Gerald, I think your emotions and ego are clouding your judgment at times, sorry. There is a reason why a huge percentage of Autistics are not employed, independent, or in relationships. It's not because they are lazy, dumb, not deserving, not wanting, not listening, and so forth. And for those with moderate to severe executive functioning and rigid mindset issues, many things cannot possibly even be attempted to be changed without severe distress, much less changed, without causing some worsening of things, as their makeup is such that say see things differently or don't have those tolerances, certain skills, mindsets, patience, etc..
I'm glad you and other Autistics that achieved were able to succeed educationally and occupationally, and in having many varied interests and abilities, a partner who is very independent, too, which all amazes me. But, we are not you. But, for every one of you who did such and overcame some traumas and functional issues, there is at least one more of us who will have a way harder time getting even basic things done, thinking clearly and being independent, and in doing the things in ways that many could, with regards to pace, timing, frequency, precision and so forth. My wife is one of those persons. She is not able to do many things. She is not a defective person because of that.
And the parents and spouses of these affected persons are not necessarily against Markness and their loved ones being independent, so I can't assume that, as I am unsure there of the circumstances to make some such severe judgment. It's possible, yes, but it's also possible the mother sees the same things we are seeing: someone unable to change their mindset to either do small steps, the important steps, in the right order, or to see the importance of that/them, if not be able to handle that. If she is protecting him until he is more ready, and doing the best she can there, then fine, but if she could have done more to prepare him, to lead in that independent direction, if he was capable, then that is selfish.
But, none of us know Markness' capabilities. We can support him, give constructive advice, and even directly want to help him like Luca's nice offer, and I'd do the similar for him, if there was some acceptance on his part there and appreciation for that, with regards to finding him a place to be or getting him benefits where he could break from and feel more independent living away from his mother. I just am unsure if Markness wants that now, fears being on his alone now and feels able to risk handling all those things by himself. If he'd like to try, like I did, I'd glad to directly help. It was not easy for me at first, for the fitst six months or so, but it was the best decision I made.
But, some of us do not have more stress tolerances as I, Gerald and others. Again, my wife is one of them. She lacks proper planning, judgment, prioritization skills, too. Her severe ADHD, GAD and PTSD from the past makes the smallest things impossible. Many things cannot be changed or much because of her very poor executive functioning. At times it's better to accept than push. It's better to appreciate than judge. Many can struggle severely to fit in, with deteriorating health when society pressures them to be someone else, or to do things in certain ways or that they could not do. Not all persons have that ability to snap out of it or do small steps, if their wiring is more inflexible.
It's not easy to change one with any lifelong poor self esteem and executive function issues, for those with more difficulties there.
So, I am sorry Gerald, but if after all the attempts persons made to help Markness not much seems changed, perhaps it's because we have to tackle things in different ways, and not have black and white thinking there but to empathize more or individualize advice there tailored to him. Not have him doing my detailed self-help, step-by-step approach that worked for me, as that stuff never worked for my wife as we are different. She needed to be mostly herself, and I saw the good in her. And critiques won't work for most of us either and especially if it seems to make things worse which it seems here.
There is someone out there for everyone. There are tons in relationships with poor self esteem, some current or static negative mentality or severer issue, or executive function difficulties. Markness seems like a decent person to me, so I think there is someone out there for him, too, just as I never gave up as well. Yes, I focused on improving myself to attract more and to initiate more, but my gf then, wife now, just could only stay herself, and she just wanted a chance to find someone too. I gave her that chance. She is happy I can do much for her and we do stuff together. I have to believe a woman is as kind as I will give Markness a chance, then let him show that good side more.
It's little funny.
