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I am yet again trying another new church on Sunday.

What angers me is when women intentionally ignore me but talk to other guys. I now have major anger issues now thanks too this new "improved" church. I am going on Sunday but I am definitely going to my old church first in the morning. But even the ones I knew that I played game night and broke bread with that first Wednesday really hurt. Also to not care or to even confirm me about my uncle only the married women Jordan who seems in her late 20s early 30s like a typical TGC attendee only cared to confront me.

But if I am ostracized at 4:30 pm at the new church then I know that they don't want my type and I can see even though there are some diverse older people there they make up the minority and most make up the early 20s college girl crowd which was traumatic to me. Too think I thought college Christian girls were different but I knew it when I read the horrible stories on Reddit and the college confidential forum on how they treated autistic on college ministry campuses.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
What angers me is when women intentionally ignore me but talk to other guys.
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It's hard not to take that personally. I hate when someone doesn't talk to you but talks to everyone else fine, and when you say about it the answer is always ''maybe they're having a bad day''. I hate that platitude. A, why would them ''having a bad day'' stop them talking to you but not to everyone else? And B, I have a lot of ''bad days'' but that doesn't make me ignore people, even though I'm supposed to be the self-centred, socially unskilled couldn't-give-a-crap-about-others one.

I think people just say ''maybe they're having a bad day'' when they know you're on the spectrum because everyone loves connecting autism and lacking empathy together so are really just subtly pointing the finger at you as an autistic person telling you to ''have more empathy''. Oh but that doesn't apply to NTs if an autistic is having a bad day (ie, a meltdown) and is unable to speak and NTs take it personally. Apparently the autistic person is still lacking empathy.

And people wonder why I hate having ASD.
 
Misty Avich said:
Also, while women on the spectrum seem to be more successful in the dating experience than men on the spectrum, that still doesn't mean it's rare enough to not believe that a woman on the spectrum hasn't got a partner. A lot of women with autism are single and may struggle in the dating world. But yes, I do agree that women with autism are seemingly more likely to be in a relationship than men with autism. In my 14 years experience of being on autism sites, the lonely guys posting about wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered lonely women posting about wanting a boyfriend, and the sites seem to be full of women in successful relationships, or at least have had relationships and even children of their own (yes I do understand that some autistic women may have been sexually abused and gotten pregnant without planning to, but we'll just exclude those in this discussion, as that is a different thing altogether to actual healthy relationships).
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I wonder why you don't hear about single autistic women complaining about not getting a date? I believe they are out there. Is it more stigmatised for a woman to be single or do they not care as much?
 
thejuice said:
I wonder why you don't hear about single autistic women complaining about not getting a date? I believe they are out there. Is it more stigmatised for a woman to be single or do they not care as much?
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Sometimes you do but not as often as men. And it's not because single women just complain less, it's because there ARE less single women with autism than there are their male counterparts.
 
I also now think that Patricia never wanted me too go to this church. Her plan was to go to her Cafe on Friday to get away from home. Then to go to a one time game night then continue to go to TGC where she was going to help me there with a new group as she said in the fall, possible retreat and consoling but I messed it up when these college girls put in my warped head how happy and accepted this church was especially that how this girl Anna I thought would be a great friend since she was on the spectrum and they all had the same interest it would be a perfect match. Especially that they meet at 4:30 pm and I even able to squeeze in earlier activities and hang out in Roots.

I now know this was not Patricia original plan and I think she was disappointed that I messed up her original intention for her helping me.
 
Something that hit me with a ton of bricks. Jordan the married women from Hope I remember her job. She is a social worker for the city that works with disability as a social worker with disabled people. That's why she understands me and what I am going through. Too bad this weekend her and her husband are traveling.
 
Misty Avich said:
Sometimes you do but not as often as men. And it's not because single women just complain less, it's because there ARE less single women with autism than there are their male counterparts.
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yup, i believe that, and when you said "Also, while women on the spectrum seem to be more successful in the dating experience than men on the spectrum, that still doesn't mean it's rare enough to not believe that a woman on the spectrum hasn't got a partner. A lot of women with autism are single and may struggle in the dating world. But yes, I do agree that women with autism are seemingly more likely to be in a relationship than men with autism. In my 14 years experience of being on autism sites, the lonely guys posting about wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered lonely women posting about wanting a boyfriend".

