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I attended a speed dating event today

Captain Caveman said:
I have heard the word "Speed dating" but where is it done?

Does one go up to a potential date and say "Hi. Want to go on a speed date with me?" (I don't think I would do that... )
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This one was at a cafe. It cost $30. You had to register in advance (and provide a ticket via QR code at the door)

The host of the event set it up so that every man got a 5 minute speed date with every woman.
 
FeatherBird said:
I have a strategy to circumvent the open floor problem next time I attend a speed dating event. I'm going to bring "business cards" (putting in quotes because the cards aren't really for business). The "business cards" will have basic information like my name, picture, birth year, and number. If I'm feeling a vibe during the 5 minute speed date, I'm going to give her my card.
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Having a picture on the card is a good idea. Go for that!
 
Alexej said:
Having a picture on the card is a good idea. Go for that!
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Yeah. I know a guy who attended a speed dating event in the past, set up an actual date with a woman from the event, then when he showed up to the actual date, it turned out the woman had him mixed up with another guy.

The picture on the card prevents that problem.
 
FeatherBird said:
Dating apps aren't even worth it in 2024 unless you're the type of man who can easily get a woman without dating apps (which is a catch 22)
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yeah, within the past month and a half, i have gotten 2 matches on the dating app Bumble, one i got her phone number but then she unmatched me, the 2nd one, i complimented her, she thanked me and complimented me back, i then send her messages as a way to get to know her more, then no further response.
 
Modern dating is a dystopian nightmare. Online dating is a boiling cesspit. Natural events, bars and pubs in the daytime when things aren't so hectic, and even libraries, and basically anywhere where you can in AR (Actual Reality) just bump into people and say hello face to face and strike up conversation and see where it goes. Subjecting yourself to speed dating events that cost money to attend sounds like something you'd only ever do if it was for a gonzo journalism assignment.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
yeah, within the past month and a half, i have gotten 2 matches on the dating app Bumble, one i got her phone number but then she unmatched me, the 2nd one, i complimented her, she thanked me and complimented me back, i then send her messages as a way to get to know her more, then no further response.
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I had some degree of luck on dating sites in 2012-13. That was the sweet spot for dating sites: They had become mainstream enough there was a sizable enough userbase to realistically succeed. Yet at the same time, they were still somewhat stigmatized (which prevented dating sites from becoming totally oversaturated back then)

In 2024, there's little to no stigma at all when it comes to dating/hookup apps. As a result, they've become way too oversaturated. There's just too much competition.
 
plushy said:
Modern dating is a dystopian nightmare. Online dating is a boiling cesspit. Natural events, bars and pubs in the daytime when things aren't so hectic, and even libraries, and basically anywhere where you can in AR (Actual Reality) just bump into people and say hello face to face and strike up conversation and see where it goes. Subjecting yourself to speed dating events that cost money to attend sounds like something you'd only ever do if it was for a gonzo journalism assignment.
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Speed dating events have their pros and cons.

At $30, it's pretty reasonable in terms of price.

The pros:

-Everyone there is open to getting approached (whereas in other settings, you run the risk of the woman throwing an absolute hissy fit if you say so much as one word to her...I've seen it happen to other men)
-Everyone there is required to do a speed date with everyone, thus giving you a chance to chat with a woman who would never give you the time of day in any other setting

Cons:

-The fact everyone has to do a speed date with everyone is also a con. You inevitably get stuck doing some speed dates with a party you aren't attracted to (and vice versa)
 
FeatherBird said:
This one was at a cafe. It cost $30. You had to register in advance (and provide a ticket via QR code at the door)

The host of the event set it up so that every man got a 5 minute speed date with every woman.
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Ah. I don't know where to buy those QR code things and I would have to work out how to change pounds into dollars, so I don't think it is in my country.

I have no idea how to ask for a date...

The good thing is that people have told me I would make an ideal catch. Have not been caught yet though. :P
 
FeatherBird said:
I've been rated an 8.5 and a 9 on the looks scale before

But the problem is a man with ASD is never going to be sexually exciting to a woman, no matter where he stands on the looks scale.

Even the likes of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg would have little to no luck if it weren't for their money.
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another thing, i know i'm in good company for this, if a woman calls me handsome or cute, good looking online, she is normally a scammer, a fake or spam account, which i have found to be true, other men i've talked to, have said the same thing.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
another thing, i know i'm in good company for this, if a woman calls me handsome or cute, good looking online, she is normally a scammer, a fake or spam account, which i have found to be true, other men i've talked to, have said the same thing.
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I have good enough looks, it could go either way (scammer or legit) if a woman online finds me attractive.
 
