I am yet again trying another new church on Sunday.

[Steelbookcollector217]

My current church is practically kicking me out after what I write on their Facebook page about how I was ignored at the park event. Now the pastor says I am not invited to any future gatherings because some women there who I know shunned me reported it him and now I am a few of them wants to gather with me for a consultation.

I told my mother she is furious with me blaming me and the way I can't hide my autism and act normal. I hate my life. I want to die since I don't belong anywhere every damn neurotypical person reports my ass if I do one just one atypical mistake life group, yoga and now here. Just kill me some one kill me.

yeah, do you have other health or medical conditions on you besides autism?

 

[Mary Terry]

Single beautiful women.

Unreasonable expectations of snagging a Scandinavian swimsuit model who also is a billionaire CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation. . . at some local church, yoga practice, or by inserting himself into attempted conversations with unknown women in cafes who want to be left alone. None of this has or is likely to ever work out for Tony.

 

[blitzkrieg]

You don't seem to advertise yourself very well, Tony, even on this forum, things like the content of your signature would send any sane woman running for the hills.

 

[Mary Terry]

I'm just not willing to assume much of anything given his social opportunities must realistically contend with one common denominator. -Very limited funds. Though I would hope that being in such an urban environment helps under such circumstances. But I can only guess. Sometimes it would seem he detests certain aspects of that same urban environment. One I can't say I can truly relate to, either in my adulthood or my own childhood.

But he does have funds - he sits in coffee houses and cafes for hours, trying to pick up women, he pays for yoga classes, and he buys porn. He knows how to take the subways and buses that serve NYC. I don't see lack of funds as a legitimate excuse for his refusal to attend autistic meetup events in NYC, which seems to be his best chance of meeting a single woman who might be interested in becoming a friend or something more than that.

 

[Mary Terry]

My current church is practically kicking me out after what I write on their Facebook page about how I was ignored at the park event. Now the pastor says I am not invited to any future gatherings because some women there who I know shunned me reported it him and now I am a few of them wants to gather with me for a consultation.

I told my mother she is furious with me blaming me and the way I can't hide my autism and act normal. I hate my life. I want to die since I don't belong anywhere every damn neurotypical person reports my ass if I do one just one atypical mistake life group, yoga and now here. Just kill me some one kill me.

GET YOURSELF TO AN AUTISM MEETUP EVENT. Look for a woman just like yourself. Then come back here and tell us how it went.

I realize you don't understand social dynamics very well, Tony, but you are creeping women out. It's not because you're autistic but because you're acting creepy, and women spot it almost immediately. You're likely coming across as a predatory man. Women RUN from that.

 

[Tired]

Why do you need to be friends with single women rather than be friends with anyone else?

It's funny how he ignored your question.

 

[honeytoast]

It's funny how he ignored your question.

It was a genuine question - no snark intended. It just seems weird to me that he has friends and people to talk to, they're just not single women so they do not seem to count?

 

[Aspychata]

Tony, nobody is attacking you, it's more a brainstorm session. We are honestly trying to help you. Therapy may actually help with the frustration you are facing. Start looking for a counselor, perhaps, somebody for you to sit down with and help you with the feelings you are dealing with. It feels like you are stuck in the anger loop. Maybe you are dealing with tensions at home, which can be very upsetting too.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

You don't seem to advertise yourself very well, Tony, even on this forum, things like the content of your signature would send any sane woman running for the hills.

unfortuneately reminds me of a comment i received to myself on here last month or 2, which i will admit, it made me angry, mad. yet its another reminder, and i believe this is a difference between the reality differences for men and women, if a guy, man, is angry or frustrated with his life, or just hates how is life is going, or things aren't going his way, he won't get sympathy from people or society, well maybe except friends or family, but its the opposite for women. Well i never once, i repeat, i never once inflicted any harm or danger on the last woman i was with, i was the one who instigated the break-up, since we were incompatible with each other sex-wise.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

GET YOURSELF TO AN AUTISM MEETUP EVENT. Look for a woman just like yourself. Then come back here and tell us how it went.

I realize you don't understand social dynamics very well, Tony, but you are creeping women out. It's not because you're autistic but because you're acting creepy, and women spot it almost immediately. You're likely coming across as a predatory man. Women RUN from that.

yup, thats another angry reminder on how people and society have always expected men to have a strong understanding of social dynamics, they expect us to have natural common sense for knowing what is weird and creepy or unacceptable behavior when interacting with women, they expect us to be error or mistake-free when interacting with women.

Unfortuneately, society will never sympathize or be more forgiving if someone has autism, they will be like, "theres never an excuse".

