop Wanting Relationships

even though i read this in a book, as much as i always resented it, why do i get the feeling it will always be here to stay, hence why most forever alone, chronically single people in the world are male-dominated cases:

"Men initiating an
interaction
with women has always been (and always willbe) a fundamental part of courtship. From the ancient days until now, it’s beenprimarily up to a man to commence a possible connection between two people."
 
....then, at age 49, you can just give up.

NO! Please don't! I was in my mid 50s before I found someone who looked past the surface imperfections of my being an Aspie, and spent time and energy ferreting out the "me" underneath that. We've been married for about 12 years now and what a total relief it is to know that I can be accepted by people outside my family of origin.
 
My brother gave up at age 30. He (falsely) believes he's the ugliest thing to have ever walked the earth and that no girl would ever want him. Now, 7 years later, he has become asexual but hates it. He doesn't want to be asexual but is. That must be a rather frustrating dilemma.
 
Misty Avich said:
My brother gave up at age 30. He (falsely) believes he's the ugliest thing to have ever walked the earth and that no girl would ever want him. Now, 7 years later, he has become asexual but hates it. He doesn't want to be asexual but is. That must be a rather frustrating dilemma.
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are you saying that your brother has never dated, never had a girlfriend before? if so, won't surprise me, a reminder of whats not unusual and not unheard of for many guys, men in the world.
 
How to stop wanting a relationship isn't the question. The question is really how to stop obsessing over it. You probably don't want to hear about philosophical approaches, so that's between you and your therapist.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
are you saying that your brother has never dated, never had a girlfriend before? if so, won't surprise me, a reminder of whats not unusual and not unheard of for many guys, men in the world.
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He fleetingly had a girlfriend back in high school but that didn't last 5 minutes. So, in his adult life, no, he has never had a girlfriend.
 
blue_bird said:
Wouldn't that be more of a dopamine hit, from friendships?
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Possibly, but based on the research I have done recently, and personal experiences, oxytocin is generated, depending on the depth of the friendship.

Think about the ppl you enjoy in your life because they make you laugh or feel secure.
Think about the ppl you want to support and protect, and how that makes you feel.
I am not talking about sexual arousal.
For me, it is better than sex.

You can also get an oxytocin hit from your furry pets.
I have already presented some articles on AF, here and there.
I hug my K9 kids many times a day, and every day.
This is probably why I never feel lonely or depressed. <shrug>
 

'Love Hormone' Experiment Shows How the Brain Tricks Us Into Making Friends​

With his team, Malenka, the co-director of the Stanford Institute for Neuro-Innovation and Translational Neurosciences, found that positive social interactions cause neurons to release oxytocin into the brain’s ventral tegmental area (VTA) — a region rich with dopamine and serotonin receptors, which are established parts of the brain’s reward system. The flood of oxytocin into the VTA after a social experience is what they think leads us to experience those interactions as positive and rewarding moments.
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Oxytocin Brain Experiment Shows Why Making Friends Feels So Good.
 

Chemistry Between People and Dogs Is Real (It’s Science)​

How the “love hormone” oxytocin connects us with our pups.
Oxytocin — known as the “love hormone” — is that seemingly magical chemical we usually associate with baby-parent bonding and post-coital snuggling. Turns out that oxytocin also plays a major role in humans’ relationships with dogs, too. Much of the early research on oxytocin is focused on people, but research shows that it also impacts our connections with pups.
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Chemistry Between People and Dogs Is Real, Thanks to Oxytocin
 
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Misty Avich said:
My brother gave up at age 30. He (falsely) believes he's the ugliest thing to have ever walked the earth and that no girl would ever want him. Now, 7 years later, he has become asexual but hates it. He doesn't want to be asexual but is. That must be a rather frustrating dilemma.
Click to expand...

Having such a negative self image is difficult to deal with. The irony is that one then needs someone to like them in order to then have the confidence to find someone to like them.
 
blue_bird said:
Having such a negative self image is difficult to deal with. The irony is that one then needs someone to like them in order to then have the confidence to find someone to like them.
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Developing self-esteem is the foundation of improving your life overall.
Define your own standards rather than being dependent on what other ppl think.
There is a lot of social brainwashing out there.
 
Misty Avich said:
He fleetingly had a girlfriend back in high school but that didn't last 5 minutes. So, in his adult life, no, he has never had a girlfriend.
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yeah, even though a woman on tiktok, she has lots of followers, she claims she never had a boyfriend until 42, even another tiktok user even made a shocking video reaction, he was surprised, and one person made a comment saying that he was shocked as well, because normally you expect men to be chronically alone and single like that more so than for women
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
yeah, even though a woman on tiktok, she has lots of followers, she claims she never had a boyfriend until 42, even another tiktok user even made a shocking video reaction, he was surprised, and one person made a comment saying that he was shocked as well, because normally you expect men to be chronically alone and single like that more so than for women
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I guess there are some women out there who have never had a boyfriend but I think it's less common for women to struggle with finding men.
 
Misty Avich said:
I guess there are some women out there who have never had a boyfriend but I think it's less common for women to struggle with finding men.
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There are a couple or more reasons that come to mind that may support this.
Obviously, this does happen, but I don't believe to the extent that it happens for males.

Simply my opinion. :cool:
 
I do think men on the spectrum have it harder in finding a partner than women on the spectrum. It's not to say that no woman finds it difficult or all men find it difficult, but possibly more men find it difficult than women (on the spectrum) do, statistically. Maybe the ratio being something like 70:30 or something like that (men being in the 70%, women being in the 30%, something like that). But I suck at maths so sorry if my maths analogy is bad but you get the general idea.
 
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