FeatherBird said:
I have good enough looks, it could go either way (scammer or legit) if a woman online finds me attractive.
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and it doesn't matter how handsome or good looking a guy is, even guys who are handsome and good looking, their looks are not a problem, its not a guarantee they will have women interested in him.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
and it doesn't matter how handsome or good looking a guy is, even guys who are handsome and good looking, their looks are not a problem, its not a guarantee they will have women interested in him.
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Very true. Confidence and charisma is always the key, not just in dating but in all areas of life if you want to get what you want.

I lack confidence, hence why I lack friendships and job opportunities (I only seem to be good for cleaning jobs, which can get rather boring yet physically exhausting). Everyone I know with a certain confidence has got great things; lots of friends, their own home, and a good paying job.

Thankfully it's not looks that get you where you want. When my grandmother was young she was very attractive physically, but lacked confidence greatly, and she ended up with an aggressive alcoholic for a husband and never drove or took out a mortgage or anything. She married him because he was the first guy to come along. Like me, all she ever done was cleaning jobs just to get by, as she didn't have the confidence to go for better jobs.
 
Misty Avich said:
Very true. Confidence and charisma is always the key, not just in dating but in all areas of life if you want to get what you want.

I lack confidence, hence why I lack friendships and job opportunities (I only seem to be good for cleaning jobs, which can get rather boring yet physically exhausting). Everyone I know with a certain confidence has got great things; lots of friends, their own home, and a good paying job.

Thankfully it's not looks that get you where you want. When my grandmother was young she was very attractive physically, but lacked confidence greatly, and she ended up with an aggressive alcoholic for a husband and never drove or took out a mortgage or anything. She married him because he was the first guy to come along. Like me, all she ever done was cleaning jobs just to get by, as she didn't have the confidence to go for better jobs.
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As for the job thing, I have a college degree (and certainly have the IQ to do a better job than the job I have). But, like a lot of us with ASD, there are certain quirks of mine that aren't conducive to career advancement (no matter how high my IQ is, no matter how educated I am)

You're right when you say confidence/charisma gets you further than looks. A coworker I had at a past job was ugly and looked 15 years older than his age (he was 25 but looked 40). Yet he ended up in the bedroom with a lot of our female customers. Because he had sky high confidence/charisma.

Likewise, I used to work with an obese 60 year old man. Even he had an easy time finding a woman (such an easy time, he had 2 marriages, and at least 1 girlfriend relationship, end because of his infidelity). Same story: He had sky high confidence/charisma.
 
Misty Avich said:
Very true. Confidence and charisma is always the key, not just in dating but in all areas of life if you want to get what you want.

I lack confidence, hence why I lack friendships and job opportunities (I only seem to be good for cleaning jobs, which can get rather boring yet physically exhausting). Everyone I know with a certain confidence has got great things; lots of friends, their own home, and a good paying job.

Thankfully it's not looks that get you where you want. When my grandmother was young she was very attractive physically, but lacked confidence greatly, and she ended up with an aggressive alcoholic for a husband and never drove or took out a mortgage or anything. She married him because he was the first guy to come along. Like me, all she ever done was cleaning jobs just to get by, as she didn't have the confidence to go for better jobs.
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yeah its a reminder of a sarcastic mindset i've had for years now, its like, when a guy improves his dating life or becomes better with women, it translates to succees in other areas of his life, but not really the other way around.

And i know this has long made me angry and resentful, and i remember other people have said this, it is true, and that is "nobody cares about a womans confidence because thats not how men are attracted to women".

I knew from the moment i first joined this forum/site, i had a strong feeling i was going to hear or read about a case of a guy like Tony, as in, being forever alone/single, it just comes with the territory, heck, even lots of guys, men, without autism, end up like that too, even though i have heard of a woman on tiktok, and a few women on reddit too.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
And i know this has long made me angry and resentful, and i remember other people have said this, it is true, and that is "nobody cares about a womans confidence because thats not how men are attracted to women".
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I disagree. Confidence is exactly how men are attracted to women.

It's the status game.
Everyone wants to be percieved as a "10". If a woman has high confidence, human nature assumes she has "high status". An association with that high status person means we assume our own status is equal to the other partners.

This is true for any combination of genders.

I.E. Confidence = status=worth.
 
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