Reminds me of a long written statement from someone, he said:

i read a long written statement from a guy and i thought he got a good solid response, it was a from a guy who expressed anger and resentment, not because of rejection, but because of the times he approached women and he got awkward reactions, he had interactions go wrong that resulted in the woman perceiving him as weird or creepy, or annoying, even though he had good intentions going into the interaction, he feels that even if he ever did get better at approaching women and attracting them, all of those negative/awkward interactions that went wrong will forever be permanent scars on him, scars that will never be healed, and the response he got was:

"It's the learning process. EVERY guy goes through that. Every GIRL goes through similar things, where she reacted in some awkward way to a guy, shooed away a guy she regrets shooing away and now assumes probably hates her, etc., etc.
The way you deal with it is by continuing to improve socially, so you can be SMOOTH instead of awkward.
This is what everyone does, men and women alike. It is part of the GROWING UP PROCESS."

 

[honeytoast]

unfortuneately reminds me of a comment i received to myself on here last month or 2, which i will admit, it made me angry, mad. yet its another reminder, and i believe this is a difference between the reality differences for men and women, if a guy, man, is angry or frustrated with his life, or just hates how is life is going, or things aren't going his way, he won't get sympathy from people or society, well maybe except friends or family, but its the opposite for women. Well i never once, i repeat, i never once inflicted any harm or danger on the last woman i was with, i was the one who instigated the break-up, since we were incompatible with each other sex-wise.

Tony has vented about his problems several times and received sympathy and advice. Sometimes telling it how it is can be harsh, but saying that "men never get this because women ALWAYS do" has nothing to do with the present conversation. People can sympathize with the frustration and upset emotions, however, we can also tell him to not trauma dump at inappropriate times. I genuinely believe that members here want Tony (and you) to be happy.

I said this to you before, but constantly surrounding yourself with that kind of media only worsens your already negative headspace. You are not doing anything but making yourself more miserable.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

well, even though i've reiterated many times on how it has always depressed me and irritated me on how far more men than women end up forever alone and single than women do, i remember Tony mentioned that his sister has never dated, never been in a relationship before either and she is almost 40, but she has type 3 autism, so yes, his sister is an example that it can happen to women as well, its just that most people and most of society would never expect that.

Even though we don't solely have sex just to reproduce only, it is obviously part of it, and of course sex doesn't always result in babies, there is always the risk, and i figure this DNA evidence proves and supports, that i'm sure no doubt, far more men than women have always remained chronically alone and single, sexless:

More women than men have added their DNA to the human gene pool

Counterintuitive effect may be the result of relatively few men mating with multiple women

www.theguardian.com

https://psmag.com/environment/17-to-1-reproductive-success

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't think it's helping your self-esteem or confidence when your mother calls you useless and other unkind things like that, especially knowing you're autistic.

 

[Misty Avich]

well, even though i've reiterated many times on how it has always depressed me and irritated me on how far more men than women end up forever alone and single than women do, i remember Tony mentioned that his sister has never dated, never been in a relationship before either and she is almost 40, but she has type 3 autism, so yes, his sister is an example that it can happen to women as well, its just that most people and most of society would never expect that.

I think someone of either gender with level 3 autism has less chance of finding a date due to the more obvious communication difficulties they may have.

Also, while women on the spectrum seem to be more successful in the dating experience than men on the spectrum, that still doesn't mean it's rare enough to not believe that a woman on the spectrum hasn't got a partner. A lot of women with autism are single and may struggle in the dating world. But yes, I do agree that women with autism are seemingly more likely to be in a relationship than men with autism. In my 14 years experience of being on autism sites, the lonely guys posting about wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered lonely women posting about wanting a boyfriend, and the sites seem to be full of women in successful relationships, or at least have had relationships and even children of their own (yes I do understand that some autistic women may have been sexually abused and gotten pregnant without planning to, but we'll just exclude those in this discussion, as that is a different thing altogether to actual healthy relationships).

And I am not just saying this because I'm in a successful relationship myself. I was once a lonely woman pining for a boyfriend and wondering how I was going to get one while being a tomboy who never conformed fully to her gender, but I've found that older men care less about a woman's femininity than younger men. I've always attracted older men since I first became an adult, although I'm not vulnerable. Most males in their teens, 20s and 30s seem to be more attracted to feminine women who wear make-up and straighten their hair and have confidence. It hurts a little but I try not to put it down to rejection or anything personal. I have a man, he's a decent guy, he loves me for who I am, that's all that matters.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I think someone of either gender with level 3 autism has less chance of finding a date due to the more obvious communication difficulties they may have.

Also, while women on the spectrum seem to be more successful in the dating experience than men on the spectrum, that still doesn't mean it's rare enough to not believe that a woman on the spectrum hasn't got a partner. A lot of women with autism are single and may struggle in the dating world. But yes, I do agree that women with autism are seemingly more likely to be in a relationship than men with autism. In my 14 years experience of being on autism sites, the lonely guys posting about wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered lonely women posting about wanting a boyfriend, and the sites seem to be full of women in successful relationships, or at least have had relationships and even children of their own (yes I do understand that some autistic women may have been sexually abused and gotten pregnant without planning to, but we'll just exclude those in this discussion, as that is a different thing altogether to actual healthy relationships).