I'm also under the impression that, on those autism sites, the users were male dominated, men outnumbered women a lot on those sites im guessing, just speculating. Or women do not publicly disclose being lonely and single as much as men do, but yes, i would imagine and guess there are less single women with autism than their male counterparts, because of the unfairness of courtship for the past hundreds of thousands of years, who knows how long its been that way.
 
I linked it to not seeing as many single women drinking in the cafe as single men. I've never seen a young woman on her own. Older women who dont care yes, but still much rarer. Perhaps publicly advertising being lonely as a women is more stigmatised.
 
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One reason a person may see more men complaining about
their relationship status is that males and females have different
styles of dealing with anger and male & female anger is perceived
differently.

1719671265458.png

 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
yup, i believe that, and when you said "Also, while women on the spectrum seem to be more successful in the dating experience than men on the spectrum, that still doesn't mean it's rare enough to not believe that a woman on the spectrum hasn't got a partner. A lot of women with autism are single and may struggle in the dating world. But yes, I do agree that women with autism are seemingly more likely to be in a relationship than men with autism. In my 14 years experience of being on autism sites, the lonely guys posting about wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered lonely women posting about wanting a boyfriend".

I'm also under the impression that, on those autism sites, the users were male dominated, men outnumbered women a lot on those sites im guessing, just speculating. Or women do not publicly disclose being lonely and single as much as men do, but yes, i would imagine and guess there are less single women with autism than their male counterparts, because of the unfairness of courtship for the past hundreds of thousands of years, who knows how long its been that way.
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Also on these autism sites there seems to be more women already in successful relationships and even raising families than men.
 
I am confused as to whether Tony is truly seeking platonic female friends. It seems there are some unresolved assumptions here being made on everyone’s parts, including the OP himself judging by his reactions to others’ posts. Some clarity and perhaps self-honesty would be a good step for Tony, I think.
 
I think I finally did the damage beyond repair at the new church, texting the pastor after my mother yelled at me putting me down. I said something about women I know because they hurt me so much then and now by just ignoring me that I now know I am never welcomed at that church. He never got back to me in the morning, which he has always done. I sent a follow-up text an hour ago and still nothing. I don't know what to do. I hate my damn honest direct approach, especially when I am upset I can't help it.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I think I finally did the damage beyond repair at the new church, texting the pastor after my mother yelled at me putting me down. I said something about women I know because they hurt me so much then and now by just ignoring me that I now know I am never welcomed at that church. He never got back to me in the morning, which he has always done. I sent a follow-up text an hour ago and still nothing. I don't know what to do. I hate my damn honest direct approach, especially when I am upset I can't help it.
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He's probably just busy?
 
You are dealing with these hiccups well, and l hope this continues to give you confidence about yourself. We can and do have catastrophic thinking, but once you care less what others think about you, you will do much better. Some people will like you, others won't in life. It's just how it is. Some people are just meh in regards to me, others really like me, and yet others might have a hatred for me, because l can do quite well in jobs alongside them, so l gave up trying to please and be liked by others.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I think I finally did the damage beyond repair at the new church, texting the pastor after my mother yelled at me putting me down. I said something about women I know because they hurt me so much then and now by just ignoring me that I now know I am never welcomed at that church. He never got back to me in the morning, which he has always done. I sent a follow-up text an hour ago and still nothing. I don't know what to do. I hate my damn honest direct approach, especially when I am upset I can't help it.
Click to expand...

Do you think you should post an apology or explanation for your outburst on the church website? Or in a text to the pastor?
 
I went to my old TGC service. Wow what a difference I socialized like I use to do with both genders with ease and actually use long conversations not useless 2 word conversations. They all greeted me even one women who sees me smiled and said hi because she is someone who I know I talk with. I even congregation Jared on his engagement without jealous.

I even meet with Tracy Lee and her friend who talked to me. I had a long conversation with her. She even told me that she went to an similar church in Manhattan and had a similar experience and left before coming to TGC so she understands. I also told her why I don't want her contact number because I am too emotionally now and I would trauma dump on her. She understands being a therapist knowing I don't have one and that she has depression and is glad I told her and there is thankful that I respect her.

Now after Roots I am going to the college church and let's see if that ruins my mood but I told them st TGC it looks like I am coming back full time. I already signed up for an activity next Saturday at the church office.
 
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I remember how hard you were on all those people and how they were cruel to you.

Just remember Tony, the only consistency in how the same people go out of their way to support you and betraying you a few days later is your brain.
 
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