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I don't want to live any more

Misty Avich said:
This is what happens when I mask. I hardly ever mask much, but I did today by remaining very calm all through my shift when I was feeling highly stressed inside. That stress had to come out, which happened to be in the wee hours of the night.

I'm not going to mask like that again. Lol
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I don’t like masking either. When it happens, it’s a double standard because the other person can do or say whatever they want but for some reason, it’s bad to be myself.
 
Markness said:
I don’t like masking either. When it happens, it’s a double standard because the other person can do or say whatever they want but for some reason, it’s bad to be myself.
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I don't really need to mask much. But when I remain amazingly calm while feeling enraged and triggered, it will come out eventually. Last night everything all got too much and I just couldn't take it any more. I'm scared my mental health is going to plummet even further. I've never been like this before.
 
Markness said:
I don’t like masking either. When it happens, it’s a double standard because the other person can do or say whatever they want but for some reason, it’s bad to be myself.
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Almost no one is ever themselves, everyone is masking, NT and ND, we are just masking different things and for different reasons.
 
Misty Avich said:
I don't really need to mask much. But when I remain amazingly calm while feeling enraged and triggered, it will come out eventually. Last night everything all got too much and I just couldn't take it any more. I'm scared my mental health is going to plummet even further. I've never been like this before.
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I worry that myself, especially since I turned 36 and I am still struggling with a lot of things. I just don’t want my life to end in vain.

I wish I could hug you right now. :)
 
Tired said:
Almost no one is ever themselves, everyone is masking, NT and ND, we are just masking different things and for different reasons.
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Yes, I mask to an extent of course, but I mean not to the extent of how autistic people typically do.
 
People often think that people with ADHD need a very physical job like cleaning because they have all this physical energy where they need to constantly be rushing about on their feet every day. But that's not true for all of us. Yes I do have hyperactivity but that doesn't mean stressful on-your-toes cleaning jobs are suitable for me.

I'd like to do what one of my colleagues does, she works in the office and does the orders and inputs data on the computer and unpacks the deliveries. Now that would be more suitable for me than cleaning, because it involves communication and a different set of tasks to do throughout the day and it involves a little challenge. It would be much better suited for me. Also it's an 'office hours' job, meaning Monday to Friday, during the day, and guaranteed no weekends or bank holidays. That's what I want.

Although physical exhaustion and mental exhaustion are different, sometimes mental exhaustion can make it harder to physically motivate yourself, especially if you had trouble sleeping the night before. So an office job might be good for me because of that too.

Obviously I can't take her job, and it only requires one person to do that type of job in this workplace, and she needs the money so it's no good job sharing or anything like that (which someone here's bound to advise me to suggest lol). I did ask the union rep if there was anything at all going in the office here but he said there isn't.
 
velociraptor said:
That's actually a healthy thing for kids to do. They run around and play and make some noise. It's not really reasonable to expect kids not to be kids. I'm sorry you're having difficulty coping with it, but you may need to be the one to figure out how to cope or adjust your own circumstances. Sorry, not the answer you wanted, I know.
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No, not helpful under the circumstances.

There are requirements to consider other neighbours in regard to noise, and Misty mentioned that the adults are causing a lot of unnecessary noise, also.
Some ppl have an attitude of entitlement went flouting the rights of others. <shrug>

My understanding is that there is no carpet upstairs.
Perhaps Misty can clarify, here.
If this is the case, installation might help greatly.
 
AuroraBorealis said:
Or, if your sister isn't an option, maybe someone else you know, friends or family, live in or have a quieter place you could stay at for a few weeks, to clear your head a bit?
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Sounds like a plan...
A good one to rebuild emotional stability.
But the logistic of traveling may be an issue.
 
Jonn said:
No, not helpful under the circumstances.

There are requirements to consider other neighbours in regard to noise, and Misty mentioned that the adults are causing a lot of unnecessary noise, also.
Some ppl have an attitude of entitlement went flouting the rights of others. <shrug>

My understanding is that there is no carpet upstairs.
Perhaps Misty can clarify, here.
If this is the case, installation might help greatly.
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I think velociraptor is just reading one sentence from my posts and not appreciating the details or context.
It's why I am on the housing list to move to an upstairs apartment. It's why me and my husband went to see the landlords in person last week to ask if anyone on the top floor of the apartment building that the landlords own moves out to let us know and we can move up there. Even the landlords listened to me and said that if I'm noise-sensitive and unhappy in my circumstances then they'll try and help sort the situation - without telling the kids to stop being kids, as that is not what any of us have in mind at all. I want to move, it's the only solution. So while we're hoping someone on the top floor will move out soon (as people in these apartments seem to come and go - oh except the people living above us), we're also bidding online for a new apartment elsewhere, top floor.

So it's not like I'm just sitting here complaining and not trying to look elsewhere. Yes in the meantime I do wear headphones and earplugs to block out the noise they make but sometimes I get fed up living like this and I need a change. I just wish people would get that instead of criticising and not understanding. It's not one of those shrug off situations, it's really causing me distress and anxiety, on top of other worries I have in my life.

I'm not saying velociraptor doesn't have sensory issues, what I'm saying is if you don't live in a poorly-built apartment with no sound insulation below a family that make noise not just during the day but also all night too, then you probably wouldn't understand this specific type of issue and just brush it off as me having to put up with it because they're a family so they get protected.

In this world we live in now I thought people with mental health illnesses should be taken into consideration.
 
Misty Avich said:
My sister and her partner has moved to an apartment and there's no room for me to stay, also it's 30 miles away from my home and job so it wouldn't be very practical.
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And your father's place is too far away, also, I believe.
 
tree said:
I guess @Misty Avich and the people who live upstairs
couldn't just switch. Them move to her place. She up to
theirs...
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That's what I wanted to do but my husband just says that we'll still hear them. Yes, we will, but I know I can tolerate sounds from below better than sounds from above. You can hear everything from above, even when they just walk across the room it sounds like elephants, where as below at least I won't hear that type of sound. And me and my husband are dead quiet, as we're rather lazy, so we definitely make much noise for them at all. When I can't sleep at night I just put audiobooks or music on my headphones and colour in pictures or write stories. I don't pace around the apartment like they always do.
 
Misty Avich said:
That's what I wanted to do but my husband just says that we'll still hear them. Yes, we will, but I know I can tolerate sounds from below better than sounds from above. You can hear everything from above, even when they just walk across the room it sounds like elephants, where as below at least I won't hear that type of sound. And me and my husband are dead quiet, as we're rather lazy, so we definitely make much noise for them at all. When I can't sleep at night I just put audiobooks or music on my headphones and colour in pictures or write stories. I don't pace around the apartment like they always do.
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I don't understand this. You shouldn't hear anything unless they shout or yell a lot.
 
honeytoast said:
I don't understand this. You shouldn't hear anything unless they shout or yell a lot.
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Agreed.

If the ground unit has a concrete floor with carpeting, there would be minimal to no noise as a result of kids jumping around, etc.
 
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