And I am not just saying this because I'm in a successful relationship myself. I was once a lonely woman pining for a boyfriend and wondering how I was going to get one while being a tomboy who never conformed fully to her gender, but I've found that older men care less about a woman's femininity than younger men. I've always attracted older men since I first became an adult, although I'm not vulnerable. Most males in their teens, 20s and 30s seem to be more attracted to feminine women who wear make-up and straighten their hair and have confidence. It hurts a little but I try not to put it down to rejection or anything personal. I have a man, he's a decent guy, he loves me for who I am, that's all that matters.

i even read this old reddit post, a guy did a survey of a few hundred men and women with autism:

https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/lvtew2/40_of_autistic_men_are_virgins_32_have_never_been

yes it should be cruelly obvious, because of the way the state of affairs of human mating have been for thousands or maybe even millions of years now

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I think I am ultimately going back to Trinity Grace Church. I don't care if it's in a school. They were with me for 5 years. They put up with all my atypical crap even throwing a table because of face masks and yelling at peoples masked faces. Even yelling at couples when I was angry at them yet they never once told me to leave the church or even told me I had to have a confrontation. Matter of fact one good friend Michael would sit next to me and calm me down with water and snacks then let me walk back in and sit with me.

Greetings all women were nice. They would remember me. Many would even approach me and remember me. Some are even in my Tuesday group who I opened up with and we were good friends and I was getting comfortable around all women groups at the time not the nervous wreck I am currently around them now like I was in college and in my 20s 30s crap.

 

[jsilver256]

I think I am ultimately going back to Trinity Grace Church. I don't care if it's in a school. They were with me for 5 years. They put up with all my atypical crap even throwing a table because of face masks and yelling at peoples masked faces. Even yelling at couples when I was angry at them yet they never once told me to leave the church or even told me I had to have a confrontation. Matter of fact one good friend Michael would sit next to me and calm me down with water and snacks then let me walk back in and sit with me.

Greetings all women were nice. They would remember me. Many would even approach me and remember me. Some are even in my Tuesday group who I opened up with and we were good friends and I was getting comfortable around all women groups at the time not the nervous wreck I am currently around them now like I was in college and in my 20s 30s crap.

I completely agree with this!

These are the glimmers of an attitude, if nurtured, will take you to great places. The day, if it comes, when you love the church and earnestly desire to serve the church, rather than picking churches for what they will give you will be a great milestone for your mental health.

My church is my family. I serve them from the shadows and it's only recently that I'm interacting with them more. They would do anything for me and vice-versa. It is an amazing source of support.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I think someone of either gender with level 3 autism has less chance of finding a date due to the more obvious communication difficulties they may have.

Also, while women on the spectrum seem to be more successful in the dating experience than men on the spectrum, that still doesn't mean it's rare enough to not believe that a woman on the spectrum hasn't got a partner. A lot of women with autism are single and may struggle in the dating world. But yes, I do agree that women with autism are seemingly more likely to be in a relationship than men with autism. In my 14 years experience of being on autism sites, the lonely guys posting about wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered lonely women posting about wanting a boyfriend, and the sites seem to be full of women in successful relationships, or at least have had relationships and even children of their own (yes I do understand that some autistic women may have been sexually abused and gotten pregnant without planning to, but we'll just exclude those in this discussion, as that is a different thing altogether to actual healthy relationships).

And I am not just saying this because I'm in a successful relationship myself. I was once a lonely woman pining for a boyfriend and wondering how I was going to get one while being a tomboy who never conformed fully to her gender, but I've found that older men care less about a woman's femininity than younger men. I've always attracted older men since I first became an adult, although I'm not vulnerable. Most males in their teens, 20s and 30s seem to be more attracted to feminine women who wear make-up and straighten their hair and have confidence. It hurts a little but I try not to put it down to rejection or anything personal. I have a man, he's a decent guy, he loves me for who I am, that's all that matters.

yup, sometimes i get filled so much anger and rage that nature and reality dictates men always having to make the first move all the time, it fills me with thoughts that are not appropriate for me to say, gosh, it really does feel unfair being a man at times

 

[Misty Avich]

yup, sometimes i get filled so much anger and rage that nature and reality dictates men always having to make the first move all the time, it fills me with thoughts that are not appropriate for me to say, gosh, it really does feel unfair being a man at times

It's perfectly understandable. Sometimes nature and reality isn't fair at all.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

It's perfectly understandable. Sometimes nature and reality isn't fair at all.

even though i've long hated that gender role for as long as i can remember, i feel what only added fuel to fire was when i got involved with someone that i was incompatible with sexually, and guilty as charged, i was reluctant to break up with her for awhile because i didn't want to become alone again, but it was a hard decision, i was the one who instigated the break-up, telling her that its best that we go our separate ways since you don't want to have a sexual/intimate relationship.